


The Light in the Darkness

by SandyRook77



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Blue Ridge Mountains, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mention of abuse, Semi-graphic violence, Shenandoah Valley, Slow Burn, Werewolves, semi graphic/graphic sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-06-13 14:28:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 42
Words: 97,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15366669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandyRook77/pseuds/SandyRook77
Summary: This is a slow burn story.Clarke was born an Alpha werewolf in Arcadia. Her very existence is forbidden and the only thing keeping her there is dating Wells. She experiences something traumatic that ends when Wells is killed. Exiled from a home she’d lived her entire life. Family and friends forced to deny her very existence. Her closest friends follow her to start over again. To help her work through the trauma. Can she find the peace she longs to regain and the inspiration to start painting again? Can she find a love that she was denied because of who she is?Lexa is the Alpha of the Polis pack. She’s on a mission to gather the history of her family. It’s suddenly threatened as people move onto a property that had once been owned by her family. The property holds a secret and Lexa is determined to get it back. When she sees Clarke for the first time, she feels something stir deep within her soul, something that she hadn’t felt since the death of her fiancée, Costia. At the same time, she feels a connection with the artist that is only known as Griffin, not realizing that Clarke and Griffin are the same person.





	1. Clarke

Turning the lights off in my art studio, I stepped out onto Main Street and locked it up. A breeze kicked up and I lifted my nose to the air and inhaled deeply. It was the typical smells of a small town in rural Virginia. The Shenandoah Valley forest in the Fall was the predominant scent. Followed by what you’d expect in a small town; fuel and oil from the auto shop, grilled and fried food from our one diner, late blooming flowers, and wood and sawdust. I sighed and looked up at the sky. The sun was making it’s lazy way over the Blue Ridge Mountains and our little part of the world would soon fall into dusk and night. I thought to myself that it would be a beautiful night to take a run through the forest. I just hoped that I’d get the chance to do so tonight.

I growled slightly and headed to the auto shop. The bay to the garage was open and I could hear the whir of a power tool and the hiss of an air compressor. There was a radio playing nearby and it sounded like a country rock song. I glanced around the garage and felt myself deflate when I saw my truck was still up on the lift. There were a pair of legs sticking out from it and I approached them.

“Rae,” I called out loudly. “Rae, tell me that I’ll get her back soon?”

Hands gripped the outer edge of the truck and the body of my best friend, Raven Reyes, slowly came into view. I felt a slight blush creep up my neck as I admired her body. There was a cough and I looked up at her face and saw that she had a smirk on it. She knew exactly what I had been thinking.

I shook my head and smiled, “Rae, you gotta stop teasing me like that.”

“Like what,” she said with a laugh, “This is how I usually roll out from underneath a car. I can’t help it that you’re mind fantasizes about me.”

I glared at her as she continued to laugh and wiped her hands on a rag that had probably been white this morning. When she stood up, she leaned against my truck and looked at me expectantly.

I sighed and asked, “How much longer, Rae? I need to get my work down to Richmond in a few days.”

“It’ll be ready by then, Clarke,” she replied. “She’s an old lady and her lady bits are fragile. I have to be gentle with her. Plus, she needs a new air operated locker. I should get that tomorrow.”

“So the new suspension has already been installed,” I asked. “And the new fuel tank?”

“Yes,” she replied. “I was just finishing up the tank when you came in.”

“Is everything else running perfectly,” I asked worriedly.

“Clarke, yes, everything’s running smooth as silk,” she said, her brow creasing in worry. “Why this sudden need to make sure everything’s good on Blue Momma here?”

I let out a frustrated sigh and ran my hand through my hair and replied, “Rae, it’s our four year anniversary tonight. I’m pretty sure that tonight’s the night.”

She stood up straight and her eyebrows nearly reached her hairline, “Seriously?! How can you be so sure?”

“Wells has been hinting at it all week. Last week, he trapped Mom at the clinic for a few hours. He’s gonna ask.”

“Are you going to accept if he does?”

“I don’t know,” I said as I growled in frustration. “Raven, I don’t love him. I only agreed to date him so that I could stay in town after we graduated. So that I could stay with Mom.”

“Damn. A rock and a hard place situation,” she said shaking her head forlornly. “Look, Clarke, you do what you have to do. I think it’s a mistake to subject yourself to a lifetime of misery if you accept. You know your mom would understand if you left.”

“That’s the thing,” I said, angrily. “I shouldn’t have to leave. Just because of our stupid bylaws am I even in this damn mess.”

“I know, honey,” she said as she wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “It’s so archaic. I mean, seriously, why can’t we have a female Alpha? I’ve heard that there are packs out there with a female Alpha, so why can’t we?”

“You know as well as I do,” I said, sighing, “nothing’s going to change. Nothing ever does. Dad was the only one who was willing to stand up to Jaha about changing the laws. After he died, no one has argued against Jaha again. And Wells is just like his father. When he’s pack Alpha, it’ll stay status quo.”

She gave me a squeeze and said gently, “I’m sorry, Clarke. I really am, but I’m serious, don’t settle for misery. Leave and take your mom with you.”

“Mom’s not going to want to leave, Rae. That clinic means the world to her. She’s not going to want to give that up.”

Raven let out a huge sigh and looked over at my truck and said, “I’ll get it up and running as quickly as I can, Clarke. What time’s your date with Wells?”

I looked down at my watch and grimaced, “In about two hours. I guess I should head home and start getting ready.”

“Want me to give you a lift?”

I shook my head, “No, that’s okay. Maybe the walk will help clear my mind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks anyway.”

“Alright,” she said and gave me a quick hug. “Call me when it’s all over.”

“I will,” I replied and gave her a tight squeeze.

I straightened my shoulders and headed home. It took me about ten minutes to trek across town and head to the outskirts where our cabin was. When I neared, I slowed down and took a moment to look at the only placed I’d ever called home. It was a log cabin with rough hewn logs and mortar. A wrap around porch with a stone chimney that smoke was slowly billowing out of. It was two stories. The downstairs was the living room, dining room, kitchen, washroom, and dad’s old office. Upstairs there were four bedrooms. The master, and three smaller bedrooms plus a bathroom. Mom had allowed me to convert one of the bedrooms into a small art studio. The other spare room was a guest room and done up in an Americana style.

The porch light was on and I could see that the downstairs lights were blazing, except from the windows of my dad’s office. Neither one of us had gone into it after he died. We just couldn’t face the memories; his ghost. I climbed the three steps with feet that felt like lead and walked in. I was immediately wrapped up in warmth and took a moment to let it settle around me before I headed to the kitchen.

“Mom,” I yelled out. “I’m home.”

“I’ll be down in a minute,” she called from upstairs.

I opened the fridge and pulled out a jug of tea out. Pouring myself a glass, I leaned against the kitchen island and stared gloomily at the wall opposite of me. It was filled with my childish drawings and ancient report cards. I smiled slightly at the memories of how proud they had both been when I’d presented them with a new drawing or a certificate of something or another. There were also 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place ribbons in the various art competitions I’d entered and placed. 

I heard Mom come down the stairs and I pulled myself out of the past and back into the present. When she came into the kitchen, she wrapped me into a warm embrace that I greedily gave back.

“So,” she said as she stepped away and pulled a glass out of the cabinet. “Tonight’s your four year anniversary. Are you excited?”

“I guess,” I said, shrugging. “He hasn’t said where he’s taking me, but I can pretty much guess that he’s taking me to the same place he has for every anniversary. The mill pond. He thinks it’s romantic to visit the place we had our first date every year.”

“That is romantic, Clarke,” she replied and sipped from her glass. “I think it’s just wonderful that he does that.”

“Mom,” I said, rolling my eyes, “it would be wonderful and romantic if we didn’t go there once a week. We go to the same places every week. Wells has no imagination when it comes to romance. It’s annoying and irritating. And God forbid if I ever suggest to go someplace different. That’s a two hour argument right there.”

“Clarke, be reasonable,” she said, looking at me sternly.

“I am being reasonable, Mom,” I said. “I’m trying really hard to be okay with this. It’s hard to submit and let him make all the decisions, especially when they are the wrong ones.”

“Clarke,” she said, nearly slamming the glass on the counter. “If you want to stay here, you’ve got to learn to submit.”

“Mom, that’s like telling me that I can’t be who I am. That I can’t be an artist or I can’t make my own money.”

She grabbed my hands and said fervently, “Clarke, I don’t want to lose you, too.”

“Mom, I know that. Trust me. I do, but I’m not sure I can keep this up. It’s killing me,” I said, tears in my eyes. “Being with Wells is killing me.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she said, her own tears falling. “I really am.”

“I know,” I whispered. “I’m trying.”

She shook her head to get control of her emotions and said, “I guess you should probably get ready, huh?”

I sighed and hung my head and mumbled, “I probably should. Don’t wait up, huh?”

“Alright, baby,” she said and pulled me into a tight hug. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I replied and went upstairs.


	2. Clarke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an unpleasant chapter. There is sexism, indications of abuse and death.

An hour and a half later, I was ready and waiting for him in our living room. I sat on the couch with my legs curled under me and watched the flames dance in the fireplace. They were mesmerizing and watching them kept me from thinking about anything too heavily. The doorbell rang right on time, breaking through my mind. I sighed heavily and got up to answer it.

When I opened the door, there stood Wells. Dressed in freshly pressed jeans and a deep blue button down shirt with the sleeves rolled to just below his elbows. In his one hand, he held a small bouquet of wildflowers that he practically shoved towards me. I took them automatically and opened the door wider for him.

He walked in and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek, “You look absolutely stunning tonight, Clarke.”

“Thank you, Wells,” I said, quietly. “Let me just place these in some water and we can go.”

I turned to head to the kitchen, but was stopped when he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. I stiffened when he bent down and kissed the side of my neck. My body shivered at the touch, but I felt nothing emotionally. He sighed and let me go. I walked into the kitchen and he followed me.

“How was your day, beautiful,” he asked and smiled wolfishly.

“The usual,” I replied as I filled up a vase. “I finished the last painting for the gallery opening today.”

“That’s wonderful,” he replied. “When’s the opening?”

“Um, next Friday, I think,” I said. “Rachel wants the work there by the end of this week, though. Raven should have my truck ready by then.”

“You know, I could drive you down there, if you’d like.”

I shook my head and gave him a small smile, “That’s nice of you, Wells, but your dad keeps you pretty busy at the office.”

“I think I could probably persuade him to giving me the day off,” he said with a grin. “You know, make it a little holiday for the two of us.”

“Maybe,” I said as I arranged the bouquet in the vase. “Are you ready to go?”

He stood up and smiling down at me and replied, “Absolutely. You’re going to love it.”

“Can’t wait,” I said and we walked out of the front door. 

He held the passenger side door open for me and I glided in. I barely had time to pull the dress completely in before he shut the door. I sighed and took some calming breaths as I pulled the seatbelt over me. He got in and started the car. The radio blared to life and I had to stop myself from turning the volume down.

“Wells,” I said. “Can you please turn the radio down? It’s kinda loud.”

“What,” he asked, grinning at me.

“The radio,” I said louder. “Can you turn it down?”

“I love this song,” he said, ignoring me and turned it up louder.

I growled under my breath, clenching my hands tightly, as he turned the car around and we drove down the hill. Fifteen minutes later, we were pulling onto a deeply rutted road that threw me this way and that, further souring my mood. We were indeed, going to the mill pond and I started to feel sullen and angry.

He stopped the car in front of the pond, illuminating the mill that was on the other side. I unbuckled and waited impatiently for him to open the door for me. Instead, he popped the trunk and started pulling things out of it. I looked behind me, but I couldn’t tell what he was doing. He slammed the trunk, making me jump and wandered off a bit to the side. I growled menacingly and opened the door. I stepped out and slammed the door forcibly. He looked up from what he was doing and I could see the scowl on his face.

Instead of saying anything, he turned back to what he was doing and I could see him lighting a couple of lanterns and laying them across from one another. I walked over and saw that he was laying out a picnic dinner.

“You were supposed to wait in the car, Clarke,” he said, growling slightly.

“I waited as long as I could, Wells,” I replied, icily. “You should know better by now that I don’t like to wait.”

He stood up and glared at me, “Well, you know better than to cross me.”

I scoffed and said, “Are you really going to get mad because I got out of the car without you, Wells? That’s childish.”

He glared at me a moment and then suddenly he relaxed and smiled, “No, of course not, Clarke. I just didn’t want you to see the surprise I had planned for you. For us.”

“If that’s the case, I apologize for ruining it,” I said with a small smile. “What’s all this?”

His smile turned into a grin and he helped me onto the blanket, “Since this is a momentous occasion, I had our cook prepare your favorite foods.”

“Burgers, fries, and pizza,” I said, jokingly.

He forced a laugh and replied, “That would be silly, Clarke. Nope. Cook made some kind of rabbit stew, some pasta, bread, steak, and some kind of desert. All Italian. Your favorite.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful, Wells,” I said. “Did he give you anything to drink with the meal.”

“Yeah, he did,” Wells said shrugging. “Some kind of red wine. I don’t know. But it’s back in the car. I don’t really care for wine and honestly, beer goes with everything. So, I brought some beer.”

“Beer,” I said, miffed. “Beer’s just great. It’s perfect, babe.”

“Awesome,” he said, gleefully. “Well, let’s eat. I’m starving.”

“Sure,” I said and waited for him to pull out the food containers.

He didn’t and I looked at him pointedly, but he just smiled and stared at me. I choked down a growl and took everything out of the basket. Everything was already split in two, so I just separated them. I leaned over him to reach for the beer and I heard him inhale deeply and my body shuddered in revulsion. He probably thought it was for another reason and I could smell that he was already becoming aroused. I pulled back quickly and handed him one of the bottles. He twisted the top off and guzzled it down, letting out a huge belch. Now that I’d already served him, he reached for another one as he opened up one of the containers. He took a sniff and made a face of disgust and tossed it aside. He opened up another one, the Fiorentina steak, and practically shoved it in his mouth whole. I looked away in disgust and opened up my container of braised rabbit stew. It smelled delicious and I eagerly started eating it. I avoided looking at Wells as he tore through his portions like an animal. 

“Hey, Clarke,” he said, mouth still full of food. “Are you going to eat that?”

“What,” I asked looking at him and wishing I hadn’t.

“Your steak. Are you going to eat that?”

“I was planning to, yes,” I replied warily.

“I’m sorry, but I’m still hungry. I’m just going to take it, okay,” he replied and snatched it before I had a chance to protest.

I growled low and my hand clenched the spoon I was holding until my knuckles were white, “I said that I was going to eat it, Wells. You still have your ziti and braised rabbit stew by you. You could have eaten that.”

He made a face at me and replied, “They both smelled like shit. I’m not going to eat shit.”

“Seriously?! Your cook took the time to prepare this food and you’re just going to waste it. The stew and the ziti are both very good. You should really try them,” I said, trying to calm myself down.

“I don’t eat shit, Clarke,” he said petulantly.

“Fine,” I said angrily. “Whatever.”

“Don’t take that tone with me, Clarke,” he said angrily.

“What tone,” I asked, still angry. “You mean the tone that I use when you’re acting like a uncivilized, idiotic man child. That tone?”

“You have no right to talk to me in that manner,” he said, trying to stare me down.

“Excuse me?! I don’t have the right to tell you the truth,” I said, refusing to glance away. “You are an overbearing, unimaginative, stupid, idiotic, insolent, callous, rude, man child! You wouldn’t know which shoe goes on which foot if it wasn’t labeled for you! If Jaha wasn’t your father, you wouldn’t have a job! No one in their right mind would hire such an imbecile! I can’t believe that I’ve dated you for four fucking years!”

He growled menacingly at me and stood up to tower over me. I got to my feet and met him glare for glare. He tried to intimidate me with his size, but I ignored it and growled threateningly. I noticed him clenching and unclenching his hands as he tried to decide what to do. He suddenly raised his arm and slapped me across the face. I went sprawling on the ground, my head hitting it. I pushed myself up and spit out blood. He had split the inside of my cheek opened. I growled even louder and got back onto my feet. I leaned back a bit and kicked him in the groin. He howled at the pain and doubled over. I grabbed his head and slammed it on my knee. I felt his nose break and he toppled over. 

I ran over to the car to try and get away, but he tackled me and slammed me into the door. My head hit the window, shattering it. He grabbed me by the hair and dragged me from the car and closer to the pond. I struggled to get loose, but his grip was too tight. He threw me in front of him, by the waters edge, and started punching me. I pushed him off of me and followed him, landing on top and started my own assault. He slammed his fist into the side of my head that hit the window and I howled out in pain. He took that moment to grab my throat and slammed me into the ground. He started squeezing and I found it hard to breathe. He was straddling me so I couldn’t use my legs. Since I couldn’t dislodge his hand, I reached up and pressed my thumbs into his eyes. He let go as he clutched them and I was able to shove him off of me. I ran again and then there was a howl that chilled me to my bones. I looked back and saw him shift. I skidded to a stop and knew that I had to fight him. Really fight him.

I shifted and charged at him. He lunged at me and I side stepped, slicing my claws along his side. He howled in pain and we both turned to face one another. He came at me again and when I tried to get out of the way, he turned his head and clamped down on my shoulder. The pain was intense and he wouldn’t let go. Instead, he started to shake his head, clamping down harder and I could feel my shoulder start to crack from the pressure. I took a deep breath and moved my head until I could clamp my own jaws around his neck. I bit down hard and I could feel his blood start to drain down my throat. I let go immediately and he dropped me like a stone. He staggered back, looking at me and slowly shifted. He stared at me in shock as his hands went around his throat to try and stem the blood flow. I shifted immediately and ran to the picnic. I tore the blanket and ran back to him. He had fallen, but was still holding on to his neck.

“I’m sorry,” I said, crying. “I’m so sorry, Wells.”

He opened his mouth a few times to try and say something, but couldn’t. I wrapped the piece of blanket around his neck and held it there. I held it there even after he had taken his last breath. I continued to hold it there all night, crying.


	3. Clarke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here’s the ugly part of the story. I apologize in advance if the implication of rape turns your stomach.
> 
> It’s crucial to the story, but it does get better. Promise.

I didn’t let go until the sky slowly began to fade into dawn. I looked up, startled, and then quickly back down at Wells. I leaned back onto my haunches as I took in his dead and cold body. I wiped my nose as I tried to figure out what to do. There was no way I could go back home. I had killed Jaha’s only son. The next Alpha. I was a dead woman if I stepped foot anywhere near Main Street once they found his body. That wasn’t something I could risk right now.

I got up shakily to my feet and searched for his keys that were in the ruins of his pants. I found them and walked unsteadily to the trunk of the car. Lifting the lid, I saw everything that I needed to make him disappear for a while. I tried to use my left arm, but it hung uselessly. He had shattered my shoulder. So, painfully and slowly, I took out several heavy free weights from the trunk and took them to the pond’s edge. I went back to the trunk and grabbed rope and a knife. Dropped them by the weights and I dragged his body closer to the edge. Meticulously, I tied the weights on him and started pulling him into the pond. Almost immediately, he sank, but I knew that I had to take him further out before he would be deep enough. Slowly, I continued to drag him deeper and deeper. Even when the water was over my head, I still dragged him. When it became too difficult and I couldn’t hold my breath any longer, did I finally stop and swam up to the surface.

I swam to shore and laid there for awhile, catching my breath and trying to keep from passing out. When my vision cleared and I could breath normally, I sat up. I looked out over the pond and saw that it was undisturbed. A light breeze picked up and I watched, unthinking, as the pond rippled across the surface. 

I sighed as time was moving onward and I contemplated what I had to do. I knew that I couldn’t return to town without Wells and I knew that I needed something believable that would keep suspicion off of me. I looked around the place and my eyes landed on last night’s meal. An idea formed in my head and before I could back down, I got up and forced myself to do something that was so reprehensible, so vile, so wrong, but at the same time, would keep me safe.

I had screamed myself raw by the time I was done, but it wasn’t over yet. Resolutely, I grabbed a rock and taking a deep breath, smashed it against the side of my head where I’d hit the window. My vision became blurry immediately, but I hit myself one more time before I dropped it and staggered towards the pond. I waded in until the water crested my breasts. I turned around and proceeded to swim and then crawl onto the edge where I finally collapsed. The darkness crept up and I succumbed to it. My last thought. My last prayer was that it would keep me safe.


	4. Clarke

I woke up to the sound of hissing and beeping. I groaned in pain as I felt a heavy weight on my shoulder and around my head. I heard a shuffling to my right and I tried to turn my head towards it, but something was keeping it immobile. I opened my eyes slowly and the room spun, making me groan again and shut them.

“Clarke, honey,” a voice said softly and I recognized my mom.

“Mom,” I asked, my voice hoarse and dry.

“I’m here, baby,” she said and I could hear the relief in her voice.

I tried to speak again, but I couldn’t because my throat was so dry, so I started coughing. The coughing made the pain worsen and I felt something cold against my cheek.

“Here,” she said, “Open your mouth a bit. That’s it.”

I opened my mouth and I felt a straw. I closed my mouth around it and started sucking on it and felt instant relief as cold water poured down my throat. I coughed a little bit and she took the cup and straw away. 

“Where am I,” I asked.

“You’re in the hospital, Clarke,” she said. “You were in an accident.”

“Accident,” I asked, perplexed. “I don’t remember being in an accident. Why can’t I move my head? What happened to me?”

I started to panic and the beeping started to increase because I couldn’t remember why or what happened. 

“Sh, Clarke,” she said, soothingly. “It’s okay. You’re safe now, baby. You’re safe.”

“Mom,” I asked, fearfully. “What happened to me?”

“What’s the last thing you remember, honey,” she asked, her voice remained soothing.

I tried to think and only encountered moments of intense pain and flashes of teeth and claws.

“I, I don’t remember,” I whispered. “I can only remember pain and teeth and claws.”

“Do you remember Wells taking you out for your anniversary?”

“Anniversary,” I asked and then I remembered. “Yeah, I remember that. He took me out to the pond for a picnic. I think…I think we argued about something.”

“Do you remember anything else, honey?”

“No,” I said and felt tears falling. “Did, did something happen? Is Wells okay?”

“You and Wells were attacked at the pond,” she said, holding and squeezing my hand.

I opened my eyes in fear and looked at her. My vision was still blurry, but I could make out her shape.

“We, we were attacked,” I said. “Who, who would want to do that?”

“I don’t know, sweetheart,” she said, “but when neither you or Wells came home, Jaha sent out a search team to look for you. They found you half in the water, unconscious. They brought you to the hospital immediately. Your shoulder was completely shredded and every bone in your shoulder was shattered. They’ve put a plate where your shoulder blade was and the bones all have pins in them. Your head took a lot of damage, too. You’ve got a plate there as well.”

“How long have I been here?”

“Nearly three weeks now,” she said quietly. “The doctors weren’t sure if you were going to wake up.”

“Three weeks?! I’ve been in the hospital for three weeks. The gallery opening…”

“I called Rachel and let her know what happened. She sent a driver and picked up the paintings for the opening. She said that it was a smashing success and nearly all of your paintings were sold that night.”

I relaxed a little and started to feel drowsy again. 

“That’s, that’s good,” I said as my vision started to cloud over and I fell back asleep.

 

The next time I woke up, the room was dim and I could open my eyes without my vision going blurry or the room spinning. I heard a sound of a shoe scuffing and I took a deep inhale and recognized the person’s scent.

“Sheriff Kane,” I croaked.

There was a soft chuckled and I heard him get up and move closer so that I could see him.

“Hello, Clarke,” he said gently. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” I replied with a small smile. “Why’re you here?”

“Oh, I thought I’d give your mom a break,” he replied. “She’s hardly left your side for the last three weeks. She needs her rest.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“Your welcome,” he replied and then his face turned more serious and he asked, “Clarke, your mom said that all you remember was pain and teeth and claws. Is that all you remember?”

“Sheriff,” I said, carefully. “I think this is only the second time I’ve woken up. I don’t remember what happened. I’m sorry.”

He patted my hand and replied, “That’s alright, Clarke. It’s just that we found Wells’ body and we were hoping that maybe you remembered more.”

“His body,” I asked, feeling suddenly numb. “He’s dead?”

“I’m afraid so, Clarke,” he said, watching me closely. “We found him at the bottom of the pond. Weighted down by his own weights. Throat torn. What was interesting was that there was a bit of blanket wrapped around his throat. Like someone tried to save him. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

“His, his, his throat was torn,” I said as a wave of nausea hit.

I groaned and swallowed trying to keep myself from throwing up. He looked alarmed suddenly and called for a nurse.

When the nurse came in he said, “I think she’s about to be sick.”

“Help me get her on her side,” the nurse said quickly. 

I was rotated barely in time before I vomited onto the floor. They held me there as I threw up several more times before laying me gently back onto my back. The nurse called for an orderly to clean up the mess. She went and grabbed something and then gently wiped my mouth.

“How are you feeling, honey,” she asked gently.

“Better,” I whispered. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” she replied and then looked at Kane and said, “I think it’s best if you go on and let her get some rest, Sheriff. She’s in no condition to be answering your questions.”

“Of course, nurse,” he said apologetically. “My apologies. I’m sorry if my words caused you distress, Clarke.”

“I’m sure you meant well, Sheriff,” I replied, weakly. “Thank you for giving mom a break.”

A smile ghosted on his lips and he nodded before he left the room. The nurse made sure that I was alright and tucked me in before leaving. My eyes felt drowsy and I felt sleep calling me down.


	5. Clarke

A week later, I was discharged from the hospital and I was already itching to get out of the place. Raven had stopped by to take me home and we were making small talk as I waited for the discharge papers and the next set of appointments that I needed to go to. There was a knock on the door and we both glanced up and saw Jaha standing over the threshold. We jumped up and kept our eyes downcast as he walked in.

“Clarke,” he said, voice gruff with grief, “I’m glad to hear that you are finally able to leave the hospital.”

“Thank you, sir,” I replied and chanced a look up at him. 

The loss of Wells had hit him a lot harder than I would have expected. He appeared to have lost some weight and his face was nothing but a mixture of grief and sadness. He sat on the edge of the bed and seemed to study us for a moment.

“Ms. Reyes,” he said, “Would you mind giving us a moment? I’d like to speak to Clarke alone.”

“Of course, sir,” she replied quickly and giving my hand a tight squeeze before she left, closing the door behind her.

“Clarke, please take a seat.”

“Yes, Sir,” I replied and sat in a chair.

I folded my hands in front of me and waited, my knee started to shake from nervousness.

He sighed and said, “Clarke, I’m sorry that I haven’t been by sooner than this to see how you were doing.”

“That’s alright, Sir,” I replied, shakily. “I understand.”

“You do, don’t you,” he said, quietly. “This past month has been rather hard. To lose my only son in such a horrific way, it shakes me to my very core, Clarke.”

“Yes, Sir,” I said and looked at him with sorrow filled eyes. “I wish I could remember what happened so that I could give you some closure, Sir. There’s just nothing there.”

He nodded and cleared his throat, “I wish that as well, but that’s not why I stopped by today.”

“It’s not,” I asked, confused.

“Wells’ funeral will be held tonight,” he replied. “I would like you to be there.”

“Mr. Jaha,” I said carefully, “Are you sure you want me to be there? Don’t you think that may send some mixed signals to the pack?”

“Ms. Griffin,” he said sternly. “You and my son dated for four years. He was going to propose to you that night. He loved you dearly. He would want you there.”

“Yes, Sir,” I said quickly. “My apologies. I’ll be there.”

“Thank you. Now to the other issue at hand,” he said. “Without Wells by your side, you must leave town.”

My chest grew heavy as a sob choked my throat. I swallowed thickly and took a shuddering breath, “I understand, Sir. How much time do I have?”

“I can give you a month, Clarke,” he replied, heavily. “If you’re not gone by then…”

I nodded, tears slipping down my face. We sat in silence for a moment and then I heard him get up.

“I’m sorry that it has to be this way, Clarke, but the law is the law. You have a month,” he said and left the room.

I crumbled and drew my knees to my chest as the sobs that I had been holding back were finally relinquished. Raven came running back into the room and wrapped her arms around me in comfort.

“It’ll be okay, Clarke,” she said soothingly. “You’ll see.”

I couldn’t say anything as I continued to sob. The only life I had ever known. The only home that I’d ever known was gone. I wasn’t sure if it would ever be okay.


	6. Clarke

If anyone asked me what happened at the funeral, I wouldn’t have been able to provide any details. It was nothing but a blur for me which was fine. Raven had driven us to the funeral and back.

Following me up the stairs, Raven said, “So, that just happened.”

I looked over my shoulder and replied, “It did. Please tell me that the guys have a plan to make today more bearable.”

She gave me a wicked grin and said, “They do indeed, my dear. So, hurry up and change. Hey, you got something I can wear?”

We walked into my room and I replied, “I thought you brought some with you?”

“Well, I did, but it’s in the car,” she said, whining slightly.

“Then go get it,” I replied. “You know my clothes will not fit you. You’re too skinny.”

She sighed heavily and pouted, “That’s not nice and your face is telling me something completely different.”

“My face is not telling you a damn thing, Rae,” I said, turning around quickly so that she couldn’t see me blushing because I had been imagining her in my clothes. “Just run back downstairs and grab your clothes.”

“Fine,” she huffed and left to go get her clothes.

I quickly changed into my favorite pair of jeans, tank, and boots all before Raven had made it back to my room. Raven stopped short when she saw me and her eyes strayed to my shoulder.

“That is one gnarly scar, Clarke,” she said.

I looked down at my shoulder and stared at it, “It is what it is, Rae. Doc says that I’ll probably never get full range of motion again. I’m more upset with the fact that I look like one of those chicks from the 90’s. You know the ones that only shaved half their head. I cannot wait for my hair to grow back.”

“Well, you could always shave the other side,” she said as she started changing. “You know, give yourself a Mohawk.”

“I don’t think so,” I replied, smiling and shaking my head. “No way am I going to subject myself to looking like a punk rocker. Next, you’ll be telling me I should dye my hair some bright ass color.”

“It’d give your fans something to talk about,” she said smirking. “You know, besides how beautiful your paintings are. Might even drive the prices up. Tragedy strikes hot artist into angsty woman. That’s newsworthy.”

“Please,” I scoffed. “That image would completely contradict my paintings. Peaceful versus angsty. That is a solid no.”

She had finished changing and I took a moment to let my eyes roam the length of her. From her calf hugging boots, up her legs in a form fitting black pair of jeans, to her own dark red tank top with a black Carhartt work jacket.

“Like what you see,” she said, teasingly.

I swallowed thickly and replied, “You know damn well, I do. God, why do you have to be so beautiful and as straight as they come.”

She laughed heartily and said as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail, “Sorry, babe. Can’t make myself ugly.”

“Argh,” I replied and stood up, “Let’s just get out of here. I need to get drunk.”

“Well, that can certainly happen tonight,” she replied. “Let’s go.”

We clambered down the stairs and we hugged my mom goodbye. We got in her car and headed deeper into the forest. We reached the clearing that was nearly a second home for us. The guys had already built a bonfire and we could hear loud music blaring from one of their trucks. Stepping out, we made our way to the group and before I knew it, I’d already downed two cups of beer.

“I’m glad you could make it, Clarke,” Octavia said as she came over to me and gave me a hug.

I grinned as I felt my body start to relax and replied, “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, O. I’ve missed you guys.”

“Well, come on,” she said tugging me closer to the fire. “This is the night to forget our worries and just enjoy what the night has to offer.”

“My lady,” Bellamy said, smiling and bowing to me. “It is an honor to be in the presence of such a beautiful creature as yourself.”

I laughed and pushed him, “Oh, shut up with that crap, Bell. You spend way too much time with your nose in those damn books.”

He laughed and replied, “We love what we love. Mine happens to be classical literature and yours happens to be art. To each his own.”

“And you should be teaching at some university and not at our high school. You were meant for much greater things than babysitting those little beasts.”

“We were once those little beasts, Clarke.”

“Hah, as if we were ever little,” I said, taking a drink from my cup. “You’re just too damn good of a person to stay here.”

He shrugged and said, “There’s not many places where we can easily blend in with the masses.”

“True, but that doesn’t mean we have to be stuck in this one horse town.”

“Always the dreamer,” he said, smiling gently. “I’m sorry that Jaha isn’t giving you choice.”

I shrugged, “It is what it is, Bell. I was only stalling the inevitable.”

“Yeah, well, the inevitable can suck my tits,” Harper said as she laid an arm around my shoulder, making me wince slightly from the pressure on my shoulder. “You should be allowed to take on Jaha. The town would benefit from you.”

I blushed and replied, “Thanks, Harper, but the laws won’t ever change. So, I’ve got a month to find a place and get out of dodge before the hangman comes a’calling.”

“Is he serious about that? That’s just cold.”

“Laws are laws and I’m a female with Alpha potential. I leave on my own two feet or find myself in a coffin, six feet under.”

“Ugh, that’s enough doomsday talk,” Raven said loudly as she came back over. “This is a party! Let’s get our asses drunk!”

There was a loud cheer and we all proceeded to make it happen.

 

The night turned to day and I woke up bleary eyed with a massive hangover. I felt a weight beside me and I turned my head to find Bellamy curled up behind me. I smiled and gently lifted his arm that had been around my waist off of me and slowly got up. He made a noise that sounded like a huff and curled his arm across his chest, his face in a brief frown before it relaxed again.

I sighed and smiled sadly. If things had turned out differently, I could imagine that we would’ve dated at some point. He was just too low in the pecking order to be even considered dateable. 

I looked around the remnants of last night’s revelry, at the bodies currently in slumber, and wished that this could still be a part of my life. I shook my head to dispel the sadness and stepped out of the clearing. I stripped and shifted, running through the familiar forest, memorizing every last bit of it before I had to say goodbye for good.

When I got back, everyone was nearly awake and someone had started a fire, the smell of coffee wafting through the air. I walked back into the clearing, pulling my bomber jacket on, and made my way to the coffee. Nate was tending the fire and he looked up at me, smiling.

“Have a good run,” he asked as he handed me a mug.

I nodded and crouched down by him, rubbing my shoulder and replied, “Yeah, it was good, but it looks like my shoulder is shot. I was only able to run about two miles before it became too painful.”

“I’m sorry about that,” he said sympathetically.

I shrugged and taking a sip of the still hot coffee, replied, “It’s fine. The good news is that both plates molded well to the shift.”

“That is good to hear. The oatmeal’s almost ready,” he said, nodding to the large pot next to the coffee.

“Great, because I’m starving,” I said, chuckling.

I got up and wandered over to where I saw Raven and Bellamy talking quietly. They looked up, startled, hearing me approach. My brow creased in worry when I saw their expressions.

“Alright,” I said, “What’s going on?”

They looked at one another and Raven shrugged.

Bellamy looked at me and replied, “We’ve been talking about something since we graduated and we’re not sure how you’re going to take it.”

I crossed my arms and stared at them hard, “What have you been talking about?”

“Well,” Raven said, grabbing my arm and moving us closer to the fire, “we made a pact. Me, Bellamy, Octavia, Harper, Monty, Nate, and Jasper. We decided that if you were ever forced to leave the pack, we’d come with you.”

“No, absolutely not,” I said, adamantly. “I can’t let you do that. You all have lives here. Going with me means that you no longer exist to the pack. You’d lose your families. Your homes. Everything.”

“Clarke,” Bellamy said gently, “Some of us don’t have family holding us here. The rest of us don’t really fit the mold that Jaha wants us to project. We’d honestly be doing Jaha and the pack a favor by leaving on our own.”

“If y’all leave with me, it would look like I’m forming my own pack with his people,” I argued. “There’s no way, he’d let that happen.”

“We thought about that too,” Monty said, coming up and joining us. “We just stagger our departures over a few days. Meet up somewhere down the road. Some of us will get ‘lost’ on our way to whatever destination we were headed to and just never return.”

“And you know,” Nate said, carrying a several bowls with him, “the only reason why I haven’t been thrown out is because of my pops. Being the son of the Chief Deputy can only get me so far. So, my leaving would help him out a lot. It wouldn’t even look bad, if I left with you.”

“If you really think about it, Clarke,” Raven said after swallowing a mouthful of oatmeal. “We’ve been our own little pack since we’ve were kids. We’ve always stuck together.”

“You’d guys would follow anyway, wouldn’t you,” I said, sighing heavily.

Everyone cracked a huge smile and nodded.

“Fuck,” I said crossly. “Fine. At least I’ve got the damn money to find a big place. Just make sure y’all keep your damn traps shut about this.”

They all whooped and hollered, making me smile slightly. It didn’t look like I’d have everything taken away from me.


	7. Clarke

A couple of hours later, I found myself in the town library looking for a map of pack territories. Unfortunately, I wasn’t having any luck. With a slight growl, I slammed the last book shut and reshelved it.

Walking up to the information desk, I saw that it was Amber manning the desk. I slowed my walk, grumbling to myself. She and I had issues. Issues concerning Wells. She had hoped that Wells would eventually pick her over me, but that never happened. We were enemies and we liked it that way.

She looked up at the sounds of my boots hitting the marble floor. She sneered at me and I felt the same response on my own face.

“Clarke,” she said venomously. “Interesting look you have there.”

“Kinda happens when you get the side of your head bashed in,” I replied, icily. “Look, I’ll be out of here in a month. We won’t ever see each other again. I’ve just got one question and then I’m out of here.”

She looked me up and down, trying to size me up and fighting the urge to submit to me.

Sighing and crossing her arms, said, “What’s the question?”

“Do you know where we keep the maps of the pack territories of Virginia,” I asked, reining in my own displeasure.

“Not here,” she replied. “Alpha’s office has it.”

“See,” I replied, “That wasn’t so hard, was it? Thank you for the info and now you don’t ever have to see me again.”

I turned to leave and was halfway out of the library when she called out, “It should have been you, Clarke Griffin. You should have been the one at the bottom of the pond, not Wells.”

I fought the urge to bring my shoulders up to my ears and just left without saying anything. I quickly crossed the street and headed over to Town Hall. I paused at the entrance and taking a deep breath, entered. I headed straight to Jaha’s office, not daring to look at anyone, and knocked politely on the door.

“Enter,” a woman’s voice called out.

I opened the door and pasted on my best smile and said, “Hey, Ms. Morris. How are you doing today?”

She smiled kindly at me and replied, “I’m doing just fine, dear. Is there something I can help you with?”

I nodded, “There is. I was over at the library looking for a map of the pack territories in Virginia and couldn’t find one. Amber told me that Mr. Jaha might have one. I was wondering if I could get a copy of it?”

Her smile faded and her face became sympathetic, “I heard about your exile, Clarke. It’s really such a shame that he’s forcing you to leave town.”

“Thank you, Ms. Morris,” I replied. “Mr. Jaha was kind enough to give me a month to find a place. That’s why I need the map. I wanna make sure that I don’t accidentally end up in anyone else’s territory or town.”

“Of course,” she said, “That’s smart thinking.”

“Yes, ma’am. So, does he have a map?”

“Of course and it was just updated last month, too. Let me just get you a copy,” she said, standing up.

“Thank you,” I replied and watched her head into the main office.

I sat on one of the chairs and spent the time looking around the outer office. It looked the same as it always had. Walnut paneling, ancient sconce lighting, built in bookshelves filled with a multitude of hard bound books, uncomfortable leather chairs, and a checkered marble floor. I’d only been here less than half a dozen times my whole life. Most of which were dedicated to arguments between my dad and Jaha. Most of those arguments were centered around myself. Dad had spent most of my life fighting to get the laws changed so that I could remain living here. Unfortunately, those arguments costed my dad his life and I was forced to date Wells to keep my mother from losing it.

I closed my eyes and sighed as I heard the whir of the copier. I opened them again when I heard the door open and stood up, waiting. Ms. Morris walked over to me with a cardboard tube.

“Here you go, dear,” she said, holding the tube out to me. “Good luck.”

I nodded and took the tube and replied, “Thank you, Ms. Morris. I’m going to need it.”

I left and headed to Raven’s garage next. She was still holding onto my truck and I was feeling the itch to get behind the wheel again. I walked into the bay and saw her bent over the engine block of a Jeep. Walking over to her, my eyes were once again drawn to her ass and I resisted the slow uncurling of desire that nestled below my belly button.

“Raven, we really have to stop meeting like this,” I said as I leaned up against the Jeep.

She looked over at me and grinned, “You’d feel a whole of a lot better if you just went and got laid, Clarke.”

I shrugged, “Probably. But that ain’t gonna happen anytime soon. Where’s my baby?”

She jumped down from the bumper and replied, “Out back. Let me just grab the keys.”

I headed outside as she jogged into the office for the keys. I sighed in contentment seeing my Bronco and ran a hand lovingly along it’s length. Dad had gotten it for my 16th birthday and I remembered the hours we spent working on it, making it just right. Four wheel drive with a lift kit, electric winch, and a ram snorkel. We had so much fun going off-roading and muddling in this thing. I missed those days and it just wasn’t the same without him. I sighed and turned back to garage, watching Raven jog over with my keys dangling from her hand.

She bowed gallantly and presented me with my keys, making me laugh.

“God, stop being an idiot, Rae,” I said, laughing and taking the keys. “You and Bellamy are horrible.”

She shrugged, “He might be rubbing off of me. So, she’s in prime working order and ready to take on the world.”

“Fantastic, Rae,” I said and gave her a quick hug. “Hey, what are you going to do about the shop? You own half of it, right?”

She looked over her shoulder at the building and replied, “I’m probably going to sell my half to Gary. It ain’t going to be much, but it’ll be something. I just gotta figure out how to keep the sale under wraps and keep Gary from talking about it. Maybe make him think that he was doing me a favor by buying me out. I’ll figure it out.”

I shook my head and said, “I still don’t understand how you could give this all up for me, Rae.”

She turned to look at me, all playfulness gone, and replied, “Clarke, you’re like a sister to me. No way am I willing to lose you over some petty bullshit. We’ve been through a lot of shit together and you’ve never let me down. You’re too damn important to me.”

I hugged her tightly, tears falling slowly from my eyes and said, “You’re important to me too, Rae. I love you.”

She chuckled and said, “I love you too, Clarke.” She stepped back and took the tube out of my hand and asked, “What’s this?”

“Map of pack territories,” I replied. “I want to make sure I’m not settling in someone’s territory, but I want to make sure that I’m close to one. It’ll guarantee that any town nearby will be werewolf friendly.”

“That’s smart thinking,” she replied. “Just so you know, Harper’s thinking about bringing a couple of horses with her and Monty’s going to want to grow his prized crops. Which means we need land.”

I nodded, “I figured as much. We’re also going to need a big enough house that fit all of us in. Do you think Jasper will really leave us? I mean, him and Maya are expecting their first kid.”

“I’ll touch base with him and see what he wants to do. Bringing a kid in this world changes a person’s perspective.”

“No kidding,” I said, chuckling. “Anyway, let me get outta the way and back to the house so that I can start researching. Four weeks is going to go by pretty fast.”

“Don’t worry,” she said, squeezing my arm, “You’ll figure it out. I’m just glad you’re rich.”

I laughed and replied, “So am I. Family Dinner Friday?”

“Absolutely,” she said, grinning. “Can’t wait.”

“Good,” I said, climbing into the front seat. “I’ll see you later.”

“Laters,” she replied, banging the side of my truck and stepping back.

I started it up and it roared to life. I grinned and headed back to the house.


	8. Clarke

It took me a week to find the perfect place that was large enough for the eight or nine of us that were leaving. It was a huge log cabin with three floors and an attached garage and space for me to have a studio. It came with six bedrooms and four baths, but the attic space could easily be converted into more bedrooms and an additional bathroom. There was space for an office, an exercise room, large kitchen, dining room, rec room, and living room. It sat on 20 acres of land that could easily be converted to both farm land and an area for Harper’s horses. It also looked like the surround area was up for sale as well, which meant that we could have some forest to shift and run around in. I quickly tallied up the cost of the property and the surrounding land and found it to be well within my means to buy it straight out. 

The unfortunate downside is that it butted right up against a pack’s territory. We’d have to make sure that we clearly marked the boundary between the two, just so that we wouldn’t inadvertently cross into theirs. That didn’t seem to be too big of a problem. There was a town nestled further down the mountain that we could easily blend into. Looking at the job postings, I saw that they were in need mechanics, deputies, and various others. We were also close to a liberal arts college that I was sure would appreciate Bellamy’s Classical Literature degree. All in all, it was pretty much everything that I’d hoped for.

I immediately put in a call to a property broker and hired them to take a look at the property and have it inspected, as well as speak with the bank that owned it. I informed him that I needed video footage of the house and surrounding land that I wanted to buy. Telling him I was in a rush, he promised that it’d be taken care of in the next few days. I thanked him and headed to my own bank to finalize the sale of my studio.

 

Two days later, I was the proud owner of a log cabin mansion with 40 acres of land. Now, came the even harder part. With the blueprints firmly in my hand and that of a local architect, I set about converting the cabin to my specifics. The area behind the garage would have the outside wall converted to floor to ceiling windows to catch as much light as possible. Making sure that there were racks built for my canvasses and paints. A couple of huge sinks and hidden speakers throughout the room. I liked to listen to music while I painted. The attic would be converted into four more bedrooms, a bathroom, and still have space to store things. The garage would have a hydraulic lift installed and an air compressor system hooked up. The back area would be split in half. One side for Monty’s farm and the other for Harper’s horses. Modern day paddock would be built along with a stable and training ring. There would be a greenhouse and large shed built on the other side with enough room to till the rest of the land.

With a plan firmly in place, construction started. Next came the interior designer, whose only job was to outfit the house with furniture in the living areas. I gave her my ideas of what I wanted my bedroom to be like and told her that those that were coming with me would let her know how they wanted their rooms to look like. She assured me that there would be no problem and off she went.

 

Once more it was Family Dinner Friday and I could have sworn that the house was more crowded than usual. Mom always enjoyed our gatherings, so we always made sure that no matter what we were doing, we showed up every Friday evening with empty stomachs and loud chatter.

Towards the end of the meal, I tapped my glass of wine and the room quieted down. They looked at me expectantly and I allowed a smile to play across my lips.

“Guys, it looks like we have a home,” I said proudly. “I’ve already hired construction crews and an interior designer. I haven’t gotten the final cost of everything yet, but I’m hopeful. There is plenty of room for all of us in the house and we have enough property to run around without notice. But, we have to be very careful where we step, the land is butted up against a pack’s territory. So, when we get there our first order of business will be to mark the boundaries. I’ve also looked into the nearby town and I am happy to say that there is available work, so there will be no excuse not to find yourself employed. The construction will probably continue after we arrived, so be mindful of when you take your runs. So, I’d like you all raise your glass and toast to new beginnings!”

Everyone shouted, “New Beginnings,” and glasses clinked happily against each other.

After the meal was over, everyone got up and helped clean up. Soon, they left one by one to plan there departure. Only Bellamy and Raven stayed longer and we found ourselves sitting in front of the fire soon after mom had retired for the night.

“So, what’s the place like, Clarke,” Raven asked.

“Well, let me show you,” I replied and got my tablet. 

I sat between them on the couch and we went over the sketches and plans that the architect had drawn out.

“Damn,” Bellamy said, “This place looks amazing. How many rooms will it have?”

“Ten bedrooms and five bathrooms. I’m having the rooms outfitted with video screens so that we can all have a view of the different entrances. Cameras will be installed in the greenhouse, paddock, stable, and along the the main fence. I’m really loving the design of my new studio.”

Raven chuckled, “I’m sure you are, especially with those floor to ceiling windows covering the entire outer wall.”

“Well, I’m tricking out the garage, too. They’re going to install a hydraulic lift and an air compressor system,” I said grinning at her.

“You’re shitting me, right,” she said, her eyes sparkling in excitement.

“Nope,” I replied, “I figured that you’ll be our resident mechanic and work on everyone’s vehicles.”

“And you said that there’s an opening for a mechanic in town?”

“Yep, and Bellamy, they have an opening up at the high school, too. There’s also a liberal arts college a couple of hours away that you might want to look into.”

He nodded, “I’ll look into it. I’m planning on putting my two weeks notice in next week. Which means I can start sending out resumes then, too.”

“So, what happens now,” Raven asked, curiously.

“Now, I stretch these last two weeks out for as long as possible and spend it with my mom,” I replied. “On top of getting everything out of the studio and packing.”

“That sounds like a very good plan, Clarke,” Bellamy said, hugging me tightly. “We should probably get going.”

Raven looked at the clock that hung on the fireplace and sighed, “Yeah, we should. I’ve got three cars I have to get done tomorrow.”

We stood up and I walked them to the door. With a final hug, I watched them get in their cars and leave.


	9. Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dun, dun, dun! Finally, Lexa gets her own chapter!

I was hanging my latest acquisition over the fireplace in my office when I heard a knock on the door.

“Enter,” I called out as I shifted the painting a little to get it to lay straight.

The door opened and I looked over my shoulder. It was Anya, my best friend and Beta. I climbed down and walked over to her, giving her a hug. She returned it, but was distracted by the painting. I looked back over it and I couldn’t help but let a grin slide over my face.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it,” I asked her.

“It really is,” she answered. “The way the wolves are playing or whatever it is they’re doing, it’s like the artist spent a lot of time studying them. Where’d you find it?”

I shrugged, “When I was in Richmond a month or so back, there was a gallery opening. Curiosity got the better of me and I walked out with this painting. The artist goes by the name Griffin. So, what brings you by?”

Anya sighed and replied, “I’ve got some bad news.”

I looked over at her sharply and leaned against my desk, “What happened?”

“Someone bought the Anderson place.”

Floored, I angrily said, “You have got to be fucking kidding me?! That asshole! He knew I wanted the place.”

“I wish I was,” she replied, shaking her head. “Whoever bought the place, paid in full for it and an additional twenty acres.”

“Who the hell needs forty acres of property,” I said, incredulously. “Did you get the buyer’s name, by chance?”

“No, it was a closed sale. We won’t be able to get any information until they arrive.”

“Fuck,” I said pacing, “I needed that damn property.”

“I know, Lex,” she said apologetically. “I’m sorry. There’s something else.”

I looked up at her, glaring and growled out, “What is it?”

Anya shrunk back slightly and replied, “It looks like they’re remodeling the house and the grounds.”

“Did it look like they would be digging around the property line?”

Anya shook her head and replied, “I don’t think so, but it’s too soon to tell. They’re just now starting the remodel.”

“Then all might not be lost,” I said, thinking. “We might be able to still find it. I just wish I knew exactly where great, great gramps buried the damn thing. You think we could get a GPR quickly?”

“Maybe,” she answered. “I’d have to make some calls. Would it even register on the thing?”

“Any kind of mass would show up,” I said. “Doesn’t matter if it’s metallic or otherwise. I need that damn box.”

“Alright, I’ll get right on it,” she said and left.

I sat behind my desk and stared at the painting as I contemplated exactly what I wanted to do. That piece of property was the last remaining memory of when my family first settled in this region. Before my great, great grandfather was forced to leave, he had buried a family heirloom that had been brought from Estonia. His diaries hadn’t given much detail as to what it was except that it was large and had taken three werewolves to carry it to the back of the property where it was buried. It didn’t matter what it really was, just that it belonged to my family.

Over fifty years ago, when he was forced to sell the land, he had also been forced to sell a lot of things. I’d spent most of my adult life searching for them, including old family diaries. I’d found most of them in the hands of private collectors and auction houses, including Ebay. This was the last thing I needed. The last item that would allow me to surround myself with my family again.

I stared more deeply at the wolves in the painting and was shocked to find bright blue eyes gazing outward. I got out of the chair and walked slowly towards the painting, the blue eyes mesmerizing. I climbed back on the stool to get closer and examined the wolf with the eyes. That was when I noticed that the wolf looked very different from the others. Instead of the typical gray and black fur, it was streaked with light browns and in some instances what looked like blonde fur. Shocked, I stepped back down and walked backwards. This was no ordinary painting of wolves. No. One of those wolves was a werewolf. A blonde haired, blue eyed, werewolf.


	10. Clarke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parting is such bittersweet sorrow.

Two weeks went by faster than I wanted them to, but time was up and I had to leave. I walked through the house one last time, running my fingers over every surface, crack, hole that I could find. Memorizing the only home I’d ever known. Tears fell softly down my face as I stared at the blank wall that had held so many childhood memories. Jaha had forced Mom to take everything down, every last bit of physical memory of me. As soon as I crossed the town border, I would no longer exist. Erased from every record, every video, everything. It was cruel and vicious, but Jaha didn’t care. The law was the law and he saw no need to change them to fit the times.

I sighed and made my way out of the door. Everyone stood waiting for me by the moving truck with my Bronco on a trailer behind. Nate’s own truck was piled high with his belongings because he had been allowed to leave with me. I walked down the steps slowly and made my way to my mother and my friends, my family. I hugged my mother in a tight embrace and wanted nothing more than to never let her go, but I had to. We had to.

“Mom,” I said, softly through my tears, “don’t let yourself get lost in your work, okay? Kane’s promised to look after you and I trust that he will. I’ll figure out some way to let you know that I’m okay. That everything’s alright. I promise you, Mom. I won’t forget about you. Never.”

She nodded, too upset to speak and let me go reluctantly. I hugged everyone and made sure that they all had the address to our new home. They promised me that they would all be there, except for Jasper and Maya. I understood their reluctance and they promised me that no matter what, they’d keep an eye on my mom for me.

When I’d hugged the last person, Kane came up to me and said, “Clarke, it’s time.”

I nodded and wiped the tears from my face. Kane would escort me and Nate to the border to make sure that we actually left. He would be forced to watch that border for the rest of the day and into the next, making sure that we didn’t try to sneak back. He knew that we weren’t coming back, but again laws were laws. 

I climbed into the cab of the truck and started the engine. I looked out at everyone one last time, blew a kiss to my mom, and made my way slowly out of Arcadia. I was able to make it a couple of hours down the road before I had to pull over because I couldn’t stop the ache that had been building since seeing Mom sobbing in Bellamy’s arms. I broke down, sobs wracking my body, as the heartache settled in and knowing that I would never see her again. Nate had climbed up into the cab and I turned to him. His arms wrapped tightly around me and he just held me, comforting me. I could feel his own tears falling silently as we both mourned the loss of our families.

Eventually, I calmed down and determinedly we got back on the road. Four hours later, we entered the town of Eden and it was another half hour before we drove up to our new home. The construction crews were winding down for the day as we pulled up to the garage. Climbing out of the truck, I was greeted by the foreman.

“Ms. Griffin,” the man asked, hesitantly.

I smiled at him and raised my hand to shake his, “I am indeed. Are you the foreman?”

He took my hand and shook it and replied, “Yes, ma’am. Name’s Cliff Sullivan. We’ve been able to get the lower level ready for your arrival and the decorator has been down there all day with the furniture movers. Second floor has been decked out as well. The kitchen is usable and you have running water and electricity. The water will have to be turned off day after ‘morrow when we run the piping up to the attic for that new bathroom. Oh, and the space behind the garage, the windows have been installed. We’re just waiting on the parts to build the racks and sinks.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sullivan,” I said. “I’m impressed by how fast this all seems to be coming together.”

“Honestly, ma’am,” he said with a smile, “this is one of the easier jobs we’ve had. You’re not asking for a whole lot of changes to the house and the foundations for the greenhouse, paddock, and stable went in a lot easier than we expected. There is something I want to show you, though.”

“Oh,” I said curiously.

“Yes, ma’am. If you’ll kindly follow me,” he said and started walking into the garage. “When we were digging up the back half of the property for the stable, my guys came across something. A fairly large and extremely heavy metal crate. It took a crane and a forklift to get it over here.”

He pointed to the corner of the garage where there was indeed a large crate, rusted and covered in dirt. I knelt down in front of it and examined the surface carefully. I noticed that it seemed to have at one time a design going across it, but time had eroded most of it and I couldn’t make it out. The lock was clearly rusted and it looked like it would only take a simple blow and it would shatter.

“You haven’t opened it,” I said, looking up at him.

“No, ma’am,” he replied, shaking his head. “Since it’s on your property, it’s yours. We just moved it in here for safe keeping. It’s up to you to decide if you want to open it or not.”

I stood up slowly and replied, “Thank you for letting me know about it. Are we able to start unpacking our stuff inside?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied. “The stairs to the lower level are cleared and the men are nearly out of the house for the night. We’ll be coming back in the morning around 8 to start back up again. That won’t be a problem for you, will it?”

“That’s fine,” I said. “We’re usually up at the crack of dawn anyway. Now if you could show us the way to the stairs, I’d be much obliged to you.”

He blushed and said, “If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you and then I’ll make sure my guys are out of the house for the night.”

“Thank you.”

We followed him through a small hallway and passed the kitchen, living room, and came to the stairs. I looked up and saw that there was railing on the second floor, allowing anyone up there to gaze down easily onto the this floor. Smiling to myself, we parted ways and headed down the stairs.

I left Nate to wander the bedrooms as I sat on a very comfortable suede couch. I felt myself relax after driving for most of the day and I very much wanted nothing more to do than crash for the night, but I couldn’t. We still needed to offload Nate’s truck and get our bags into our rooms.

“This place is awesome, Clarke,” he said as he joined me on the couch. “Each room has it’s own flat screen, decent size, too. Full size beds, dressers, and walk-in closets. There’s also WiFi set up in the rooms.”

I grinned and said, “I’m glad you’re liking it so far. Now, it’s time to check out the upper level and my bedroom.”

He laughed and helping me up, we skipped up the stairs. The bedrooms were bigger up here, but it was the master suite, my room, that took my breath away. The room was set up exactly like I wanted. The king sized sleigh bed was on a small raised dais. The bed frame was made out of a beautiful cherry wood. The headboard had a built in bookshelf and small reading lamps. Night tables and dresser matched. The make up table and desk were done in beech. The floor was the original hardwood floor, polished until it shone. Over the floor was a southwest style plush rug. The bathroom was simple, yet elegant. There was a separate bath and shower and neither one was small. The bathtub had jets installed and the shower had multiple shower heads. There were two sinks with a mirror that ran the length of the counter with two mirrors on the side for the up close and personal touch. Besides the toilet, there was also a linen closet for towels. 

Stepping back out into the bedroom, I saw a huge flat screen directly across from the bed with an entertainment center underneath it. It already held a WiFi receiver, Blu-ray player, small Bluetooth speakers, and a small handheld tablet that could control everything.

Nate whistled and said, “Your room is awesome, Clarke. You’ve even got a gorgeous view of the forest with a fucking balcony.”

I looked over to the side and smiled at seeing the forest. I was sure that this place would give me new inspiration and I couldn’t wait to explore it a bit. When Nate had finally decided on a room, we started unloading his truck and stacking his things in there. We opened up the moving truck and started taking some of my things out as well, but we kept it to only taking out the clothing. Everything else could wait. When we were done, my shoulder was killing me and I rubbed it as I tried to figure out what to do.

“Well,” Nate said as he leaned against the island, “It’s too late to go grocery shopping. What do you say that we head back into town and grab something to eat. I noticed a couple of restaurants down there, including a pizza joint.”

“Oh, pizza sounds great,” I replied, grinning. “You think we should grab and go or sit down?”

“We might want to grab and go,” he said. “It would look really weird to order multiple pizzas for only the two of us. And we’ll stop at a store and pick up some essentials for breakfast in the morning. We did bring a coffee machine, didn’t we?”

“We did,” I said chuckling. “It’s in one of the boxes labeled kitchen. We’ll bring that stuff in after we’re done eating. We are getting beer, right?”

“Oh, most definitely,” he replied. “Are you sure you’re good to go? You should probably take something for your shoulder.”

“I’m good. I still have meds and we can pick up some ice when we’re at the store.”

“Alright then, let’s see how good they make their ‘za,” he said and held the door open for me. 

We stopped at a late night grocery store and stocked up on some essentials, plus the beer, coffee, and ice. Next was the pizza place and while we were waiting for our order, I couldn’t help but feel the hairs on the back of my neck crawl. I looked around slowly, but couldn’t find anyone looking our way. I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were being watched and I was really hoping that the reason why was because we were strangers and not for any other reason.

When we got home, we practically inhaled the pizza and downed the twelve pack within minutes of putting everything away. It filled us up, but we were both wishing that there had been more. We pulled out the boxes labeled kitchen and put things away as we looked for the coffee machine. Nate let out a cry of triumph from his box when he pulled the beautiful machine out. It was only beautiful in the sense that it gave us what we wanted, coffee. We left the rest of the boxes alone and locked the house up tight before we headed off to bed. I was asleep nearly as soon as my head touched the pillow.


	11. Clarke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you haven’t figured this out yet, these werewolves are not shy when it comes to getting naked. If they didn’t, can you imagine the cost of keeping oneself dresssed?
> 
> Oh, and Nate is still gay.

With the rising of the sun, Nate and I stumbled downstairs and made a straight line to the coffee machine. Nate beat me by inches to it and set it going. I rubbed my eyes and took in the view of what the place looked like in the early morning light. The dining room and living room both had East facing windows and I watched as the sun began to make it’s way through the trees, peppering the rooms with dots of light. It was a gorgeous view and as soon as Nate handed me a mug of coffee, I headed out onto the deck and looked out over what was going to be Monty’s and Harper’s playground. It was breathtaking and I inhaled deeply and a smile of joy spread over my face. 

“I can’t believe you found such a gorgeous place, Clarke,” Nate said as he came to stand beside me and leaned against the rail. “Though, I’m not sure that I’m going to be as happy once Harper gets her horses here. The smell might be detrimental.”

I chuckled, “That’s why the stables are going to be further down the property. I have no desire for the smell of horse shit permeating the house or our food. It’s also why Monty’s compost is well off to the side.”

“So, you’ve probably thought out every inevitable downside and came up with a counter for it,” he said jokingly.

“Some,” I said, laughing. “The hardest to figure out is how to clearly mark between our property and the other pack’s territory. I’m thinking a fence along the length.”

“You want to put up twenty acres of fence?”

I shrugged, “It’s a thought. We could always use scent markers, but those will have to constantly be refreshed. I mean, there’s no mistaking a freaking fence for anything else but what it’s meant for.”

“True,” he said, thoughtfully, “Maybe you can have these guys to the work for you. Shouldn’t be too hard.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” I said, smiling at him. “I’ll bring it up to the foreman once he gets here.”

Nate swallowed the last of his coffee and said, “You feel like a short run. Get a feel for the terrain before they arrive?”

“Why don’t you go ahead and do that,” I said. “My shoulder’s still bothering me and I don’t want to make it worse before we get the truck unloaded.”

“Alright,” he said. “I’ll be back in a little while.”

He hugged me and then stripped off his pajama bottoms before jumping over the railing and shifting mid-fall. I watched him a little wistfully until he disappeared into the surrounding trees. I grabbed his clothes and brought them back inside where I laid them on the couch. I poured myself another coffee and wandered into what would be my studio. I marveled at the amount of light that fell in the room and was glad that I’d chosen this spot. I’d be able to paint for hours before I’d lose the light.

When he got back, we started offloading the truck and putting everything away. I’m pretty sure that we drew the occasional stare because we were easily carrying several boxes at a time and most of them were rather heavy. We just shrugged it off and continued. By mid afternoon, the boxes were off the truck and in various areas of the house, depending on where they would go. My painting supplies were in my studio, leaning up against the wall, and just waiting for me to bring them to life.

Nate had unhooked my truck from the trailer and followed me to the drop-off. From there we went grocery shopping and I knew that we were definitely drawing stares with the amount of food we got. Though, I did get that same feeling as I had last night at the pizza place. Someone was watching us, but whenever I turned around, I could never see anyone.

I edged my cart closer to Nate’s and said in a low voice, “Hey, do you get the feeling that we’re being watched?”

He glanced at me and replied, “Yeah and it’s not the typical new person stare either. It feels like we’re being stalked.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I felt that last night at the pizza place. Someone’s definitely watching us.”

“Well, the security cameras are rolling at the house, plus we got motion detectors around the property. If anyone shows up, we’ll catch them.”

“I guess, we’ll just keep our eyes and ears open,” I said.

He nodded and we finished shopping. When we got home, we put everything away and pretty much went straight to bed. That was the night I had my first nightmare.

I woke up screaming in the middle of the night. My body was drenched in sweat, my heart pounding, and I was gasping for air. Nate came running into the room and hugged me tightly to his chest. As soon as his arms wrapped around me, I lost it and started sobbing uncontrollably. It took hours before I could calm down and tell him about it.

“Clarke,” he said softly, rubbing my back. “What was it?”

Taking in a slow deep breath and letting it out slowly, I said, “I was dreaming about the attack, I think. It was just random images, violent and brutal. So much pain. There was so much blood. Wells’ or my own, I don’t know. The only thing I remember that sticks with me is the pond and the mill. They’re illuminated by something.”

“You ever dream about this before,” he asked.

I shook my head, “No, never. This is the first time since then that I’ve had a nightmare It hadn’t even occurred to me that I should be having these kind of dreams. You know, dreams derived from trauma.”

“It could be that you’ve been too worried about having to leave Arcadia to even give yourself a chance to think about that night.”

I sighed and pillowed my head against his shoulder, “You’re probably right. If this gets any worse, I’m going to have to start seeing someone.”

“You should probably do that anyway, Clarke. Get ahead of it.”

“Ugh, why do you have to be so damn sensible.”

He chuckled, “Just lucky, I guess. Do you want me to stay here the rest of the night?”

“Please,” I said.

“Alright,” he replied. “Let me just turn off the lights.”

I nodded and settled myself back down. When the lights were off, he came back to bed and drew me to him. I felt myself relax even more with his weight comfortably behind me and sleep came easily.


	12. Lexa

“Dammit,” I yelled as I hung up the phone and then yelled, “Fuck,” as I threw it at the fireplace and watched as it shattered.

Anya poked her head in the office and looked at me worriedly, “What’s wrong?”

“The construction crew found the box before our guys could,” I said, growling, and then indicated where my phone now lay shattered on the floor in front of the fireplace, “And now, I need a new phone.”

She walked over and knelt to pick up the pieces, shaking her head all the while, “Lex, this is like the third phone in as many months. You can’t keep throwing it like that.”

I growled menacingly at her and spit out, “Well, find me a hard enough phone case that can withstand my throws.”

She chuckled, “Lex, this was military grade. There’s nothing harder. I do have some good news, though.”

“What,” I said cautiously.

She handed me a folder and I opened it to reveal several pictures inside. They were photos of a man and a woman unpacking a moving truck and grocery shopping. I looked up at her and watched her smile widen.

“Who are they?”

“Those two bought the place,” she said, eagerly. “The woman’s name is Clarke, the guy’s Nate. Last name still unknown. Do you see how much they’re carrying and buying?”

I looked down at the photos again and my eyes widened in shock, “Are they werewolves?”

“It looks like it. There’s no way that normal people can carry that so easily or even need to eat that much food. They’ve got to be werewolves.”

“So, where did they come from and did they know our pack was here?”

“Don’t have an answer for that yet, but look at the one side of the woman’s head. She’s been hurt bad and it looks pretty recent, too. That could be why she’s here. Lost a fight and got ran out of town. Guy could be her husband or something.”

I studied the photos closer and couldn’t help noticing how piercingly blue her eyes were, it reminded me of the wolf in the painting. She was also drop dead gorgeous, with curves lovers dreamed of. The guy was good looking too, but it didn’t look like they were romantically involved. He looked more like he was taking care of her. Protecting her.

I looked back up at Anya and said, “I guess keep an eye on them. See if anything else interesting shows up. And see if you can’t dig anything else up on them. I’m curious to find out what a pair of packless wolves are doing so far away from home.”

She grinned, “I’ll make sure Lincoln keeps an eye out on them. Want me to order a new phone and case for you?”

“Please,” I said, rubbing my temples. “I really gotta learn to control my temper.”

“It’s not that,” she replied, chuckling, “You’ve got to learn not to throw things that are in your hand, especially your phone. You’re costing the pack money.”

I growled low at her and she left laughing. I let the growl go and instead, sighed as I picked up the picture of the woman, Clarke. There was something familiar about her, but I couldn’t quite place it and that bothered me. I was usually very good at remembering people, but she eluded me completely. I looked up at the painting and searched for the golden wolf. That’s what I referred to it as, the golden wolf.

On instinct, I opened up my laptop and googled the artist. The first link was to the art gallery where I’d bought the painting. Clicking on it, I was immediately taken to the artist’s page. Image after image of her paintings scrolled by and each one was as breathtaking as the next. Every painting were of landscapes. Mostly of what looked like the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Shenandoah Valley. There was so much vibrancy in the colors and the way she painted them, you could almost imagine the scent of the forest surrounding you. When I looked closer at the paintings, I could make out images of wolves, shadowed by the foliage. In every single painting there was at least one wolf. The one’s that centered around the wolves themselves, I sought out the golden wolf. It was always there with it’s piercing blue eyes. It was usually hidden among the grays and blacks of the other wolves, but there were a few where it stood off to the side and watching over the other wolves. Much like an Alpha would. 

I looked over the website to see if I could find a biography of the artist, but I couldn’t find one except a small blurb explaining her inspiration. I got out of that website and scrolled and clicked through every mention of the painter that goes by Griffin. Every website said the same thing. Everything was about her work, but there was nothing about the woman herself. Not even a photo. It was almost as if she didn’t exist. Which of course was preposterous. So, I went back to the first sight and emailed the owner of the gallery, explaining that I wanted to inquire about commissioning a piece from her. I laid the compliments heavily in the email and then sent it on it’s way.

I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to commission a painting, I just knew that I wanted to meet this woman and find out the truth about the golden wolf.

Surprisingly enough, I got an answer by the end of the day. Reading the email, I became a little disappointed. The owner said that the woman didn’t usually do commissions and was currently on a sabbatical, but she would pass on the word to her and get back to me. I sighed and closed out my mail. I left the office in a mood and ignored my usual routine. As I walked home that night, my thoughts circled around the photos of Clarke and the painted images of the golden wolf. They circled so much, that it almost seemed like they became one and the same.


	13. Clarke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who’s at the door, friend or foe?

A week later, Nate and I heard a horn blaring in the drive. Looking at each other in confusion, we walked out the front door and had to brace ourselves as we were hugged by Bellamy and Octavia.

“You guys made it,” I said, once I’d caught my breath and smiling.

“I told you we’d be here,” Bellamy said as he slung an arm around my shoulders. “We just had to leave before dawn to avoid the Sheriff and his Deputies.”

“You didn’t have any trouble, did you,” I asked worriedly.

“Nope,” Octavia replied as she made a beeline for the fridge. “Oh, goody, it’s fully stocked.”

“Of course,” I said, laughing. “No werewolf home is complete without a fully stocked kitchen. We’ll probably have to buy a second fridge and maybe a freezer, but this is good for now.”

“So, do we get a tour,” Bellamy asked, smiling at me.

“But of course, kind sir,” I said, teasingly. “Come on. We’ll start downstairs and make our way up.”

They followed me downstairs and immediately Octavia claimed a room for herself.

“Octavia, are you sure you want to bunk down here,” I asked. “There’s no windows.”

“This is perfect. Feels like a cave,” she replied, happily. “My own personal cave.”

“Suit yourself,” I said, shrugging. “Come on, there’s more to show.”

We climbed back up the stairs and we showed off my studio, which was looking like a studio now, and the amazing view from the back deck. You could see that nearly all the buildings were up, but that the interior still had a lot to work to be done. Going up the flight of stairs, Octavia fell in love with my bedroom and threatened to kick me out if she ever got the chance. I laughed at her and she refused to look any bit ashamed of what she’d said. The attic was nearly complete when we climbed the stairs. Soon enough, we were lounging in the living room, looking out at the view as the sun began setting, turning the forest into shadows.

“This place is great, Clarke,” Bellamy said as he slung an arm behind me on the couch. “I can’t believe how quickly they’ve gotten the work done.”

“I can’t either, but I’m glad it’s going quickly,” I replied. “Have you heard when everyone else is supposed to make their way here?”

“They should all get here within the next two weeks,” he said. “Next up is Raven. She should be here in a few days. I’ll leave that one bedroom on the second floor for her and take one of the ones downstairs.”

“Take whichever you want, Bell,” I said. “There’s no pecking order here. There’s no low man on the totem pole. We’re all equals.”

“We wish that were the case, Clarke,” Nate said, shaking his head, “You’re still Alpha. There’s no way to change that.”

“True,” I said, carefully, “But beyond that everyone is equal. Everyone does their fair share. Everyone gets a job, that means you, Octavia.”

“What,” she exclaimed innocently, “I had a job.”

“For all of two weeks,” Bellamy teased. “This time, you’ve really got to make the effort and put in the time. If Clarke says everyone works, everyone works.”

“Fine,” she said, crossing her arms. “I’ll get a job.”

“Good.”

“Hey, what’s up with that crate in the garage?”

“The construction crew dug it up when they were setting the foundation for the stables,” I replied. “Haven’t really looked at it.”

“Can we open it?”

“I don’t see why not,” I said shrugging, “but let’s wait for tomorrow. Tonight we shall get your stuff in the house and dinner.”

With those last words, we finished the night on a high note. Except that my night ended on a very low note. The nightmare struck again and once more, I fell asleep in Nate’s arms.

“Well, you look like shit,” Octavia said, as I came down the stairs.

I glared at her and growled low in my throat, “I had a fucking nightmare. Took me hours to calm down and Nate had to come sleep with me again.”

“I’m sorry,” she said sympathetically and poured me a cup of coffee.

I took it with a nod of thanks and headed to the dining room, so that I could check my emails.

“You’re dreaming about the attack, aren’t you,” she asked quietly as she joined me.

I nodded, “From what I remember of it, yeah. Just flashes and pain. Nothing else.”

She fell silent and I was grateful for that respite. Looking through my email, I caught one from Rachel. I opened it and was surprised to read the context. Someone wanted to commission a painting, but she let the person know that I was on sabbatical for the moment. Curious, I shot her an email asking for the person’s email address. I had never done a commissioned work before and I was curious as to what they would want done.

“Huh,” I said leaning back as I sent the email back to Rachel.

“Huh, what,” Octavia asked, looking over at me.

“Someone wants to commission a painting,” I said. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever gotten that request.”

“That surprises you? Clarke, your paintings are beautiful and buyers snatch them up almost immediately,” she said, smiling. “You’ve only been doing this for like, five years and you’re already a multi-millionaire. Do you know how rare that is?”

I shook my head, grinning, “I’ve never really given it much thought. I’ve also never really looked at how much money I’ve made.”

“So, you’re saying that you’ve never Googled yourself,” she asked, teasingly.

I chuckled and replied, “I can honestly say that I have never Googled myself.”

She took the tablet away from me and typed away. I leaned over curiously and saw half a dozen links concerning myself or at least people also named, “Clarke Griffin.”

“Octavia, if you’re curious about the artist side of me, try “artist known as Griffin.” I only sign my paintings with Griffin,” I told her.

She nodded and redid the search. She handed it over to me and I skimmed over the links. First and foremost was a link to Rachel’s art gallery. Then a handful of articles about my works. Next came the art forums. The discussions went from stroke technique to guessing who I was or even what gender I am. I laughed at that part, but then it froze when I found a Tumblr page discussing the golden wolf. I quickly backed out of that page and clicked on Rachel’s link. I went to the images of my paintings and scrolled through them quickly. The golden wolf was in every painting of a pack of wolves. Either hidden among the masses or off to the side watching or standing over the pack.

“Holy shit,” I breathed out. “I didn’t even realize that I was doing that.”

“Doing what,” Octavia asked as she took the tablet away from me and started scrolling through the paintings. “Hey, you’ve painted yourself into these. Did you know that?”

I shook my head and replied, “No. I never realized that I was doing it. Not even when I finished the pieces, but I’m there. Whenever I painted a pack of wolves, I’m there. Why the hell would I do that?”

“Don’t know,” she replied. “Maybe your subconscious mind or something. Hey, do I have time for a run?”

“You’ve got the tablet in front of you, O. If you have more than a half hour before 8, you can run. If not, you’ll have to wait until they’re gone for the day.”

She looked at the time and frowned, “Damn. Now, what am I going to do?”

“How about,” I said, as I took the tablet and found a bookmarked link, “Look here for a job. It’s got every job available in Eden right now. Try and be productive for once.”

“But, Clarke, we just got here,” she whined at me. “Do I really have to?”

“No, you don’t. You’re a grown woman. You can do whatever you want,” I said sternly. “You can unpack your room or you could look for a job. The choice is yours.”

“God, why are you being so bossy, today?”

“Octavia,” I said, taking a deep calming breath. “The house is mine. Got the deed and everything. There is still the property tax that I have to pay every year. There’s utility bills that go out once a month. There’s a million other things that we have to pay for. We all need to pitch in, even if it’s part time. This isn’t a vacation. This is home.”

She sighed, closed her eyes for a minute, opened them and said, “I got it, Clarke. It’s time for me to grow up.”

I smiled at her and said, “It’s not so bad. Once you get that first paycheck, it’s deeply gratifying to see it. You have money of your own, that you earned on your own. It’s an awesome feeling. Trust me, okay?”

She nodded, “Okay. I’ll look later. I’ll go and help the guys with our stuff.”

“Good,” I said and watched her as she headed downstairs.

I refilled my coffee cup and headed back up to my room. Rummaging around the desk, I found an old sketch pad and a couple of pencils. Taking them and the coffee out onto the balcony with me, I settled into one of the chairs and took a moment to gaze out at the beauty of the forest. I sighed, flipping to a fresh page, and started sketching. I wasn’t really paying attention to what was being drawn on the page, just lines and shadowy vague shapes. When it felt like I was done, I stopped and glanced down at it. My eyes widened in fear at what had emerged. I had drawn the forest that surrounded me, but there, in the middle and off to the side slightly, was both the mill and the pond. They were both illuminated by some unknown light and a brief memory flickered in the back of my mind. I growled the memory away and flipped the page and started again, this time focusing on the forest. When I was done, I looked down and the damn pond was once again there. I growled louder in frustration and threw the pad back inside my room, listening to it plop on the rug. I raked my fingers through my hair in frustration and shivered slightly as I encountered the shaved half of my head.

“Dammit,” I muttered to myself and got up angrily from the chair. 

I walked to the railing and looked down and towards the front of the house. I listened for a moment, but could hear nothing but the wildlife. I glanced quickly behind me and then without a moment’s thought, leaped over the side and landed lightly on my feet. I gazed up at the balcony and smiled slightly seeing the height that I had dropped from. I turned my gaze to the forest in front of me and stepped into the shadows. I found brush that could easily hide my clothes, stripped and hiding them, I shifted and took off at an easy lope. I picked up my pace as I wove in and out of the trees, feeling the fallen leaves shift slightly as I stepped on them, the scent of the forest surrounding me in a comforting blanket. 

I started to slow down when I felt the twinge in my shoulder, but still pushed on. I didn’t stop until the pain had gotten worse and I found myself on a cliff overlooking a small valley. I shifted, rubbing my shoulder to ease the pain, and I sat on the sun heated rock with my legs outstretched in front of me. We were so far in the mountains that I didn’t really have to worry about being spotted and took this moment to enjoy the autumn sun. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back as I continued to work out my shoulder.

The warmth of the sun above and the warmth from the rock below allowed my body to relax. I hadn’t realized that I’d been tense, but I shouldn’t have really been surprised by it. My life had been pretty much turned upside down and then tossed higgly piggly to the wind by just one night. A night that I couldn’t even remember, but it was a night that was starting to invade my life. 

I sighed and opened my eyes as I felt the tension return. So, much for getting away from it. Instead, I turned my focus outward and took in the area I’d found myself in. I was confident that I wasn’t in the pack’s territory, but I still kept an ear out.


	14. Lexa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For my readers, I apologize that I’ve deleted chapters and new ones have appeared. When I began writing this story in Word, I lost count of what chapter I was working on and created double chapters.
> 
> But have no fear, I have corrected my mistake and now the story will unfold the way it’s meant to.
> 
> Thanks!!!

I had decided to take a long run before I needed to be at the office and as usual, I headed to a spot that I considered my own. So, it was a bit of surprise to see a naked woman lounging in the same place as I came out of the tree line that overlooked the ledge. I looked around and didn’t see any clothes nearby and when I lifted my nose to scent the wind, it was blowing in the wrong direction so I couldn’t tell if she was a werewolf. My eyes roamed over her body, slowly, taking her in, and I felt my heart constrict as something stirred deep within me. Something that I hadn’t felt for a very long time. Her blonde hair shimmered in the sunlight and I immediately noticed that half of her hair was gone, shaved. She had scars there and I tilted my head curiously wondering what could have happened. She was facing outwards, so I could only see her face in profile, but from what I could see, I could tell that her face was attractive. My eyes roamed lower and my breath caught again as I took in the fullness of her breasts and the muscles of her abdomen to the roundness of her hips. I swallowed thickly as I continued downward and admired the play of her leg muscles as they rippled underneath her skin, skin that showed absolutely no tan lines which meant that she was prone to sunbathe in the nude. Simply said, she was breathtakingly beautiful.

I continued to watch her as she stared out over the valley and it brought a smile to my face, knowing that she seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. I felt a flicker of concern as I watched her rub her left shoulder absently and saw her wince in pain as she did. It looked like her head hadn’t been the only thing to suffer an injury. She brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and laid her head on her knees. Her face was turned toward me and I was finally allowed to view her face that wasn’t only attractive, but also captivating. Her eyes were closed and I wished for a moment that she would open them, so that I could find out what color her eyes were. They remained, unfortunately, steadfastly closed and I let out a very low growl in frustration.

Her head snapped up and her eyes opened wide as she looked around her worriedly. In a flash, she was gone and I could have sworn that I glimpsed a golden hide as it disappeared beneath the trees. I sat there dumbfounded and then even more so when I realized her eyes had been a nearly electrifying blue. In that moment, I came to the conclusion that I had just met Clarke and that it looked like she and her friends were indeed werewolves. 

I shook my head to dispel the effect of seeing her and made my way back home. I shifted as I came to my back door, walking in and heading to the kitchen. I poured myself a large glass of orange juice before I noticed that I wasn’t alone. I closed the fridge quietly and made my way to the living room. I leaned against the frame, raising an eyebrow, and took a big swallow of juice.

Lincoln looked up at me, surprised and grinned, “Hey, Boss. Did you have a good run?”

“I did, thank you,” I replied. “So, what are you doing here, Lincoln?”

“I wanted to tell you that there were two more arrivals at the house yesterday,” he said as he leaned back in his chair. “They look like siblings.”

“And this couldn’t have waited until I got into the office,” I said, scoffing. “Lincoln, why are you really here?”

He sighed and said, “I wanted to see how you were doing, Lex. I know how much that property means to you and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. We’ve been friends for a long time.”

I smiled warmly at him and replied, “I’m doing okay, Linc. I’m worried that they might open the box and find out what’s inside, but other than that I’m okay.”

“Lex,” he said, somewhat worriedly, “This morning, I caught the two guys shifting. They’re werewolves. Do you think that this is something that the pack needs to be aware of?”

I sighed and swallowed the last of my OJ, “No, not unless twenty of them show up suddenly. No, I think that more than likely they were forced out of their pack or left willingly. They probably decided to settle near a town that was near a pack in hopes of them being a little more open to what we are and blend in more easily. At least, that’s what I would do.”

He nodded, “You still want me to keep an eye on them? See if any more show up.”

“Yes, please,” I said, “and now if you don’t mind, I’d like a chance to clean up before I go to the office.”

He stood up and smiling, said, “Of course. I’ll let Anya know if anything else happens.”

“Thank you.”

He walked quietly out of my front door and I headed up the stairs to get ready for the day.

 

I walked into the office, my mind still swirling around the image of Clarke’s body, and on autopilot I sat behind the desk and opened up my email. My gaze flickered across the headers, not really reading them until two of them caught my eye. One was from the woman who owned the gallery and the other from someone unknown. I opened up the gallery owner’s email. It was brief, just stating that she had passed the message on and that Griffin had wanted to contact me herself and the owner gave her my email address. That surprised me because that seemed a little unethical, so I shot off a quick email back to her saying so. I opened up the other one that had caught my eye and was surprised that it was from the artist herself. 

I read over it carefully and was surprised to find out that I was the first person to ask for a commissioned painting. She explained a little bit more about why she was currently on sabbatical; she’d recently been in a bad accident and was still recovering from it. That struck a sympathetic cord in me and my mind briefly flashed to the scars on Clarke’s head. She was also curious as to what I wanted painted and reiterated the fact that her paintings were landscapes or wolf themed. I thought back to the ledge and realized that I would love to have that view of the small valley from that vantage point in a painting.

Grinning, I emailed her back and said that I was sorry to hear about her accident and wished her a speedy recovery. I also told her that it was indeed a landscape that I wanted done. I asked her what she would need for me once she started painting again to commission the work. I also complimented her on her work and even told her that I fell in love with one of her paintings and had bought it as soon as I had set my sights on it. It was a little silly, but I really loved her work. I stopped myself from rambling on in the email and sent it off, a soft smile on my lips.

“Well, you’re certainly in a good mood this morning,” Anya said from the doorway.

I looked up at her and scowled slightly before I felt my lip quirk up in a slight smile. I sighed and said, “It might have something to do with the fact that I caught Clarke naked on my ledge during my run this morning.”

Her face became the epitome of surprise as she walked in, closed the door behind her, and sat in a chair directly across from me. I blushed and ducked my head slightly.

“Oh, do tell,” she said with a grin.

I gave her a look and clearing my throat, said, “I am not going to lie, she’s absolutely gorgeous.”

“So, instant attraction,” she said with a gleam in her eye.

“Yes. There are no words to describe how beautiful I think she is. There was just something about her and seeing her made me feel something that I haven’t felt for a very long time. Not since…”

She nodded and softly said, “Costia.”

“Yeah,” I said, swallowing around the lump that had found it’s way into my throat. “Um, Lincoln said that two more people showed up there yesterday and confirmed that they’re werewolves. Which means that they purposefully moved here.”

“Is this cause for concern,” she asked.

I shook my head, “No. Not yet, anyway. If more show up or if they cross into our land, then we can become more involved. I’m having Lincoln stay and watch the house for anything else.”

“That’s a good plan. So, is there anything on the agenda that I need to be made aware of?”

I sighed and skimmed over the the emails and was surprised to have already gotten a response back from the artist. I ignored it for a moment and continued looking at the headers and didn’t see anything pressing.

“No, nothing pressing, Anya. Just the usual,” I replied. “I’ll call you if I need anything.”

“Oh, speaking of calling,” she said and pulled out a small box. “Your new phone and case. It’s already been set up and everything. Try and be more gentle this time, would ya?”

I smiled as I took the box and replied, “I’ll try, but I make no promises. I’ll talk with you later, yeah?”

She chuckled, “Alright, I get the message. I’ll check on you later.”

She was still chuckling when she walked out the door and I immediately clicked on the email, almost eagerly. The artist known as Griffin thanked me for the well wishes and was glad to meet a fan, even if it was only through email. She asked me what it was about the painting that had drawn me to it and prompted me into buying it. She told me that she could probably do the commissioned painting from photographs, but she much preferred going to the sight and doing some preliminary sketches before she painted. As to how much it would cost, that was open for debate. She wanted to know how large I wanted it, if there was a particular season that the landscape should be featured in, and so on. She ended it by saying that she was looking forward from hearing from me and that she was eager to take this step forward.

I turned my attention to the painting over the fireplace and thought about why I loved it. I mean, I really did love it. With each stroke of the brush, I could tell how much affection she had for the wolves and the forest that edged around them. There was so much joy and happiness in the wolves, that you couldn’t help but feel the same way when you looked at them. There was a story behind the painting. It was really a snapshot of a memory that the artist seemed to remember fondly. I didn’t know if the wolves represented the people in her life or if she had encountered this somewhere in her past. I just knew that there was a story and that it was breathtaking.

I cleared my throat and sent a reply. Telling her exactly what I felt about the painting and I hoped that she liked what I said.


	15. Clarke

I walked into the house and was greeted by the smell of breakfast, my stomach grumbling and reminding me that I hadn’t eaten yet. I eagerly walked up to the bar that separated the kitchen from the rest of the house. I pulled out a stool and sat staring at the mounds of food that were slowly growing bigger.

Bellamy looked over his shoulder and grinning, asked, “How was your run? You went through the northern side of the property, right?”

“I didn’t dare run, but I loped. I made it past our territory and stopped at this ledge that overlooked a pocket valley. Don’t worry, it wasn’t in their territory,” I said, nodding.

“And your shoulder?”

“I think I overextended my shoulder,” I replied, glumly. “I’m never going to be able to run far and I’m only going to be able to raise my arm shoulder height.”

“Your head,” he asked, turning to look at me in concern.

“Headaches here and there, but nothing I can’t handle. I think the nightmares are going to continue. Um, I did discover that whenever I sketch, the damn pond and mill show up unbidden. I’m not consciously doing it.”

“That’s not good,” he replied. “You really need to think about getting some outside help. A psychiatrist or something. That’ll be the only way to move passed it.”

I sighed and laid a elbow on the bar and then my head on my hand, “I know. I’ll start looking for one, swear.”

He nodded, “Good. Now how bout some breakfast?”

I grinned and sat up straight, “Yes, please.”

He chuckled and piled a plate full of eggs, bacon, sausage, and a second plate of pancakes. I eagerly dug into the food and moaned in pleasure making Bellamy laugh. I gave him a mock glare and chuckled.

“It’s good, dude,” I said after I swallowed a forkful of eggs. “Maybe you should consider being a short order cook.”

“No way,” he replied. “The pay sucks. Oh, speaking of jobs, both the college and high school want to hire me for the Spring semester. I can’t decide. If I go to the college, it’s almost a three hour drive. The school’s roughly forty-five minutes.”

“Well, if you choose the college, you can always get a small apartment. Stay there for the week and come home on the weekends. Give yourself a chance to experience life outside of a small town. Maybe date a couple of worldly women?”

“Worldly women,” he said with a raised eyebrow. “Really, Clarke? And what about you?”

“I think I’m not ready to get myself out there again. Even if my relationship with Wells was horrible, I’m just not too keen on the idea,” I said, sadly and shrugging.

“I understand,” he said, sympathetically. “There’s no rush. You’re young still. And with our long lives, you’ve got plenty of time.”

I chuckled, “That I have. That I have.”

I finished breakfast and checked my email again. I was pleasantly surprised to get an email from the woman again. Opening it, I was floored by her words. They gave me a very warm fuzzy and a smile crept over my lips. She got exactly the emotions I was trying to convey. She was also scarily accurate in suggesting it was a pleasant memory. I sent her a quick reply, telling her that she got the emotions I was conveying and that she was right about it being a memory of my childhood. Of course, I didn’t tell her that it was my friends and I playing in our wolf forms. That would send out red flags and I couldn’t afford to slip up. I hit send and headed upstairs to take a very long shower in hopes of easing the tension and relaxing my shoulder.

“Well,” I said to no one in particular, “I’m officially bored.”

“We could always explore the town a bit more. Get used to where everything is,” Nate suggested.

I sighed and looked up at the vaulted ceiling, replied, “I guess that better than nothing. Watching them work out back is like watching golf.”

Octavia sat up straight and with a grin, “How about opening the crate? You said we could, Clarke.”

I smiled and looking at her, said, “That is a good idea, O. It’ll at least kill a little bit of time.”

So, we all got up and trooped into the garage. Nate bent down and snapped the very rusted padlock easily. He tried to lift the lid on his own, but it was too heavy. Bellamy joined in and with a very loud creak of the hinges, they got it open. We all leaned in to look and whatever it was, was covered in a tightly wrapped leather. Again, it took Nate and Bellamy to lifted it out and then laid it gently on the ground. Bellamy pulled out a switchblade and cut through the leather bindings. He unwrapped it and revealed a very old stone tablet. The writing was very clear and looked as fresh as the day it was carved.

I knelt down and slowly traced the letters, not recognizing the language it was written in.

Leaning back and looking at them, I said, “I don’t recognize the language, but it looks almost archaic. Maybe centuries old.”

“It’s in near perfect condition, too,” Bellamy said, nodding his head. “You know, I’ve got a college friend that majored in dead languages. Maybe, I could send it to them to see if it can be translated.”

I shook my head, “I don’t like the idea of sending it out. Someone buried it for a reason and since it’s so close to the pack’s territory, there might be something about it that could blow up. I think, though, that it would be enough to either send pictures or a rubbing. Maybe both.”

“If this is valuable,” Nate said, thinking out loud, “It might be prudent to put it in a safe. We’ve got one in your studio, right, Clarke?”

“We do,” I replied, standing up. “It’s a floor safe. Should be enough. You guys are going to have to carry it, though.”

They nodded and bending down, Nate and Bellamy lifted it up and I could see them straining at it’s weight. Octavia quickly ran to the door that separated my studio from the garage and I quickly walked over to the safe and opened it. I shifted the papers inside and held the door open for them to lower it. With tremendous effort the got it lowered carefully and flat at the bottom of the safe. It barely fit and Bellamy took some pictures of it before I covered it up with the papers and shut the door.

“You guys good,” I asked with concern.

“Yeah,” Nate groaned. “That sucker is heavy. Just don’t ask us to pick it up out of there anytime soon and we’ll be good.”

I chuckled, “Deal. I wonder who it belonged to?”

“Well, we’ll get an idea once I’ll get these pictures to my friend. It might take her awhile,” Bellamy said with a shrug.

I quirked an eyebrow, “Her?”

He blushed and ducked his head a little, “Yeah…we may have dated for a little while back in college.”

“Interesting,” I said with a mischievous smile.

“Shut up, Clarke,” he said giving me glare.

I laughed, “No worries, Bell. I’m only messing with you. Now, how bout playing the tourist for a little while.”

Everyone agreed and we piled into my Bronco. Driving into town was picturesque and I inhaled deeply the forest in autumn, which was probably my favorite time of year. Half an hour later, we pulled into town and parked in the parking lot of a restaurant that we thought we’d give a try later on. We walked slowly down Main Street, taking everything in and Octavia and I did a little window shopping. A lot of the stores were local run business that had probably been in the same family for generations. There was even an antique shop that caught my attention and I was determined to come back and explore that small space. We came to the end of the street and turned left towards their Town Hall. There was a huge open space, a park, to the right and we crossed the street to it. It was a park and there were statues here and there, peppering the grounds. There was an old bandstand at the far end of the field. We wandered the paths and stopped by each statue. In typical Virginia style, the statues memorialized those that had been killed in past wars. There was one statue that really got my attention. It was of a young man aiming a musket at an unknown enemy and by his side was a huge wolf, snarling and hackles raised. There was a bronze plaque and it read, “In Memoriam of Kristofer Huntsman and his wolf, Rasmus. They gave up their lives in the pursuit of freedom.”

I stepped back and gazed more intently at the wolf. Knowing that the pack was so close, I had a feeling there was more to the wolf than probably the residents of Eden would have ever guessed. I smiled to myself and we continued our walk. We swung by, but it was so similar to Arcadia’s that we didn’t feel the need to linger. Heading back around, we stayed on the side of the park and discovered several empty stores and hole in the wall or mom and pop restaurants, including the pizza place Nate and I had gone to our first night. 

We avoided going into the residential area and found ourselves walking back down Main Street and headed to the restaurant. We were seated promptly and warmly by a waitress. There wasn’t a lot of diners and we were pleasantly surprised at how much meat entrees were offered and the descriptions led us to believe that they were pretty big portions.

“You know,” Octavia said quietly, looking over the menu, “It looks like this place might be geared to our kind. Just look at these portion sizes.”

I nodded as I looked over it. I noticed that they had several Italian style dishes, but instead of it looking appetizing, it turned my stomach and made me feel a bit nauseous.

“Clarke, you okay,” Bellamy asked, seeing me shudder and swallow thickly.

“Yeah,” I replied, looking at him over the menu. “I suddenly find Italian food kind of revolting. I don’t know why. I think I’ll just order a burger and fries.”

“They’ve got milkshakes and malts,” Octavia said, excitedly.

I chuckled, “A milkshake sounds really good right now.”

As soon as our menus were on the table, the waitress showed right back up and took our orders. She didn’t bat an eye at the amount of food we ordered and it looked like Octavia’s assumption might very well be correct. While we waited, I suddenly felt eyes on us and I turned my head as the bell over the door chimed. In walked a man and a woman and they both seemed to walk with an animalistic grace. The were escorted to a booth in the way back and partially out of our sight. When they had sat down, I could barely see the man glance our way and then look ahead at the woman seated in front of him.

I leaned into the table and said softly, “I think I just found our stalkers, Nate.”

“Where,” he said, knowing better than to look around and drawing more attention to ourselves.

I jerked my head slightly in their direction and replied, “In the far back corner booth. A man and a woman. I felt eyes on us and they came in soon after. There is something definitely different about them. The restaurant has too many scents, so I can’t get a whiff of them.”

“You guys have been watched the entire time you’ve been here,” Bellamy asked, worried.

“Every time we come into town,” Nate replied. “It might be the pack, but it could just be people curious about the new arrivals.”

“Have you felt them by the house?”

I shook my head, “No, but then again I don’t think I’ve hardly left the house, not even to take a run. Nate?”

“Occasionally I do and it’s coming from across the the boundary,” he said. “What I want to know is why they’re interested in us.”

“That is indeed the question,” I said. “And one we’re most likely not get an answer to.”

“At least not without them coming up to our doorstep,” Octavia replied.

We all nodded around the table and sat in silence as we waited for our food. When the waitress showed up with our food, we found out that the portions were indeed large. I greedily eyed my burger and chocolate shake as she laid them down in front of me. I fought the urge to immediately dig in and waited impatiently for her go away. As soon as her back was turned, I started eating. I had to hold back a moan at how good it was. I couldn’t help myself, I inhaled it and earned a chuckle from Octavia.

“It’s good, O,” I said as I took a breather. “I mean seriously, these people know how to cook. Those pizzas were damn good and now this place. Did we find food heaven accidentally.”

That earned a laugh from everyone and grinning, I finished my meal. By the time the food was gone, I was actually feeling full and felt the need to take a nap. I grabbed a dessert menu and looked it over. There were a lot of enticing choices and I giggled in delight seeing that we could buy a whole pie. When the waitress came back to get our empty dinner plates, I ordered three apple pies to go. Again, she didn’t bat an eye and left to get them and our check. I paid for the food and left a generous tip. With the pies clasped tightly in Octavia’s lap, I drove us home and couldn’t help but enjoy the shadows that were beginning to play across the windshield as the sun set.

We kept one pie out and put the other two in the fridge. We all went our separate ways for the night and I crawled into my bed and turned on the tv. I found an old movie on and watched it as I started to feel sleepy. I must have dozed off because a nightmare jolted me awake and I found myself bathed in light and the tv was still on. I didn’t think I screamed this time, but my heart was pounding and my breath was coming in shallow gasps for air. I couldn’t remember what I dreamt about, but I found myself rubbing my shoulder trying to get rid of the pain that was suddenly there. I sighed and got out of bed. I made my way downstairs and headed straight to the kitchen. I poured myself a large glass of milk and dug a fork out of the drawer. Pulling the pie closer to me, I started eating it without bothering to slice it.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I heard Bellamy ask from behind me, making me jump.

I nearly choked on the pie and took a huge swallow of the milk before I answered, “I had another nightmare. Only this time, I couldn’t remember anything. When I woke up my shoulder was killing me. Still is. I’ll take my medicine when I’m done eating the pie.”

He chuckled as he got out his own fork and leaned over the bar and dug into the pie.

“You planning on eating this all by yourself,” he teased.

I gave him a small smile and replied, “Possibly. I needed something comforting and the pie looked so tempting, that I just had to have it.”

Chuckling, he said, “Than far be it for me to deny you comfort food.”

I nodded and took one last bite and finished off the milk, “I actually think I’m good now.”

I got off of the stool and rinsed out the glass and fork, before I placed them in the dishwasher.

“Goodnight, Bell,” I said and turned to head upstairs.

“Are you going to be alright up there alone,” he asked as I heard the box close and the water running as he rinsed off his fork.

I turned to look at him and shrugged, “Don’t know, but I gotta try. I can’t keep having Nate sleep with me. And once the pain killer is in my system, I shouldn’t wake up for anything.”

“Alright,” he said and stepped closer, giving me a hug.

I hugged him back and breathed deeply his scent. It always reminded me of winter. Mistletoe and cinnamon. I looked up at him and he looked down at me. We stared in each other’s eyes for a long moment and then he leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips. Returning the kiss, I reluctantly let him go and headed back up to my room. When I laid back in bed, his scent still surrounded me and I felt safe. Safer than I had felt these last couple of months. I slept easily for the rest of the night.


	16. Lexa

It was late night before I had a chance to read through my emails again and I was surprised to find that I wanted one from Griffin. I smiled when I did see that she had written me back. My grin widened and I was happy that I had been right in the feelings that she had been trying to evoke and that it was indeed a memory and a happy one at that. I wanted to write to her again, but I was running out of reasons to continue the conversation. I sighed and closed out my email and put my laptop in sleep mode. I got up and turned off the desk lamp and made my way to the outer office. I was surprised to see both Lincoln and Anya waiting for me. They both sat looking awkward and I leaned against the door jamb with my arms crossed over my chest.

Looking at them sternly, I asked, “What happened?”

“I think they spotted us,” Lincoln said, not looking up at me. “That Clarke woman was already looking toward the door when we walked into the restaurant they were eating at.”

“Yeah,” Anya said, looking at me. “It’s like she’s got this uncanny ability to sense us, even without our scent. They spent the afternoon walking around Eden, familiarizing themselves with the town. Clarke was very taken in by the statue of your 4th great uncles, Kristofer and Rasmus.”

“Really,” I said curiously. “It was seeing Rasmus, wasn’t it?”

“Definitely.”

“Well, thanks for the update, unless there’s more?”

“No, that was pretty much it except that Clarke paid for the meal and left nearly forty dollars as a tip for Janice.”

My eyebrows raised up at that and I said, “Seriously? Forty dollars? How much food did they order?”

“I’d say typical werewolf meal, plus three pies,” Lincoln replied. “Overall the meal wasn’t that expensive since it’s geared towards us. Janice didn’t know what to think and just said that they seemed to really enjoy the food.”

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose and said, “Just keep monitoring the house. Don’t follow them into town anymore, not if they’re that sensitive to you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I feel the sudden need for some beers.”

“Want some company,” Anya asked hopefully.

“Not tonight,” I told her. “I need to think.”

She nodded and I felt a pang of regret seeing her face fall in disappointment. They got up and we walked out of the building together and parted at the bottom of the steps. They walked home and I walked over to our local bar. I walked in and was greeted by the usual smells of a bar, stale peanuts and beer. By the time I made it to the bar, Gustus already had a beer waiting for me. I nodded my thanks and headed for a corner booth where I was sure that I’d have privacy to think.

My thoughts circled around two women tonight, Clarke and Griffin. I wanted to know both of them more intimately. Griffin seemed like someone I could have long conversations with that would be stimulating and at the same time very enjoyable. Clarke, on the other hand, invoked a very different response. Images of her naked body were forefront in my mind. I found myself wondering what her sun warmed skin would taste like, where on her body would make her moan in pleasure, if those lips were really kissable and what they would taste like. My mind kept roaming her body again and again, making me feel a need that I did not want, so I did what I typically did, I drank until I couldn’t think straight anymore.

I groaned in pain, my head pounding, as I rolled onto my back and waited for the ceiling to stop spinning. I had been stupid last night by drinking that much, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Clarke’s body. Even my drunk addled dreams featured Clarke. It made me wish that I had never seen her yesterday. I leaned back over onto my side and rooted in my nightstand drawer for the bottle of Advil that I always kept there. I took out three and downed them without water before I laid back on my back and thought about what I needed today. 

I growled in frustration when I realized that I had my weekly meeting with the town Sheriff this morning. Turning my head slightly, I looked at the clock and let out another growl. The meeting was in two hours. I thought about canceling it just to avoid him, but I knew that I couldn’t put it off. I sat up gingerly, making the room spin, and took a long shower. By the time I got out, I felt as near normal as I could get before I headed to the office.

When I walked into the outer office, I had to bite back a growl seeing him already there and waiting.

I narrowed my eyes at him and said, “Titus, our meeting isn’t for another hour. Why the hell are you here?”

He shrugged and replied, “There have been some disturbances along our western border, Lexa.”

I crooked my finger for him to follow me and went and sat behind my desk. I stared at him hard as he sat opposite me.

“I’m aware of the new residents and the work that’s been going on there, Titus,” I replied evenly.

“Well, there’s that,” he said, “And then there’s the fact that the animals have started disappearing near their property. I think that they might have something to do with it.”

I arched a brow and asked, “What makes you say that, Titus? They’ve not stepped one foot past their property and onto ours in the two, three weeks they’ve been here. I already know that they’re werewolves and it appears that they are packless.”

“I think it would be prudent to give them a closer look,” he said, daring to stare me in the eyes.

I growled slightly and his eyes dropped, “There is no reason to, Titus. None. More than likely the animals got spooked away from the area because of all the work that’s being done over there. Not to mention, that there’s four werewolves in that house. Animals aren’t stupid. They know when predators are near. Under no circumstances are you or your deputies allowed to step onto their property. Is that understood?”

He inclined his head and stood up, “Yes, ma’am. We won’t step across lines.”

“Good, now leave me,” I said and I watched him closely as he closed the office door behind me.

Closing my eyes briefly, I picked up my phone and called Lincoln.

When he picked up, I said, “Lincoln, I need you to keep a closer eye on the place. Titus thinks there’s something going on and I’m not sure he’ll obey my orders. Do you think you’ll be okay staying through the night?”

“I’ll call up Penn and have him spell me for a bit. Bring me some food. Give me a chance to sleep and I should be good to watch them through the night,” he replied. “Oh, FYI it’s quiet over here except for the construction crews. It looks like they’re nearly complete with the work.”

“Your plan sounds good,” I said, “and thanks for the update.”

“Are you doing okay? Fio said that you were stumbling a bit when you walked home from the bar last night.”

I sighed and said, “I’m fine. I drank too much is all. Trying to get rid of some invasive thoughts. Didn’t work.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. Just keep an eye and ear out for Titus.”

“Alright. I’ll give you a call if something happens,” he said and hung up.

I laid the phone on the desk and pillowed my head on my arms. I really didn’t feel like dealing with the world today, but I couldn’t shirk my duties. I sighed, sitting up, and opened up my emails. I could already tell that this was going to be a very long day.


	17. Clarke

The rest of the night had been blissfully uneventful and I headed downstairs in a good mood. I thought that I’d go and take some photos of the town. It was picturesque and quaint and I thought that I might get some good paintings out of it. Maybe start a different type of series.

“I didn’t hear you scream last night,” Nate said with a smile and handed me a cup of coffee.

I nodded in thanks and replied, “I still had a nightmare though. I thought I’d head back into town and take some photographs of it.”

He tilted his head to the side as he studied me and nodding, said, “Thinking about painting it?”

“Yeah, it might get me to take my mind away from that fucking mill pond,” I replied. “It’s bad enough that I paint myself, but to add that place subconsciously is a very terrible idea.”

“So, you’re saying that you have no way to really control it?”

I shook my head, “I don’t think so. I mean, I haven’t tried sketching since yesterday when I tried two times to sketch the view from my window.”

“Why don’t you try again,” he said, thoughtfully. “Try a different view.”

I sighed and got up, “I’ll give it a whirl. Won’t hurt. I’ll be back.”

I went back upstairs and got my sketch pad. I went to the back deck and sitting down, I studied the back for a little bit and then put pencil to paper and started drawing. When I felt that I was done, I looked at the sketch and there in the freaking middle was the damn mill and pond.

“Fuck,” I yelled and stared daggers at the sketch.

Nate came out and asked, “It showed up?”

I held up the pad and he took it from my hand, “Yep.”

“You added something else, Clarke,” he said as he came around and sat in the chair next to me.

I sat up straight and looking at him, I said, “I did?!”

“Yeah,” he replied, leaned over and with the pad in his hand, pointed to a spot below and to the left of the pond.

I took it out of his hand and brought it closer to my eyes and with a trembling voice, “Wells’ car.”

I scanned to the right and saw nothing new. I leaned back and closed my eyes as I contemplated what this could all mean.

“I think I’m starting to remember, Nate,” I said, my eyes still shut. “After all this time, I’m starting to remember.”

“Isn’t that a good thing,” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I whispered and then louder, “If I remember, that means that I might be able to work through the trauma better, but it also might mean that my nightmares are about to get worse. I really need to find someone to talk me through this.”

“Yeah, you really do,” he said with conviction. “You don’t want to open yourself to having a nervous breakdown. If you do, that would mean a hospital stay and that is definitely not something you want to happen. Not here.”

“Yeah, that’s all I need. I really don’t want the possibility of shifting spontaneously during an episode,” I said and got up. “I need to find the tablet and start searching.”

With that, I headed inside and found it on the charger in the dining room. I sat glumly and looked up psychiatrists in the area. I found a link for a list of psychiatrists and when I clicked on it, I filtered the list, looking for ones that specifically dealt with trauma. I found some that looked promising and went and got my phone. I started calling them immediately and on the fifth call, found someone that was taking on new patients. Luckily, they had an opening two weeks away. I scheduled it and put the appointment on the tablet and then on my phone after I hung up. 

This was new ground for me and I was worried that they might suggest regression therapy. If that happened, I might accidentally let something slip and that would probably cause me to be hospitalized thinking that I had some kind of mental disorder. And that would be a very bad thing. I sighed and opened up my email. I was a little disappointed when I saw that I didn’t have an email from the woman. There was an email from Rachel inquiring about my recovery and when I thought I might start painting again. I replied to it and exited out of my email server.

I stared gloomily into space and couldn’t dredge up the energy to move and do what I had planned to do. Eventually, Nate came back inside and laid my pad next to me. I looked at the sketch again and growled in disgust. I already hated the fact that it was starting to invade my everyday life. Looking at the pond, I was worried that it would keep me away from doing what I loved. Painting was my life. Had been ever since I decorated my bedroom walls with crayon. It was my escape from dealing with the fact that I would be forced out of town. Then it became a way to deal with my grief over Jaha killing my father in a challenge. Then having to deal with Wells. It was a coping mechanism for me and allowed me to focus on all the good in my life. Now, I couldn’t even do that.

I shoved the pad away from me violently and it skidded across the table and landed on the floor with a flutter of paper and a thunk. I got up and took another long shower. With a renewed determination to get myself out of this funk, I dug through my things and found my camera. Then I had to look for fresh batteries. When that was complete, I let everyone know where I was going and soon found my way to town.

Before I pulled into town, I found a great view that allowed me to take a photo of the town itself. Then I got back in and parked by the restaurant with the feeling that it was probably going to be my favorite restaurant. Walking down Main Street, I took photo after photo. When I neared the park, I looked around for someplace to climb and found a fire escape on the side of a building that would give me a good view. I easily climbed up it and stood on the roof. I found the angle I wanted and snapped photos of the park. Climbing down, I suddenly felt eyes on me. This time though, I got a bad feeling. I glanced around and saw nothing. Not yet, anyways. I resolutely crossed the street and walking into the park, started snapping more photos. I made sure that I took photos of the statues, the bandstand, and some of the people playing or lounging around. I wanted to make sure I captured people enjoying the place among fallen autumn leaves. 

I felt the eyes on me again and I whipped around. I found a Sheriff’s vehicle nearby and when I zoomed in on the writing on the side, noticed that it wasn’t the town’s Sheriff department. I snapped a photo of the vehicle before it took off, having discovered that I was looking at it. Narrowing my eyes, I looked down at the viewfinder and didn’t recognize the name of the town. The town had to be close if he was following me. Frowning, I made my way back to the restaurant.

Walking into the restaurant, I felt a sudden sense of relief. Whatever that driver wanted from me, he wouldn’t dare do it inside a public space which made me feel better. I made my way to the counter and sat down, pulling a menu from between the ketchup bottle and sugar. I opened it up and looked at the appetizers, not really feeling for a big meal at the moment.

“Can I get you anything, darlin’,” a voice asked me and I looked up and saw the waitress that had served us last night.

I smiled up at her and replied, “Some coffee for right now, thank you.”

She leaned over, placing her hands on the counter and said, “I wanted to thank you for the tip you gave me last night. That was real nice of ya.”

Still smiling, I replied, “Your welcome, but it was well deserved. The food was fantastic and you treated us real nice last night. Being new here, we weren’t really expecting such a warm welcome. So, thank you for that.”

She smiled wide, which made her face brighten prettily, and said, “You’ll find folks here are pretty friendly, Miss. My name is Janice and on behalf of Eden, welcome.”

I held out my hand to shake and replied, “Clarke.”

She shook my hand and winced a little. I looked up at her in question as our hands left each other.

“Are you alright, miss,” she asked, concern etched on her face. “Your hand’s awfully warm.”

I blushed slightly and replied, “I’m fine. I just run hot. Been that way for all my life.”

She nodded, but the concern wasn’t completely gone from her face, “I’ll just go get you that coffee, then. Let me know if you need anything else.”

“Thank you, Janice,” I replied and she walked away to get my coffee.

I turned my attention back to the menu as I continued contemplating what I wanted to eat. She came back and laid my coffee near me, I smiled up at her in thanks and I could have sworn she blushed just slightly. I shook my head, still smiling and I still couldn’t make up my mind between an appetizer or dessert. I sighed and laid the menu down when I couldn’t decide. I pulled the coffee towards me and poured a couple of spoonfuls sugar in it. I stirred it and took a sip. My eyes widened in surprise that even their coffee was good. Way better than the kind we had up at the house. I sat there drinking my coffee slowly, savoring it, and stared off into nothingness. I let my mind and body relax as the coffee warmed me on the inside.

She came back and refilled my cup for me, watching me with curiosity.

I looked up at her and quirking an eyebrow in question, asked, “You okay?”

Startled, the blush crept up again and she coughed before she replied, “Yes, ma’am. I was just curious to know if you’re a photographer with that fancy camera there?”

I looked down at the camera and back to her, smiling I said, “Not really. I’m a painter and because I can’t always get to a location, I take photographs or sketches to help me.”

“You’re a painter,” she asked, leaning down and looking at me with obvious interest.

I felt my own blush creep and smiling, I replied, “Yeah. I paint mainly landscapes of the valley and mountains here.”

“So, you’re native?”

“Yeah, I grew up about four hours southwest of here, on the other side of the of Blacksburg,” I told her, but immediately wished I hadn’t.

She noticed the shift in my mood and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

I shook my head to dispel the feeling of regret and anger, looking up at her and smiling again, said, “That’s alright, Janice. I just didn’t leave on good terms.”

She nodded, “I understand. I’ll just let you get back to your coffee, hmm?”

“Thank you,” I replied and with a nod from her, she left to take care of the other customers.

I resolutely let go of the feelings our simple conversation had given way to and took a sip of my coffee. Suddenly, I tensed as I felt those eyes on me and it still gave me a bad feeling. I felt my hackles raise as I heard the bell chime over the door. I held myself back from looking to see who had just came in, but I couldn’t help the real low growl from escaping my mouth. I felt someone sit down at the counter a few seats away from me and with a sidelong glance, I made out a Sheriff’s uniform. I turned my eyes straight, my body tenser as I fought the urge to get up and leave. Instead, I took a few calming deep breaths and forced my body to relax. Whoever this person was, I was determined not to give them the satisfaction of riling me up. I saw Janice, out of the corner of my eye, come up to them and pour a cup of coffee. She chanced a glance my way, but didn’t come over.

“What brings you over here, Sheriff Green,” Janice asked, lightly polite.

“Oh,” I heard him reply, “I’m just seeing how your Sheriff is doing on this side of the mountain. Been some strange winds blowing through our side.”

I stiffened at that comment and took a chance to subtly inhale, allowing my wolf sense to rise slightly. I caught his scent, the smell of the forest in the dead of winter and decaying flesh, a werewolf, which meant that he came from the pack territory. There was only one reason why he would be here, us. I didn’t understand why he would be interested in us. We stayed on our side of the boundary every time we went out and honestly, we didn’t stray far from the house except when we came to town. I listened to them conversing with half an ear, but it was basic small talk. I sighed and drank the rest of the coffee, not really tasting it this time. My shoulder started aching from the tension and I rubbed it, trying to soothe the ache away. I was also starting to get a headache and I knew it would turn into a migraine. I needed to get out of here.

I looked over at them and said politely, “Excuse me, Janice, can I get a coffee to go? I need to be heading back.”

“Oh, of course,” she said. “Let me just get that for you.”

“Thank you.”

The Sheriff turned his attention to me and I stared him right in the eyes, which seemed to set him back a bit.

“You’re new here, aren’t you,” he asked, feigning innocent curiosity, but it fell flat.

“I am,” I replied, coolly.

“How are you liking it here?”

“We’re liking it just fine, Sheriff.”

“We?”

“My friends and I.”

“Oh, may I ask what prompted you to move here?”

“No, you may not, Sheriff,” I replied, my voice turning cold. “Our lives are private and we’d like to keep it that way.”

He narrowed his eyes at my tone, but before he could say anything more, Janice appeared with a large to go cup and handed it to me.

I smiled up at her and said, “Thanks. How much do I owe you?”

She blushed and replied, “Don’t worry about it, hon. It’s on the house.”

“Oh, I really couldn’t ask that of you,” I replied, slightly shocked.

She leaned closer to me and I could smell her perfume wafting over me. It smelled like vanilla and honeysuckle. A rather pleasant smell and I couldn’t help but inhale it a little more deeply.

She smiled, “I insist, Clarke. Think of it as a welcoming gift from yours truly.”

I smiled back at her and said softly, “If you insist, than I accept. But next time, I am paying.”

She chuckled and replied, “Then that’s fine by me. I’ll be seeing you, Clarke.”

She leaned back upright as I stood up. I gave her a warm smile and it widened when I saw the blush creep up her neck again. With a nod, I walked out the door, coffee in hand, and made my way to my truck. I’d gone halfway when I felt his eyes on me again. I whirled around angrily and waited for him.

“Sheriff, is there a reason you feel the need to follow me,” I asked with barely contained anger.

He stopped a few feet in front of me and I saw the flicker of fear in his eyes before he became a mask of calm.

He cleared his throat and replied, “You’re hiding something. You and your friends. I intend to find out what it is.”

I stepped closer to him, my hands dropping to my side and growled out, “We are hiding nothing, Sheriff. And if I find out that you or your people are following us or harassing us in any way after this conversation, me and your Alpha will have words. Do I make myself understood, Sheriff?”

His lip curled back in a snarl and I took one step menacingly forward. I smirked as he dropped the snarl and took a step back.

I abruptly turned away and walked to my truck. I climbed in and turning the ignition, it roared to life. I revved it a little, before I pulled out of the parking lot. I glanced in my rearview and watched as he slowly faded from view. I growled in frustration, but I let it go. There was nothing I could do at the moment. So far, there was no real cause to even approach their Alpha and I wanted to keep it that way. I took a large swallow of the coffee and was surprised to find sugar already stirred in it. I smiled at Janice’s thoughtfulness and took a moment to remember how her curves filled out her uniform. If the signals that I had briefly gotten from her were right, I just might have to find an excuse to eat at the restaurant more frequently.

The house loomed ahead and I felt the tension roll from my body. Walking through the front door, I was greeted by three very stunned and worried faces.

Bellamy came up to me and said, “I was just about to call you. Where’ve you been all day?”

“I’ve been in town, like I said I was, taking photos,” I replied, and showing him the camera. “Then I stopped by the restaurant and got some coffee.”

He gave me a quick hug and tugged me towards the kitchen. I looked at the three of them and there seemed to be an undercurrent of worry. 

“What happened,” I asked, sitting in a bar stool.

Instead of answering, Nate pulled out an envelope from underneath the counter and handed it to me. A familiar scent wafted up to me and I inhaled deeper. It was the scent of the the pack Sheriff. I growled and tore the envelope open. There was a single sheet of paper with one word printed on it, “Leave,” in big bold letters.

“That asshole,” I said, still growling. “It’s the fucking sheriff from the pack. He followed me around town today and then confronted me outside the restaurant.”

“Should we be worried,” Octavia asked worriedly.

I shook my head and replied, “No. I don’t think he’ll try anything again. He seemed surprised that I’m an Alpha. I also think he didn’t have permission to investigate us. We’ve given their Alpha no reason to be worried about us. We stay on our side of the border, no exceptions.”

They all nodded in agreement and silence descended over us. I rubbed my temples, the migraine that I’d been holding up was finally starting to emerge.

“I’m heading upstairs,” I told them. “I can feel a migraine coming on. I’ll see you all in the morning.”

“Are you going to be alright,” Bellamy asked, worry etched in his face.

I smiled wanly at him and replied, “Hot shower and medicine will do me just fine, Bell. But thank you for your concern.”

I hugged everyone goodnight and headed up to my room. I took a very long, very hot shower as I let the water pressure pound away at tense muscles. When I felt more relaxed, I got out and taking my pain meds, I crawled into bed and fell asleep as they kicked in.


	18. Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I just wanted to thank you all for supporting and continuing this journey with me. 
> 
> I love writing and honestly, this is the first time I’ve shared any of my stories beyond a small group of friends. 
> 
> So, seeing those numbers rise is an awesome feeling and thank you so very much.

I woke up to a warm weight behind me and an arm around my waist. I ran my hand across it and I immediately recognized that it belonged to Bellamy. I smiled and turned around to face him, biting back a groan of pain. My body was more sore than when I had gone to bed last night. Instead of focusing on the pain, I turned my attention to Bellamy. Smiling, I reached up and traced the side of his face. I could feel the hard press of his muscles against me and it felt so good. I sighed quietly as my gaze roamed his sleeping face. I watched as his eyes slowly fluttered open and his signature smile came into being.

“Hey,” he said, his voice gruff from sleep.

“Hey,” I replied as I continued tracing his face. “Why are you in my bed?”

He took my hand and held it to his chest, his eyes betraying sadness and he replied, “You had another nightmare last night. Nate asked me to stay with you.”

I leaned my head back in surprise and said, “I did? I don’t remember.”

“You did,” he said softly. “You woke Nate up screaming and when we got here, you were sobbing and whimpering in your sleep. You calmed down as soon as I climbed into bed with you and pulled you close to me.”

I sighed and I felt my own worry surface, “I’m sorry, Bell, that you had to stay with me. I’ve already scheduled an appointment in two weeks.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry, Clarke,” he said and squeezed my hand gently. “You survived a very horrible thing. Shit like this happens, but no matter what, we’re here for you.”

I nodded and I felt a tear slip down my face. He reached up and wiped it away.

“Clarke, I’m here for you always,” he whispered.

“I know you are,” I returned and then something in me made me lean forward and kiss him.

His body stiffened in surprise and then he was kissing me back. His hand slid down my side and gripped my hip. Our kiss deepened and I cupped his face, bringing it closer. I moaned in pleasure as he nipped my bottom lip. His hand tightened on my hip and he was suddenly leaning half on me. My hand traveled down his back, feeling his muscles move at my touch. My breath quickened as he kissed me down my neck, nipping it lightly before he soothed it with his tongue. That’s when I felt his desire heighten and I stopped abruptly and moved away from him.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered at the look of confusion on his face. “I’m sorry. I, I can’t. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey,” he said gently as tears started falling from my face. “It’s okay. This was probably too soon.”

He reached for me and I flinched back, my breathing coming faster with fear. He dropped his hand reluctantly and waited patiently for me to calm down. Instead, I sat up and turned away from him, my face in my hands and I started sobbing. He’s silent and I’m grateful for it. I felt the bed shift and heard his footsteps walk over to me. I felt him crouch in front of me and I lifted my face to look at him.

“What’s wrong with me,” I asked in a hoarse whisper. “I can’t eat Italian. I can’t have you in the way I want to. I can’t draw without that damn mill and pond showing up. What happened?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Clarke,” he said gently and I saw that he wanted to take one of my hands and hold them in his, but he didn’t. “Something really bad happened that night. Something so horrible that you blocked it out. And that’s okay. Whatever happened changed how you look and feel about things. It’s natural and that’s why you need that appointment. You need to understand what happened so that you work on getting better.”

“I feel so broken, Bellamy,” I told him. “Like I’m never going to get better. I’ll always have scars from that night. I can barely use my left arm. I can’t paint. I can’t seem to enjoy the things I used to love. I’m so scared and I’m not sure that feeling will ever go away.”

“Clarke, you can only take it one day at a time. Yeah, you’re going to have nightmares and you will experience fear. That’s the way some traumas work, but we can help you. All you have to do is let us in and we will be there for you. We’ll face this together because we’re a family. We take care of each other. We’ll take care of you.”

I sighed and with a trembling smile, I said, “Thank you, Bell. That means the world to me. I wish that I could have chosen you before all of this.”

“I know,” he replied, sadly, “but we can’t change the past. We can only move forward one day at a time. I will always be here for you. Always. Take comfort in that, please.”

I nodded and I wanted to reach for him, cup his face in gratitude, but I couldn’t. Not now, but maybe when I’m past this moment.

“I’ll give you some space to calm down,” he said standing up. “Just don’t stay up here all day, okay?”

“Okay, thank you again,” I said, sincerely. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

He chuckled, “You did nothing but be kind to me and Octavia.”

“Thank you for everything,” I said, standing up as well and making him take a step back. “I’ll see you downstairs, okay?”

“Sure,” he replied and left.

I walked out onto the balcony and leaned heavily against the railing, staring forlornly at the forest. I hated myself because I felt weak. I told him the truth when I said that I felt broken. Wells was dead and I survived. Amber was right, it should have been me at the bottom of the pond. Sure, I hated him. I hated that I had to date him just to stay in town. I hated that after everything I went through, I was still forced out of town. Exiled and no longer existed to my mother or the friends I’d left behind. I slammed my hand against the railing and growled in anger. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t my fault that I was born the way I was. I was punished for something that I had no control over. I lifted my hand and saw that I had dented the railing, making me growl louder. I went back inside and shoved the sliding glass door forcibly enough that it bounced back a bit. I left it and took a shower, hoping that it would ease some of my anger, some of the fear, some of the sadness, some of the tension. Take away everything so that I could function.

When I came out of the shower, I wiped the condensation from the mirror and gave myself a hard look over. I stared at my shoulder, seeing the scars still red and ugly looking. I turned my head and looked at the angry scars that were still clearly seen through the short growth of hair. I stared at the rest of my body. A body that betrayed me every time I turned a corner. I hugged myself tightly and could feel my abdomen tremble with unshed emotions. I leaned on the counter and looked myself in the face. The haunted look of my eyes, the hardness of my mouth, the slight flaring of my nostrils. I wasn’t the same woman I was two months ago. I would never be the same woman and I wasn’t sure that I liked it. I took one last look at myself and then I wrapped a towel around me.

Walking out of my bedroom, I leaned over the railing and yelled down, “Nate?”

He peaked his head around to look up at me and replied, “Yeah?”

“Can you come up here,” I said. “I need you for something.”

“Sure, I’ll be right up.”

I waited for him in the hallway and when he came up, I said, “I need you to shave the other side of my head.”

He gave me a look of surprise and said, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I need something different right now,” I replied.

“Okay, let me just go and get my clippers,” he said and strode to his bedroom.

I walked back into my bedroom and waited for him in the bathroom. When he came in he looked at me askance and I nodded. With a sigh, he plugged it in and turned me to face him. As the first strands of hair started falling around me, I felt something stir. Something fierce. I looked down at the ground the entire time, watching my blond hair descending in soft waves. When he was done, he grabbed a face towel and gently wiped the hair away from my head, ear, neck and shoulder.

“I’m done, Clarke,” he said softly.

I looked up at him and replied, “Thanks for this.”

He nodded and taking his clippers with him, he left. I turned to look at myself in the mirror and suddenly the Clarke I knew wasn’t the Clarke that looked back at me. I ran my fingers over the newly shaved side of my head and felt the tickle of the hair across them. I still felt errant hairs on me, so I stepped back into the shower to rinse off. There was a small broom and dustpan in the linen closet, so I swept up the hair. I towel dried my hair and got dressed. 

Before I went downstairs, I grabbed my laptop so that I could download the pictures I took yesterday. Looking at the mirror in my room one last time, I walked down the stairs. Not saying anything, I placed my laptop on the dining room table and grabbed a cup of coffee and my camera. Silently, I hooked up the camera and started to download it to the laptop. While I waited for it to finish, I opened up my email and got rid of the junk mail that always seemed to show up. When the photos were finished, I switched windows and started scrolling through them. I deleted all the ones that had Wells in them, trying to wipe him from the computer’s memory and in an attempt from my own. The photos of the town finally made an appearance and I slowed down, admiring the buildings and the park. Then I came across the photo of the Sheriff’s car. I zoomed in and looked at the man in the driver’s seat. It was definitely the same guy who had followed me. The same guy who had left the note on our front door.

I felt someone come up behind me and I fought the urge to move away because I knew it was Bellamy. 

“Is that the sheriff,” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s the guy,” I replied. “He smells like a winter forest and decaying flesh.”

“That’s gross. Gives me bad vibes just thinking about it.”

“No kidding,” I said as I zoomed out and looked at the name of the town he was from. “Polis.”

“Hey, open up Google Maps and let’s see how far exactly that town is.”

I complied and looked it up in the search engine. It showed up and zooming in, I found Eden. I looked up the distance between Eden and Polis and it showed that it was a two hour drive between the towns.

“That’s a long time to travel, just to look at us,” Bellamy said, thoughtfully.

I nodded, “It sure is.”

I typed in our address and the maps zoomed in on our location easily. I looked how far we were with Polis and was surprised at exactly how close we were to them.

“Shit,” he said quietly. “We’re pretty close, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, so it’s imperative that we stay on our side of the border. We definitely can’t risk drawing their attention any more than we have. I have to assume that their Alpha already knows that we’re werewolves. Those people that were watching us, they probably belong to the pack. I can also safely assume that they’re keeping an eye on us from their side of the border.”

“You’re probably right. This means that we’ll have to keep a closer eye on O. You know how easily she gets distracted, she could easily cross the border without knowing it. Especially, if she ventures beyond our property.”

I sighed and closed the laptop, “Yeah, hopefully she’ll find a job that keeps her busy.”

“She is looking, by the way.”

“That’s good. She’s taking this seriously.”

“Oh, Raven should get here this afternoon,” he said and I could hear the smile in his voice.

I smiled and said, “It’ll be good to have her here. I’ve missed her.”

“I know you have.”

I looked up at him, the smile still on my face and said, “Best friends for life.”

He chuckled and wandered off. I got up and made myself a second cup and went to the back deck to watch them working on the stable. They were already done with the greenhouse and small toolshed. The foreman happened to look up at me, giving me a smile and a wave.

I smiled back at him and hollered down, “How much longer on the stable?”

“About three more days,” he answered. “We’re placing heatable flooring in, so that the horses will be able to stay comfortable during winter.”

“Will it stand up to the horses hooves?”

“Yes,” he replied.

I nodded and he went back to work. I stayed and watched them a little longer and then went back inside. I stood there in the dining room, trying to decide what to do, but nothing really stood out. What I needed was a temporary escape. Maybe a run, or in my case a lope, through the forest would help ease the feelings I felt inside of me. I nodded to myself and headed to the kitchen where everyone was still eating breakfast.

“I’m heading out to the north side of the property,” I told them. “I need to get out of here for a bit.”

“Do you want one of us to come with you,” Bellamy asked, clearly worried.

I shook my head and replied, “I need to be alone right now. Just for a little while longer.”

“Okay,” he said. “Just be careful.”

I smiled and replied, “I always am. I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

They all nodded and I was out the front door. I walked around the house and headed into the trees. I couldn’t shift so close to the house, not with the workers here, so I hiked a bit until I didn’t hear anyone. Looking around, I found an old tree hollow and put my clothes there for safe keeping. Shifting, I let nature take it’s course and all thoughts, worries, and fears seemed to melt away. I moved faster, allowing myself to sprint every once in awhile. The pain started again and I slowed down to a walk. Eventually, I came to that same ledge I’d discovered the other day. I stopped at the edge of the tree line and looked around, lifting my nose to the sky and inhaling deeply. I didn’t catch any unfamiliar scents, so I shifted before I left the safety of the forest and made my way to the edge. 

I sat on the edge, feet dangling off the side and gazed out over the view. I felt the warmth of the sun and leaned back on my arms, closing my eyes and refused to focus on any one thought that flitted across my mind. I lost myself to the moment and for once, let my guard down. I knew that I was as safe as I could ever be and I wanted to take this moment and just be.


	19. Lexa

I paced the length of my office angrily as I occasionally looked over at Titus. He followed my movements with his head, but kept his eyes appropriately downcast.

“I told you not to investigate them,” I growled at him.

“I beg your pardon, Lexa,” he said. “You told me not to go on their property. I did not do that.”

“Seriously,” I said. “Do I really need to spell it out for you that much. The implication was clear, do not under any circumstances go near them, approach them, or anything else involving them. Is that clear enough for you?”

He nodded, “Perfectly.”

“Good,” I replied.

“Would you like to know what I learned,” he asked, nonchalantly.

I sighed in frustration and let out a low growl, “You might as well.”

Again, he nodded, “Let me be clear about something first, Lexa. Whoever that woman is, wherever she came from, she is dangerous. She and her friends are a threat to our Pack. They must be removed by any means necessary.”

“How are they a threat to the pack, Titus,” I growled. “They have kept to themselves this entire time! They do not cross our border. They have done nothing that warrants your hostility. It is almost winter, Titus. That is why there’s been less wildlife around. Not to mention that there has been construction going on for the last month or so.”

“There is a darkness that hovers over that woman,” he said, trying to pin me with a steely gaze. “If she is left unchecked, she will poison this area. If you do nothing, you are putting the lives of the pack at risk. I will not stand by idly and watch this pack suffer because you cannot see the truth about this woman.”

I scoffed, “Titus, there is no darkness hovering over her. She is only recovering from an injury. An injury that may have very well caused her to leave her pack. It is not pack policy to investigate every werewolf that we come across or moves near our territory.”

“Lexa, listen to me. No good will ever come from that woman. When I came across her in Eden she was climbing down from a fire escape of a building that gives a perfect view of both the Town Hall and park. She had a camera on her person and it appeared that she had been taking photos of the town itself. There is no good reason for her to take photographs of the town, none.”

“Seriously?! Eden is our sister town, Titus. Just as ours is rather picturesque in fall, so is Eden. Why wouldn’t she want to take photographs of it? You are grasping at straws.”

He nodded, “I concede that point, but I do not trust your judgement.”

“Duly noted,” I replied sourly. “Was this all that you discovered?”

“No. I followed her into Rosie’s Diner and tried to start a conversation with her, but she remained steadfastly opposed to it. It appeared that she took an instant disliking to me even though I was at my politest. I tried to speak with her again outside of the diner, but she was hostile. Lexa, she’s an Alpha.” 

I looked at him sharply, “An Alpha? Are you sure?”

He replied, “Absolutely. She’s an Alpha and that makes her dangerous. Even her appearance made me think so.”

“Her appearance?”

“Both sides of her head were shaved, she has scars on the right side of her head, and the way she carried herself.”

“She a fucking Alpha,” I replied. “Of course, she’s going to carry herself a certain way. Her clothing style is of no consequence and has no bearing to whether she is dangerous or not. This is ridiculous and you are looking for something that is not there. If I hear that you are continuing this witch hunt, you will be missing a head. Do I make myself clear?”

He paled at the death threat and he swallowed as he replied, “Crystal.”

“Now get out of my face,” I said and watched him nod his head and walk out of my office.

Growling, I walked over to the painting and stared at it. I felt the anger leave as I looked at it. I found myself smiling and appreciated the comfort it always seemed to give me. With a sudden decision, I sat at my desk and wrote Griffin a brief email, letting her know about the anger I had just felt and that her painting had a positive effect in calming me down. I don’t know why I did that, but it felt good putting that in words and telling her.

It was after lunch when I checked my emails again. Once more, she had written me back. She told me that she was glad that the painting helped, but she wished that her paintings had the same effect on her. She opened up more and said that now, when she looked at her paintings, she only felt remorse that she may never be able to paint the same way again. That saddened me greatly. Whatever had happened to her had affected her deeply. Deeply enough that she was clearly traumatized by it.

I didn’t know what to say about that, but I knew that if I said sorry, she would feel that it was an automatic response. Something people said with out really meaning it. So, I wrote her back and told her the truth. That I wished that I could understand what she had gone through and that I was saddened that it had affected her in such a way. I wanted to tell her that it would all be okay eventually, but I didn’t think she needed to hear that right now. I hoped she had friends or family that could help her work through it. I voiced that hope and sent it on it’s way.

I knew how important it was to have people be there for you. If I didn’t have Anya or Lincoln, I didn’t think I could have made it past my challenge for pack Alpha or made it through the first couple of years getting familiar with the responsibilities that being pack Alpha entailed.

I sighed and got back to work. At the end of the work day, I checked on my email again. Again, she had written me back and what she wrote broke my heart. She told me that she didn’t have any family. No father, no mother, no siblings, no extended family members. She did tell me that she had friends she considered family and that they were trying to help and support her through it. Then she wrote something that blew my mind. She told me that she was glad that she had personally written to me and that it was nice to have someone to talk to that wasn’t so close to the situation. She also told me that she felt that I was someone who was easy to talk to and that she hoped that she could continue to talk to her on a more personal level.

I sat back stunned at the implication. We had barely corresponded and yet she felt comfortable enough with me that she felt that she could write more openly with me. I had felt the same way, somewhat, and was pleasantly surprised by her admittance. I quickly wrote her back and told her that I would like that and that I felt the same way.

I stopped by the bar on my way home and made it to my booth. My mind focused on what could have happened to her. It must have been something big and thought that maybe it’s what caused her to lose her family. I was definitely saddened that she may never feel that happiness, that joy and love that showed throughout her art, again. I hoped that her friends would be able to turn her back to that happiness and that she could paint again. But knowing trauma, it might take her years to pick up a brush again. That saddened me even more. I could tell that she loved to paint. It was evident in every brushstroke.

I stopped drinking after only three beers before I headed home. I knew that it was going to be a long night for me as her words echoed in my mind. I really hoped that I might provide something that could help her. I wanted to see that golden wolf again, because I knew without a doubt that it was her.


	20. Clarke

I found myself alone in the house when I returned. There was a note saying that they had headed to town and would be back by dinner. I sighed and searched the fridge for something to eat. One pie was still left and I was tempted to eat it, but with great reluctance I left it alone. Instead, I pulled out deli ham, lettuce, tomato, and mustard. Placing them on the counter, I went into the pantry and pulled out the marbled rye/pumpernickel loaf. Making the sandwich, my mind wandered off and made me think about Mom. I wanted to know if she was alright. If someone was looking out for her. Hoping that Jaha wasn’t harassing her. I desperately wanted to call her and let her know what was going on, but of course that couldn’t happen.

Finishing the sandwich and putting everything away, I took it to the dining room table and opened up my laptop. I automatically opened my email and smiled when I saw an email from my fan. I eagerly opened it up and reading it, I felt glad that my painting had such an effect on her. Then the sadness descended when I realized that my paintings didn’t give me that same calmness. I wrote her back and impulsively I told her about my feelings in regards to my paintings. I sent it off and finished eating.

I walked back onto the back deck, sitting in a chair, and watched the work being done on the stable. I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, the doorbell was ringing and I woke up, startled and let out a small scream. The doorbell rang again and I shakily got up to answer it. My heart pounded as I neared it, but all fear fell away when I looked at the monitor by the door and saw who it was. I grinned wide as I opened the door and Raven was there. I immediately drew her in a hug as we squealed in delight.

She pulled back and searched my face. She smirked and raised an eyebrow when she saw my head.

“I thought you said you would never, ever shave your head,” she said and ran her hand over the newly shaven side.

I closed my eyes at the pleasant sensation. When I opened my eyes, I shrugged and said, “I changed my mind. Things have not been going well for me lately.”

Looking worried, she asked, “What’s going on?”

I pulled her into the house and we sat down in the living room.

We turned to face each other and I looked down at my hands as I said, “I’ve started having nightmares. Bad ones. I’ve woken up screaming and to calm down, Nate or Bellamy have had to sleep with me. And every time I try to sketch the forest, the mill and pond show up, unbidden.”

“Oh, Clarke,” she said and drew me into a hug. “I’m so sorry, baby. What are you doing about it?”

She let me go and sitting back, I replied, “I’m just trying to distract myself enough that I don’t think about it during the day. I’m afraid of picking up my sketch pad, but I did set up an appointment to see a psychiatrist. It’s just so hard for me, every day. I know everyone’s worried and that makes me angry. Rae, I’m scared. I can’t even enjoy Italian food anymore. I don’t feel like myself anymore and that’s why I shaved the other side of my head. I feel alien, not comfortable in my own skin, even.”

She nodded, sympathetically and wiped my tears away with her thumb. I shivered at her touch and she smiled slightly seeing it.

“I wish I could’ve left sooner,” she said softly. “It was hard to leave without anybody knowing. I did stop by your mom’s before I headed out. She sends her love and wanted me to tell you that she’s hanging in there even though she misses you terribly.”

“Thank you,” I replied. “I’ve been worried about her.”

She nodded and said, “I know, that’s why I made sure to see her. Um, she gave me our hospital records. All of ours. She also gave me our birth certificates, revised birth certificates. I’m sorry to say that Jaha had our birth parents and place of birth removed from the certificates. He’s completely removed us from Arcadia like we were never born.”

I leaned back and growled, “I didn’t imagine that he would do such a thing, but are you telling me that all of you were exiled as well?”

“Not exactly,” she replied. “Since your mom knew that we were following you, she had the information removed. She did it because she knew that Jaha would never allow us to come back.”

I nodded, “I guess it’s better than being killed. Here, we have a chance to start over. The only thing noteworthy is that we’ve been followed and watched by the pack that’s on the other side of our property.”

“Why?”

I shrugged, “I’m not sure what started it, but I think they’re gathering information about us. I can guarantee that your arrival will soon fall on their Alpha’s ears. A couple of them followed us into town the few times that we went, but they stopped doing that once I spotted them. Then just yesterday, I went into town to take photos of the place and I was followed. This time by the sheriff of their town, a place called Polis. I did not like the vibe that came from him. He is convinced that we’re hiding something and he’s determined to find out what it is.”

“But we don’t have anything to hide,” she said, perplexed. “Do we?”

“No, unless you count the reason why I’m here,” I replied. “He’s also discovered that I’m an Alpha. I have no idea if he’ll tell his Alpha and if he does, how they’ll react to it.”

“That can’t be good.”

“Don’t know, but were staying on our side of the border and the only trips we’ve made are to the town. In fact, that’s where everyone is right now.”

“At least you’re playing it smart,” she said, thinking. “Why would the pack even be watching us?”

“A question we may never know the answer to,” I replied. “It pretty much started as soon as we got here.”

“Seriously?!”

“Yeah.”

“How’s the shoulder?”

“Shot,” I said grimacing and at the mere mentioning of it, I felt an ache build and I rubbed it. “I can only run short distances and I find it difficult to lift it past shoulder height.”

“You still have the pain killers,” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said, sighing. “And I’ve still got two refills left.”

“That’s good. You’re not double dosing are you?”

“No,” I replied with a small smile, “I’ve been very good about that. I take long and hot showers to help.”

“Speaking of showers, when are you going to show me around,” she asked with a grin and effectively changing the subject.

“Now,” I replied, chuckling and standing up. I pulled her up and off the couch and said, “We’ll head to the second floor first, since that’s where your room is.”

“Wait, you mean I don’t get a choice,” she said, following me up the stairs.

“Nope,” I said, looking back at her and grinning. “The guys pretty much insisted on it.”

She followed me into the room and I could tell instantly, that she fell in love with it.

“Oh, My God,” she squealed with delight, “This room is nearly as big as my apartment was. And this is all mine?”

“Yep,” I said, smiling. “Nate’s is right next to you and I’ve got the master suite.”

“Where’s Octavia and Bellamy bunking?”

“On the lower level. Come on, I’ve just got to show you mine,” I said and turned around.

She followed me and as soon as we entered my bedroom, I felt her stop and I turned to look at her. She let out a low whistle and she walked in slowly, taking everything in.

“This is incredible,” she said when she finally found the words. “You even have a balcony and Jesus, the view.”

“I know,” I said, sitting at the foot of my bed. “Check out the bathroom.”

She did and as soon as she walked in, she screamed in delight and made me laugh.

She poked her head out of the door and said, “I want your room.”

I laughed and replied, “Nope. Octavia already tried that with me. This is mine. Come on, more to show.”

She left the bathroom reluctantly and I took her briefly around the rest of the house. She loved the floor to ceiling windows in my studio and she was ecstatic at seeing her side of the garage. I had gotten the best equipment money could buy and I was extremely happy that she loved it. When we were done with the tour, I helped her move her things up to her bedroom. By the time we were done, my shoulder was killing me and I ran upstairs to take a pain killer. 

When I came back downstairs, everyone had returned and I watched as she was hugged. I also saw that the bar was laden with food. I saw the tell tell signs of the restaurant and made a beeline straight towards it.

Bellamy laughed at me opening and closing the lids of the food and said, “Clarke, the burger at the end is yours.”

I grinned wide at him and grabbed it. I opened the box and saw a little note tucked under the wrapper. I pulled it out and I smiled softly as I read it. It was from Janice and she hoped that I would enjoy the burger as much as I did the first time. She also told me that since I wasn’t there to tell her no, she didn’t charge for my burger. I let out a soft chuckle and pocketed the note.

“You’re suddenly in a good mood,” Raven said as she came to stand by me.

“It’s nothing,” I replied and felt a slight blush blooming.

She caught it and smiling, “I don’t think so. Not if you’re blushing like that.”

I sighed and replied, “Fine. When I went and got a coffee from there yesterday, the waitress was flirting with me. She wouldn’t let me pay for the coffee and she just wrote me a note telling me that since I wasn’t there this time, she didn’t charge them for my burger.”

“Damn,” she said with a grin, “I’d say that she likes you.”

I nodded, “I’m starting to think so. She doesn’t even seemed turned off by the scars on my head. It feels nice.”

She gave me a one armed hug and said, “Clarke, you are a beautiful and attractive woman. Don’t over think it.”

I shook my head and said, “I won’t.”

“Good,” she said and gave me a squeeze before she let me go. She looked down at the size of the burger and said, “Is the food there always this big. It’s huge.”

“It is,” I said with a chuckle. “It’s safe to assume that they’re used to people with big appetites.”

“You mean werewolves.”

“Probably, but we haven’t scented any in town. Just the ones in the pack.”

With those words, we grabbed our food and sat around the dining room table. The conversation was purposefully light and I felt that this family was finally coming together which made me feel good.

Later that night, I was laying in bed with the laptop on my lap and looked for something to watch on Netflix, but it was useless. I couldn’t find anything that grabbed my attention, so I went back and opened up my email. Once more, my fan showed me great kindness. I saw nothing but truthful sincerity in what she wrote. It helped ease the pain knowing that someone outside of my friends was truly sympathetic and gave me honesty instead of platitudes. Knowing this, I made the decision to be more open with her. I wrote back telling her that the only family I had were my closest friends. That they were good people that were helping me through this. Then I told her that it was nice to have someone like her, someone outside of the whole thing, and that for some reason I felt that she was someone that was easy to talk to. I admitted to her and to myself, that I wanted this conversation to continue in a more personal manner and outside the whole fan thing or a possible patron. 

I sent the email, closed the laptop, turned off the light and settled in to get as much of a decent sleep as I could.


	21. Clarke

Waking up to a bouncing bed was not something I ever really wanted to experience, but it happened. To me. I opened my eyes as I tried to keep from falling off of the bed and looked for the culprit. I glared at Raven, but she just continued, smiling impishly at me.

“Come on, Clarke,” she said a little too happily, “It’s time to get up. Take a run with me, please?”

“Jesus Christ, Rae,” I growled as I got up and shoved her. “What did you do, drink like ten cups of coffee?”

She cackled as she straightened, “No, only two. But, come on. The morning’s beautiful. We should be outside, running, and enjoying the magnificence that this day is bringing us.”

I sighed, “Rae, I love you, but this is seriously the worst way to wake up.”

“Dude, just imagine when you have kids,” she said, giving me a look. “They’re gonna be like this. Hyper as fuck in the morning and just as hyper when it’s time to go to bed.”

“Who said anything about kids,” I said, staring at her like she’d just grown a second head. “That is way, way down the road or even not at all. What the hell’s gotten into you?”

She sighed dramatically and flopped on the bed, “It’s this place, Clarke. It’s beautiful. It’s this house. It’s my room. And oh, my, god, it’s my bed. I have never, ever slept so well before in my entire life. I mean how can you not be happy and enjoy it.”

“Rae, I am happy and I do enjoy this place,” I said looking at her softly. “This is supposed to be a new beginning for me. For us. It’s just that my past won’t let me go.”

She sat up abruptly and turned to look at me, “Clarke, I know that. I am your best friend and that is why I’m doing this. You need to get out more. Nate’s been telling me that you hardly ever leave the house. That you’ve run maybe a couple of times. You gotta let that wolf out more than you have been. You’re denying a part of yourself by staying in here.”

“Rae…” I started to say, but she cut me off.

“No,” she said, emphatically shaking her head, “you are not going to start that. I’m not letting you. Yeah, you got a fucked up shoulder, but you shouldn’t let it hold you back. It’s not healthy.”

I gave her a hard look as I thought about what she said and I couldn’t find a valid enough argument to dissuade her from pursuing this course of action. She was going to get me to go on a run, come hell or high water.

“Fine,” I groaned. “Can I at least wash up and get some coffee in me first?”

“Of course,” she said, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “Coffee is the fuel that feeds the soul.”

“It’s also the fuel that feeds my brain,” I grumbled as I got up and stumbled into the bathroom.

Last night had been another bad night, so I was still grumbling as I made my way downstairs. I saw all of them gathered around the bar and I sighed as I realized that this wasn’t going to be just me and Raven.

“So, y’all are coming with, too,” I said as I made my way to the coffee machine.

“We haven’t run together in a long while, Clarke,” Bellamy replied. “This’ll be good for us.”

“And you’ve taken into consideration that they’re watching us,” I told him, arching my brow. 

“Yeah,” he said, “I’m mean there’s only five of us. It’s not like we’re a pack.”

I looked at them as I drank my coffee, studying them. I could tell that they really wanted this. Needed this, in fact. As much as I didn’t want to, I couldn’t deny them this.

“North or south,” I asked.

“South,” Bellamy and Nate replied at the same time, making me smile.

“Very well,” I said and sat my cup in the sink. “South it is. We’ll walk a ways to make sure there’s no chance of the workers spotting us going or coming back.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Raven said, gleefully and clapped her hands. “Let’s do this.”

I shook my head, chuckling, as we made our way past the garage and into the forest. When I couldn’t feel the house behind me, we stopped and quickly stripped and shifted. We took off at an easy run with me in the lead. They were letting me set the pace. Sometimes, Nate or Bellamy would dash off ahead and we’d follow them as they showed us interesting places. They had even found a small cave and I paused by it to smell around the place. I could only smell small animals and left to continue on.

When I could no longer lope or run, we walked a bit further. When I couldn’t even do that, we stopped at a small clearing. I immediately shifted and began working out my shoulder, rubbing it. Everyone else shifted and found places to lounge. I walked over to the opposite side of the clearing and stared out at the rest of the forest. I felt Raven come up behind me and she moved my hand away and started massaging my shoulder. I let out a hiss of pain when she found a particularly nasty spot, but let her continue.

“We made a pretty good distance,” she said, quietly. “We’re roughly fifteen miles from the house.”

“We should be three times as far,” I growled. “I’m just slowing you down.”

“Hey,” she said, as she wrapped her arms around my middle, “This is fine, Clarke. We’re not going to hold it against you. I promise we’re not.”

I took a deep shuddering breath, feeling her against me and I had to step away from her to fight the feelings that she always brought out.

“I know you guys won’t,” I replied, not looking at her. “I’m crippled and that makes me angry.”

“You’re not a cripple, Clarke,” she said sternly and turned me to face her.

I looked at her angrily then and said, “I am a cripple, Raven. Because of this fucking shoulder I can’t do most of the shit I used to be able to! I can’t run except in sprints. I can’t lift nearly the same weight as I could. I can’t raise my arm to get something off of a high shelf. There’s fucking nerve damage! I am nothing, but a cripple! I can’t sleep without a fucking nightmare that wakes me up screaming at the top of my lungs. I can’t fucking sketch because my fucking mind is trying to make me remember what the fuck happened. God, I can’t even have sex without freaking the fuck out! Nothing is the same. It’ll never be the same!”

She reached for me, but I shoved past her and shifted, running away from them even though my shoulder begged me not to. I ran even when I couldn’t use it anymore. I just ran until my body refused to go any further. I collapsed on the ground and let out the most pitiful howl that I could make and then I shifted and I was sobbing and curled around myself, cradling my arm.

I sobbed until I couldn’t any more, because the wells of my tears had dried up and there was nothing left. I sat up slowly, using my good arm to push me up. When I was sitting, I wiped away the last remnants of my tears and snot away and looked around. I didn’t know where I was, but I knew that I was more westward than I wanted to be. I walked back towards where I had left my clothes in a dark mood.

It took me hours to walk back and when I arrived, my clothes were the only ones still there. I got dressed slowly and my arm was completely useless now. My shoulder was nothing but a ball of excruciating pain and I held onto that pain. That pain fueled my dark thoughts and then I was walking again. I walked past the house, heading north this time. I walked for a long time until I came to the ledge that overlooked the beautiful valley. Standing there, looking over it, I wanted to paint it so bad that a different pain built in my chest. The pain of thinking that I would never be able to do that again. That if I could, it meant that I might find happiness and joy and maybe love. I was starting to think that it was a foolish dream, getting better and moving past my lost memories.

I stepped closer to the edge and watched the valley slowly slip into shadows as the sun slid behind the mountains. That was me. I was slowly slipping into the shadows, but I wasn’t so sure that the sun would return for me. I sighed, and ran my fingers through my hair as I tried to turn myself away from the darkness. To find some light, something that I could hold onto, a lifeline. My thoughts flitted briefly over my friends, the fan, and Janice. I wondered briefly if Janice would still like me if she knew that I was broken, maybe beyond repair. I wondered if my fan would still write to me if they knew exactly why I had stopped painting. I wondered if I would eventually run my friends off.

I sat gingerly near the edge, still cradling my arm and continued to watch as the sun set. I knew that I would have to head back soon, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave, so I sat. It wasn’t until the moon had risen and the stars were shining brightly over me that I stirred. As soon as I stood up, a sound drew my attention to the ridge that was above and to the east of me. I looked up and growled when I saw the Polis Sheriff looking down at me. He said nothing at me, but continued to stare. I didn’t move a muscle and with great effort, I lowered my left arm until it lay against my side. I lifted my chin and met him stare for stare, growling at him the entire time.

“You need to leave,” he said after a while. “You need to leave while you still have time.”

“I’m not leaving,” I growled up at him. “This is my home now. My friends and I aren’t going anywhere. I suggest you and your Alpha get used to it.”

He leapt down from the ridge and strode toward me. I held my ground and watched him move closer. Rage was burning in me and I really wanted him to start something. When he came closer, maybe two, three feet away, he stopped.

“You need to leave,” he hissed at me again.

“I will not,” I seethed. “We’re not leaving.”

Quicker than I could catch, he grabbed my left shoulder and gripped it tightly. I screamed and dropped to my knees. He smiled evilly down at me. Breathing through gritted teeth, I grabbed him by his balls and swung him over me and he landed on his back. Before he had a chance to get up, I had my boot pushing down on his neck. He tried to dislodge it, but I applied more weight to it and he started gasping for air. 

I looked down at him and my voice rang with steel, “I should kill you now, old man. Send your Alpha a message, but I’m not going to kill you. No, that would be to easy for you. I’ve known men like you for my entire life. Men who have tried to break me, but they never succeeded. You are like those men and you will not break me.”

His movements were getting weaker and I kept pressing down until I was sure that he was unconscious. I stepped on his shoulder and grabbing his wrist, I pulled it out of it’s socket and using my foot for leverage broke ever bone in his arm. I did the same thing to his other arm and his legs. I stomped on his hips and broke his pelvic bone. I would’ve done more, but a sound caught my ear. I looked quickly around, but seeing no one, I left and headed back home.

The rage left and with it some of the darkness was pulled back.


	22. Lexa

“Who did this,” I asked, anger simmering below the surface.

“We don’t know,” one of his deputies answered me. “We didn’t recognize the scent. Some of the guys followed it while we brought him back here.”

“Where did you find him,” I asked, looking at him.

He shrank back and said, “He was on a ledge past our territory, Ma’am. About twenty miles north of here.”

“Twenty miles? Are you sure?”

He nodded weakly, “Yes, Ma’am.”

I growled and asked, “Why was he even out that way?”

“He told us that he was investigating some missing wildlife.”

“You’re joking, right?”

“No, Ma’am. That’s what he said.”

“Goddammit,” I growled, making everyone shrink away in fear.

“Ma’am,” he asked quietly.

I counted to ten before I turned to him and said, “Radio the ones who followed the scent, now.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he replied and pulled out his radio. “Charlie, this is Pete. Do you copy?”

“I copy, Pete. What’s up?”

I held my hand out for the radio and he meekly handed it over.

“Charlie, did you find the source of the scent,” I asked as calmly as I could.

“Ma’am, we followed it until we came up to the Anderson property line. We didn’t move past it, but it continued on to the house,” he replied.

“So, you’re saying that one of them attacked the Sheriff?”

“Yes, Ma’am, I am. One of ‘em did it. Should we bring them in?”

“No, Charlie. Not at this time,” I replied. “Just get back to town.”

“Yes, Ma’am. Over and out.”

I handed the radio back to Pete and said, “Pete, I want Titus restrained to this bed, do I make myself clear.”

“Yes, Ma’am, but I don’t understand,” he said, looking at me in confusion.

“He has disobeyed a direct order from me, Pete,” I said, looking at him coldly. “If you wish to stay where you are, I suggest you do no disobey me.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he replied and I could smell the fear coming off of him.

I quickly left the room and called up Anya.

“Hey, Lex,” she said, “What’s shakin’?”

“A possible shit storm,” I replied. “Meet me at the office and bring Lincoln with you.”

“What happened,” she asked worriedly.

“Meet me and I’ll tell you both,” I said and hung up.

I angrily made my way across town and I burst into my office with more force than I meant to. I let out an aggravated scream and made my way to the painting. I stared at it, focusing on the strokes, the way the colors blended, and it helped. I felt my anger receding just a bit. Just enough that I could think clearly and avoid making any rash decisions.

There was a knock and then the door opened. I turned around as I watched Anya and Lincoln come in and sit by the desk. 

They looked at each other in worry and Anya asked, “What’s going on?”

I inhaled deeply and let it out slowly as I walked over to them and said, “Titus was attacked tonight. Nearly every bone in his body was broken and his joints pulled apart. The deputies found an unfamiliar scent and followed it to the Anderson place. One of them did it.”

They both growled angrily and Lincoln said, “We should bring them in immediately.”

I held up my hand to stop them and then ran it through my hair, “We can’t.”

“Why the hell not,” he replied through gritted teeth. “They attacked one of our own. They need to be punished.”

I looked at him and then at Anya and said, “I strictly forbade Titus from interfering with them after he confronted Clarke in Eden, which he wasn’t even supposed to do that. He has been claiming that there has been a widespread disappearance of wildlife near that border and believes that they are responsible for it. He also claimed that they were a danger to the pack.”

Lincoln scoffed, his anger momentarily forgotten, “The animals aren’t disappearing. They’re getting ready for winter and they’ve fled because of all the work that’s been done there. There’s nothing nefarious going on that I’ve seen. They stay close to their land and only run on unclaimed land. In fact, all five of them did that this morning. They ran south.”

“Did you say five,” I asked him.

“Yes,” he said. “Another one, a woman, showed up yesterday afternoon.”

“Are you thinking that perhaps Titus is the one who attacked first,” Anya asked.

I sighed and rubbed my face, “I don’t know. It’s possible. We all know how he is. He believes in the old laws and superstitions. I mean, they’ve done nothing, nothing, that leads me to believe that they have some ulterior motive. But then again, another person has shown up. How many more of them are coming? And quite frankly, I want to know why they’re here.”

“Well,” Anya said, looking up at me thoughtfully, “What if we just ask them? Nicely.”

“You mean ask them why they’re here, how many are coming,” I asked.

“Well, yeah that and maybe find out from them what happened with Titus.”

I sat there and thought about it, turning my attention to the painting once more. I looked back at her and said, “Do it. Tonight. Now. We need to know before this gets out of hand.”

“Alright,” she said. “We’ll make sure it gets done. Better to end it now than to end it when someone’s dead.”

I nodded and they left quickly, headed to the Anderson place. I sat heavily at my desk and stared worriedly at the painting.


	23. Clarke

I barely made it through the front door before they all started coming at me.

“Stop,” I growled at them. “Just stop, please.”

They stopped and I leaned against the door, still cradling my arm. I closed my eyes and fought back whimpers as the pain from my shoulder radiated outward.

“Fuck,” I heard Raven exclaim, “Clarke, your shoulder!”

I opened my eyes and looked down at it. I growled when I saw that blood was dripping from it sluggishly. I pushed off the door and walked further into the house making my way to the guest bathroom where I knew we kept the medical supplies.

“Clarke, what happened,” Bellamy demanded.

“Not now,” I replied, through gritted teeth.

“No,” he said and I stopped short to glare at him. “No,” he repeated, “you are going to tell us exactly what happened. We gave you your space when you ran off today. Then you come back well after dark, looking like shit and your shoulder’s the size of a bowling ball and bleeding. What happened?”

I ignored him for the moment, went into the bathroom and grabbed the supplies. When I turned around, Octavia took it from me and pulled me into the dining room. Sitting me down, she cut my shirt off of me and started to clean it. I screamed through gritted teeth as she started. She mumbled sorry, but continued.

I closed my eyes briefly and when I opened them again, I said, “I ran myself into the ground. I did most of the damage to my shoulder myself, I admit it. I ran far enough west that I was probably nearing Eden or even past it, I don’t know. Then I made it back up to where my clothes were, got dressed and then hiked north to a ledge I found. My head wasn’t in a good place and a lot of things were going through my mind, so I stayed there until I felt that I could come back.”

I snapped and growled at Octavia suddenly when she moved my arm so that she could start bandaging it. She ignored me and I leaned my head down and gasped from the pain.

“Did something else happen,” Nate asked.

I nodded and said, “Before I even got up to leave, there was a noise on a ridge that overlooks it. I looked up and saw that Sheriff standing there, staring at me. He told me to leave and I told him no. So, he leapt down and came closer. He told me again and I told him more forcibly, again, no. Then quick as a fucking snake, he grabbed my shoulder and must have dug his claws in it. I went down and then I had him on his back. I choked him until he was unconscious and then broke every bone in his body or most of them anyways. Now, I’m here.”

Octavia had found a sling and helped me put it on and place my arm in it. I smiled at her affectionately and she gave me a small smile and started cleaning everything up.

“Here, you need this,” Raven said and put a bottle of beer in front of me.

I took one look at it and slid it away from me as fast as I could and nearly fell trying to get away from it. Sudden fear ran coursing through my veins as I stood staring at it as the beer drained from it and onto the floor.

“What the hell,” Raven yelled and looked at me. 

I scrambled back, trying to put even more distance between me and the bottle. No one dared to move, except for me. I continue to move backwards until I stumbled and landed on my ass. I was in full panic mode by that time and jumped or flinched whenever I heard something shift or move. I couldn’t stop staring at the bottle and I couldn’t seem to catch my breath.

The only sounds in the room were of my ragged breathing and the drip of beer escaping the bottle until Nate moved and grabbed the bottle from the ground. With it out of my sight, I could feel my breathing come a little bit easier. I saw Bellamy from the corner of my eye take a step towards me, but I scrambled back and he stopped. There was a moment of silence and then everyone was leaving the room, except for Raven. I glanced up at her and then back to the puddle of beer. 

“Clarke,” she called quietly, “I’m gonna come closer now, okay.”

I looked back up to her and nodded slightly. She walked slowly up to me and stopped a foot or so away before she crouched down. I watched her intently, but whatever I felt when Bellamy tried to near me wasn’t present with Raven.

“I, I, I,” I stammered and then cleared my throat to try again, “I think something happened to me with a, um, with a, um, a, um, beer b-b-bottle.”

“Something did,” she said so softly that I wasn’t sure that I had heard her right, but when I looked at her I could see that I had.

“What,” I asked in a whisper and wished suddenly that I hadn’t as fear wrapped around my heart.

“Clarke, sweetheart,” she said, not looking me in the eyes, “When they brought you in…when they brought you in you, um, you, um had some um, trauma down there and um, w-when th-the doctors came out to talk to your mom, t-th-they t-t-told her t-that y-you’d b-been raped. A-a-and that it was done with a cylindrical shape. They never specified what it was. I’m so, so sorry, Clarke. I should’ve, I should’ve told you while you were in the hospital, I wanted to, but your mom wouldn’t let me. She, um, told me that it was best if you didn’t know, because you couldn’t remember what happened.”

She broke down sobbing and I automatically pulled her towards me. She wrapped her arms around me and sobbed and I wanted to cry, too, but I couldn’t. I was in shock, I think. I had been raped. With a cylindrical object. A beer bottle was a cylindrical object. Therefore, based on my panicked reaction to the beer bottle Raven had given me, I had been raped with a beer bottle. With that knowledge, I remembered more of that night. We didn’t have wine like we were supposed to, because Wells didn’t like wine. We had beer.

“I remember,” I whispered. “I remember Wells insisted on drinking beer because he didn’t like wine. I was mad about that. I was mad when I had to reach over him and get the beers. I remember shuddering because I could smell him getting aroused. I remember the beer.”

Raven’s sobbing had stopped as she listened to me speak, “Clarke?”

“I remember the beer, Rae,” I said, leaning my head on hers. “We had beer instead of wine. And if we were supposed to have wine, I guess it’s because we were having Italian because it was my favorite.”

We sat silently as I continued to think through the fear and the pain and then I said, “That’s why I can’t stand the sight of Italian food, why when Bellamy became hard I freaked out, and that’s why I panicked when I saw the beer bottle. We were having Italian with beer and I didn’t like the fact that Wells got aroused when I reached over him. Why would I be raped with a beer bottle, Rae? Oh, never mind, it’s because if they hadn’t there would have been evidence. And everyone knows that you can’t leave evidence when you’re killing people. Did they try to kill me? I bet they did, but I didn’t die.”

I felt Raven push against me as I continued to ramble on and I didn’t stop until she slapped me. I looked at her in surprise and she scooted back in horror.

“I, I’m so sorry, Clarke,” she said, “but you wouldn’t, you wouldn’t stop talking. You weren’t making any sense.”

I continued to look at her as I raised my hand to my cheek. I felt the warmth of the slap and then I let my hand drop. 

“Wells used to do that,” I said quietly. “He would slap me when I said something I wasn’t supposed to or called him names. He punched me, too. Did you know that he broke my arm earlier this year because I told him that what he was doing wouldn’t work? He broke it because I was right. I wasn’t supposed to be right, was I?”

“I remember, Clarke,” she replied. “I remember all the bruises and broken noses and broken bones. I remembered why you stayed with him.”

I sighed, suddenly feeling tired, “He’s gone now. No more bruises or broken bones. No more fights because I was right. No more submitting.”

“That’s right, Clarke. You don’t have to go through any of that anymore. He’s gone and he can’t hurt you anymore.”

I laughed hollowly, “No, no, he can’t hurt me anymore physically, Raven, but he’s still got a hold on me. His death or murder, whatever you want to call it, hangs over me. It’ll hang over me until it kills me.”

“Don’t say that, Clarke,” she pleaded. “This isn’t going to kill you. This is going to make you stronger. You just need help getting through this. Our help. You can’t give up on us. We need you.”

I nodded and slowly got to my feet. She got up, too and stood there awkwardly. I walked over to her and gave her a hug.

I kissed her on her cheek and whispered, “I know. That’s why I came home. It’s why I didn’t jump off the ledge. I need you as much as you need me.”

“Thank you for coming home,” she whispered back to me.

Hearing those heartfelt words, something shifted and I was suddenly feeling like my normal self. I didn’t dwell on that fact and instead, just went with it. It was a far better feeling then panic and anger.

I sighed and said, “I need a beer…or four.”

“I think we could all use some,” she replied, searching my face and I smiled slightly. “We’ve got beer mugs, right?”

“Yeah. Third cabinet from the fridge.”

With that, the crisis was averted and everyone came back to the kitchen. Unfortunately, Bellamy had to stay on the far side, I just could not stop myself from flinching every time he came near me. It was really frustrating because I wanted him to hold me in his arms. As we drank the beer, I began to relax a little bit more. 

“I think I’m going to have to see a doctor tomorrow, guys,” I said as another jolt of pain made me gasp for air.

“I think you’re right,” Raven replied looking at it. “We’ll ice it down tonight and hope that helps some, but yeah, you’re going to need x-rays and stuff.”

“Yippee,”I said sarcastically. “Where’s the nearest hospital anyway?”

Octavia got the tablet and Googled it. Man, I loved Google. Could find almost everything that way and then things that you wished that you could unsee. I shuddered at a distant memory and then focused back on her searches.

“It looks like we gotta head north a ways,” Octavia said. “The closest emergency room is about an hour’s drive north from Eden.”

“Then we’ll head there in the morning,” I said as I drained my mug and Nate immediately refilled it for me. “Thanks.”

I’d gotten halfway through the beer when our alarm went off. I grabbed the tablet from Octavia and switched it to the camera feeds. There in the back of our property were two people. Two people I recognized. They held their hands up to show that they meant no harm, but I wouldn’t put anything past them now.

“Bellamy, Octavia, you go round and come up the north side. Nate, the south. Raven, you’re coming with me on the deck,” I said, looking at them. “Go.”

They ran out of the front door while I grabbed the note the sheriff had left us. Raven and I walked out onto the back deck and waited for them to approach. The outdoor lights blazed on and we could clearly see the back half of the property. I glanced behind the two and saw at least four more people on their side of the fence.

“That’s far enough,” I called out to them when they’d come close enough so that no one had to yell. “I already told your sheriff we aren’t leaving. So, what do you want now?”

The woman stepped forward and said, “Our Alpha sent us here to apologize for Sheriff Green. He disobeyed her orders by following you in town.”

“Was he also disobeying orders when he attacked me tonight,” I asked, my eyes narrowing at the woman and my voice deadly.

“He attacked you,” she asked and looked at the guy and then turned back to face me. “We did not know that, but he had been told not to go near any of you. He disobeyed this.”

“You expect me to believe that,” I said, scoffing at her.

I jumped over the railing, landing slightly heavy but still upright and walked closer to her.

“You have been watching and following us since we’ve arrived,” I said. “I caught the two of you, specifically, following us into that restaurant earlier this week. Not two days ago, I was followed and confronted by your sheriff while I was in town. When I got home that day, I found out that this,” I held up the sheet of paper, “had been taped to our door. Your sheriff left it there. His scent’s still all over it. And then tonight, oh, tonight. I was minding my own fucking business outside both our lands and he fucking shows up again. Telling me to leave. When I refused, he fucking attacked me.”

I hadn’t realized that while I was talking, I had been moving forward slowly, but I noticed when she backed up into her friend. He caught her before she fell and I took a few steps back.

“So, tell me, after all of this, why I should trust you or your Alpha,” I demanded and like I gave some unspoken command, everyone came out of the shadows and spread out from us.

“The reason why we’ve been watching the property is because our Alpha was trying to buy it,” the man said. “We were only going to be able to put a down payment on this place, but you paid it in full. This land used to belong to her family and she wanted it back.”

“Your Alpha is a woman,” Octavia spoke up before any of us could stop her.

He looked over at her curiously and replied, “Yes. Our Alpha is a woman as is yours.”

“I’m sorry that I bought the house from under her,” I said, “but that doesn’t explain why you’ve continued to watch us or why we were followed.”

“It’s not so much the house that she was interested in,” the woman replied. “Something was buried on the property a long time ago and she wants it back.”

“We know what you’re talking about,” I said. “The foreman showed us the crate the day we arrived here.”

“You have it?”

“We do, but you still haven’t answered my question. Why were you following us?”

“We were trying to find out who you were, so that we could approach you. Then we found out that you were like us, werewolves. Our reasons changed.”

I nodded in understanding, “You all want to know why werewolves were suddenly taking residence just on the other side of your territory.”

“Yes.”

“The Sheriff?”

“He was not given permission to approach or follow you. He was reprimanded when she found out the first time and forbidden from going near any of you again.”

“The reprimand didn’t stick,” I said, snorting.

“We have to ask you,” the man said, politely, “Are there any more of you coming?”

I regarded both of them for a moment and then said, “Two more.” I turned to look over my shoulder at Raven and asked, “Did you a get a time line on when they’d be coming?”

She came closer and replied, “Sometime within the next two to three weeks. It’s a little bit more difficult for them to leave.”

“Difficult,” the woman asked, turning my attention back to her.

“That’s none of your concern or your Alpha’s,” I said. “You have your answer.”

“We also have to ask what you’re intentions are.”

“Our intention is to start over.”

“Start over?”

“Again, not really your concern. We have no intention of going anywhere near your town, your people, nor your land. We just want to be left alone in peace.”

She nodded, “I will let her know that. May I ask if your shoulder is a result from the sheriff?”

“Partially,” I answered. “My shoulder is still healing after an accident and he knew it. So, he struck me there first. His injuries are a result of that.”

“Why didn’t you kill him,” the man asked. “You had every right to.”

“Because I don’t kill someone who’s already down. He won’t be so lucky the next time,” I told him, my voice edged in steel.

“Understood.”

“Good. Now leave, please.”

“One more thing,” the woman said. “The crate. Can we have it?”

“No,” I replied. “Call it leverage if you want. We hold onto it until we’re sure that you’re going to leave us alone.”

“Alright,” she replied. “I’ll let her know that, too. Let’s go.”

The man nodded and we watched them as they walked over and then jumped the fence. When the motion sensor lights went off, everyone headed inside, but I stayed and stared at the path they had gone.

“Clarke,” Raven called to me from the deck, “Are you coming in?”

I turned around and yelled up to her, “Yeah, I’m coming.” 

I walked around the house and entered through the garage. I finished the last of my beer and decided to take a long soak in my tub. When I got out, Raven was waiting with a huge ice pack.

She lifted it up and said, “This should help with the swelling.”

“Thanks,” I replied and pulled some clothes out of my dresser.

“Here, let me help you with that,” she said, coming over and helping me put a tank on.

I nodded, “Thanks,” and when I was dressed I turned to her and said, “I’m sorry about this morning. I, I didn’t mean to blow up at you like that. Hell, I didn’t mean to blow up at all.”

She shook her head and replied, “It’s fine.”

“Rae, it’s not fine,” I said as I got comfortable in bed. “I shouldn’t be taking what I’m feeling out on you, any of you. It’s not right.”

“Clarke,” she said as she sat beside me and laid the ice pack on my shoulder. “We know that this is going to be difficult for you. We may not be going through what you are, but we’re experiencing it alongside you. We see you struggling and we wish most of the time that we could take that away from you. We can’t, and I’m sorry that we can’t. Clarke, you are my best friend. I have been by your side since day one and I’m not about to let you go because of this. It doesn’t matter to me that you can’t run or you can’t have Italian or that I have to make sure your beer is either in a can or a mug. None of that matters to me. The only thing that matters is you. I love you, Clarke.”

I gave out a loud sigh and resisted the urge to trace a finger down the side of her face as I said, “I love you, too, Raven. I don’t think I could’ve made it through the last four years without you.”

“That’s because I’m awesome,” she said, giggling. “We’ll always have your back, sweetie, and no matter what you say or do will ever change that. Do you believe me?”

I nodded, “I do. Can you get me a pill and some water? My shoulder’s not going to let me sleep without it.”

“Sure,” she replied and got up to get them.

By the time she came back, I had sat back up and was holding the ice pack awkwardly. She held it in place while I took the pill. Laying back down, she rearranged it until I was comfortable.

“You want me to stay awhile,” she asked me quietly.

“No, I’ll just watch some tv. I’ll be fine,” I told her.

“Alright,” she replied. “I’m right down the hall if you need me.”

I smiled at her and said, “I know. Just no more bouncing on the bed to wake me up, okay?”

She chuckled, “No more bouncing, I promise.”

“Good. G’night, Rae.”

“Night, Clarke,” she said and leaned over and kissed me on my forehead.

She handed me the remote and then left, closing the door slightly behind her. Sighing, I turned the tv on and found something that droned on in an unexciting manner that would help me fall asleep faster. I let my mind wander as I tuned everything out except for the droning and flashes that came from the screen, until I didn’t even have that anymore.


	24. Clarke

Raven and I stopped at the restaurant, which I’d finally learned was called Rosie’s, on our way to the hospital. I was a little disappointed that Janice wasn’t there, but it was early morning and the two times I’d been here were late afternoon, so I shouldn’t have been surprised not to see her working. We ate in relative silence as the dozen or so conversations of the other diners circled around us, none of it worth noting.

When we got back in her Jeep, I asked, “You did remember to grab my records, right?”

She smiled at me and replied, “Yes, Clarke. I did. They’re in the back seat. Your list of medications is in there as well. You’re not nervous are you?”

I sighed and readjusted the seatbelt so that it lay somewhat more comfortably on my left shoulder, replied, “Maybe? Doctors are invasive creatures by nature. They’re going to want to know everything that happened and I don’t know what to tell them.”

She started the Jeep and pulled onto Main Street before she said, “It’s all there in the records. They can’t pry too much since the attack is still considered an open police case. It’s also stated in your records that you have mild grade amnesia. They’re not going to push. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“You’re right,” I said, sighing. “I’m probably worrying over nothing.”

“Clarke,” she said, glancing over at me quickly, “It’s alright to worry. You’ve got a lot of things going on inside that head of yours. Just take a deep breath and try and relax a little. Why don’t you try and take a nap since it’s gonna take an hour to get there. You didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Yeah, I didn’t. The nightmares are getting worse. I’ll see if I can’t get a little more sleep,” I said and leaned the seat a little ways back, closing my eyes as Raven turned the radio on to country rock.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and Raven’s voice calling me. I opened my eyes, yawning huge, and stretched what I could while still seated in the Jeep. I blinked owlishly around me as my brain slowly woke back up.

The hospital wasn’t much to look at, but it was what you’d expect for a rural area. We climbed out of the Jeep, Raven grabbing my records, and we both stretched more fully. I rolled my shoulders and cringed when the pain shot through me. We headed to the emergency room and stood in line for the receptionist. I pulled out my phone and found out that for a rural hospital, they got really good reception. I checked my emails briefly, but there wasn’t anything of importance.

“Dude, look at these people,” Raven said, leaning in to speak to me quietly.

I glanced around and noted that everyone looked pretty much farm grown, dressed in work clothes and with mud on their boots.

“What about them,” I asked. “They look like mostly farmers or some such.”

“They also look like they should be on the walls of every preteen in the country. All of them are fucking hot. Even the old folks.”

I started laughing, but when I saw heads turning, I turned it into giggle snorts, “Really, Rae. This is the result of country living for generations. What’d you expect, people missing teeth or something?”

“Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting this much eye candy.”

“Mmm, I think someone needs to find someone,” I said, teasing her. “When’s the last time you got any, anyway?”

“That’s none of your damn business, Clarke,” she said, glaring at me with a hint of mischief in her eye. “Now, tell me when you’re gonna lay claim on that waitress of yours?”

I felt my cheeks redden and I said, sternly, “Dude, I’ve only seen her twice. We, maybe, flirted once. And it’s a big maybe on that. For all I know, she does that with everyone.”

“Seriously,” she replied. “She wouldn’t let you pay for your coffee and she didn’t charge the guys for your burger last night. And. And, Octavia told me that she was disappointed that you weren’t there last night when they went in. I also saw that look of disappointment on your face when you didn’t see her there this morning. Don’t deny it.”

I grumbled, “Fine, I’m not denying it. I find her attractive and I’d like to see if it was really flirting. But if shit’s going the way it is, it’ll probably be better if I don’t even go after her.”

“Okay, now you’re just being pig headed,” she said, “Clarke, just cause you’re going through something, it wouldn’t hurt to find someone outside of us, your family, to be around. She could actually be good for you. Just give it a shot.”

I shook my head, “I don’t know, Rae. I gotta get a handle on this before I even consider dating someone.”

She chuckled, “Who said anything about dating, Clarke. It doesn’t have to be serious. I mean, you just did get out of a relationship. A bad one at that. You don’t have to go right to that kind of thing straight off the bat. Make a friend, that’s all I’m saying. And if you sleep with said friend, perks.”

I chuckled, “You’re right.”

“Of course, I am. Now, come on, we’re next,” she said and we turned to wait to be called.

We gave the receptionist my information and the reason for the visit. I lied and said that I’d been rock climbing too soon after surgery. She gave me a look and I looked appropriately abashed. We spent about an hour waiting to be seen by the intake nurse and then two hours before we were taken in the back. Raven helped me out of my jacket and I sat on the hospital bed while Raven sat in a stool and spun around for a bit.

“Rae,” I said, grinning, “That’s for the doctor.”

“Doc’s not here,” she replied impishly. “So, this is now mine.”

“Whatever. Just don’t make yourself sick. We couldn’t even let you play ring around the rosie when we were little. You always threw up by the fifth turn. And let’s not forget how you get nauseous just watching the bottle spin when we used to play spin the bottle.”

She stopped the spinning abruptly and her face turned slightly green, making me laugh and she said, “Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.”

“Yeah, so let’s not tempt fate, alright?”

“Fine,” she said and got up and sat in one of the spare chairs. “So, how is your shoulder doing anyway?”

“Hurt’s like a bitch and feels tight,” I replied and rubbed my neck. “I didn’t take anything before we left the house this morning and I’m really starting to regret it.”

“Hopefully, you didn’t do anymore damage to it. No tingly fingers or numbness?”

I clenched my hand into a fist and then relaxed it a couple of times and replied, “Maybe a little, but I don’t remember if I was dealing with that before.”

There was a knock on the door and we both looked up to see a middle aged man come in. He was looking at my chart and didn’t look up as he closed the door.

“Ms. Griffin, it says here that you re-injured your shoulder yesterday rock climbing,” he said when he finally looked up.

“Yes, sir,” I replied. “I had surgery on it a couple of months back and then on a whim, I decided to go rock climbing. I know I overdid it, but I don’t know how bad.”

He came closer and asked, “Did you bandage this yourself?”

“Um, a friend of mine did. We’re pretty outdoorsy, so we all know basic first aid.”

“Did you take anything for the pain?”

“Just the pain meds the surgeon prescribed me, hot soak, and then iced it.”

“I see,” he said. “Let’s get you out of this sling and we’ll take a closer look at it, shall we.”

My arm was stiff and every little movement sent spasms of pain throughout my body. By the time the sling and bandage were removed, I was sweating heavily and was having a really hard time trying not to rip his head off. It was bad enough, that Raven had had to hold me down, so that the doctor could move it slightly.

When I took a glance at it, I knew that it wasn’t good. It was really swollen and there seemed to be fluid leaking out of the scab from where the sheriff had dug his thumb in. I moaned in pain as we waited for him to finish examining it.

“Well, young lady, I don’t have to tell you that this is bad,” he said, looking at me with a serious expression. “There’s a lot of fluid built up. We’re going to have to cut into it to drain it. When it’s drained, we can perform tests to see the extent of damage that may have occurred from you overdoing it. I’m afraid that we’re going to have to admit you into the hospital to make sure that you’re okay.”

I sighed heavily and looked over at Raven, she shrugged and said, “You gotta do it, Clarke. You can’t afford to lose your arm.”

“Alright,” I said, turning to him, “Get the paperwork started.”

He smiled kindly at me and replied, “Don’t worry, we’ll get you back to climbing rocks in no time.”

I chuckled weakly and watched him as he left. When the door closed, Raven got out her phone and called the guys. She let them know what was going on and asked them to get an overnight bag together. When she hung up, she held my hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

“You think I’ll be lucky enough not to have surgery again,” I asked her.

“Maybe,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “Hopefully, it’s just the fluid build up and once that’s taken care of, you’ll be right as rain.”

“We can dream, can’t we,” I said as I leaned my head back and stared at the clock over the door.

“So, what’s this waitress’ name,” she asked me to take my mind off of the impending hospital stay.

“Janice,” I replied. “She’s real nice. Or at least she is at the restaurant.”

“Describe her to me.”

“Um, she’s taller than us,” I said, chuckling. “Hell, everyone is taller than us, but anyway, she’s got long reddish-brown hair that she puts in a ponytail. You can tell that it’s thick and probably full bodied, too. Her eyes are the color of milk chocolate. High cheekbones, fully kissable lips that like to smile. You can tell that she smiles a lot. She looks soft. Like you know there’s muscle there, but it’s all underneath this layer of softness. She filled out her uniform so well, that you can’t help but look. Not like it was a second skin or that it was too small for her, but you know exactly what’s underneath those clothes. She just is.”

“Sounds like you find her more than attractive, but your lack of colorful description is rather disappointing,” she said, teasingly.

“Maybe if I saw more of her, my ability to wax eloquently on the beauty that is woman will expand,” I told her, smiling.

“Ya see, there it is,” she replied. “But then again, words aren’t really your medium, are they?”

I chuckled, “No, words belong to Bellamy. I’m just an artist that can’t paint.”

“Hey, none of that, Clarke,” she admonished me. “You’ll paint again. I know it. Just be patient.”

“Raven,” I said, turning my head to look over at her, “Everything was taken away from me. I’ve lost my mother, my father, my home, my life. It’s all gone. I’m never going to get it back. To think that I will is a fool’s errand.”

“Okay, so maybe you can’t get it back, but you can have a life again. It’ll be different, yeah, but it’ll be yours. Even if you never paint another mountain or forest landscape, so what? There are plenty of other things to paint. I saw the photos of the town on your laptop, you can start painting that. You can still paint us. And sure, you can’t have any contact with your mom, but that doesn’t mean that she’s gone. She’s still alive, she loves you, and Jaha will never be able to take either of you away from each other.”

I smiled as I felt tears fall. I lifted my hand to wipe them away and cleared my throat. She was right. Maybe mountains and forests were gone forever or even temporarily, but that didn’t mean that I had to give up what I loved doing.

“You’re right, I guess,” I said as my thoughts centered around the possible. “I mean, as long as I can still hold a paintbrush and put it to canvass, painting isn’t a lost cause. And maybe you’re right about the forested mountain landscapes. I may not be able to paint them again, but maybe I will. Nothing’s set in stone, right?”

“Right,” she said, smiling. “The future’s not written, not by a long shot. We just turn the page. We do better today than we did yesterday.”

I chuckled, “I like that. Very motivational. We should write that down somewhere.”

“Or…you could paint it. Hang it over the fireplace or your bed. Ooh, even better hang it over your studio door.”

“I might just do that.”

A few moments later the doctor came back in with the paperwork and I soon found myself ensconced in a room all to myself. I got changed into the required gown and waited for them to drain my shoulder. Raven had headed down to the cafeteria to get something to eat.

As I waited, I walked over to the windows of my room and stared out of them, looking out over the parking lot and past it. Most of the trees looked bare, but there were still batches of colorful leaves dotting the view. I sighed, turned around and leaned against the window pane, absorbing the coolness. When the doctor came in, he had a couple of nurses with him and we got started.

They numbed the area and started draining it. I laid there as still as I could, but it was hard. When they were done, the doctor looked at my records and then back at me.

“Ms. Griffin,” he said, “you seem to have incurred quite a bit of injury in your young life. From the typical broken bones that happen in active children, but you seemed to have an uptake in injuries in the last four years ending in the attack that resulted in these latest injuries and amnesia.”

I looked at him and replied, “I hadn’t realized that I’d been to the hospital that frequently, Doctor.”

He pulled a stool closer to the bed and sat down on it, looking at my records and then back at me and said, “Ms. Clarke, I’ve seen frequency of hospital visits like this before. It’s my duty as a doctor to ask you if these injuries are a result of someone that was purposely doing this.”

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, knowing that I should have been expecting this kind of question and when I looked at him, I felt a tightness in my chest. Everyone in Arcadia knew that Wells had hurt me, but they never did anything to stop it, not even my friends. It was the way things were done. If a woman was strong willed and independent, it was the duty of their partner to make them, by any force necessary, submissive. Wells had done his duty, but in the end he hadn’t been able to break me. Being an Alpha, submitting was not in my nature.

“Doctor, if you are asking me if I was abused, I was. The town I grew up in is extremely old fashioned. They hold onto the tradition that women should be seen and not heard. If they are outspoken or otherwise, their partner is duty bound to get them to toe the line, become submissive. I’m not saying that it’s right, it’s just the way it is as it has been ever since the town was founded. My boyfriend was killed in the same attack that left my shoulder and half my head smashed. My shoulder blade has been replaced and the bones there have pins holding them together. I have a plate in my head. Once my boyfriend was out of the picture, I left town and here I am.”

“I see,” he said, “I take it that your law enforcement also colluded with this way of thinking?”

“Yes, but it’s all in the past now or at least as much as it can be.”

He nodded, “Very well. I won’t pry anymore, but I find it odd that your records do not show where you were treated or even where you lived.”

“Doctor, I’m afraid that I don’t have an answer for that.”

“I understand,” he said, sighing. “Now, let me tell you what’s going to happen now. Because of the injury, itself, I’m not sure one draining will be enough. We may have need to do it again and that is why I’ve admitted you. Based on the type of injury, you incurred nerve damage, torn ligaments and tendons. They’ve been surgically repaired, but after only two months of recovery, there’s a good chance that you may have undone the repairs. Once we know that the inflammation is gone, we can schedule a nerve test and MRI. This will let us know if there are any tears. We’ll do a nerve test, sending electrical currents on the nerves and see how far down your arm it goes. The farther you feel it, the better. Do you have any questions about these tests?”

“Will the nerve test be painful,” I asked.

“It depends on the person,” he replied. “Some people only have mild discomfort while others do experience some level of pain.”

I nodded in understanding and replied, “That was really my only question, Doctor.”

“Alright, how’s the shoulder feeling now?”

“There’s a dull ache, but I don’t know if it’s because of the local you gave me or if it’s because some of the swelling’s gone down.”

“If the pain builds up or becomes too much for you to be comfortable with, just use the nurse call button and they’ll give you something for it,” he said, standing up. “I’ll stop by later today to see how you’re doing.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” I replied and watched him as he left.

When Raven finally returned, I was flipping through channels on the tiny tv that was in the room. I gave her a look and she just smirked at me.

“You were gone an awfully long time,” I said.

“The cafeteria food looked nasty, so I went into town and found a place to eat,” she replied and then pulled a bag out from behind her back, “I brought you something to eat back with me.”

“Oh, you are a blessing,” I said, sitting up more. “I’ve been starving for the last hour.”

She pulled the tray over to me and put the bag on it. Opening it, I noticed three burgers, four large fries, and a slice of some kind of pie.

“No drink,” I asked.

She smiled and pulled out cans of soda from her pockets. I took them from her and immediately opened one of them to drink.

“So, what the doctor say,” she asked as I started eating.

“Well, he said that my shoulder may have to be drained again before tests can be done,” I said after I swallowed. “Then a nerve test and MRI. After that, who knows. He thinks I may have torn the ligaments and tendons again.”

“Oof,” she replied. “That means another surgery to repair them again.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” I replied and then focused on my food for a bit.

When I had eaten half of it, I stopped and said, softly, “He asked about all the times that I’d been in the hospital the last four years.”

“What did you tell him,” she asked worriedly.

“More than I should have,” I replied, sighing. “I told him the truth about the way Arcadia is. That’s it’s okay to beat women and that Wells routinely beat me.”

“So, he knows about Arcadia?”

“He knows that there’s a town that prescribes to this archaic tradition, but doesn’t know the name of the town. My hospital records have been redacted. They don’t show the hospital I’ve been treated at or where I’m from.”

“I guess that’s good,” she said, quietly. “It’s kinda too bad, though. If they hadn’t, the town could be investigated.”

I shook my head, “I don’t know if it would be possible to bring charges against the town. Either way, it doesn’t really concern us anymore.”

“You’re right,” she replied, sighing. “I’m just glad we got out of there.”

“I am too.”

We lapsed into a comfortable silence as I finished my food and we watched a movie on the tv. A little while later, my phone dinged and I fished it out of my coat pocket. I had an email from my fan. 

Opening it, I read that she had been forced to make a hard decision last night. I was surprised to find out that she was a mayor of a small town. Then she told me that the town sheriff had been harassing a local in a nearby town just because he was suspicious of them. The man had been the town sheriff for over thirty years and had served loyally, but because of the harassment, she’d been forced to terminate him. She then told me that she had sent her deputy mayor to apologize to the local on her behalf, but she wasn’t sure if it was accepted or not. She hoped that it had been, but she wasn’t really hopeful. The sheriff had caused some very bad blood between the towns and she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to repair the damage. She ended it by hoping that I was having a better day than she was.

I sighed at the news. I knew it was hard to have to make those kind of decisions. I’d been forced to compromise myself just so that I could stay with Mom, so I knew that it was difficult. Reading between the lines, I could tell that his actions had really pissed her off. I could also tell that she really loved her town and took her job seriously. 

So, I wrote her back. I told her that she had probably done the right thing by letting the sheriff go because you can’t really have someone in that capacity of authority poison town relations like that. Small towns relied on one another and it was important to maintain a good relationship. I told her that it seemed like she really loved what she was doing and that serving her town was important to her. That she seemed driven to do the best she could. 

Then I told her that my day was just as bad. That I was in hospital because I’d injured my shoulder again and that it was possible that I may have to have surgery. Told her that it was my own stupid fault for trying to do something difficult only two months after the first surgery. I purposefully made fun of myself, saying that I should have known better, but I was apparently more stubborn than a mule. And with that, I sent it on it’s way.

“What were you just doing,” Raven asked when I set the phone down.

“I got an email awhile back from Rachel,” I explained. “She told me that someone who had bought a painting recently wanted to commission one. Curious, I got her email address and we began to exchange emails. It’s turned into an almost friendship, I guess. She was just telling me that she’s a mayor of a small town and that she’d been forced to get rid of the guy who had been the sheriff for over thirty years because she’d caught him harassing someone a town over for no real reason. It’s caused some discord between the towns.”

She raised her eyebrows at this and said, “You’re on personal terms with a mayor. That’s impressive.”

“In a way it is, but from what I’ve been able to figure out, is that she’s rather young to be a mayor. She takes the responsibility seriously, though, and she seems to really enjoy it. I was just writing to let her know that I supported her decision and that I was back in the hospital.”

“That’s pretty cool,” she replied. “I’m impressed. You’ve managed to snag a waitress and a mayor for possible friendships. That’s pretty good for someone who grew up in a small town.”

“Eh, Janice would be par for the course,” I said, smiling. “What’s different about her is that she seems interested in me. You know how rural small towns sometimes have a hard time changing with the times. I mean, look at Nate. They would’ve run him outta town if his dad wasn’t a deputy.”

“Yeah, this move was really good for him. I hope that he does find someone. He’s too serious sometimes.”

“Agreed. Were the guys planning on heading over here or were they just supposed to get a bag ready for me?”

She looked at her phone and replied, “They said that they’d be coming over. Bellamy said that Octavia had a job interview about one o’clock.”

“Really, where at?”

“Surprisingly, the library.”

I raised my eyebrows in astonishment, “The library?! I did not picture that. Honestly, I figured she might try the grocery store.”

She shrugged, “Ya never know with Octavia.”

“True,” I said, sighing.

While we waited for the guys to show up, we spent the time watching game shows and making comments about this or that.


	25. Lexa

“Hey, you,” Anya said from the doorway. “Want to grab a bite to eat? It’s way past lunch and you haven’t left the office since you got here this morning.”

I looked up at her after having stared at my computer screen blankly for the last twenty minutes. I blinked a couple of times to get my eyes to focus on her and leaned back to stretch.

“I s’pose,” I replied, standing up. “I haven’t been able to focus on my work.”

She stepped further into the office, with a look of concern, and said, “Lex, you did what you had to do. Titus attacked Clarke without provocation. He attacked an Alpha. We’re lucky that she isn’t pursuing this further.”

“How bad did her shoulder look, Anya,” I asked.

“Bad, honestly,” she replied. “I could tell it was swollen and like I said last night, he drew blood. More than likely she’ll have to see a doctor. I know I would.”

We started walking out of the office and I asked, “Do you think I should send something or maybe offer to pay for the doctor visit? You know as a way to show that I really am sorry for not being better able to control one of my pack members?”

She shrugged, “It’s up to you. It may help, but it could also make you look guilty. She seemed to understand the reasons why we were keeping watch on the house and following them around. She would’ve probably done the same thing. We do know that Titus was trying to make her and her friends leave the area, but she might think that you wanted the same thing to get the crate and land.”

I nodded in understanding and we were soon sitting in our favorite diner. I looked at the menu without really seeing it as I thought about what Anya had said. It was a gamble to send Clarke something as a way to apologize. We knew nothing about them other than that they wanted to be left alone and were starting over for some reason. 

“Anya,” I asked suddenly, “Why do you think they’re trying to start over?”

“It’s hard to guess,” she replied after a moment of thinking. “There’s a lot of reasons why such a young group would leave their pack. It could range from getting kicked out to voluntarily leaving. We’d have to gain their trust in order to find out the why.”

 

“I guess you’re right,” I said, sighing. “It’s just so weird that seven of them decide to leave a pack and then stick together, don’t you think?”

“It is kinda weird. If I could hazard a guess, I think the reason they’re here is because they followed Clarke.”

We lapsed into silence and eventually placed our order. While we waited, my phone chimed and taking it out, I saw an email from Griffin. I read through it and for some reason her validation of my decision seemed to lift a weight off of my chest. I hadn’t realized that it had weighed so heavily, but seeing her words made me feel better. My heart constricted a little reading that she was back in the hospital and the prospect that she might have to have surgery again.

I wrote her back immediately, thanking her for the support and that it helped ease some of the doubt I had about making the decision. I told her that I hoped that whatever she did wouldn’t require surgery. I chuckled slightly seeing her make fun of herself. It was a sign that she was coping well with it. I let her know that I was no stranger to pushing too far after an injury, myself and making myself feel like an idiot afterwards. Sending it off, I pocketed it and then twirled my straw in my drink.

“Griffin,” Anya asked.

I nodded, “Yeah. For some reason, it really helps corresponding with her. We seem to be helping each other this way. I told you that she was in an accident that’s keeping her from painting?”

“Yeah, you did,” she replied. “I’ve taken a look at her other works and they’re beautiful. She’s really talented.”

“She is,” I said, smiling to myself. “Well, she just told me that she re-injured herself and that she’s back in the hospital again. She thinks she may have to go through surgery again.”

“Now, that’s someone that you can send something to. See if you can’t find out a way to send your well wishes.”

“I could always send something to the gallery owner and ask her to pass it on, I guess,” I said, warming up to the idea.

“That’s a good idea,” she said, smiling at me. “Hey, after this, do you want to take a run and work off the food? We haven’t run together in a while.”

I looked at her and could see the hope in her eyes and I didn’t want to disappoint her again, so I replied, “Sure, it’ll be good to run with someone. I don’t think I want to be alone right now, anyway.”

She grinned at me and I was glad that I could still make her smile like that. Our food came and we dug in. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until it was suddenly all gone. We drove to the the outskirts of town, leaving our clothes in the car, and headed to the ledge. It was a good run, chasing each other around the trees like we used to when we were younger and didn’t have any real responsibility.

We came up to the ledge and as we neared the edge, we shifted and took a moment to look over the valley. There was a sense of peace that this place always brought me. I remember when my father had brought me here the first time. I was maybe four, clumsy but eager. He had told me a story as we had sat and looked out. 

It was a story about a wolf made out of light that become trapped in a valley of darkness. She had lost her heart in the valley and was searching for it, but the longer she stayed, the dimmer she got. The more the darkness took from her. She had stayed so long that she had become a mere shadow, flitting between the trees in search of her heart.

A rumor had begun circulating about the wolf of light and her heart. It was said, that if a brave enough man could find her heart and return it to her, she would gift him with riches beyond his imagination and she would forever be his. A young warrior heard this tale and was determined to find it. He entered the valley and with it’s many dangers and with his own internal light dimming, he eventually came upon her heart. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. When he touched it, he felt his soul lighten and his determination grew to find this wolf and return it. Not for the supposed riches, but because it was the right thing to do. The heart had changed him.

He searched high and low for her, but she remained elusive. So, he traveled to the very center of the valley. In the very center was a clearing and in this clearing, he laid the heart. Kneeling beside the heart, staring up at the full moon, he prayed. He prayed to the gods of old. He prayed with all of his being that she would come and reclaim what was hers. He did this for three days and three nights. It was on the third night, that his prayers were finally answered. 

The shadow of the wolf strode forward and as she came closer to her heart, she began to take shape. Then the shape began to change, until there was a beautiful, shimmering, young woman standing before him. With his eyes never leaving hers, he took the heart, and slowly standing, held it out to her. The moment her hands touched the heart and his, there was a burst of light. When the warrior could see again, the valley was no longer made of darkness, but rather light. He stared at the woman, who stared back at him. He had unknowingly returned the valley to it’s original state.

It had once been a valley of light, but the spirt of the valley, the woman, had been cursed by an evil mage because she had refused his hand in marriage. He had taken her heart and hidden it in the valley that was now made of darkness. The spirit offered him riches, but he declined. She offered herself to him, but he declined again. She offered him many things, but he declined each time. He told her that he had already been gifted with something far more precious than all the material things that could be found on earth. He had been gifted with her light and that he had never felt so loved or so at peace. With those words, the gods spoke. He became the protector of the light. For as long as darkness threatened the light, there would always be someone to protect the light.

When the story was finished, Father had gathered me in his arms, holding me tightly and said that one day I would be called to become a protector of the light. That it would be my responsibility to chase the darkness away and keep our pack in the light. I didn’t know it at the time, nor did I realize it until much later, but he was telling me that one day that I would be Alpha.

“You seemed a little lost there,” Anya said, as she came up behind me and wrapped me in her arms.

I leaned back into her and closing my eyes at the feeling of her body pressed up against mine, replied, “I was remembering a story my father had told me the first time he brought me here. It was a story about how light must always be protected against darkness and that one day, I would become Alpha.”

“So, you are the protector of light,” she murmured against my neck, planting a kiss that made me shiver.

“According to him, I am,” I said as she continued to pepper my neck with kisses and I realized that this wasn’t what I wanted. I sighed and said, “Anya, please stop.”

She stopped and I could feel her stiffen, “I thought that this is what you wanted?”

“I thought I did, too,” I replied, “I’m sorry.”

She pulled away and I turned to face her, the look of confusion on her face broke my heart. I look down, seeing that look turn to hurt.

“I don’t understand, Lex,” she said quietly. “Why’d you agree to a run and take me here?”

I looked up at her and in the gentlest voice possible, I replied, “Because you wanted this and I thought…I thought that I wanted it, too. I’m sorry.”

She shook her head and said, “Sorry isn’t enough, Lexa. Not this time.”

She shifted and took off. I reached out half-heartedly for her, to stop her, but I realized that I didn’t want to. I hugged myself in regret for hurting her like this. I always knew that she’d had feelings for me and maybe for a little while, I shared those same feelings. Now, though, I knew that I didn’t love her in the way she wanted and that saddened me greatly. I wasn’t sure if our friendship would survive this and that probably hurt me the most.

I shifted and headed back to where we’d parked. I was surprised to see her waiting for me to return. I shifted back and walked hesitantly towards the car. 

“Why’d you wait for me,” I asked.

She shook her head and sighed, “It wouldn’t be fair to make you walk all the way back to Town Hall. I still have a responsibility to you, Lexa. Just don’t expect me to do more than my job. You hurt me, Lexa.”

“I know,” I said, quietly as I dressed. “It was wrong of me to lead you to believe that there could be something between us. I regret that and I have no excuses. I hope that one day you’ll be able to forgive me.”

She stayed silent and then we were in the car, driving back. The silence was almost unbearable, but I knew that I couldn’t break it. I’d say the wrong and any chance at forgiveness would be ruined, so I stayed silent. She stopped the car in front of the steps and I stepped out. Without a word, she drove off and I watched as her car disappeared around the corner.

I walked up the stairs and into my office, my thoughts worried. I knew that my worries circled around Clarke and Griffin, but now Anya had joined them. I tried my best at getting through the rest of the day, but in the end, I knew I accomplished very little.

As I turned off the lights to the office, my thoughts circled back to the story my father had told me. I didn’t feel like a protector of the light at the moment, because it seemed that I was spreading the darkness instead. The only light that I could see was Griffin, but she seemed lost in the darkness as well.

Instead of going to the bar to drown this feeling, I headed to the one convince store in our town. I bought a case of beer and a bottle of cheap whiskey. The clerk gave me a look, but didn’t say anything. That night, when I got home, I made it my mission to forget that this day had ever happened.


	26. Clarke

Nate was sitting with me the next day as we waited for the doctor to return with my test results. As we were discussing possible job opportunities for Nate, my attention was suddenly drawn to the door.

Nate noticed and asked, “What’s up, Clarke?”

I cocked my head to the side and replied, “I think there’s a werewolf heading this way.”

“How can you tell,” he asked, confused.

“I don’t know,” I said, looking at him. “Since we’ve gotten here, I’ve been able to tell when a werewolf nears me. Remember when I pointed out the two of them at Rosie’s the first time we ate there?”

“Yeah, I remember. You sensed them?”

“Yeah, before they even came through the door. Then again before that Sheriff confronted me for the first time.”

“And you’re feeling it now?”

“Uh-huh,” I replied.

At that moment, there was a knock and the door opened to reveal two doctors coming in. The first one to enter was the one that had been treating me since yesterday. The other one, was younger, and he paused as he stepped through the doorway. We looked at one another warily, but he seemed to shake himself and came closer.

“Ms. Griffin,” my doctor said, “I’d like you to meet Dr. Jackson. He’s a physiologist here at the hospital.”

Dr. Jackson stepped closer and we shook hands and I said, “Dr. Jackson, nice to meet you.”

He looked at me more closely, but replied amicably enough, “Same.”

“So, what’s the diagnosis,” I asked them.

“You basically undid the repairs that your surgeon had done when you first injured your shoulder,” Dr. Jackson replied. 

“Does that mean surgery again,” Nate asked.

“I’d like to try something different this time,” he replied, looking at Nate. “Instead of surgery right off the bat, I’d like to see how they heal on their own.”

“What exactly does that mean for me,” I asked.

“For you,” Dr. Jackson said, turning his eyes back to me, “means resting your arm and therefore your shoulder. Limit the amount that you use your arm. Taking anti-inflammatory medication. Now, you’ve told Dr. Grayson, here, that you’re fairly active, is that correct?”

“It is,” I replied.

“Then we’ll do a couple of things to help immobilize your shoulder. You’ll need to bandage the shoulder and keep it in a sling for a period of time.”

“How much time,” I asked, arching my brow at him.

“Two to three weeks.”

“I can do that,” I said, nodding.

“Are you sure,” he asked, warily.

“Yeah, I’m sure. So what happens after that times up?”

“I want to schedule an appointment to come see me and we’ll see how the healing is going. If it’s looking good, we’ll start you on a physical therapy regime.”

“Alright, sounds reasonable enough. How long will it take for my shoulder to completely heal?”

“It can take upwards of six months, I’m afraid,” he answered, looking at me pointedly.

I made a face, but nodded, “I understand.”

He nodded, “Good. How’s your shoulder feeling?”

“There’s a painful ache,” I replied. “Nothing I can’t handle, though.”

“I see,” he said and then turned to Dr. Grayson, “Dr. Grayson, I need to speak with these two privately, could you start the discharge paperwork and order a prescription of anti-inflammatory medication.”

“Oh course,” he replied and left.

When we were all sure that the doctor had gone, Dr. Jackson said, “You’re not from Polis.”

I smiled slightly at his directness and replied, “We’re not. We moved recently to a property just on the other side of the territory. Is that where you’re from?”

“I am,” he said. “I’ve got a clinic there. It’s geared more to our kind.”

I nodded, “I see. So, what do you want to know?”

He looked between me and Nate, trying to decide something, but eventually asked, “Can you tell me exactly how you hurt your shoulder.”

“I was attacked initially,” I replied carefully. “The reason why I’m here is because I basically ran myself into the ground. We went for a run until my shoulder couldn’t handle it anymore. We took a short break. Before the pain could completely subside, I shifted and took off until I couldn’t use that shoulder anymore.”

“And those holes in your shoulder?”

I growled, still angered by the attack and replied, “Your sheriff attacked me without provocation.”

He’d scooted back a little bit at my growl, but Nate laid a hand on my leg and I calmed down again.

“I’m sorry about that, but your sheriff was harassing and threatening me,” I said, staring at him intently.

He swallowed and came closer, “I can understand your anger at him. I’ve never liked him.”

I nodded curtly and asked, “When I see you in three weeks, where will it be?”

He cleared his throat and replied, “I’d like to see you at my clinic in Polis.”

“That’s a two hour drive for us,” Nate said. “Wouldn’t it be easier to have the appointment here.”

“Actually, it takes about half an hour to drive between Eden and Polis,” he said. “Before you leave, I’ll make sure that you have a map of the route you should take.”

“Will it be okay for me to even enter town limits,” I asked, a little worriedly.

“It should, but if it makes you feel better, I’ll double check with Lexa and then let you know.”

“Lexa?”

“Our Alpha.”

“So, your Alpha really is a woman,” Nate asked in wonder.

He looked at Nate perplexed, “Yes. Why does that seem odd to you?”

Nate and I shared a look and I nodded slightly, “The pack we came from doesn’t allow females to become Alphas.”

“And that’s all you’re going to get out of us,” I said, staring at him. “Let’s just set up this appointment so that I can get out of here.”

He nodded, but I could see that the wheels were turning in his head. We set it up, he gave me his card, I gave him my contact information, and he was out the door.

“Should we have done that,” Nate asked, looking at the door.

“There are packs out there that don’t allow females to become Alphas besides ours, Nate,” I said, sighing. “It’s not like we told him that it was a death sentence to be a female Alpha in Jaha’s pack. He’ll eventually forget.”

“But will he tell his Alpha? That’s what has me worried.”

“Does it really matter? So she’s learned a little bit more about me.”

“Clarke,” he said, looking at me, “this could end up biting us in the ass. Make her more determined to find out what really happened. Why we’re really here.”

“Nate, the reason we’re here is to start over,” I said, leaning closer to him. “That’s all that she really needs to know. She doesn’t need to know that I was exiled under threat of death. She doesn’t need to know that the same attack that caused my injuries resulted in the death of the next Alpha. All she needs to know is that we’re harmless.”

He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands and said, “Fine. Why don’t you get dressed. That way, as soon as the paperwork is here, we can go home.”

I nodded and got out of bed. I grabbed the overnight bag and took it into the small bathroom. When I had changed, I came back out and Dr. Grayson was standing, waiting patiently for me. I signed the appropriate forms and then we were on our way home.


	27. Clarke

Two Weeks Later

I stared at the name plate hanging outside the office of the psychiatrist I was about to see for a long moment. Fearing what was behind that door. I had walked back to the elevator nearly a dozen times and a dozen times I returned to stare at it. My thoughts were a jumble of doubts and what ifs, making my palms sweaty. I rubbed my right hand on the leg of my jeans in an attempt to rid it of the slickness. My heart was pounding and my breathing quick and all because I was afraid of what was behind that door. 

It wasn’t the receptionist or the psychiatrist that I feared. It was what was locked in my mind that I was afraid of the most. Answers. Answers that I wasn’t really sure that I wanted to know. The reason why I kept coming back to this door again and again was because the night before last, I had nearly done something that would have torn me apart. In a dream induced panic, I had nearly killed Bellamy. 

I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths to try and quell the fear that had my insides in knots. When I opened my eyes again, I reached out and opened the door. I walked inside, feeling jittery and unsure, and made my way through the empty waiting room to the receptionist desk.

When I neared, the woman behind the desk looked up at me with a faltering smile. I didn’t know why that smile faltered, but it only increased my fear and anxiety.

“How may I help you, Miss,” the woman asked, her voice pitched to appear calm.

“I, um, have a three o’clock appointment with Dr. Ashe,” I said, quietly. “My name’s Clarke Griffin.”

She eyes flickered to the computer screen in front of her and she clicked on a few things before she looked back at me.

“Yes, Ms. Griffin, I have you right here,” she said and then held out a tablet. “If you could please fill out these forms while you wait, I’ll let her know you’re here.”

I took the tablet and nodded. I turned around and searched the waiting area, looking for someplace to sit. I found a seat that gave me a view of the entire room and at the same time, kept anyone from sneaking up on me. I don’t know why I did that, but it made me feel safer. 

I looked down at the tablet and pulled out the stylus. I debated how I was going to fill it out, but decided on taking the sling off so that I could write more comfortably. The more I filled out the forms, the more uncomfortable I became. The more boxes I checked off, the fear of hospitalization grew. I was experiencing a lot of things and I had to keep myself from going back and unchecking those boxes, but I didn’t because I kept seeing Bellamy’s face growing slack from lack of oxygen.

I felt like I had aged twenty years when I was finally done. I carefully inserted the stylus back into place, put the sling back on and walked back over to the receptionist’s desk. Silently, I handed it over to her and went abruptly back to my seat. I pulled out my phone, opening up my email and my finger hovered over the icon to write an email to my fan. I had wanted to write to her so many times in the last two weeks, but I stopped myself each time. I was worried that if I told her what I was going through, what I’d been doing, she’d block me and then I would have no one outside my small circle of friends to talk to.

I was even keeping my distance from Janice. I had gone to Rosie’s a couple of times after I’d gotten back from the hospital and I knew that she liked me and I liked her. But then, I started to get worse and I forced myself to keep my distance. I didn’t want there to be a chance that I would hurt her, even though it seemed that only straight men were giving me problems. I couldn’t take that chance, so I avoided going there and seeing her. In all actuality, I’d hadn’t left the house for the last week. I’d holed up in my bedroom the entire time, isolating myself from everyone. It was even hard for me to leave the house to come here and I didn’t know how many times I pulled over to the side of the road fighting off a panic attack.

I sighed, putting my phone back into my pocket, leaned back and closed my eyes. I was nearly asleep when a woman stepped out of a door that must lead to other offices. She approached me and I eyed her warily, sitting up. 

She stopped a few feet in front of me and said, “Ms. Griffin, I’m Dr. Niylah Ashe. If you’re ready, we can head back to my office.”

I stared at her for a moment and then I nodded, standing up slowly. She gave me a comforting smile and with an arm gesture, ushered me before her. When the door shut behind her, I flinched a little at the sound, but kept going.

“It’s the last door on the left,” she said.

I looked and saw the office she was talking about. I entered and stood off to the side to let her in. She closed the door softly and walked over to her desk. She grabbed a tablet of her own and sat in a chair. I hesitated a moment and then sat on the couch. I looked down at my hands, not really wanting to meet her eyes.

“Ms. Griffin,” she said, soothingly, “is it alright if I call you Clarke?”

I swallowed, still keeping my head down and nodded, and replied, “Sure. That’s fine.”

“Thank you, Clarke. Now, I’ve skimmed over your intake form and it appears that you seem to be going through a lot right now. Could you maybe tell me what prompted you to place an appointment with me?”

I looked up at her and then quickly back down to my hands, sighing, and said, “Um, nearly three months ago, something happened. I don’t remember what, though. Since I’ve moved outside of Eden, I’ve started to have nightmares. The kind of nightmares where I wake up screaming. It takes me hours to calm down and then one of my friends usually stays with me the rest of the night. It’s the only way I get any sleep. It’s only gotten worse since then.”

“Could you tell me what happened,” she asked, still speaking in a soothing manner.

“That’s just it,” I said, looking at her with tears in my eyes, “I don’t remember. The only thing that I remember is that my boyfriend took me to the mill pond for our four year anniversary. I remember that I was dreading it and that I was trying not to lose my temper with him. The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital three weeks later, my shoulder and head heavily bandaged, and a cage over my head to keep me from moving it.”

“Why didn’t you want to go?”

I sighed and then said, “I knew he was going to propose that night and our relationship should have never happened or gone on for four years, but it did. I didn’t love him. We fought constantly.”

“Why did you stay with him for so long if all of that was going on,” she asked sincerely.

I took a deep breath and looking her in the eyes, I said, “I felt like I didn’t have a choice. The town that I grew up in likes to maintain a certain image. If I had to describe it, I would say to think of any town prior to 1920 America or even before the women’s movement in the 1970s.”

“You’re speaking about spousal abuse, aren’t you,” she asked, leaning back in her chair.

“Yes and the mind view that women are supposed to be submissive,” I said rather dully. “The only reason why I’m here talking to you is because whatever happened to me, killed him.”

“Do you feel safer now?”

“Yes and no,” I admitted. “I know that he can never hurt me again, which is a relief. At the same time, his death still hangs over me because, I’m alive and he’s not. I got a lot of shit from the townspeople since he was the mayor’s son. There were whispers that I had killed him or that I got someone to kill him. So, I left and had to leave my mother and friends behind. Well, except for my closest friends. They’ve all moved with me and we live together.”

“I see,” she said and laid a hand gently on my knee. “What is it that you hope to gain out of our sessions?”

I looked her right in the eye and replied, “Answers. I feel like I need to know what happened so that I can move past it, because right now, it feels like it’s destroying a life I haven’t even started yet. Dr. Ashe, I paint landscapes for a living. I’m talented enough that my paintings are sometimes in the six-figure range. Now, every time I try to sketch a landscape, the mill pond shows up. I haven’t picked up a pen, pencil, brush in weeks because I’m afraid of what will show up. I like one of my friends and want to be with him, but I can’t because every time he comes near me, I have to fight the urge to flinch or move away. I get nauseated when I look at Italian food. I can’t drink beer from a bottle. My mood has been all over the place. One minute, I’ll be fine and, like flipping a switch, the next I’m angry or depressed or aggressive. I want to get better. I need to get better.”

“You do realize that it could take years to overcome the trauma you experienced.”

I nodded, “I understand, but I want to start really making that effort. I know I need outside help. Not doing anything, is making it worse. I’m afraid that if I let it be, I may end up doing something so terrible that it will completely destroy me. That I’ll reach a point that I can’t turn away from.”

“What is it that you need from me right now?”

“I don’t know,” I replied, my leg bouncing up and down in anxiety. “Maybe something to help keep my moods more balanced.”

“That flipping the switch you described is similar to what is known as Bipolar Disorder, which is treatable with medication. Along with continuing our sessions and possibly a support group. A place where people who have had similar experiences can share their feelings among people that won’t judge. If I were to diagnose you right now, I’d say that you are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD. What’s happening right now is your mind’s way of dealing with it as a result at trying to remember what happened.”

“That makes sense,” I replied. “It’s what I figured.”

She nodded, “So, what I’m going to do for you today is prescribe a mood stabilizer. It should help your mood swings, or hypomanic or manic episodes.”

“Hypomanic? Manic?”

“Both of those terms describe an increase of either a feeling of euphoria or irritability, thoughts zooming around in your head, speaking more rapidly, sometimes feeling a lack of need to sleep, and an inability to stay still or focused. Manic episodes usually make it nearly impossible for a person to function normally, while hypomania doesn’t.”

“Okay, and you said that a mood stabilizer can help gain some control over these episodes?”

“Yes. Now, I must tell you that once you start the medication, you may feel some side effects. It’s different for each person. You may feel nausea or have tremors. Normally, the side effects will go away after a few weeks. If they persist, we’ll try something else and keep doing so, until you feel that it’s working. It usually takes about two weeks before it starts to work. After about three weeks, the symptoms should subside and after six weeks, the depressive symptoms will lessen.”

“I’m willing to give it a try, Dr. Ashe,” I said after giving it some thought. “It’s better than doing nothing.”

“I would also like you to continue drawing.”

I blanched and said, “Why would I want to do that? I’m terrified of doing that.”

“You’re terrified because you feel that you may not be ready to face what happened. Many times, I recommend my patients to start writing in a journal. Write about what they’re thinking, feeling, dreams that they may have experienced. It helps release that stress and anxiety that comes with trying to keep it contained. Putting it on paper allows them to reflect back and more often than not, you can start seeing patterns. Triggers. Knowing those things, you can start to recognize, or catch, the beginning of the cause and then start working on changing the behavior that usually occurs. Since you seem more comfortable with drawing and painting, use that to put what your experiencing down.”

“I guess,” I replied trepidatiously.

“I’ll take that,” she said, smiling. “Now, let me just get that prescription written out for you. I’d like to meet with you once a week.”

“Once a week,” I repeated, swallowing down the fear of having to talk about it that frequently.

“Yes. Talking to a responsive ear helps. Just like drawing or writing can. You get it out in the open and you can look deeper into what prompted a feeling or a reaction. This helps in everyday life, as well. Helps relieve stress so that you don’t become overwhelmed.”

I sighed, “Alright.”

“Good. If you could go back out to the waiting room, I’ll have that prescription written for you and you can set up the next appointment with the receptionist.”

I nodded and we both stood. I thanked her and left her office. I set up my next appointment and waited for my prescription. When I had both, I left and headed back home. Dreading my arrival because I knew that everyone would want to know what she said and did. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to face that so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, the description of a Bipolar Disorder is accurate. I just summarized it. There are two classifications, Bipolar Disorder I and Bipolar Disorder II.
> 
> Even though Bipolar Disorder is mostly genetic it can develop after traumatic experiences. Suffering from PTSD can sometimes lead to this.
> 
> What happened to Clarke and what she’s going through is my way of coping with what happened to me. I wasn’t physically abused by my ex, but emotionally, mentally, I was. Because I traveled for a job, I didn’t know that he was physically abusive towards our son. 
> 
> We’ve been going through the fallout of having my ex gone. We’ve both hospitalized, have had psychiatric sessions, and we’re both on medication. We’re doing a lot better now.
> 
> I’m not telling you this to garner sympathy for myself or my son, but rather remind you that there are people that deal with these kind of problems everyday. I also wanted to educate you a little bit more about what people who have a mental disorder can go through and why it’s important to be there for them and support them.
> 
> We all go through things everyday, both good and bad, but some of us have a lot harder time coping with them. And all of us need someone to talk to and listen to us without judgement or ridicule.
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read this.


	28. Lexa

There was a knock on the door and when I looked up to see who it was, I was surprised to see Jackson at it.

“Jackson,” I said, surprised. “Is everything alright with your clinic?”

Smiling, he replied, “Everything’s fine, Lexa. I just wanted to stop by and talk with you about something.”

“Alright,” I said, curiously. “What did you want to talk about?”

“A couple of weeks ago I was called to the hospital to meet up with a young lady who had injured the tendons and ligaments in her shoulder. When I got there, I found out that it was a werewolf. She was completely unfamiliar to me and wasn’t a member of our pack.”

“Why are you telling me this,” I asked as my thoughts raced towards a possible conclusion.

“I’ve set up an appointment for her to come here so that I can see how her shoulder is healing and start her on a physical therapy treatment.”

I leaned forward a little, making him lean back, and asked, “You did say shoulder, right?”

He nodded, “I did, why?”

“Blonde woman, Mohawk, blue eyes?”

His eyes widened in surprise, “Yes. How did you know?”

“She owns the Anderson property just on the other side of our territory. Clarke.”

“Yeah, that’s her. She’s leery of coming here. I believe she’s worried that she may not be welcomed, so I told her that I would speak with you to find out.”

I leaned back and said, “She’s more than welcome, Jackson. Honestly, I’ve felt guilty over not having better control over Titus. I was furious to find out that he attacked her,” I shook my head to clear it of my admission , “Anyway, I have no problem with it. You can let her know that it’s perfectly safe and no one will bother her.”

“Thanks, Lexa,” he replied. “This’ll make my job a lot easier.”

“Sure, no problem,” I said, smiling.

“Alright, I’ll get out of your hair now,” he said, chuckling. “I’ll let her know.”

“By chance, when is her appointment?”

He gave me a look that I chose not to interpret and said, “Next Thursday.”

I nodded and he left. I leaned back further in my chair and stared at my computer screen, thinking that this may end up being a good chance to start creating trust between her and I.

 

The day of her appointment arrived and I found myself across the street from the clinic, watching it from within one of the shops. I wasn’t exactly sure why I was doing this, but somehow I’d talk myself into it. I sighed as I leaned against the wall next to the window display, waiting. I’d already spent the morning in another shop watching and I was now berating myself for still watching. 

I was behaving ridiculously. Like some schoolgirl with a crush, hoping to catch a glimpse of said crush, but I didn’t have a crush on Clarke. Sure, I was attracted to her. She was breathtakingly beautiful. And I guess, I needed to admit to myself that I was curious about her. She was a total enigma. A puzzle. I still couldn’t place where I’d seen her before and that troubled me. All I knew about her is that some trauma left her injured, she was an Alpha werewolf, and that she and her friends wanted to be left alone. That was it. 

I sighed and glanced down at my watch. It was nearly three and she hadn’t showed up yet. I mentally kicked myself for not asking what time her appointment was, but I wasn’t sure if Jackson would have given it to me. Inquiries like that led to questions. I didn’t want to answer questions. When I looked back up at the clinic, I saw a blue Bronco pull up and park in front of the clinic. I didn’t recognize the truck, so I leaned forward a little to get a better look at the driver. There was a flash of blonde hair as the person got out of the truck before they disappeared from view. I saw the door open and close and growled slightly in frustration, but at the same time I was sure that it was Clarke. She’d finally arrived and I felt my pulse begin to quicken. 

I spent the time waiting for her emerge going through my emails and responding to the ones that needed my immediate attention. When I was done, I went back to staring out the window, still waiting. A while later, I saw the door open and I stood up straighter, my eyes glued. Suddenly, she appeared from behind the truck, stopping to look around. As she gazed around, her head sharply turned in my direction and I could barely make out that she was narrowing her eyes. She started to walk across the street and in a panic, I headed to the back of the store and started perusing the clothing racks. I heard the bell over the door jingle and I dared to glance up. She looked around and before she could see me looking, I ducked my head. 

I tried to calm my rapidly beating heart and hoped that she hadn’t seen me. I continued to pretend to shop, even going to another rack, when I felt someone come up behind me. I ignored the feeling and continued to look.

I heard an angry sigh, making me stiffen, “I’m not surprised that it was you watching me.”

I stopped what I was doing and I slowly turned around. When I faced her, I forgot to breathe. She was even more beautiful up close. I couldn’t help but let my eyes roam the length of her before I settled on her face. I noticed that her eyes widened in an emotion that I couldn’t decipher before they returned to a glare.

“Um, hi,” I said rather weakly and then winced at how I sounded.

She didn’t say anything and instead just stared at me angrily.

So, I tried again, I held out my hand and said, “I’m Lexa.”

She looked down at my hand and then back up to my face, gruffly she replied, “I know who you are.”

My eyes widened in surprise and I stuttered, “Y-you do?”

She nodded curtly, “Dr. Jackson told me your name. Why were you watching me?”

Suddenly flustered and feeling a blush begin creeping up my neck, I said thing I could think of, “Curiosity?”

“Hmph,” she said. “I hope you got your fill because the next time I feel you watching me, you and I are going to have problems.”

With that, she turned around abruptly and started walking out. It took me a moment to realize that she was walking away and then I went after her.

“Wait,” I called out. “Clarke, just wait a moment, please.”

She stopped abruptly and spun around. I could hear a growl coming from her and I had to swallow my own growl in response. 

“How do you know my name,” she growled, taking a threatening step towards me.  
I stopped about two feet from her and replied, “The first night you arrived on the property, the guy watching the house, Lincoln, followed you into town. He overheard you and your friend talking. You called each other by name.”

“What do you want, Lexa?”

“I, I wanted to apologize to you,” I told her. “Watching the property, following you into town. I shouldn’t have ordered that. There were better ways to handle it.”

“You’re damn right there were. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get home.”

She turned to leave, but I reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her. She looked at me hard and I could feel rage emanating from her. I immediately let go.

“What,” she hissed at me.

“Look, you have every right to hate me. All I’m asking is that you give me a chance to explain.”

“Your lackeys explained it perfectly.”

“That may very well be, but I’d like you to hear it from me,” I said, sighing and thinking rapidly. I felt my stomach begin to rumble and a thought occurred, “Listen, give me one meal. One meal to let me explain and I’ll leave you alone completely. You won’t have to see me, speak to me, hear from me ever again. Just one meal.”

She regarded me for a long moment. Long enough for me to feel oddly uncomfortable and self-conscious. I didn’t dare look down, even though I was tempted to because her eyes gave off such intensity that it was hard to stare at them for long. It also would’ve been an admittance that I considered her a stronger Alpha and I didn’t want to give her any ideas. I watched her as she growled again and ran her hand through her hair.

She took a deep breath and let it out roughly through her nose as she closed her eyes momentarily. When she opened them again, I could see that some of her rage had been quelled. It was still there, underneath her skin, but she was holding it in check.

“One meal,” she finally replied. “One meal and then we’re done.”

“Deal,” I said quickly before she could change her mind. “There’s a place just down the street a bit.”

She stepped aside and said, “Lead the way.”

I walked past her and I was immediately aware of her scent. The forest in autumn, apple cinnamon, and a campfire. I inhaled deeply and then it was gone and we were out the door. I chanced a glance behind me to see if she was following me and saw that her eyes had briefly traveled to look at my ass as a ghost of a smile crossed her lips. I turned around and felt a flutter deep in my stomach. She had just checked me out and she liked what she saw. I felt my own ghost of a smile, but I couldn’t lose focus. I wanted to gain her trust and this was the first step towards gaining it.

We arrived at the diner and I automatically held the door for her. She paused and then proceeded me inside, once again allowing her scent to pass me by. I inhaled a little deeper and then I was inside. I eased past her, our shoulders brushing slightly and felt a jolt race down my arm and glanced at her quickly to see if she had felt it too, but she gave no indication that she had. Her face revealed nothing more than intense annoyance, like this was an inconvenience. I sighed unhappily as I led her to my booth. She sat down begrudgingly and pulled a menu to her. I sat and grabbed a menu as well. I occasionally stole glances at her as she looked at the menu. I already knew what I was getting, but I wanted to give her the idea that I wasn’t waiting for her to decide. Finally, she set the menu down and I followed suit. 

Almost immediately, Kara walked over and asked, friendly as ever, “Hey Lex, would you like your usual today or did you want something new?”

“I’ll just have my usual, thanks,” I replied and looked across the table, “Clarke?”

“I’ll just have a burger, everything except pickles on it, fries, and water. Thank you,” she said, looking up at Kara and smiling.

The smile briefly transformed her face and I was struck by how much I wanted her to smile at me like that. I saw Kara blush slightly and nodded.

“I’ll get that order right in and I’ll be back with y’all’s drinks.”

As soon as Kara’s back was turned, Clarke’s smile immediately faded as she turned to face me. She looked like she wanted to say something, but instead she shook her head and pulled out her phone. I watched as she typed quickly and then pocketed it.

She then leaned back and crossed her arms, said, “Well?”

I was taken aback by her abruptness and had to clear my throat a few times before I could speak, “I’ll start at the beginning, I guess. Um, my family was part of the founders of Eden. The first families were a mixture of werewolves and humans. I won’t bore you with the town history, but during my great, great grandfather’s time, something happened to cause a rift between them. The pack was forced to leave, losing all of their land and most of their belongings. We settled on the other side of the mountain and founded Polis. When I became pack Alpha four years ago, I started searching and retrieving my family’s legacies. Diaries, artifacts, and pretty much anything that had been important to my family. There are only a few things left for me to find and acquire. The biggest one and probably the most important one, is the crate your construction crews found on your property. It was carried over from Estonia. I don’t know what it is, I just know that it’s important to my family history.”

I paused to take a drink and I looked at her over the rim of my glass. She had her head tilted to the side, studying me.

I continued, “Anyway, I was pissed that you bought the property right from under me and got more so when the construction crew had found the crate before my people could. On top of the fact, that we didn’t know who had bought the property, since it was a closed sale. That anger I felt, led me to have people watch the property and once you arrived, follow you. When I found out you were werewolves, it became a need to find out who you were and why you were suddenly just on the other side of my territory. I didn’t anticipate that Titus, our sheriff, would see you as a danger to the pack. He cited a loss of wildlife as his reason for distrust. Then when he found out you were an Alpha, I guess he went off the deep end which led to him attacking you. I know it’s hard to believe me after being followed by my people, but I didn’t order Titus to follow you, confront you, or attack you. I vehemently told him to leave you alone. He disobeyed me twice, so I killed him.”

I watched her to gauge her reaction, but all she did was nod.

“You’re not surprised that I killed him,” I asked, perplexed by her attitude.

She shrugged, “I’ve witnessed a lot worse. He didn’t follow orders, it was your responsibility to deal with him. You dealt with him in a manner that dissuades others from disobeying you again.”

I was actually shocked that this didn’t bother her and that she took such a blasé attitude, “Forgive me, but you don’t seem to be the type that would be okay with killing someone as punishment.”

She leaned on the table, locking my gaze with hers, “You don’t know me, Lexa. So, how can you be so sure that I’m not okay with killing pack members to keep order?”

I sighed, “You’re right, I don’t know you, but I can make some guesses about you based on what my people have told me. Since you’ve gotten here, you’ve made every attempt to stay under the radar. You didn’t confront my people in the diner when you caught them following you. You only attacked Titus after he attacked you, but didn’t kill him. You haven’t even made a move against me for the wrong I did you. So, no, I don’t think you’re okay with it.”

She sighed and rubbed her face and ran her hand through her hair, “You’re right. I’m not okay with it. But, I also understand that sometimes that is the only recourse available. So, Lexa, what is it you really want from me?”

I thought about what it was that I wanted and had to stop myself from saying that I wanted her, so instead, I said, “Answers to some questions I still have.”

She narrowed her eyes at me and I could hear a low growl coming from her, but I didn’t waver my gaze. There were things I wanted to know and was startled when she nodded.

I took a deep breath and asked the question that I figured would be the easiest, “When you spoke with Anya and Lincoln that night, your friends seemed surprised to know that I was a woman, but you weren’t. Why?”

“The pack we came from doesn’t allow female Alphas to become pack Alphas. I know that there are female pack Alphas because my father told me about them,” she replied, icily.

I nodded. It made some sense, but most of the packs that I knew about had changed with the times and allowed women to openly challenge for pack Alpha. If her pack didn’t allow that then it made sense that she would have left.

“Is that why you’re here? Because you weren’t allowed to challenge the pack Alpha?”

Her body went rigid and I saw a myriad of emotions cross her face before she finally answered, “Yes.”

I could tell that there was more to it than that, but I was afraid that maybe I would push her too much, too soon to ask for more detail. I looked down at my plate with it’s half eaten fries, trying to decide what else I wanted to ask her. I looked back up at her and she was rolling her shoulder a bit and that gave me my next question.

“Can you tell me what happened to you,” I asked, quietly.

I could tell that she wanted to say no, but something made her change her mind and she answered, “My boyfriend and I were attacked. He was killed and you see what happened to me.”

I was surprised to find out that she had a boyfriend and thought that maybe I had misread her earlier.

“I’m sorry about your boyfriend.”

She gave a short laugh and replied, “Don’t be. He was an asshole. The world’s a better place without him.”

“Then why were you with him,” I asked automatically.

That was apparently the wrong question and I could see her shutting down, but she said, “I had my reasons. I’m done answering your questions. I’m leaving.”

She got up to leave, but I stalled her, “Wait. What’ll it take to get the crate?”

“Leave us alone, like I’ve said time and time again. If you’ll do that, you’ll get it after the new year.”

I nodded, “Thank you. We’ll leave you alone. I’ll leave you alone.”

“See that you do,” she said and left.

I stared after her for a while until Kara came over.

“That is one angry woman, Lex,” she said as she started clearing the table. “I think it’d be best if you stayed away from her.”

I looked up at her sharply and she dropped her eyes.

“Sorry, Lex. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but a woman like that, has been hurt one too many times.”

I sighed and leaned back in the booth, “It’s fine, Kara. Can you just cash me out?”

“Sure,” she said and left with the plates.

She came back and I paid her. As I headed back to my office, I glanced over at the clinic and was surprised that her truck was still there. She was sitting in the driver’s seat, leaning back. I watched as she straightened up and wiped her face off. She had been crying. That tugged at me and I wanted to go over there and ask her what was wrong, but I knew that would be the wrong thing to do, so I continued on my way. I heard the truck start up and drive away.

Suddenly exhausted, I changed direction and headed home instead. Being around her had been intense and I felt drained from it. When I got home, I went straight to my computer and wrote to Griffin. Seeing the words that I’d typed, made me feel lighter. Like I could breathe a little bit better. I sent it and thought about my encounter with Clarke. She was just so angry, but there was also signs of pain besides the physical. Kara had been right in her assessment, Clarke was a woman that had been hurt one too many times. I sighed and feeling restless, I took off my clothes and headed into the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, now they’ve officially met. Lexa’s already seen Clarke naked, which begs the question, when will Clarke see a naked Lexa.
> 
> Keep reading....


	29. Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this update took longer than I planned. Got stuck for a bit.
> 
> Enjoy

When I got home, I went straight to the garage. I pulled a case of beer out of the fridge we’d bought just for this purpose and headed to my studio. I put the beer down, walked over to the door that led to the rest of the house, locked it, hooked my phone to the speakers and started blaring music.

I took off my jacked and stretched a bit. I grabbed a blank canvass and started to just paint. I had no specific goal in mind, I just let myself go and did whatever felt right at the moment. As I painted, I thought back to this afternoon. My appointment with Dr. Jackson had gone well. My shoulder had healed enough that I could start some light physical therapy. We’d set it up so that I’d see him twice a week. It wasn’t a bad deal and as my shoulder got better, the more rigorous the sessions would become. He still wouldn’t let me shift, but honestly, that didn’t bother me so much. I could still hike through the forest, leaving me a chance to still connect with nature.

I sighed and changed out canvasses. Then came Lexa. I honestly didn’t know how I felt about her. When I caught her spying on me, I became enraged at her audacity. Her curiosity. I growled at that word. Curiosity was dangerous and unfortunately, I found myself curious about her. When she had turned around after I spoke to her, I was not expecting someone so young or so compelling. There was a compulsion there that I didn’t understand. Almost a need to know her. To know her intimately. I had shut that down immediately. I didn’t need anymore complications in my life and she was definitely a complication. 

But, I was curious about her and something told me that if I allowed her to explain, I’d gain a better understanding of the reasoning behind her actions. I’d been right. I now knew what started the whole thing and I sympathized for her. She was just as ripped away from her family as I was. Though of course, hers was probably over a hundred years ago considering the longevity of our kind. I could understand that need to reconnect with the past. Even if I wasn’t sure that I wanted to reconnect with mine. 

I could even understand her anger at being so close to her goal only to have it suddenly hindered. I was becoming very familiar with anger and rage because that seemed to always be just beneath the surface, simmering, waiting for an excuse to boil over. I shook my head to clear those emotions even as I painted them. 

Instead, I focused on Lexa’s eyes. They were as green as a forest in Spring. She even smelled like said forest. Spring with it’s new growth combined with fresh air and a slight perfume of rose water. Going back to her eyes, there was a fierceness there. An undercurrent of strength behind those eyes. When I looked in her eyes, there was such intelligence and fearlessness, but I also saw vulnerability coupled with pain and sadness. There was something in her past that she still carried with her. Then there was her body. I was attracted to her even though she wasn’t quite my type. I found myself staring at her ass quite a bit as she walked in front of me. Watching her slight hips sway, the play of her muscles that were prominent in her skin tight jeans as she walked. She was beautiful, but not in a typical fashion. I found her beautiful because of the way she held herself; the pride, the confidence, that inherent strength that all Alphas exhibit. I wanted her and maybe in some parallel universe our pasts didn’t happen and things between us would have been different. As much as I wanted to trust her, I just simply couldn’t. I wasn’t sure that I’d ever trust a pack Alpha, not after Jaha.

Then my brain kind of shut off and I just continued to paint canvass after canvass. I painted throughout the night until nearly dawn when the beer finally caught up to me and I could barely stay upright. I just put everything down, pillowed my head with my jacket and fell asleep right there on my studio floor.

 

I was nudged awake by a boot in my gut. I groaned as I rolled onto my back, my body stiff from sleeping on the floor. I blinked my eyes and winced at the sunlight streaming through the windows. When my eyes could focus, I saw Raven standing over me with a steaming mug of coffee. 

“What time is it,” I asked groggily as I sat up.

She crouched down and handed me the mug, “It’s just after ten.”

“Shouldn’t you be at work,” I asked after I took a sip of coffee.

She shook her head and replied, “I go in at one. Did you know that you were in here all night?”

“I do,” I said, nodding slightly. I jerked my head to the numerous paintings that surrounded me and said, “I felt a need to paint when I got home.”

“You also felt a need to drink nearly an entire case of beer,” she said.

I shrugged, “Apparently.”

She settled herself more comfortably and asked, “So, what happened yesterday? Your text was a little cryptic.”

I sighed and replied, “I caught Lexa spying on me from across the street from the clinic. I confronted her, she convinced me to give her a chance to better explain herself over a meal. I allowed her to ask a few questions, got upset when she asked why I stayed with Wells and left. Came home and started painting.”

“So, what did she tell you?”

“Um,” I said as I tried to recall exactly what she told me, “She said that she got upset when I bought the place and that she got even more so when the workers discovered the crate. It just so happens that the engraved stone we told you about, is a centuries old family heirloom that had been brought over by her family when they left Estonia. Apparently, her family was one of the original families of Eden. At one point it was a mixture of pack and humans until something happened and the pack was forced to leave.”

“And the sheriff?”

“Dead. She killed him.”

“That’s one less worry,” she said. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” I replied, standing up and stretching. “I think the painting actually helped.”

“Well, let’s see what you painted,” she said as she gathered the paintings and laid them out better.

Some of the paintings were no more than colors. Very angry colors. Dark reds and black. There was one painting of a werewolf, nothing to identify it as someone. It was snarling, teeth and claws exposed. There was one with the mill, pond, and Wells car. Raven leaned in closer to look at it and then turned to look at me.

“Clarke, look at Well’s car,” she told me.

I went closer and looked at it. I reached out and gently ran a finger over the passenger front window.

“It looks shattered and there’s blood on the edges,” I said. “Looks like I may have had my head shoved into it.”

“Yeah, I think that’s safe to say.”

We continued to look at the paintings and I could make out there was a change slowly happening. It looked like the anger or rage I had been feeling were fading and based on the colors, more melancholic, depressive. We came to the last painting. It was Lexa and it looked like I had actually taken the time to do it right.

“Who’s this,” Raven asked.

“Lexa,” I said.

“So, that’s Lexa. The Polis pack Alpha.”

“Yeah,” I said as I continued to study the painting.

“She’s young.”

“Uh-huh, but she carries herself pretty well.”

“I can tell. You can see that there’s strength in her. Power. She looks like a leader. A good one, but her eyes look haunted.”

I glanced at her eyes and I could see that, but I saw much more than a haunted look. I saw pain, sadness, guilt, honesty, vulnerability. Everything I had noticed about her yesterday, I had painted that into her eyes. I had used a very striking green for her eyes. It drew you immediately and for me, it made it hard to breathe. They were beautifully captivating.

I tore my gaze from her eyes, sighed and turned to Raven, “I’m going to go eat something.”

“Alright,” she replied and we left the studio.

I rummaged around in the fridge and pulled out some eggs and vegetables. I decided to make a couple of omelettes. I started chopping up the vegetables as Raven regarded me with a hooded look.

I paused, looking at her and said, “What?”

“Nothing,” she said a little too hastily.

I laid the knife down carefully and leaned more fully on the counter, “That look you’re giving me is not ‘nothing,’ Rae. So, what’s the deal?”

She sighed and replied, “It’s just the way you painted Lexa.”

“What about it?”

“You’re attracted to her.”

I nodded, “I am, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going pursue her or anything like that. Rae, we’re attracted to people all the time. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It’s just that there seemed to be familiarity in your strokes. Like you’d painted her before.”

“Let me be honest,” I said, staring at her intently, “When I met her yesterday, it was like I’d met her before. There’s something familiar with her. I don’t remember ever having met her, she just maybe has that kind of face. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter. We don’t ever have to cross paths again, and I much prefer it that way.”

“Do you really,” she asked as I started cutting the vegetables up again.

“Yes. She keeps her word, the stone goes to her after the new year. Once I’m done with the PT, I don’t ever have to set foot in that town again. I don’t want to get any more involved than that.”

“Alright.”

“Thank you,” I said as I started mixing the eggs and vegetables. 

She sat there silently, watching me as I made my omelette. I regarded her a moment and I could tell that she was thinking and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to know what it was. I finished and after making myself another cup of coffee, ate.

“Do you have plans today,” she asked as I was finishing up.

I shook my head, “Not really. I haven’t thought that far ahead. I’ll probably take a hike later. I may not be able to shift, but there are other ways to move about,” I said with a soft smile.

“A hike would be good,” she said, nodding. “Gets you out of the house. Maybe later, we could meet up at Rosie’s and grab dinner?”

I shrugged, “Sure. We can do that.”

“Cool,” she said, standing up. “I’m gonna head into town now, grab some lunch before I have to be at work.”

“‘Kay,” I replied and she leaned over and kissed me on the head.

“Make sure you have your phone on you when you go out,” she said as she grabbed her keys by the front door.

“I will,” I called after her.

I cleaned off the dishes and went upstairs to my room. I took a shower and made sure that I took my medicine. I wasn’t really experiencing any side effects, but it was still too soon to tell if it was helping me or not. Not after only one week. 

I headed out to the north and trying not to think about anything, focused on the surrounding landscape. There was a bit of chill in the air and a sharp scent of rain. I looked up at the sky peeking through the bare branches. It was overcast and the clouds looked swollen. It would probably rain sometime today. The temperature hadn’t dropped low enough for snow, but it would soon enough. 

I dug my hands deeper in my pockets as I moved further away from the house. Occasionally, I would catch sight of a deer or two as they foraged. The wind was blowing away from me and they couldn’t catch my scent, so I was afforded a beautiful view of the creatures. I’d only hear their movements when I was downwind of them. I lost myself in the hike and didn’t notice that I was coming up to the ledge.

I stopped short as I realized that there was someone there. I quietly moved around until I could see who it was. My eyes widened in surprise because it was Lexa. It looked like she had arrived shortly before I did as her chest was still heaving after a good run. I leaned against a tree as I watched her. My eyes roamed her body and I liked what I saw.

She was lithe and even though she was alone, her body still gave off controlled power. Her back was bisected by a tattoo running down her spine and I felt my fingers twitch with want to trace it. The tattoo ended at her waist and I followed it downward to the slight curves of her hips to her round, yet firm ass. The legs of her muscles flexed every once in a while as she moved slightly. My eyes traveled upwards to the muscles of her back and I noticed that there were scars there, some of them crisscrossing. Claw marks which were probably from when she fought for pack Alpha. She had raised her arms, her hands on top of her head as she continued to calm down after the run.

I moved again until I could see her more fully. My breath caught as my eyes wandered over the small swell of her breasts, the flatness of her stomach, to the small triangle of hair. Seeing all of that, I could have sworn that I had once traced fingers along the lines and planes of her body. That I had once memorized every inch of her, but I knew that I’d never seen her before yesterday. It was so strange as my eyes settled on her face. Her eyes were open, but she wasn’t looking towards me, but rather out and over the valley. She was lost in thought and in that moment, I thought she was the most beautiful creature in the world.

I continued to watch her for awhile longer and then there was a tug deep inside of me telling me that it was time to leave. With a sigh, I straightened up and left, sparing one last glance at her, and headed home.


	30. Clarke

I met up with the guys at Rosie’s and I smiled to myself seeing Janice there. But it faded when I remembered how much of a bitch I’d been these last few weeks. I sighed regretfully and focused on the menu in front of me. I figured I’d try something new tonight instead of my usual burger and fries and settled on their country fried steak.

When we were ready, Janice came up and said, “It’s good to see you, Clarke.”

I looked up at her surprised and smiled when I saw her smiling.

“Thanks. It’s good to see you, too, Janice,” I replied. “We’re ready to order if you’re ready to take them.”

She chuckled and I loved how rich and throaty it sounded. She took our orders and I gazed after her, following the sway of her hips.

“Well, it looks like someone is happy to see you, Clarke,” Octavia teased.

I blushed and replied, “It looks like it. So, how’s the library working out for you?”

She rolled her eyes and said, “It’s the easiest job in the world, but it’s sooo boring. The only excitement I get is when old men come up and try flirting with me. It’s so cute.”

I laughed, “Maybe you and Raven should team up and head back over to the hospital. Apparently, there are some very hot old men frequenting the emergency room.”

Raven leaned over and smacked me on the head with a menu, “Shut up, Clarke! You make it sound like we have a thing for old men.”

“Well, if the shoe fits,” Nate said, laughing.

Nate winced when they both kicked him underneath the table. I looked over at Bellamy and he was looking rather sadly at me.

“What is it, Bell,” I asked, concern coating my voice.

“I’ve been thinking about the job offers,” he said quietly. “I think it might be best if I accept the college.”

My heart felt like it was breaking because I knew why he was choosing the college. It was safer than being around me every day.

“I understand,” I replied sadly. “When you find a place, I’ll cover the rent for the entire semester.”

He nodded, “I appreciate that. Once I start getting a paycheck, I’ll reimburse you.”

I shook my head and replied, “You don’t have to do that, Bell.”

He smiled at me sadly and said, “I know, but we can’t keep going through your savings like we have.”

“Alright.”

“Thank you,” he replied and then turned his attention to Nate, “So, have you decided on something yet?”

“Actually, I have,” Nate said. “I’m going to apply at the Sheriff’s Department. You know, follow in my dad’s footsteps.”

“That’s pretty cool of you,” Octavia said. “Also, it’s kind of a big fuck you to Jaha, since he wouldn’t let you join.”

Nate chuckled and replied, “You could say that. I have no loyalty to that man or that town.”

“None of us do,” Raven said. “Just wish that Jasper and Maya would have agreed to move, too.”

“Rae, it’s not so easy with a new family,” I said. “We’re all single, so it’s easier for us to pack up and leave. Not so much for them.”

“True, but still. I miss that pothead.”

I smiled, “Yeah, I do, too. Maya’s got him tamed and wrapped around her finger.”

“Not when his daughter is born,” Bellamy said, chuckling. “That baby girl is going to have him completely.”

I laughed with everyone else, but my mood slightly shifted. I missed my mom suddenly and it seemed to dim the world a little bit. I cleared my throat and blinked rapidly to keep any tears from falling. 

We continued to talk even after our food had been delivered. I didn’t miss how Janice’s hand had lingered as our fingers touched when she handed me my plate. It made me come to a decision and after we finished and paid up, I told them that I’d meet them back at the house. They all gave me a knowing look and I stuck my tongue out at them. Laughing, they climbed into their cars and headed back up to the house. With a deep shuddering breath to steel myself, I ducked back inside.

Janice watched me approach, confusion on her face.

“Did you forget something, Clarke,” she asked as she came around the counter.

I smiled and said, “I did. Do you think you’ve got a couple of minutes to talk?”

She looked around the diner, gauging if she was needed and told the other waitress that she’d be right back. We walked outside and a little bit off to the side, away from the diner windows.

“I want to apologize to you, Janice,” I said, looking at her. “I’ve been a bitch to you for the past few weeks and I’m sorry. I’m trying to work through some things that sprung up after I was injured and I became scared. Scared that I may hurt you, but I know now that the way I’ve acted may have hurt you more.”

“Clarke,” she said and stepped closer to me. “I accept your apology. And yeah, it did kinda hurt when you started acting like a jerk, especially after I thought we came to a mutual understanding that we liked one another. But, I get it and I’m sorry that you’re going through it.”

“Thank you,” I replied. “That means a lot to me.”

We stood there silently and I was wondering what I should say now that the air’d been cleared when she suddenly shivered as a cold breeze passed. I automatically took off my jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

As I pulled it closed over her chest, I stepped closer to her and looked up into her eyes and softly said, “I like you, Janice, and I’d like the chance to know you better, if you’ll let me.”

Her eyes widened in surprise and a small smile emerged. She leaned down and kissed me. I closed my eyes at the taste of her lips and the usual racing of my thoughts slowed down as I enjoyed the moment.

When the kiss was over, she pulled her head back slightly and said, “I’d like that and all I ask is that you don’t freeze me out.”

I smiled at her and replied, “I won’t. Not after this.”

I reached up and brought her head down to kiss her again. She sighed against my mouth as her hands moved to my hips. We kissed until I heard the bell over the door and the other waitress calling her back. She leaned her forehead against mine and we chuckled. She stepped back and handed me my jacket.

“Don’t be a stranger,” she said and headed back inside.

I stood there watching until she disappeared from my view. I shrugged the jacket on and headed home.

Of course, as soon as I got home, Raven and Octavia pulled me upstairs to my room. After dragging out the exquisite torture of annoying them, I finally told them what had transpired between us. There was hugging involved because they were happy for me and in turn, made me a little more excited of moving in that direction. For the second time, I slept well and when I woke up the next morning, I felt something that I hadn’t in awhile, hope.


	31. Clarke

I stared at the blank canvass in front of me and went over everything that had happened over the last month. Monty and Harper had finally shown up. They had both fallen in love with the house and had moved up into the attic which gave everyone space to move around without feeling crowded. I’d finally asked Janice out and it was working out well between the two of us. Most nights I would be at her place or she’d be here. We grew closer and I had to admit that our make out sessions were most definitely the highlight of my days. The medication, sessions with Dr. Ashe, and painting were all having a positive effect on me. I felt more like myself every day and I could see that my friends were starting to relax around me. My PT was going well and I had regained more range of motion in my shoulder. Lastly, Lexa was keeping her word. I had no more feelings of being watched when I was in Polis nor had we come across anything at home or in Eden.

I refocused on the blank canvass in front of me and the photo taped at the top of the easel. I had decided to take the plunge and paint for the world again. If this worked, it would be the first step in getting my artwork out to the people who loved it.

Taking a deep breath, I studied the photo for a minute and then I was painting. I poured myself into the moment and I could feel the surety of my brushstrokes as an image began to form. When I was done, I put my palette and brush down, took a few steps back and looked at it. What I saw gave me confidence and I could feel a grin spread across my face. I ran my hand through my newly shortened hair as I looked on in amazement. I had done it and there were no signs of my returning memories in sight.

There was a knock on the door that led into the rest of the house and then I heard it open.

“Hey, Clarke,” I heard Raven say, “Janice is here.”

I turned my head, still smiling and said, “Look, Rae.”

She stepped through the door and I could see Janice behind her. As they came in, I walked up to Janice and hugged her tightly. I led her over to the painting as Raven was staring intently at it and Janice moved behind me, wrapping her arms around me and looked at it.

“Is that Main Street,” she asked.

“Yeah, what do you think,” I replied.

“It’s gorgeous. I’ve never seen it like this. You gave it character.”

I chuckled, “It’s always had character, love. You’re just so used to seeing it that you’ve forgotten. A different perspective just reminds you of it.”

She leaned her head down and laid a kiss on a spot behind my ears and I closed my eyes in pleasure. When I opened my eyes again, I found Raven looking at me.

“Well, Rae,” I asked her.

“It’s amazing, Clarke,” she said in awe. “The vibrant colors, the Autumn leaves. It’s like you’ve given life to brick and mortar.”

“Thank you,” I said, smiling at her. “I felt it was time to give it a go. I know that I couldn’t have painted this two months ago and something told me it was finally time. I’ll have to paint a few more to be sure, but this one turned out beautifully and that makes me hopeful.”

She turned back to look at the painting and over her shoulder, she said, “You have no idea how happy this makes me seeing you paint like this again, Clarke.”

I looked up at Janice and giving me a slight nod, I walked from her and embraced Raven from behind and said, “Oh, I do know how happy this makes you, Rae, cause I am feeling the same. Trust me.”

She chuckled and wiped a tear from her face and said, “I do. I trust you. You’ve flipped a page.”

I chuckled, “I have and now it’s time for me to turn another page.”

“Huh?”

I leaned in close to her ear and whispered, “With Janice.”

“Seriously,” she whispered back and I could feel her body vibrate with excitement.

“Yeah. Whatever told me that it was time to paint, is telling me the same thing about Janice. It’s time to step up.”

I stepped back and walked over to Janice. I pulled her down for a deep kiss. When we parted breathlessly, she looked at me with wonder and a questioning look in her eyes.

“What was that for,” she said softly.

I chuckled and replied, “Just because. Let me go wash up and change then we can head out to dinner.”

“Okay,” she said, smiling.

“Rae, make sure you turn off the lights and lock up, would you,” I said, calling out to her as we left to head up to my room.

“Will do,” she said as the door closed behind me.

When we got up to my room, Janice lounged on my bed as I went to take a shower. Coming out of the bathroom, I paused and leaned against the doorframe and looked at her and sighed happily.

“Shouldn’t you get dressed,” she asked when saw me watching her.

“Probably,” I replied and my stomach growled loudly making the decision for me. “Let me get dressed.”

I took clothes out of my dresser and walked into my closet. Since it was fairly cold outside with a small covering of snow draping the landscape, I dressed in somewhat appropriate attire even though I didn’t need to. Pulled a light sweater over my head that when it was settled, it hugged me snugly. Boyfriend jeans and boots went on next. I looked at myself in the full length mirror and shook my head ruefully. Having short hair still threw me and I couldn’t wait to grow it all back, but the hair on the right side was being stubborn and was growing back at a snail’s pace. I smiled at the image reflected back and went back into my room.

“You look absolutely stunning,” Janice said as she came and wrapped me in an embrace.

“Please,” I replied, smiling. “Wait until you see me in a dress. Then you’ll know what stunning looks like.”

She chuckled and kissed me gently, “You ready?”

“For you, always,” I said and grabbed my jacket off the back of my desk chair.

We left and headed to the opposite side of town where there was a little steakhouse nestled in it’s own copse of trees. The atmosphere was cozy and intimate. We were seated promptly and given our time to decide. To say that I was disappointed at the portion sizes was putting it mildly. Unfortunately, because we were dining with humans and the fact that Janice was also human, I had to settle. We ordered, steak for me and lobster for her with wine. Everything was going well until I went to reach for the bottle and a slight tremor took ahold of my hand. I sighed and pulled my hand back, flexing it.

“Do you want me to pour you a glass,” she asked.

I sighed again and replied, “Please, if you don’t mind. I just can’t make myself grab it. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry,” she replied as she refilled my glass and hers. “You’ll get there.”

I nodded as I took a sip, “I know, but it’s so frustrating. I mean, it’s great that I’m not freaking out at seeing a beer bottle or any alcoholic bottle anymore. I just wish that it didn’t affect me this way, you know?”

“I know, sweetheart,” she said, reaching out and clasping my hand in hers. “I’m so proud of what you’ve accomplished, Clarke. Everyone is. We’re here for you.”

I smiled and squeezed her hand, “I know, but I think there’s another reason for it.”

“Oh,” she asked, curiously. “What is it?”

“You. I think you’re the reason why I’ve been able to do so well. My friends have been my friends since pretty much the first day of school. You, on the other hand, met me when things were falling apart and yet, you still want to be with me. You make me want to try harder and I don’t think I could have ever gotten this far without you. So, thank you.”

“Me,” she asked, her eyes wide in pleasant surprise.

“Yes,” I replied and taking a deep breath, said, “I’ve been thinking about something these past few days and I want to ask you something. I love spending time with you and I know we already spend a lot of time together, but, um, I was wondering if you’d like to make it official? You know, actual girlfriends? A serious relationship.”

I had dropped my eyes when I started speaking and when she didn’t say anything, I felt my heart drop a bit. I started doubting myself and began to withdraw my hand from hers, but instead she gripped it more tightly and making me look up at her. There were tears glistening in her eyes and her lips were trembling slightly, but there was a smile on them.

“I would love that, Clarke,” she said and chuckling, “Though, I have to be honest, I already thought of you as my girlfriend. Like you said, we’ve been seeing a lot of each other and I am thrilled that you want me to be your girlfriend.”

Relief washed over me and I found myself breathless. I felt my face break out in joy and I wanted nothing more than to scoop her up, twirl her around, and kiss her passionately, but we were in public and I didn’t want to cause a scene.

She leaned closer, secretly, “Wanna get out of here?”

I grinned wide, “Most definitely,” and then I glanced around for our waiter.

He came over when I caught his eye. I asked him to bring the check and then we were soon on our way to her place.

As soon as the door closed behind me, she pushed me against it roughly and crushed her mouth to mine. There was frenzy as we kissed and our clothes were nearly ripped off from one another. I held her at arms length, briefly taking her in. My eyes roamed over her as I took in the soft curve of her neck, the round firmness of her breasts, the softness of her stomach, the beautiful curve of her waist that widened into her hips and I noted bemusedly that she was bare. 

When I took my fill of her body, I looked up and saw the desire in her eyes. I smirked and she had her back to the door as I kissed her, tugging her lip with my teeth, making her moan in pleasure. Never before had she tasted so good as my mouth traveled the length of her, as my hands caressed her very essence. She obeyed every touch with moans, gasps, and body as I learned every inch of it. In this moment, she was mine. Her body begging me to claim her. So, I took it. I took all of it and then I took more.

By the time we made it to her bedroom, she was weak with need and I reveled in the scent. I drew it out of her as if she were a living painting and bringing out colors that I had long forgotten. But, she wasn’t the only one being drawn out, colored anew. She made me feel things that had been nothing more than faded memories and bringing them back, fresh and new. We came in an explosion of primal color as wave after wave of desire struck us again and again. When that final wave passed, I could do no more than collapse into her waiting arms, drained of everything but satiated love. With nothing more than a gentle kiss, I slumbered peacefully.


	32. Lexa

I gazed forlornly into the fire as it crackled happily away, my mind going back to the last few email exchanges with Griffin. Her life seemed to be turning around for the better. She was healing, painting again, and the latest; she had fallen in love. As much as it made me happy to read those words, it made me painfully aware of how lonely I was. I was still on the outs with Anya and I found myself missing her as if a part of my heart was. I knew that there wasn’t anything that I could really do about it except wait for Anya to forgive me.

Then there was Clarke, another shadow in my life. I had given her what she wanted. I stayed away as my people did the same. Her only interaction was with Jackson. The only time I ever saw her was when I would accidentally catch her at the ledge. She seemed to find peace there as much as I did and that made me happy. My attraction to her seemed to grow every time I saw her, but I didn’t know if it was because I couldn’t have her or if it was something else, something deeper than mere attraction. Either way, I knew that there would be no way to ever find out. I just had to accept that and stop torturing myself.

Sighing, I walked back over to my desk and sat down. There were still preparations to be made to ensure that the Solstice Festival we held with Eden would go off with minimum disruption. I had nearly completed which groups would be allowed to have a booth this year and the obligatory speech I was to give. Even though we no longer lived in Eden, my family was still recognized as one of founders and I was expected to attend. With a deep breath, I dug once more into my work and didn’t look up again until there was a knock on the door.

“Enter,” I called out, my head still bent over my work.

“Hey, Lex,” Lincoln said as he came in. “You got a minute?”

I looked up at him and smiled, “For you, sure. What’s up?”

I leaned back, stretching my arms over my head, as he came and sat in one of the chairs.

“My new girl has invited me to a dinner next Friday,” he said. “And since I know that you don’t have any plans then, I was wondering if you’d like to come with me? You know, get out of the house, the office, out of your head. Just for one evening.”

I sighed, looking at him and realizing that he was trying to get me to ease up on work.

“I’ve been overworking myself, haven’t I,” I replied.

“You have. Ever since you had your fight with Anya and then your conversation with Clarke, you’ve been working nearly nonstop. You need to just be, even if it’s for one night.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“We always have a choice, Lex, but I’m telling you that you really need this. Especially once your part of the Festival is done with.”

I glanced over at the painting, debating. Or rather, trying to find an excuse not to go. Unfortunately, I was left high and dry when nothing came to me.

“Fine,” I said. “I’ll go, just don’t expect too much out of me.”

He grinned wide and said, “Great. I’ll pick you up at your place at six.”

“Why can’t I just meet you there,” I nearly whined.

“Because I know you, Lex. You’ll come up with some lame ass excuse not to go, and you are going,” he said, looking at me sternly.

“Dammit, Linc,” I said, groaning. “I fucking hate you.”

He grinned at me impishly, “I love you too, Lex. Don’t worry, it’s not going to kill you.”

“Whatever,” I grumbled. “I gotta get this done.”

He sighed dramatically, “Fine. Just a reminder we gotta be at Eden Park at three.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I mumbled, waving my hand at him. “Get ye gone, beast.”

“As you wish,” he replied, laughing.

He got up and left me to finish my speech.

 

I walked up to the stage that had been set up for the beginning of the Festival. Greeting the Mayor and the Sheriff, I stood aside and scanned the crowd. Lincoln had disappeared as soon as we got to the park and Anya was off to the side, ignoring me with a glower.

I spotted Lincoln as he leaned towards a petite dark haired woman, smiling at something she had said. That must be his new girlfriend. I watched them wistfully as they talked, heads bent towards each other and wished once more that I wasn’t so lonely. They were soon joined by other people. A tall, lanky man that bore a strong resemblance to the woman, another petite woman with tanned skin and brown hair, a chipper blonde, and an Asian looking young man. They seemed to be in a deep conversation and would occasionally glance around as if they were looking for someone. 

Having seen enough, I let my eyes wander and in the setting sun, I saw her. I saw Clarke and she was with a woman. My heart seized for a moment before it began beating rapidly. Watching them, I recognized the other woman as Janice, the waitress from Rosie’s. I was also painfully aware that they were a couple. I watched as they kissed and then broke apart, laughing. I don’t know why, but it was hard for me to watch and I felt something akin to disappointment.

I tore my eyes away and searched for Lincoln once more. Spotting him, I couldn’t help but smiled bittersweetly as he leaned down and kissed the woman. It looked like he was happy and then seeing Clarke happy, made me glance at Anya. She had her head down, focused on her phone. I wanted very much to walk over and talk to her, but her very body language told me that she wanted to be alone.

As the sun finally set, the mayor stepped up to the podium and welcomed everyone to the Festival. When it was my turn to give my speech, I did so as I scanned the crowd and found Clarke and Janice once more. She seemed shock to see me there, said something to Janice, and then nodded when Janice responded. She spared me one last glance and then they headed out. All in all, it appeared that this would be a very crappy Christmas for me.


	33. Lexa

Lincoln arrived promptly and we were soon on our way out of town. I gazed out the passenger window as I watched the sun setting behind the mountains.

“Where are we going,” I asked, continuing to look out.

“You’ll know when we get there,” he replied.

“Come on, Linc,” I said, turning to look at him. “You know I hate surprises.”

“Yeah, well, you’re just gonna have to deal. I’m not telling you where we are going. We are going to eat and socialize.”

“Seriously?!”

“Seriously. Stop you’re whining. You’re a grown ass woman and the pack Alpha, start acting like it.”

“I’m trying, Lincoln,” I growled out. “Dude, Anya is still pissed at me because I don’t love her the way she wants. My only relationship is with an artist that I only speak to through emails and it’s a freaking friendship. I am lonely. Pure and simple.”

“I know,” he replied, glancing at me before turning back to the road. “That’s why I’m doing this. You need more friends than me and you need to repair your friendship with Anya.”

“Well, how the fuck am I supposed to do that if the damn woman won’t talk to me.”

“First off, you stop apologizing to her. She gets it and she understands that you don’t love her. Talk to her and keep talking to her until she relents and starts talking back. If you miss her, you gotta tell her that.”

I heavily and said, “Alright. I get it. I’ll talk to her.”

“Good,” he said, “We’re almost there.”

I sat up straighter and looked out of the windshield. As the house came into view, I realized where we were and I wanted to jump out of the truck. Lincoln grabbed my wrist and keeping me in the cab, knowing full well what I wanted to do.

“What the fuck, Lincoln,” I exclaimed. “Why are we here?”

“I told you last week, dinner. I’m seeing one of Clarke’s pack mates, Octavia,” he said, evenly. “I knew if I told you, you wouldn’t have come.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” I said, ripping my wrist out of his hand. “I swore that I wouldn’t come near them and that neither would any member of my pack. You went against my orders.”

“Lex, calm down,” he said as we pulled up. “I like Octavia and she likes me. Everyone in that house is okay with us seeing each other, including her brother.”

“What about Clarke? Does she know,” I said, crossing my arms.

“Honestly, I don’t know. They told me that they were going to speak to her about this and since I haven’t gotten a phone call or anything, I’m gonna guess that they have and she’s okay with it.”

“God dammit, Lincoln. You know that this can go six ways to Sunday,” I said, unbuckling my seatbelt.

“Look, you go in. You play nice and she’ll see that you’re not a threat,” he said as he opened his door. “You have to do this sooner or later, Lexa. You’re starting to obsess about her.”

“I am not,” I said, jumping down. “I just want to get what’s mine.”

“That’s another reason for tonight,” he said as he all but grabbed me and started tugging me towards the door. “You’ve been true to your word and we’re like a week away from the New Year. She could agree to give it to you early.”

I couldn’t say anything more because Lincoln rang the doorbell. I waited nervously and hoped that this wouldn’t be the biggest mistake in my life. The door opened and we were met with the petite dark haired woman.

“Lincoln,” she cried out happily. “You came.”

“Of course, Octavia,” he replied, hugging her. “I said I would and I did.”

“Wonderful, trust me you will not be disappointed,” she said and then turned to me, “Lexa, it’s good to finally meet you. I’m Octavia, please come in.”

“Thank you,” I said and walked in as she held the door open wider.

I looked around and found it beautifully decorated and said, “You have a lovely home, Octavia.”

“I can’t take any credit,” she said, her arm wrapped around Lincoln’s waist. “This is all Clarke and the interior designer she hired. Clarke’s always had incredible taste. Let me introduce you to everybody.”

Octavia made the introductions and I found out that the tall, lanky guy was her brother, Bellamy, the Asian was Monty, the blonde, Harper, and I recognized Nate.

“Raven’s reminding Clarke that it’s time to eat,” Bellamy said. “She’s been in the studio all afternoon.”

“Studio,” I asked.

“Yeah, Clarke’s a renowned painter,” he replied, “Can I get you something to drink. We have all sorts, wine, beer, tea, and soda.”

“I’ll take a glass of wine,” I said, still looking around.

“Red or white?”

“Um, white is good.”

“Excellent choice, Madam,” he replied, smiling and giving me a small bow.

“Geez, Bell, could you stop that,” Octavia said. “We’re not in some novel.”

“Hey, it’s not often I get a chance to charm a beautiful woman,” he replied as he poured me a glass and handed to me.

“You’re not my type,” I said, smiling at him and making him chuckle.

“Alas, my heart is broken once more,” he said dramatically. “O, why don’t you show them around a bit. Dinner’s almost ready.”

“Sure,” she said and started giving us a tour.

When we got to the area before the doors that led to the back deck, my eyes were immediately drawn to a painting over the fireplace. I walked closer and my eyes widened in surprise.

“You have your own Griffin,” I said, astounded.

“Huh,” Octavia said, looking at the painting. “Oh, yeah. Trust me, you won’t ever see this on a website.”

“Why’s that,” I asked looking at her.

“Oh, cause it was painted just for us,” she replied, grinning. “Hey, Nate, this is our graduation party, isn’t it?”

Nate came over and looked at it, smiling he said, “Oh, yeah. That was a really good night. Probably one of the best nights we had in a long time.”

“Excuse me,” I said, confused. “Griffin knows you’re werewolves?”

“Well, of course,” he said, matter of factly, “She’s the golden wolf in the middle. Chasing after Raven.”

“Griffin is a werewolf,” Lincoln asked.

“Well, we call her Clarke,” Bellamy said, coming up.

I spun around to look at him, “Clarke? Clarke is Griffin?!”

“You didn’t know,” he asked surprised.

“No, I didn’t,” I said, slowly shaking my head. “Oh, fuck me. I’ve been corresponding all this time with Clarke.”

“Say what now,” Lincoln said.

I looked up at him and said, “Remember, I’ve told you that I’ve been exchanging emails with Griffin since I got the painting?”

“Yeah,” he replied, uncertainly. “Wait, didn’t you ever exchange first names?”

“No,” I replied feeling sheepish. “I always signed my emails with “Fan.”

“Oh, shit,” Nate said, sitting down abruptly.

We all heard the door open up and we swung our heads to look. Out stepped the tanned brunette first, walking backwards and talking to someone. Then Clarke came out, wiping her hands with a towel. I noticed that she had different stripes of color over her clothes and waited breathlessly. When our eyes met, she stopped moving and I swallowed as her eyes narrowed.

“What are they doing here,” she demanded.

Raven turned on a dime and stared at us before she turned back to Clarke, “Clarke, we can explain.”

“You didn’t tell her,” Lincoln asked harshly at Octavia.

“We’ve been trying,” she replied. “But she’s usually either in the studio or with Janice or taking a hike. We don’t interrupt her when she’s in the studio.”

Clarke’s eyes shifted to Octavia and said, “This is the guy you’ve been seeing?”

“Yeah,” Octavia said, meekly.

“In the office, now,” Clarke said, her voice suddenly going cold.

I watched as Octavia lowered her head and walked towards and around the stairs. Clarke walked in the same direction, not sparing us a glance.

“Maybe we should go, Lincoln,” I said, looking up at him. “This was a bad idea.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Raven said, coming up to me. “Trust me. She’s been doing real well and she needs this.”

“I know she’s been doing well,” I said as I sat down.

“What do you mean, you know,” Raven said, sitting as well.

“Clarke and I have been exchanging emails,” I admitted.

“Wait, what?”

“Lexa is the fan she’s been writing to,” Bellamy said.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” Raven moaned.

“I’m afraid not,” I said.

I turned to the stairs as I heard yelling and looked at Lincoln worriedly. He laid a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it, comforting me. I swallowed the wine down quickly as everyone waited nervously. When the yelling stopped, a few minutes later, Octavia emerged and made a beeline straight for Lincoln. Clarke came out a minute later and walked over. I stood up and waited.

“Welcome to our home, Lexa, Lincoln,” she said, her voice tightly controlled but her body positively vibrated with agitation. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to wash up.”

With that, she turned around and walked upstairs. When I heard a door slam shut, I sat back down, already feeling drained.

“Don’t worry, Lexa,” Raven said, patting my knee. “She’s just surprised is all. She’ll calm down once she gets something to eat. She skipped lunch again.”

“Are you saying that to ease my mind,” I replied, looking at her. “Or does she really act this way when she’s hungry.”

“A bit of both,” she said, smiling at me. “She can get mean when she doesn’t eat.”

“Oh,” I said, quietly and wishing I had more to drink.

Seeming to read my mind, she said, “Let me refill that for you.”

I handed her my glass and she got up. There was still tension in the room, but they made the effort to talk to me and started placing the food on the table. When Clarke finally reappeared, she seemed calmer, but I could tell that she wasn’t completely relaxed. I sighed as I came to the realization that this was going to be a long dinner.

Clarke walked straight to the kitchen where Raven handed her a pint of beer. She seemed to drink it at once and Raven refilled it. With a nod of thanks, she headed to the dining room.

“Dinner’s served,” Bellamy said with a flourish.

We all headed to the dining room and I found myself sitting at the opposite end from Clarke. When everyone was seated, they all waited expectantly.

Clarke looked at me hard for a moment and then said, “Lexa, since you are our honored guest, would you like to do the honors and carve our first turkey?”

“It would be my honor, Clarke,” I replied a little woodenly.

I stood up, Lincoln handing me the knife and I made the first cut. Methodically, the plates rotated as I placed several slices of turkey on them. Chatter started up as everyone started serving themselves and began to eat. As I was eating, I was painfully aware of Clarke and kept stealing glances at her. Whenever I caught her eye, she would immediately drop her gaze and focus on her food. I spoke with everyone near me and watched Clarke do the same. The food was delicious and I found myself gorging on it.

The conversation started getting more animated, punctuated with laughter as I listened to the stories they were telling. They seemed focused on telling fond memories as if trying to calm Clarke down.

At one point, Clarke pointed her knife at Harper and said, “You never did tell me how you got your dad to give you two of his prized stallions, Harper.”

“Well, he didn’t know that I was going to keep them,” Harper replied. “Mom told him that another rancher had bought them far above their worth. That’s how I got out of town. He thought that I was taking them to the fictional rancher.”

“That took some balls from your mom,” Nate said. “How’d she get her nerves up? I mean your dad is a mean bastard.”

Harper shrugged as her face darkened, “He put Millie in the hospital. Mom wanted me to bring her, but dad was watching too closely.”

“Fuck,” he said and then turned to Clarke, “We got to get Millie out of there, Clarke. Mr. McIntyre will kill that little girl now that Harper’s here with us.”

Clarke leaned forward and replied, “I’m not sure that we can. I sure as hell can’t get back into town. Neither can you. We could see if Jasper can sneak her out.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Monty replied.

“Thank you, Monty,” Harper said and leaned up against him.

“No problem, maybe I can convince him to bring his family up here for a vacation or something.”

“Who’s Millie,” Lincoln asked.

“My baby sister,” Harper replied. “She’s eight.”

“And your dad put her in the hospital,” I said, shocked. “That’s child abuse! Can’t your Sheriff’s department do something.”

The room suddenly got quiet and they all looked at Clarke. Clarke closed her eyes and I saw her work her jaw. When she opened her eyes, I could see how haunted they were, making me shudder.

“They won’t,” she said, quietly. “It’s not considered child abuse. It’s called submissive discipline. Just about every female in the pack is forced into submission by any means necessary, Lexa. It’s been that way since the town was founded.”

“That’s just wrong,” I said, feeling a spark of anger. “They shouldn’t be allowed to operate like that.”

Clarke shrugged and replied, “It is what it is. The pack Alpha and every Alpha after him will never change the laws.”

“Well, why not,” I demanded.

She looked at me for a minute and then said, “Because every female born in the pack is stronger than the men. We’re stronger, faster, smarter, and a lot of things. A female Alpha is even stronger. So, we’re abused, physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually until we are nothing but a shell of ourselves. Most women don’t even try to fight off the inevitability of their roles. We’re the exception to that rule.”

“What do you mean?”

She sighed and then looked at Raven to reply.

Raven cleared her throat and said, “We became friends with Clarke, Lexa. She protected us as much as she could. Bellamy raised Octavia after their father beat their mother to death and then drank himself into the grave. My father died challenging Jaha for pack Alpha, which killed my mother. Monty’s parents are actually good people and raised him differently. Nate is gay, but had his father’s protection. Harper is the only one who really suffered at the hands of her father. We all have our reasons for being here with Clarke and beyond our tight bond.”

“What about you, Clarke,” I asked, looking at her.

“I was supposed to be killed when my father found out that I was an Alpha, but he convinced Jaha to let me live in return that I would leave when I graduated high school. When I turned sixteen, my father challenged him in an effort to change the laws and lost his life. I was allowed to stay to take care of my mother and to stay after graduation, I had to date his son, Wells. I was exiled and given a month to leave or I’d be killed. That’s why I’m here,” she said as if she were dead inside.

I sat back, hard, and looked at her in horror, “You were supposed to be killed?”

“Yes, as all female Alphas are.”

“I am so, so sorry that you all had to go through that,” I said, my heart going out to all of them.

“It is what it is. This is why I told you that all we wanted was to start over. This is why I don’t trust you, Lexa. Every pack Alpha in that town are monsters. I’ve never experienced what it’s like to live under a good pack Alpha or even an indifferent one.”

“I see that now,” I said, nodding. “My actions did nothing to dissuade you of how I really treat my pack.”

“No, it did not, but it is the past. You have kept your word and I thank you for that.”

I heard a phone ring and Clarke said, “If you’ll excuse me, that’s my phone.”

“Of course,” I replied and watched her as she got up and headed back into the studio.

Silence descended over the table and my thoughts raced through the information they had given me. It was horrifying that a town, a pack, would act in such a manner. It made me angry and the anger rose as there was nothing that I could do. Lincoln noticed and laid a calming hand over mine, making me look at him.

He leaned over and whispered, “Calm yourself, Lexa. You know that there’s nothing you can do. We don’t interfere in other packs’ business. They got out, hopefully others will notice and get out as well.”

I nodded curtly and finished my meal. When Clarke came back out, she was in a better mood.

“Janice,” Raven asked.

“Yeah,” she replied, smiling. “Sometimes I think she’s a freaking mind reader. She called because she was worried about me and wanted to make sure that I was okay.”

“I told you that she was good for you. Now, if only I could find a man that’ll do the same thing.”

“Well, you could always switch teams,” Clarke teased. “Or, you know, head back over to the hospital and see if you can’t find a sugar daddy.”

“Hey,” she exclaimed. “I thought we agreed we weren’t going to bring that up again.”

“Oh, come on, you set yourself up for that one,” she replied, laughing.

“Fuck you, Clarke and you are never going to get me into your bed.”

“Never say never, Rae. I think I just have to get you drunk enough.”

“Janice wouldn’t like it.”

Clarke shook her head, “Nah-ah. Janice thinks you’re hot, too, and wouldn’t be in the least bit uneasy bringing you into the mix.”

As they continued to bicker back and forth, I felt my chest squeeze painfully listening to them.

“Knock it off, you two,” Octavia said. “Geez, it’s like watching a damn reality show.”

They both shut up and looked at her it such a way that made Octavia cringe.

“Does Lincoln know that you’ve got old men flirting with you,” Raven said with a smirk.

She blushed and replied, “You are not dragging me into whatever this is.”

“You didn’t answer her question,” Clarke said, leaning forward. “Does. He. Know?”

Octavia looked up at Lincoln, blushing a deeper red, and Lincoln just leaned down and whispered in her ear, easing her embarrassment.

“Damn,” Nate said, grinning, “I was hoping for a threesome.”

This made everyone laugh, including me. The tension seemed to ooze out of everyone and the meal ended on a high note. As everyone started to clear the table, I started to help, but Bellamy stopped me.

“Don’t worry about it, Lexa,” he said, smiling. “You’re a guest. Relax, drink some more wine and get to know us a little better.”

I nodded and reached over and poured myself another glass. I watched Clarke as she got up and started helping. I was surprised to see her doing that and Raven caught me staring.

She came over and said, “Clarke’s not like other Alphas, Lexa. We’re all treated equally and we share the work equally. That’s the way we are. Clarke’s not the type to let others do the work. Never has. Never will.”

“Really,” I said, looking at her.

“Really,” she replied, nodding. “She’s a good friend. Stubborn, but loyal. But, I think you already know that, don’t you?”

I thought about the emails between us and I realized that she was right, so I nodded and got up to join the rest. I started to relax around them as I watched the dynamics. They made it a point to draw me into their conversations and treated me as if they were my friends. They were an interesting group, each with their own interests. I learned that Monty farmed and ten acres of the land were his. Harper got the other half for her horses. Bellamy was leaving to teach at a college to teach classical literature. Nate had joined the Eden Sheriff’s department and Raven was a mechanic at the auto shop.

I found myself, drawn time and time again to the painting and I found it amazing that it had been Clarke all along.

“I take it that you like it,” she asked, as she came to stand beside me and startling me.

“I do,” I replied, smiling and looking at her. “I even have one of them hanging in my office.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah. You’re amazing.”

“Thank you. It’s my passion and it makes me really happy to be doing it again.”

“I know,” I replied. “You’ve told me.”

“Come again,” she asked and I realized that she didn’t know that she had been corresponding with me for the last several months.

I turned to look at her and said, “Um, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’ve been writing to me for the past several months. I’m the one that asked about commissioning a painting.”

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking me,” she said, her whole demeanor changing. “You’ve been fucking spying on me the entire fucking time.”

“No,” I exclaimed. “I swear that I wasn’t spying on you. I didn’t even know you were the painter, not until tonight when I saw the painting. I wouldn’t do that.”

“God dammit,” she growled and strode quickly out onto the back deck.

“What happened,” Lincoln asked, seeing her leave.

“She just found out that I’m the one she’s been writing to,” I said, glumly. “She thinks I was spying on her.”

“Then you need to go out there and convince her that you weren’t,” he said, pointedly. “Make things right with her.”

I stared at Clarke through the sliding door and nodded, “You’re right. I’ll be back.”

“Okay.”

I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and stepped out into the chilly December night. She glanced over at the door and turned her attention back to whatever she was looking at.

“Clarke,” I said, uncertainly as I came up to the railing. “I really didn’t know that you’re Griffin. Everything I’ve shared with you has been the honest truth.”

She turned her head slightly to me and said quietly, “Even the things you wrote about me.”

I chuckled and said, “Figured that out, did you?”

She gave me a wry smile and replied, “It was hard to miss, Lexa. I’ve been going over our exchanges and I should have realized it sooner.”

“Hah,” I said. “Everything you described about yourself. The injury, re-injury, was probably the most obvious. I knew that you suffered from the same type and I don’t know why I didn’t make the connection.”

“Well, you helped me a lot throughout all of this and it was really good to talk to someone else.”

“You did the same,” I said, looking down at the ground and noticed how high we were and made me think of something. “Did you really jump down to the ground from here?”

“Huh,” she asked, looking down herself.

“Anya and Lincoln told me that you jumped over the railing and landed like it didn’t affect you.”

“Ah,” she said in understanding and smiling, “Yeah. All of us can make that jump easily. I can even jump off of my balcony easily and that’s another twenty feet from the ground.”

“How the fuck is that possible?”

She shrugged and replied, “I didn’t realize that other werewolves couldn’t. It’s just something we can do.”

“And the whole sensing thing?”

“Sensing thing?”

“How you were able to figure out that Lincoln and Anya were following you.”

“Oh that. Honestly, I don’t know. Didn’t know about it until I moved here, but the truth is we all can. I just pick it up more strongly.”

“Because you’re an Alpha,” I said, in wonder.

“Probably,” she said, leaning on the railing to look at me more fully. “I guess it’s a way for me to detect possible danger. I can usually also pick up intentions. Being watched by your former Sheriff, I knew that he didn’t have the best of intentions while Lincoln and Anya were more curious than anything else.”

“You really are the stronger Alpha.”

“Don’t worry, I have no intention of challenging you,” she said, chuckling. “From everything I’ve noticed and what you’ve told me, you’re a good pack Alpha. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize it sooner.”

I shrugged, “It is what it is, if I may steal your line. I trust that you wouldn’t challenge me.”

A sudden noise drew our attention to the windows of her studio. We watched stunned as someone started wrecking havoc. I recognized Anya.

“What the fuck is she doing,” Clarke yelled, and headed back inside. 

I followed quickly wondering exactly that. What the hell was she doing here? Clarke threw open the doors and ran at Anya, tackling her to the floor. Anya tried to fight her off, but Clarke pinned her wrists above her head.

“What the fuck are you doing here,” she demanded.

“Get off of me, you bitch,” Anya yelled, struggling.

“Not until you calm the fuck down,” Clarke yelled back. “Now what the fuck are you doing?”

“You fucking stole Lexa from me,” she screamed making Clarke look over at me in surprise. “She loved me before you came along!”

“What the hell is she talking about, Lexa,” she asked.

I walked over and crouched down next to them and said, “She loves me, but I don’t feel the same way.”

“Jesus, seriously?!”

“I’m afraid so,” I replied and grabbed Anya’s chin, forcing her to look at me. “Calm down, Anya. As your Alpha, I’m ordering you to stand down.”

She glared at me, growling, “Fuck off, bitch.”

“Do not disrespect her,” Clarke said, seething and leaning closer to her. “She is your Alpha and you will listen to her.”

“Fuck you,” She spat.

“Fine, then. I order you to calm down,” she growled and I could literally feel Clarke forcing her will on Anya.

I watched in disbelief as Anya heaved and bucked in an effort to fight her, but she was calming down. When she finally calmed, Clarke released her wrists and climbed off of her.

“I’m sorry, Lexa,” Clarke said, giving me a hand up. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

I took a shaky breath and replied, “I’m not. Thank you.”

We looked down at Anya, who was slowly sitting up and looking between the two of us with such hate filled eyes that I cringed.

“Clarke,” Raven called, making Clarke look at her. “She’s destroyed three of your paintings. The ones you were going to send to Rachel.”

“Fuck,” Clarke said and strode over to look at the ruined paintings. “Dammit, I can’t repair them. This is going to set me back weeks.”

I crouched down again and asked, “What were you thinking, Anya?”

“I’m not sorry, Lexa. And I stand by my words. She’s turned you away from me,” she said, glaring at Clarke.

“She didn’t, Anya,” I replied, patiently. “I realized a long time ago that I didn’t love you like that. You are my closest and best friend and I should have told you much sooner. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you’re platitudes or excuses, Lexa. Nothing good will ever come from Clarke. She is a poison to our pack. You saw it, she’s more powerful than you are.”

“Now, you’re sounding just like Titus.”

“He was right. She needs to go.”

“No, she doesn’t. She is no threat to me or the pack. I trust her word.”

“Then you are a fool.”

I sighed and looked over at Lincoln, “Take her back to Polis and put her in a holding cell until she drys out. She’s drunk.”

“Maybe it’s best if we all leave,” he said, coming over and pulling Anya up.

I shook my head, “She’s my responsibility, Lincoln. I have to make this right.”

“One of us will take her home,” Octavia said to him. “No harm will come to her.”

He nodded, “Let me know when you’re home, Lexa.”

“I will, just get her home,” I said and watched as he all but dragged her out of the room.

I walked over to Clarke and said, “I’m sorry about your paintings, Clarke. I’ll make sure that Anya is punished appropriately.”

Clarke looked over at me and shook her head, “Only if you feel that it’s necessary. She’s punishing herself right now. I think it’s enough.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m just going to have to redo these. There’s nothing else I can do. It’ll take time and we’ll have to push the dates back, probably by a month.”

“You’ve switched to townscapes,” I asked, looking at the ruined paintings.

“Yeah, I did. I still have difficulty painting the landscapes. My repressed memories keep filtering through.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let me show you something,” she said and we walked over to a stack of paintings that had been set aside.

She pulled a few out and set them up on easels. She waited patiently as I studied them. They were all landscapes, but they had a reoccurring image throughout.

“What’s with the pond,” I asked, looking at her.

“Before I came here,” she exclaimed. “Wells and I were attacked, I think. It was our four year anniversary and he had taken me to the mill pond to celebrate. I remember fighting with him, but not much else than that due to memory loss. When I got here and I tried sketching the area, the mill pond always showed up. Sometimes just the pond, other times it was with the mill, and other times, they had Wells’ car in them. It’s why I stopped painting for so long.”

“And why you’ve switched themes,” I said, quietly.

“Yes,” she replied. “Once I can get up enough courage, I’ll try again.”

“May I,” I asked, pointing to the rest of the stack.

“Sure,” she replied. “Now that the cat is out of the bag, it might be better to give you a chance to understand what I’ve been going through.”

“Thank you,” I said and started slowly going through them.

She walked back over to the other side of the room to speak with Raven and I watched the slow progression of Clarke’s recovery. It was nothing short of amazing to see it. There was so much anger in the beginning which led to what I can only imagine as depression. Then the colors and images became lighter, happier. When I came to the end of the stack, I paused, seeing my own face staring back at me. I pulled it out and removed one of the other paintings from the easel.

I stepped back and looked at. It was incredibly beautiful and her brushstrokes told me a lot of what she had been feeling when she was painting it. I felt something stir deep within me seeing that it was painted with affection. The green of my eyes was breathtaking, but I noticed a lot of emotions in those eyes. It was so akin to what I felt daily that it surprised me that she had noticed.

“I painted that the day we met,” Clarke said, quietly and making me jump. “Of course, I didn’t know it until I woke up the next morning.”

I looked at her, confused, and asked, “Why would you paint me?”

She shrugged, “Because there was something about you that day and I wanted to paint it. There’s still something about you that I can’t put my finger on. Even though I’m with Janice, I am attracted to you. You are breathtakingly beautiful and even though I was very angry with you, I knew that you were a good person. A good leader that cares deeply about her pack. What you see in this painting is what I saw throughout our conversation that day.”

I studied her for a moment, trying to decide, and then said, “Can I tell you something?”

“Sure,” she said, tilting her head to the side.

“I’m attracted to you, too. I have ever since I first saw you on that ledge,” I said, dropping my eyes. “And I’ve seen you many times there and each time I felt a sense of familiarity. Like I’ve known you before, but I’ve never met you and I’m really good at remembering people.”

She chuckled and replied, “Then I shall also admit that I’ve seen you many times on that same ledge and have felt the same way. Aren’t we a pair?”

I returned the chuckle and smiled, “I guess so. But, what do we do now?”

“I don’t know. We’re both attracted to one another but we can’t act on it. Since we’ve become apparent friends through our emails, shall we remain friends?”

I nodded and replied, “I’d like that. Thank you for letting me see all of this.”

“We all have our demons to bear, Lexa. I’ve learned that it’s best to share them and not carry them alone. I’m glad that you came.”

“So am I.”

“Good. Now, I’ve got something that I know you’ve been dying to get your hands on,” she said and turned to walk towards a spot on the floor.

“The tablet,” I asked, walking over.

She looked over her shoulder and smiling, said, “Yep. You’ve kept your word and you’ve proven to me that you can be trusted.”

“Thank you,” I replied and watched as she knelt down and removed a piece of concrete from the floor.

I was once again reminded that she had physical strength that probably outmatched mine and I would be remiss to ever get into a fight with her. Walking closer, I saw that it was a floor safe and watched as she opened it up. She pulled out papers, laying them off to the side and then reached deeply into it. She grunted with effort and pulled out something that was wrapped in leather.

“Damn this is heavy,” she said.

“Clarke, what the hell are you doing,” Bellamy cried out and coming toward us. “You’re gonna fuck your arm up again.”

“Will not,” she said, her voice straining under the weight. “You and Nate nearly broke your backs carrying this. I’ve got this.”

“Stop showing off,” he said and bent down to lend a hand.

With some maneuvering, they got it and walked it over to a nearby table. Clarke rolled her shoulder from the strain, but there didn’t seem to be any signs of pain. Clarke unwrapped the leather and stepped back so that I could take a look at it. I walked closer, my eyes roaming over it, trying to take in every little detail. I reached out and stroked the carved out lettering.

“We took pictures of it and sent it to an old friend of Bellamy’s who specializes in archaic languages,” Clarke said. “We only just now got the translation back from her.”

“You did,” I asked, “Why?”

She laughed, “Seriously?! We find a heavy ass crate dug into the earth, open it and find a leather wrapped stone tablet with writing that looks ancient. Did you really think that we wouldn’t be curious? Hell, who wouldn’t be curious?”

I blushed, “Point. Can I see the translation?”

Bellamy handed it over to me and I opened the folder with shaky fingers. As I read, something shifted in me and I stole a glance at Clarke. She didn’t notice as she lazily traced a finger over the carvings. It was a story about the first werewolves. One that was the color of sunlight and the other the color of midnight. Light and Darkness, reminding me of my father’s tale. It was a love story and a story of beginning. A story of grief and ending. And an eventual rebirth. It told of a love that withstood time as Light chased Dark and Dark chased Light. Much like the movements of our sun and moon. It seemed almost prophetic and that when either caught the one, change occurred.

“So, the story of the first of our kind,” Clarke said, looking at me when I closed the folder. “What did you think?”

“I don’t know what I think,” I said. “My family must have believed the truth in this tale or they wouldn’t have protected it for this long. Was the friend able to guess when it was carved?”

“She could only guess that it was maybe carved in the first century,” Bellamy said. “But that’s only based on the language. To get a true idea of how old the stone actually is, carbon dating would need to be done.”

I looked at him sharply and said, “First century?”

“Yes, but more than likely that tale is older than that. Only written down when written language was developed.”

“That’s incredible,” I replied.

Bellamy laughed, “Yeah, my friend begged and begged me to send her the real thing, but I told her no. That it wasn’t mine to give. But, now it’s yours, where it belongs.”

“Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Bellamy and Clarke shared a look that I couldn’t interpret and then Clarke said, “Oh, trust me, we do. If you want to head back, I can take you.”

“Trying to get rid of me already,” I said with a grin.

Clarke shook her head, smiling, “No, but if Anya was my oldest and dearest friend, I’d want to make sure that she was alright.”

My smile faded, “Yeah. I should probably leave. I’ll take you up on your offer.”

“Great. Let me just grab my keys,” she said and went to grab the tablet, too.

“No, Clarke,” Bellamy stopped her, “Nate and I will load it up in the truck. We are not risking your shoulder a third time.”

“Dammit, Bell,” she seethed, but I could tell that there was merriment in her eyes. “Fine, just don’t drop it or I’ll have your heads.”

“As if,” he replied, chuckling.

“Balls work too, you know,” she said as she headed back into the house proper, cackling.

Both Nate and Bellamy paled at that parting remark and quickly got the tablet into Clarke’s Bronco. Clarke and I climbed in and we headed to Polis. We rode in silence for a little while and it wasn’t really uncomfortable.

“She scared for you. You know that, right,” Clarke said into the silence.

“Who,” I asked, looking over at her.

“Anya,” she replied. “There’s been too much change in a short amount of time and I’m at the center of it. She’s your Beta and she’s doing what she’s supposed to do. Look out for you. You know, make sure that you don’t make any risky moves that could hurt or hinder you.”

“I guess,” I said, leaning against the door, “I just don’t understand why she couldn’t come to me with this.”

“I can’t answer that for you, Lexa. All I know is that she cares for you and when you rebuffed her, it was like a stab through the heart. Sometimes time can heal and others it can cause hate. She chose hate it looks like.”

“How are you so calm about this?”

She was silent for a long while and then said, “What do you know about a town called Arkadia?”

“I know that it’s a werewolf pack,” I answered her. “My Father compared the pack Alpha to Hitler once. He also told me that if I was ever to come across someone from there that I had to be careful, especially around the men. But, he also told me that if anyone came from there that was looking for an escape that I should provide sanctuary to them.”

“I kind of like that comparison,” she said, glancing at me. “It’s where we’re from, Lexa. Well, sorta. We actually don’t exist anymore.”

“You’re from Arkadia,” I exclaimed.

“Sorta,” she replied. “We don’t technically exist.”

“I don’t get it. You were all born and raised there. You exhibit the characteristics of the pack, so how can you not exist.”

“I was exiled, Lexa. After Wells’ death, I was given a month to leave. When I got my birth records and hospital records, the only information listed is my name and date of birth. My parents, place of birth, the hospital I went to have been wiped. I don’t even think I have school transcripts anymore. The others went into exile willingly, but all of their information has been wiped out as well. In the eyes of Arkadia, we were never born. And if we were never born, we don’t exist to our families. Nor can we have any contact with them or our friends.”

“That’s insane. So, not only do they beat the female members of the pack, but those that do not conform to what, the image of the town, are exiled and become nonexistent?”

“In a nutshell. I’ve seen so much cruelty, hatred, pain, loneliness, heartbreak, that I’ve almost become numb to it. It’s why I’m calm, I’m used to it.”

“That’s not right.”

“No, it’s not.”

We lapsed back into silence until we reached the outskirts of town and then she spoke again.

“Where do you want the tablet to go? Your house or office,” she asked.

“Um, actually there’s a storage unit where I keep all the family stuff,” I replied.

“Alright, just point me in the right direction.”

I directed her towards my storage unit and as I opened the unit up, she got the tablet. I tried not to stare at her as she carried the stone, but I couldn’t help but notice the muscles in her arms and how they stood out. She laid it on a desk that I had cleared for her and waited as she caught her breath. She gazed around the unit and then turned to me with a grin.

“Lexa, your family were packrats,” she said, chuckling.

I looked around and replied, “It looks like it. This is everything that I’ve been able to find from when we were thrown out of Eden.”

“I remember you mentioning that,” she said as we walked out and I closed the unit back up. “Do you have any idea why?”

“No, my grandfather refused to talk about it,” I replied, shaking my head. “But that happened like a hundred years ago.”

“Ah,” she said and then leaned up against the truck, “Want a ride back to your place or do you wanna walk?”

“Walk,” I asked, incredulously. “I live clear on the other side of town. I’ll take the ride.”

She laughed, “Alright then.”

We climbed back into her truck and I gave her the directions to my house. She parked in the driveway and I was suddenly nervous.

“Nice place,” she said about my headlight illuminated home.

“There’s only me,” I replied, taking in the single story cabin. “We’ve never really been prone to large families, so we never felt it was prudent for a large place.”

She chuckled and looked at me, raising an eyebrow, “Are you trying to imply something?”

“What,” I said, my eyes wide, “Absolutely not. You’ve got a big family. It’s just me in there.”

“I’m only teasing, Lexa. Though it must kinda get lonely sometimes. Unless, there’s someone inside waiting for you?”

I shook my head sadly and said, “No. No one has been waiting for me for a long time.”

Clarke reached out and laid a hand on mine and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

I looked down at our hands and then up at her face and I could see that she really was sorry.

“Thanks.”

She didn’t remove her hand when she said, “I’m glad that we got talked into playing nice at dinner. I’ve realized that you were generally sorry for the crap that you pulled.”

“I’m glad, too. And that we really finally got to clear the air between us. I mean, I like you, Clarke, and I’m glad that we can be friends. I need that in my life.”

“So, do I. Like you, I mean.”

The air seemed to charge between us as we looked at each other. I licked my lips nervously and watched as her eyes dipped to follow my tongue. And then, I’m not sure what happened, but we were suddenly kissing. It was brief and yet we still parted breathlessly. 

She looked me in the eyes and I saw something that was reflected in me and I couldn’t help but wonder if things were different would there be a chance for the two of us.

“We can’t do this again,” Clarke said, softly and with something akin to pain or regret.

I nodded numbly and said, “You’re right. Thank you again for everything.”

“Good night, Lexa.”

“Good night, Clarke,” I said and got out of the truck.

She waited until I was at my door before she pulled out and headed home. I opened the door and leaned up against it. My eyes closed and my fingers gently stroking my lips, remembering the feel of her mouth against mine.


	34. Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to take the time to thank those that gave me some honest criticism awhile back. Y’all were right. The original chapters were meant to be the ending of the story with the time jump, but I decided to not ending it there. The end result were rushed chapters and completely different character arcs.
> 
> So, this is the new chapter 34. Starts off the same, but ends in a, I hope, more organic flow with the story.

My hand trailed lazily down Janice’s arm as we lay in my bed, snuggling tightly against the slight chill in my room, legs entangled underneath the covers. My thoughts roamed over the last few days and inevitably end to my kissing Lexa. I frowned, still trying to figure out what had felt compelled me to do it. Yes, we both had mutual attraction and we both seemed familiar with one another, but why would I do that? Why would I risk my relationship with Janice? I knew I loved Janice, even though I hadn’t spoken those words yet, so why did I do it? Did I want to get it out of my system? If that was the case, I really fucked up on that account. That damn kiss sparked something in me that was primal and made me want her more.

I growled softly at my own stupidity. I told myself that I was going to keep my distance from her and make sure that I was never alone with her in the same room. I also told myself that I wouldn’t go to the ledge anymore, just in case she was there. I was starting to make myself miserable and I didn’t want to. Not with a beautiful woman in my arms. A woman that I loved and I hoped loved me back. 

I shifted until I was leaning over her and kissed her gently. My hands roamed her body, making it shiver, as my mouth followed and waking her up in a most delicious way. Sated we fell back asleep, bodies still buzzing and curled around one another.

When I woke up again, I gazed outside and saw thick, fat flakes falling. The room had gotten colder and I could feel Janice wrapping herself tightly around me, finding comfort in my heat. I gently extracted myself and got the fire going. When it was crackling away, I climbed back into bed with her and pulled her close to me. 

“God, I love the fact that you’re like my own personal heater,” she said sighing.

I chuckled, “I’ll take that as a compliment. The snow is coming in heavily. You’re not going to make back into town in your little car.”

“Maybe I’ll just call into work and stay snuggled in bed with you.”

“You could most definitely do that, but what about dinner with your folks?”

She made a noise of irritation and I kissed her neck, changing it into a sigh.

“I guess it would be rather cruel to them if we reschedule, huh?”

“It’s up to you, my love. You’re the one that insisted on this.”

“Well, of course, I did,” she said, turning around to face me. “It’s a big deal when a daughter brings home the girlfriend to meet her parents.” 

I made a face, making her chuckle, “Really? Do you have to phrase it like that?”

“Hey, I love you and you’re important to me. I want them to like you.”

I smiled at her admission and replied, “I love you, too, and I’m quite likable. We’ll go, don’t worry.”

“Ugh, I should probably call them to double check,” she said, pitifully. “But I’m so comfortable.”

I laughed, “Of course you are, but alas, we do have to get up. We’ve spent enough time in bed.”

“Do we really have to?”

“Yes. I’m hungry and I know that no one will bring me food. Call your parents and double check and you’re supposed to be at work in like an hour, so I’d get a move on if I were you.”

“God, you can be so mean sometimes. Adulting is a bitch,” she whined, but I shut her up with a kiss.

“Yes it is,” I said, getting up. “Come on.”

She glared at me, but got out of bed. I let her shower first, while I put on some clothes and headed downstairs to make breakfast. The house was quiet, but I could hear the tv on downstairs. I started breakfast and as the smells of cooking bacon and pancakes filled the air, people started appearing and making me chuckle.

“Food,” Harper said, grinning at me as she came down the stairs.

“Of course,” I replied. “Take care of your charges already?”

“Yeah, got up at the ass crack of dawn to do it,” she replied as she poured herself a cup of coffee. “I’m gonna have to head down to the next town to get some feed though.”

I nodded, “Hey, do me a favor and check on the weather. I’m not liking the way the snow’s coming in.”

She saluted me and turned on the big tv and switching it to the weather. I listened to it and frowned a little, hearing that a big storm was moving in tonight and it was expected to last for a couple of days.

Monty came down the stairs finally as Octavia came up them. They bumped into each other and glared for a minute, but Monty, ever the gentleman, let Octavia move first. She smirked at him and flounced her way over to the coffee pot.

“So, you sounded like you woke up with a bang,” she said, smiling sweetly at me.

I laughed and shook my head, “You could say that. Jealous?”

“As if,” she scoffed at me. “Are you nervous about tonight? Meeting the parental units and all.”

“Too soon to tell,” I replied as I continued to stack pancakes. “I’m fine right now, but I’ll probably be later. Listen, I don’t want you to head out today. There’s a big storm coming and I don’t want you caught out in it if it decides to hit early.”

She looked out the windows and nodded, “I will. I’d much rather be curled up in front of the fireplace anyway.”

“Good. That goes for both of you, too. Harper, as soon as you’re finished eating, head to the feed store and then come straight back.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” she replied and started scooping up food.

“Don’t worry, Clarke,” Monty replied. “I’m golden, but what about you? I mean, you’ll be in town when it hits.”

“I’ll crash at Janice’s if necessary.”

I looked up and smiled, seeing Janice come down the stairs. She eyed the spread as she came up and kissed me.

“You guys really do eat a lot,” she mused as she picked up a slice of bacon.

We all looked up at each other, sharing a glance and then I said, “We burn through a lot of calories just about every day, love. Downside to having a very active lifestyle.”

“Ah,” she said, making a plate for herself, “Makes me glad that the most I do is walk around the town for exercise.”

I chuckled and shook my head. As soon as I was done, we all sat around the dining room table and ate.

“Do your parents still want to do the dinner tonight,” I asked as I wiped up the last of the syrup on my plate.”

She made a face, “They do. And I still have to go into work, too. I’m pretty sure that it’s going to be dead today. It’s just too cold and with that storm coming in, no one’s going to want to leave their homes.”

“That reminds me, I better call Raven and tell her to get home early. Unfortunately, Nate’s got night patrol.”

“Sucks to be him,” Octavia said as she took her plate to the kitchen.

“Be nice,” I said after her.

“I’ll be nice when he pays me for beating him at poker the other night.”

“I told you not to play for money,” I admonished.

“Well, poker is not poker without gambling.”

“Next time, just play strip poker.”

That made Janice pause and blush, “You won’t let them gamble, but you’ll let them play strip poker?”

I grinned, “Well, it’s more like drunk strip poker. Always lots of fun.”

“But, seriously? Are you guys that comfortable around each other?”

“Um, yeah,” I said.

She shook her head, “You guys are weird. Clarke, can you drive me to work? You’re right, my car is not up to navigating back down into town.”

“Sure. Let me go start the truck up and get the heater going,” I said, getting up and taking my plates to the kitchen.

When I was done, I called Raven and told her to come home as soon as possible. She agreed and that as soon as she was done with the car she was working on, she’d be home. I ran downstairs and checked with Nate, making sure his alarm was set just a bit earlier than usual. I did not want him to get stuck halfway down.

“Bellamy called,” Octavia said, as I came back up the stairs. “He wanted to make sure that we were good and ready to ride out the storm. He also said to tell you that he’s staying indoors too.”

“Thanks,” I said and turned to Janice, “Ready?”

“As ready as I can be,” she said and wrapped a scarf around her face.

We headed out, driving slowly to navigate the turns. I dropped her off in one piece and said that I’d pick her up at the end of her shift. A passionate kiss goodbye and I was heading back home.

I spent the day, cleaning the house and keeping an eye on the storm and the time. Harper made it to and from safely and then made sure the horses were safe and sound. Monty and Octavia entertained themselves in some video game to pass the time and Nate was still sound asleep. All was right in the world when Raven got home, and yet something felt off. I couldn’t place it, but there was a sudden feeling of foreboding. I tried to shake it off, but it was persistent.

I made sure that my phone was fully charged and I showered and changed clothes when it was almost time to pick up Janice.

“Are you sure that you’re okay with going,” Raven asked.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I replied. “Phone’s at a hundred percent. The truck is running good. I’m planning on staying at Janice’s to ride out the storm. Not much else I can do to prepare.”

She hugged me and said, “Stay safe. Call me when you’re back at Janice’s after the dinner.”

“I will, I promise,” I said.

Then I was out the door and headed to town. I picked up Janice and we headed to her apartment to let her shower and change. I watched the snow falling more thickly and worried. Janice came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, leaning her chin on my shoulder to look out.

“Want me to call them and tell them the weather’s too iffy,” she asked.

I sighed, “No. The worst that could happen is that we stay there, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then we’ll go,” I said, turning around and kissing her lightly. “I was surprised when you said ‘I love you’ first. Especially, since I was going to say it.”

She chuckled, “I know. I wanted to say it first.”

“You’re unbelievable. You’re freaking competitive.”

“I went to State three years in a row in high school in Track and Field. Damn right, I’m competitive.”

“In Track and Field,” I said, chuckling. “And now all you want to do is walk around town?”

“A girl has priorities. And anyway, you like my softness.”

“That I do,” I replied, squeezing her ass to make my point.

She kissed me deeply and I leaned into her, “Ready to go?”

I sighed, “Yeah.”

“You don’t have to sound like I’m sending you to your death. It’s only my parents and grandmother.”

“Your grandmother is going to be there, too,” I asked, suddenly finding myself nervous.

“Of course, she lives with them. Don’t worry, she’s tame and likes everyone.”

I groaned, but we headed out into the beginning of the storm. My sense of foreboding increased as we walked up the porch steps of her parents house, but I pushed it back to make this dinner go well.

“Mom, Dad, we’re here,” Janice called out.

I helped her out of her winter gear, shedding my own jacket. She hung everything up as her parents came out of the kitchen.

“Mom, Dad, I’d like you to meet Clarke,” she said, pulling me forward. “Clarke, these are my parents.”

I was immediately wrapped in a hug by her mom, making me smile. 

“Welcome, Clarke,” she said, releasing me.

“Thank you, Ma’am,” I replied. “And thank you for inviting me to dinner.”

“So polite,” she gushed. “You can call me Susan.”

“Alright,” I said and turned to her father and held out my hand, “Sir, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

He smiled and shook my hand, “The pleasure is all ours, Clarke. Janice speaks very highly of you. I’m Frank.”

I looked over at Janice and saw her blush, making me smile, “Well, I hope I’m not disappointing you, Frank. I love your daughter very much.”

“Good,” he said. “Treat her well and we’ll get along just fine.”

“Always.”

“Would you care for something to drink, Clarke. We’ve got wine, soda, water, tea.”

“A glass of wine would be lovely.”

“Janice, can you help me in the kitchen?”

I looked over at her in panic, but she mouthed that it was okay and I felt marginally better.

“Would you care to have a seat, Clarke? Dinner’s not quite ready,” her dad asked, pointing to the living room.

“I’d appreciate that,” I said and sat down on the couch.

I watched him nervously as he sat down. There was a bit of awkward silence and then he finally spoke. For the next few minutes, we danced through the typical dating interrogation and a few of my answers seemed to surprise him. Overall, I had the feeling that I came through with flying colors.

Janice and her mom finally emerged from the kitchen. She handed me my glass of wine and then sat next to me and laid a hand on my thigh. I held her hand and took a sip. We had both survived our interrogations and we chatted as we waited for dinner. When I heard the timer go off, Susan got up.

“Would you like a hand, Susan,” I asked, standing up.

“That would be lovely, dear,” she replied.

Janice came too and we soon had the food laid out. Her grandmother finally came out and introductions were made. I was a little uncomfortable with the look she gave me, but I was hoping it was only because I was dating Janice. The meal went smoothly, but I had to hold myself back from grabbing more food. We chatted through the evening and then it was time to go. I looked out the window, trying to gauge how bad the storm was.

“Can we make it back to my place,” Janice asked a little worriedly.

“If we leave now, I should be able to drive us back,” I replied. “The engine compartment is coated with something to keep the engine from getting too cold to start. We should be fine.”

“That’s good. Can you help me get my coat on?”

“Of course,” I said and gave her a chaste kiss.

As I helped her with her jacket, I felt someone come up on me. I looked over and saw her grandmother looking at me pointedly.

“Yes, ma’am,” I inquired politely even though I was getting a bad vibe coming from her.

“May I speak with you a moment,” she replied, inclining her head.

I looked around briefly, but didn’t see any strangeness in this request, so I replied, “Of course.”

She nodded, turned around and started walking away. I followed carefully, wondering what the hell she wanted from me that would give me such a bad feeling. She took me around the corner of the hallway that led to the bedrooms and then whipped around, glaring daggers at me. She stepped real close to me and I almost felt like I had to take a step back, but I stood my ground.

“I know exactly what you are,” she hissed at me.

I stiffened slightly and I said, “And what do you think that is?”

“You are a monster. A werewolf. I know your kind,” she said, her voice cold.

I said nothing and I kept my body language to show indifference though inwardly I was panicking.

She smirked and I wanted to wipe that look away, “You do not deny it. I’m surprised. Most of your kind denies their existence, but I always find out the truth.”

I sighed and appeared to be bored, asked, “What do you want?”

“Your kind do nothing but hurt and kill. I will not let you do the same to my granddaughter, wolf,” she sneered. “You will immediately stop seeing her and you will not go anywhere near her.”

I leaned forward a little, using a bit of my Alpha influence and smiled inwardly as she shrank back, “No. I will not stop seeing her. She is a grown woman and she can date whomever she wants to. Love whomever she wants to. She has chosen to be with me. Not that it’s any of your damn business, I am not interested in harming or killing her. Nor will I ever. If she wishes to continue to see me, then she will. Now, you listen to me, old woman, if you so much as breathe a word to her what I am, I will make what time you have left on this earth miserable and I will take her away from here. Do I make myself clear?”

I didn’t wait for an answer and instead walked away. I schooled my features to keep an outward appearance of calm and returned to the front hallway as if nothing had happened. I put on my jacket, said good night, and escorted Janice out to my truck. The snow was coming down hard and I held onto her tightly to make sure she got to the truck safely. I helped her inside from my side and climbed in after her. The truck took a couple of tries, but it started up with the heat turned high. Carefully, I backed it out and headed back to her apartment.

“What did Grandma want,” she asked.

I looked over at her, smiled, and replied, “Oh, her version of a parental warning. Treat her well. If you hurt her, I’ll hurt you. You know, the usual spiel. No biggie.”

She chuckled, “That’s unusual. She’s never done anything like that with any of my previous girlfriends.”

I looked at her in surprise and replied, “I must be special then.”

“I guess so. She must know how much I love you.”

“Oh, and how much do you love me?”

“Very, very much,” she whispered and leaned over to kiss me behind my ear.

I shivered in response and replied in a low voice, “You shouldn’t do that when a person is driving in a snowstorm.”

She chuckled sexily, “Oh, I think you’ll manage as long as I keep my hands to myself.”

A hunger took over and I suddenly could not wait to get back to her apartment.


	35. Clarke

The sound of a phone ringing woke me. I groggily blinked my eyes awake as I tried to form a coherent thought. I sighed as the phone kept ringing and gently disentangled myself from Janice. I searched for my jeans and pulled out my phone. I had five missed phone calls from Raven. I glanced back at the bed and Janice’s sleeping form and wanted nothing more than to go back there and pull her close to me, but the phone started ringing again and I answered.

“Merry Christmas, Raven,” I said as I left the bedroom. “What’s up?”

“Merry Christmas to you too,” she answered, her voice sounding slightly irritated.

That was when I remembered that I was supposed to call her last night when we got back to Janice’s. I groaned inwardly and said, “I’m sorry I forgot to call you last night, Rae. I got a bit distracted as soon as we got back.”

“Geez,” she replied, “Why am I not surprised.”

“Oh, get a grip,” I replied, irritably. “We’re not that bad. Anyways, as you can tell we made it safely back. How’s the weather looking? Will I be able to get back to the house?”

“No, the system’s hovering over us. Weatherman says that it’ll be either tomorrow or the next day before it’ll move on. Though, I’m sure you’ll find a way to pass the time.”

I shook my head as I went to a window and gazed out, “Ugh, there’s about three feet of snow already on the ground and it’s still snowing. Driving home in this is going to be a bitch when it finally stops.”

“Yeah, you’ll have to wait until they clear the roads before you can come back home. Then there’s the road up here that you’ll have to contend with. Luckily, we have some plows, so as soon as it stops snowing we’ll start working on it.”

“Good. We’ll have the Christmas feast and run when I get back. We’ll go south since that’s everyone’s favorite.”

“Are you okay to shift?”

“I should be. The shoulder hasn’t been bothering me. It aches right now, but I think it’s the plate reacting to the cold weather. I’ll take it at an easy lope.”

“I’ll let the guys know. By the by, Nate’s stuck at the station.”

“As long as he’s safe.”

“Yeah, they’re letting him crash in one of the empty cells.”

I chuckled, “As long as those deputies don’t lock him in, he’ll be fine. I’ll give him a call later.”

“How’d the dinner go last night?”

“Pretty good, but her grandmother knows what I am. She tried to warn me away from Janice, but I pretty much told her that it was Janice’s choice. I also told her that if she dared breathe a word that I’m a werewolf, I’d make her life a misery.”

“Dude, that’s cold, but I understand. It had to be done. No one can know what we are.”

“Oh, trust me. I understand completely. We can’t afford to be run off like Lexa’s people were. I can’t afford to go looking for another place.”

“Well, as soon as you finish those paintings, you’ll get the money coming back in.”

“Hopefully, they’ll sell well,” I replied worriedly.

“Don’t worry, they will. You know, you should really consider hiring an agent. That way, Rachel won’t try to run roughshod over you.”

I sighed, “You’re right. I’ll look into it, unless you want to start the research for me?”

“Sure. It’ll give me something to do since I’m stuck here in the house for the next few days.”

“I’ll get back as soon as I can, but right now, I’m going to go crawl back into bed. I’ve got a very lonely and beautiful woman that gets cold easily.”

She snickered, “Alright. I get the hint. We’ll touch base later, yeah?”

“Yeah. We will. Try not to eat the turkey and ham.”

She laughed loudly, “We’ll try, but they are so tempting just sitting in there wanting to be cooked and eaten.”

“Which will make them taste all that much better when we do,” I replied.

“Aye, aye, Captain. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Laters,” I said and hung up.

I carried the phone back into the room with me and laid it on the nightstand by the bed. I did not want to looking for it again if anyone else called. I slid underneath the covers and Janice automatically searched me out and snuggled against me with a sigh. I rearranged us and fell asleep again.

I was having a dream replaying the kiss I shared with Lexa when it became more heated. Having memorized her naked form, she lay on her side as she kissed me deep and her hands traveled downward eliciting my dream self to shiver. Her hand traveled to my breast, molding it as her thumb grazed my nipple erect. Her mouth left mine and trailed a path down my jaw, neck, and chest. Her teeth nipped my skin as her tongue soothed away any pain. I could feel myself grow wetter as she continued until she took my other breast in her mouth. My dream self gasped as her mouth gently pulled the nipple inward, her tongue circling it as her hand slid downward, feather light, and tracing patterns across my skin, setting it on fire. I moaned loudly enough that I realized that there were real hands and a mouth on me, causing tantalizing sensations. Knowing it was Janice, I forced Lexa into the back of my mind as I opened my eyes and focused on her.

Her hand continued downward, my legs parting willingly for her as slipped her hand between them. I felt her gasp when she encountered how wet I was. Her eyes glanced upwards and I saw her eyes darken. I pulled her up and kissed her, forcing entrance with my tongue. As we hungrily kissed, my hands traveled down her length and pulled her leg over and straddling me. I pushed her hips down to meet my upward thrust, our hips guiding her hand and making her moan at the sensation of it rubbing against her own wetness. Our mouths broke apart in an explosion of air as muscles flexed in anticipation. Movements became more hurried and she braced herself with her other hand and she buried her head in my neck, biting where my shoulder met my neck. I moaned loudly as my body reacted, connecting the two sensations. Our breathing became pants as our hips picked up their pace. With one final aggressive thrust, we came together and slowed down just enough to draw out the orgasms for as longs as we could.

When it finally settled, she collapsed against me and I pulled her tightly to me as she nestled her head on my shoulder. Sweat soaked our skins, hearts beating rapidly in sync, our breathing came out in short gasps as we worked through our skins sudden sensitivity. I felt my body begging me to fall back into slumber, but I wanted to fight it because I knew that when I closed my eyes, I wouldn’t see Janice. I’d see her, Lexa, and wonder what she would look like as she came. I closed my eyes and shuddered as I tried to dispel the thoughts.

I felt Janice’s body relax back into slumber as her heart rate and breathing slowed, pulling me under with her. My last thought was realizing that I was in trouble knowing that picturing another woman while having sex with someone else was a disaster in the making.

The rest of the day was spent lounging around watching Christmas movie after Christmas movie with Janice tucked comfortably against me. Half of my mind was enjoying my time spent with Janice and thinking that there was nothing more that I’d rather be doing. The other half split its time between my brief conversation with her grandmother and my feelings towards Lexa.

It was my heartfelt wish that I would not have to follow through with my threat and at the same time worried about what may happen if Janice found out from her admission than if it came from me. I wasn’t ready to tell her what I was, our relationship was still too new for me. If it became more serious to the point that we’d move into together, that would be the time to tell her. Then my thoughts circled around to how her grandmother figured out that I was a werewolf. I distinctly remember not touching her in any way nor did I think I acted any way out of the ordinary. So, what gave me away? She was too young to remember what it was like when Lexa’s pack was part of Eden. It made me wonder exactly who this woman was and what was her family’s history. Looked like I had some research to do when the weather and roads cleared up.

Now, what the fuck was I supposed to do with Lexa or really, my feelings for her? Were there feelings besides sexual want? I rolled my neck as I felt a slight tugging below my waist at just the thought. Clearing my throat, I tamped the urge down and refocused my thoughts. Yes, I wanted her and I made it worse by kissing her. Seeing her naked on the ledge further drove the need which meant that I needed to stop myself from going there on the off chance of seeing her. I considered her a friend because we had spent so much time writing to one another and opening ourselves up, sharing what was going on with our lives. We understood one another in a way that I felt we couldn’t with anyone that wasn’t an Alpha. I understood what it meant to be a leader and the often difficult decisions that sometimes needed to happen. She understood what it was like to work through a trauma that affected life outside of my own. 

Then, there’s the fact that we both feel like we’ve known each other for a lot longer than the last three, four months. Which was insane when I thought about it. Like something out of a fictional romance, but I was pretty sure that I wasn’t in love with Lexa. I mean, I knew love. I loved Janice, which was a different love than what I felt for my friends or even my mother. I liked Lexa, but only as a friend. Unfortunately, she was a friend that I really, really wanted to sleep with. 

_Lock it down, Griffin! ___

____

I had tensed and Janice felt it, making her look at me in worry, “You alright, babe?”

____

I forced my body to relax and lied with a smile, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a fleeting memory.”

____

Worry crossed her eyes, “Wanna talk about it?”

____

I shook my head, “I’m fine. Really. They just sneak up on me every once in awhile.”

____

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right,” she said, sitting up and turning to face me.

____

“I know,” I replied with a slight frown. “Janice, what happened in the past is the past. Yeah, it colors my present and my future, but it is firmly in the past. That’s where I want it to stay. Please don’t ask me about it again.”

____

She nodded, but I knew that she didn’t really want to let it go. We’d had these conversations before when she’d do or say something that would remind me of Wells. I’d given her the overview, but I’d never gone into detail and that’s how I liked it. I didn’t want to see the looks of pity or sympathy coupled with anger that I knew she would give me. It was hard enough to deal with when something from the attack would leak through, but I didn’t want to dredge up every pain filled moment with her. That probably wasn’t healthy, but I wasn’t ready to give that all to her.

____

That was another difference between her and Lexa, I thought to myself. I was fully open with Lexa and comfortable talking to her about my past, but I just couldn’t bring myself to be that open with Janice. Maybe it was because Janice was human and I wasn’t sure that she’d fully understand what it meant growing up in that kind of environment. Scratch that, she would never be able to understand it. Lexa, on the other hand, did. She knew what it meant to grow up in a pack and that what one person said was law. Janice grew up thinking that if enough people held onto a certain belief or that a change should be made then they could make it happen if enough people pushed. It made me sad to think about the fact such actions could have meaningful impacts across the globe, but in werewolf packs we were left at the mercy of a pack Alpha.

____

This was just one more example of what it meant to date a human, but I loved her and I hoped that someday I would be ready to open up to her and invite her into our world. Just not today.

____

I decided to change the subject and got up to find my jacket, “I almost forgot. I have something for you.”

____

I rooted in my jacket pockets and found the small box that I had wrapped very carefully a week ago. Smiling, I walked back over to her and presented the gift, “Merry Christmas, Janice.”

____

She beamed up at me and started unwrapping it as I sat back down in anticipation. It had taken me a good month to find the perfect gift and I really hoped that she like it. Having unwrapped and put the paper aside, she opened the box with shaking fingers. I was watching her so intently that I noticed when her face and body fell in disappointment before she quickly recovered and smiling, pulled out a gold pendant in the shape of a heart made up of two wolves with a triquetra. Each wolf had a precious stone for an eye, one sapphire and the other a milk chocolate diamond.

____

“You don’t like it,” I said, feeling crestfallen.

____

She blushed and then said, looking me earnestly in the eye, “No! I love it, Clarke. It’s beautiful.”

____

“But you were hoping for something else,” I said, sighing.

____

She looked down, abashed and said, “Well, sorta. It’s just that, you know, I’ve been spending the majority of time over at your place and, you know, half of my stuff is there already…”

____

Realization dawned on me and I felt like a complete idiot, “You were hoping that I was giving you a key to my place.”

____

“Yeah,” she said, a little numbly. “I guess it was silly of me to think that.”

____

I leaned forward and took her hand and used the other to lift her chin, “No, Janice, it’s not silly. Not at all. It’s just…I haven’t had this conversation with the others yet. It’s a really big step and I haven’t broached the subject with them.”

____

She looked at me in confusion, “Why would you have to have a conversation with them about giving me a key to your place? It is your place, right?”

____

“Yeah, it is,” I replied and tried to find the words to explain without giving anything away. “Look, all of us are private people and we like our privacy. We’re also very tight knit, so to bring someone in from outside our group is a big deal. None of us had a good life growing up, it’s one of the reasons why we’ve bonded with one another. It makes us careful and that’s why when it comes to big decisions like giving our significant others a key to the place or asking them to live with us, we talk it over as a group. Does that make sense?”

____

“Yeah, it does,” she replied, sighing and playing with the pendant. My eyes watch her finger as it traces the wolves, “This is really beautiful, Clarke. Can you put it on for me?”

____

I nodded silently as she held it out to me. I unclasped it as she turned around and lifted her hair. I scooted closer and gently clasped it close, my hands gliding over her shoulders and down her arms as I leaned in and kissed her neck. She sighed at the sensation of my lips on her skin and leaned back against me. I wrapped my arms protectively around her waist pulling her close as I inhaled her rich scent, closing my eyes.

____

“I love you, Janice,” I whispered into her neck. “I’m glad you like it.”

____

“I love you, too, Clarke,” she replied, turning her head and capturing my lips with hers.

____

As we kissed, my thoughts circled around her words. She wanted to take the next step, but I didn’t know if I was ready for it.

____


	36. Lexa

I stared glumly out of the kitchen door window, watching the snow fall thickly and taking a heavy pull from a bottle of beer. It was Christmas Day and I was once again alone in an empty house during a holiday that was meant to be shared by friends and family. It was meant to be filled with joy and laughter. Love and anticipation. Instead, days like today only seemed to amplify how achingly lonely I was.

I sighed and moved away from the window and back out into the living room where my laptop hummed. I sat on the couch and brought it back to life as I took another swallow of the beer. The screen blurred a little bit, making me squint to make it come back into focus.

_Crap, how many beers have I had already?_

I glanced over to the right and saw that there were at least four empty bottles sitting there. Dammit, it wasn’t even noon yet. I growled low and shook my head, ignoring the slight dizziness from the action. I tried to concentrate on the emails regarding the New Year’s Eve party, but my damn eyes refused to focus and I ended up slamming the laptop closed, shaking the empty bottles. I glared at them as I polished off the one in my hand and grabbed another one. I popped the cap off and started guzzling it down, trying to drown my sorrows. I knew it wouldn’t work, it never did, but I wasn’t above hoping that maybe this time it would.

My best friend hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. I had tried talking to her after she had sobered up, but it had proven to be an exercise in futility. As soon as those doors had opened, she had been out and damn near growling a challenge at me. That had been a tense moment. Both of us staring at one another and I had tried again to explain that I was in the wrong about the whole situation, but she refused to listen and instead blamed the whole thing on Clarke. If it hadn’t been for Clarke’s arrival, I would have never told her that I didn’t love her. If it hadn’t been for my physical attraction to Clarke, Anya would have been in my bed. If Clarke wasn’t an Alpha, I would have given Anya the time of day. Anya now obsessively hated her and I hoped that it wouldn’t escalate to a point that something bad happened.

I studied my ceiling as I leaned back on the couch and thought about the only other turbulence in my life that made me ache. Clarke. We had become accidental friends and it was possible that we would become truer friends. Then there was that physical attraction that I had to contend with. I had never had such a strong physical reaction to someone like when I had first laid eyes on her. My body wanted to move closer on it’s own accord. To feel her skin against mine. To merge with her. To taste her. To claim her. It was excruciating to be near her and not touch her. Then for her to admit that she felt the same way. It became torturous. And let’s not forget the kiss. That fucking kiss that made my body heat and yearn for something that I could not have.

After that kiss, I couldn’t sleep that night as I kept feeling her lips against mine, our tongues barely touching. I hadn’t wanted that kiss to end and when it did, I had wanted to pull her back and kiss again. I had wanted to hear her moan and feel my hand in her hair. I had wanted to do so much, but I couldn’t. I shouldn’t because she was seeing Janice. She was with Janice and I felt such a strong surge of jealousy when I thought about the fact that Janice could have Clarke in a way I couldn’t. I felt that I should feel guilty about it, but I couldn’t. I wanted Clarke, pure and simple, and the only thing in my way was Janice. The predator in me wanted to remove Janice and claim Clarke as my own, but I bit that beast down hard. I wasn’t going to do that. I wasn’t going to jeopardize Clarke’s happiness just because I wasn’t the one making her happy. Or making her come. I briefly wondered if Janice made her scream when she came, but quickly turned my thoughts away from that scenario or any other scenario that I pictured the two of them doing. 

I stood up abruptly, holding my hand out to balance myself as a wave of dizziness enveloped me. I needed air. I needed the forest. I needed to get lost for a moment or ten or fifty. I stripped completely and walked quickly to the kitchen door. I took one last glance at my empty home and stepped through. The storm’s wind made me stagger as my breath seized in my chest, frozen and unmoving. I managed a small breath and shifted. The fur helped slightly, but it didn’t take away all of the cold, so I started moving. Leaping through the tall mounds of snow and plowing through what I could. As soon as I entered the forest proper, the wind cut back and I started racing through the trees. 

My chest ached as I breathed in the cold air, my body warming up as I continued to move, and I could barely see through the snow. My fur froze as it became coated, but I continued to move. Running when I could, walking when I couldn’t. I lost all track of time and distance. My thoughts swirled around my loneliness and my ache for Clarke. I paused and howled my misery for a long moment, but only heard myself echoed back in a forest that seemed empty of life. Much like my life. This forest was my life. Empty and hollow. Devoid of anything worthwhile.

When the light dimmed, I stopped and looked around me. The storm had changed the landscape and I had no idea where I was. I turned around in the direction I had come from, but my tracks had already disappeared. I was lost. Well and truly lost. I took a deep breath as I felt panic strike me. I was alone and I had told no one that I was coming out here. I growled at my incompetence and lack of thought. I had made an impulsive decision because I was drunk and lonely. I was going to get myself killed and no one would know where to find me.

I needed to get back home. That’s what I needed to do, so I walked back in the direction I had come from. As I started to run, I tried to figure out where I was, but the landscape was too changed. The snow coming down too hard and the light diminishing too quickly. I ran on, trying desperately to find something familiar. Something to guide me in the right direction, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t find a damn thing and I was beginning to tire. My body began to ache as the cold leeched it’s way into my bones. My breath became ragged as I pushed myself further and further into the gloom.

I was so turned around and so blinded by the snow and the dark that I didn’t realize that I had stepped into air until I found myself tumbling head over tail, hitting and breaking every obstacle in my path until I came to a stop against a tree. I hit hard enough that the lowest branches shook and the weight of the snow fell on top of me. Burying me. I lay there stunned as I tried to get my head to stop spinning and my thoughts to become coherent. I dug my way out of the snow, my body now shivering from the freezing temperature and I knew I was in really big trouble. I knew that if I couldn’t find shelter and fast that there was a very strong possibility that I could freeze to death. 

I took a deep and pain filled breath, my ribs screaming in protest along with my lungs. I seemed to have cracked several ribs in my tumble. I looked towards the direction of my fall, but I couldn’t make anything out. I took a few tentative steps and my right back leg collapsed on me, making me fall down. The pain shooting up it was enough to make me howl in pain. With tears threatening to freeze on my face, I turned to look at it and could barely make out that it looked odd. Like a part of it was pushed out more than it should be. I had broken it, but I couldn’t let it stop me from finding shelter. I got up again and without putting any weight on the leg, started moving slowly. Each step more painful than the previous.

I didn’t know where I was going, but I hoped that I wasn’t heading towards the ledge. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to see it, not in this weather which meant that I could very well fall to my death if that happened. I shuddered, sending another spasm of pain throughout my body. I continued to move and I fought to keep conscious. The cold and the pain, making my thoughts sluggish and the need to rest for just a bit ratcheted up in need. I couldn’t stop. To stop meant death and I really didn’t want to die. Not like this. Not alone in the middle of a fucking snow storm. 

I kept moving until I stumbled for the hundredth time. This time, when I tried to get up and keep moving, my body refused to. I was in too much pain. I felt frozen and I could barely raise my head up. This was where I stopped. This was where I knew that I could go no further and my life was at the mercy of the storm around me. I panted as the snow fell, covering me like a blanket. My head dropped, exhausted from trying to hold it up and I felt the cold darkness reach for my mind. I couldn’t stop it and my last thought was of Clarke.

 

I dreamed. I dreamed of many things. I dreamed of my parents. I dreamed of my grandfather. My childhood. Costia. The few friends that I had. I dreamed the stories my father had told me growing up. Of the story about the first werewolves to ever exist. I dreamed of Clarke’s friends. Mostly, though, I dreamt of Clarke. When I dreamt of her, I felt warmth and the undeniable truth that I could trust her with my life.

At some point, I dreamed of being lifted and carried. I dreamt of soft hands and soft murmurs. I dreamt of warmth and being surrounded. I dreamt of finally being safe.

I woke partially, pain still ever present. I couldn’t focus on my surroundings, but I could hear soft murmurs. I recognized them as voices, but try as I might, I couldn’t make out the words. The darkness claimed me again, driving out the murmurs and the pain. I slept with Clarke still predominantly in my dreams.

I woke several times and each time with more clarity. I still didn’t know where I was or what the voices were saying, but I knew that I was safe and warm. I knew I was still in my wolf form, but I still felt too weak to shift. I also felt my leg bound and held in place. I really had done something to it. My breathing was easier, which meant that my ribs were healing. Whatever I had been through, I was apparently recovering.

I shifted and moaned in discomfort then stiffened when I heard someone approaching. I inhaled deeply and opened my eyes wide in surprise at the scent that filled me. It was Clarke. I moved my head, looking for her and watched as she approached me. I studied her face and was surprised to see so many emotions cross her face as she crouched near my head.

She hesitantly reached up and stroked my head, her fingers caressing my fur and making me close my eyes in pleasure. I felt tears prick my eyes as I opened them to look at her again. She smiled sadly as she stroked me for a bit.

“I’m glad to see you awake, Lex,” she said quietly and I could hear the relief in her voice. “We’ve been worried about you. You gave us quite a scare. Octavia found you right outside a small cave south of here, nearly frozen. You cracked quite a few ribs and broke your right leg. You’ve also been out for about two days.”

I looked at her in shock. Two days. I’ve been unconscious for two days. I was lucky to be alive and knew that when I could finally shift, I’d have a lot to answer for.

“You’ve got a lot to answer for, Lexa,” she said, following my thoughts. “Lincoln and Anya have been besides themselves with worry since Octavia called Lincoln. I convinced them to keep you here until you can shift back, which you should be able to in a couple of days.” Then her voice changed, there was fear tinged with anger, “What the hell were you thinking? Going out in the middle of a fucking snow storm without anyone with you or letting anyone know. Of all of the stupidest things I have ever heard, this is by far the stupidest. Do you realize that you could’ve died? You were so close, Lexa. You were mere hours away from dying. Do you realize what your death would’ve done to everyone? Your pack? Your friends?”

I winced and whined because she was right. I had let my emotions override my common sense and it had nearly cost me everything. Putting all that aside, I was damn lucky to have been found at all and that I owed everything to Clarke and her friends for saving me.

“You still need to rest, Lexa,” she said as she continued to stroke my head. “Your leg’s nearly healed, which is surprising. I guess my people aren’t the only ones with a few surprises in their genetics. We figure that it’ll be safe enough for you to shift without fucking up your leg in a couple of days or so.”

I nodded my head and she leaned back to smile. She started to run her fingernails up the area between my eyes gently, from nose to the top of my head, and I started to feel more relaxed and sleepy. I felt my eyes grow heavy and I couldn’t help myself, I fell asleep and for the first time in months, I felt at peace.


	37. Lexa

Two days later, I woke up on a strange bed and still in my wolf form. I sat up a little bit and looked over at my leg. The bandages and splint had been taken off and I flexed it experimentally. There was pain as I stretched, but I felt that it was well enough that I could shift. I closed my eyes and breathing deeply, shifted. I opened my eyes when I was done and smiled seeing legs and arms again. I ran my hands over my leg and felt a small knot where the break had been. I probably still couldn’t put my full weight down on it, but there shouldn’t be a problem with letting it heal in my human form. 

I glanced around the room and saw it decorated simply. Done in soothing colors that promoted relaxation and sleep. I was sitting up in a queen sized bed with a simple head and footboard. There was a waist high dresser along one wall with a door that probably led to a closet. There was a window behind the bed and it was shuttered against the outside. There was an ottoman on the other side of the bed and a few tasteful paintings or prints were on two of the walls with a long mirror hanging over the dresser. I scooted to the edge of the bed and gingerly stood up, keeping only a light weight on my leg. When I could stand a bit steadily, I looked into the mirror and was struck by how bad I looked. My hair lay in tangled strands, my cheeks looked more prominent and there were deep dark circles underneath my eyes. Even the color of my eyes looked tired. I sighed and hobbled over to the dresser and leaned on it. I suddenly wanted a shower, but it looked like I needed to leave the room to find it. On the back of the door was a terry cloth robe hanging on a hook and I took it down. I wrapped myself in it and reveled in the warmth and softness. Against the wall, next to the door was a cane, I took it and hobbled out of the bedroom. 

I found myself behind the stairs of Clarke’s home. I could hear voices from the other side and walked towards them. I saw Raven, Harper, and Monty hanging around the kitchen bar, eating and I suddenly realized that it had been quite a while since I had last eaten. My stomach loudly announced itself, making everyone turn in my direction and I blushed. Raven recovered first and smiled seeing me.

“Good,” she said, from her spot on the bar. “You were able to shift. We were afraid that you might have to completely heal before you could.”

I chuckled, making me cough at the dryness in my throat, “My pack has some surprises of it’s own. We heal a tad quicker than normal.”

“Are you hungry,” Monty asked as I came up to them. “We were making sandwiches, if that’s okay with you.”

“That’s fine,” I replied, smiling kindly. “Sandwiches sound perfect. Do y’all have any juice?”

Monty started making me some sandwiches and Harper asked, “That’s an understatement. We’ve got orange, apple, grape, peach, orange mango, banana pineapple, strawberry banana…”

She would have gone on, I think, but I interrupted her by saying, “Orange juice is fine. Thank you.”

She nodded and poured me a huge glass before putting it in front of me. I took a huge gulp and sighed as the coolness wetted my dry throat.

“So, how are you feeling,” Raven asked me when I put the glass down.

I looked at her and replied, “Like shit. Which is what I deserve for being stupid enough to go out in the storm.”

She chuckled, “We’re all stupid sometimes, Lex. Me included.”

That got a laugh out of Monty, making her glare at him. He just laughed and shook his head.

“Don’t mind him, he doesn’t know a damn thing.”

He looked up at her sharply and said, “Oh, really? Who was it that was convinced that Ms. Heppins wanted her car in the teacher’s lounge? You had detention for the rest of the year as her helper.”

“Hey,” she cried indignantly, “Finn said that there was no way that I could do it without any one finding out. I had to prove him wrong.”

“Then there was the time Jasper dared you to sing ‘Oops I did it again’ while using the flag pole at the school as a stripper pole,” Harper said, laughing, “You ended up face planting during the second verse.”

“Okay, okay,” she said, holding up her hands in surrender. “I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my youth, but so have a lot of people.”

“Has Clarke,” I asked as I took a bite out of the sandwich.

The three of them looked at each other and burst out laughing. I guess she had.

“Oh, yeah she has,” Raven said, when she got control of herself. “Remember when we dared her to climb the library and paint clothes on the frieze up there?”

“I remember being three sheets to the wind when I did that,” a voice said, making them freeze and I turned to the voice. Clarke smiled at me when she came down the stairs. “I don’t think the weather’s gotten all of the paint off of them yet. Hardest part was trying to figure out how low I had to climb down before I could jump off. Being drunk and trying to gauge height takes skill. A skill that I apparently don’t have.”

Clarke sat next to me and I had to fight the immediate urge to lean towards her since she was mere inches from me. Monty handed her a sandwich and a glass of dark liquid. From the scent, it smelled like sweet tea. I felt a blush rise at her nearness and focused on my food in front of me.

“I’m glad to see you up and about, Lex,” she said as she swallowed a bite.

I nodded, swallowing my own food, “So, am I. I’m sorry for putting y’all through so much worry.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Raven replied.

I stiffened at the reply, but nodded, “It is. I’m not usually that reckless and I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“It’s fine,” Clarke said, laying a hand on my arm. “You don’t have to explain yourself to these guys. You will have to explain to Lincoln and Anya, though.”

I sighed, “You’re right. Thank you for saving my life.”

She chuckled and the sound made a shiver run down my spine, “Your welcome. I’m just really glad that all you got out of it was a few busted bones and a mild case of hypothermia.”

I snorted, “You make it sound like I only had a cold.”

“I’d rather you have a cold than dead, Lex,” she said softly.

I looked over at her sharply and I could see that she had been scared that I was going to die. She dropped her gaze and took a bite out of her sandwich, which left me confused and elated at the same time. Why did the thought of me dying scare her? I mean, sure, you could call us friends, but there seemed to be something else in her eyes that was at odds with our friendship. I wanted to press, but not with witnesses. I turned my focus back onto my food and was disappointed that I was nearly done. When the last of the food was gone, I played with my glass of orange juice unwilling to speak again.

“I’ll give Lincoln a call,” Raven said suddenly. “Let him know that you’re up.”

“Thanks,” I replied, looking over at her gratefully.

She smiled at me and then her eyes shifted over to Clarke and I saw a weird emotion stray across her face before she urged Harper and Monty to go with her. Alone with Clarke, I suddenly became nervous and wished that I was suddenly anywhere else but here.

“Why’d you do it, Lex,” Clarke asked after a while. “Why’d you go out into the storm?”

I sighed and looked over at her and into her eyes. For a moment, time seemed to stop as I got lost in them and then she blinked, breaking the spell, and I said, “I let the day get to me. I had been drinking and feeling lonely and miserable and sad. I had to get outside to get away from it all. It was stupid.”

“Damn right, it was stupid,” she said, anger sparking in her voice. “Why didn’t you call someone? Lincoln? Anya?”

I felt my own spark of anger and replied, “There’s no one to call, Clarke. I can’t talk to Lincoln about the shit that’s bothering me and the one person I can, Anya, hates my fucking guts. So, I had no one that I could have talked to and that’s part of the problem. I have no one.”

I felt my anger dissolve as tears started falling. The aching loneliness that had driven me into the storm came back in a rush and I felt powerless to stop it. I heard her shift and suddenly I was wrapped in her arms. I turned to her, my face against her shoulder and began to sob earnestly. As I cried, a small part of me realized how good it felt to be held by her. Her scent mixed with her perfume enveloping me in a cocoon of warmth. It felt right being in her arms and I wrapped my own around her waist and pulled her closer. It felt like I was home and it helped ease the ache and I started to feel calmer and steadier.

When the crying had eased, I stayed where I was because I didn’t want this feeling to go away. I didn’t want to let go of her. I did though when I felt her pull back from me. I immediately felt ashamed and I looked down at my hands as I laid them in my lap. I didn’t want to look up, afraid that I’d see something in her eyes that would break my heart. I didn’t want to risk it.

I looked up in surprise when she said, “I was so scared when Octavia called me. So much so, that I called Nate to commandeer one of the Sheriff’s snowmobiles and bring me right back to the house.”

“You, you did,” I stammered out. “Why would you do that? Why were you so scared? It’s not like we’re dating or anything. We’re only friends. Aren’t we?”

“I was that scared because we are friends, Lexa. I probably wouldn’t have freaked out if Octavia had told me it was Lincoln,” she said chuckling softly. “I just don’t know him that well to care that much. Then there’s the fact of where they found you. You were at the edge of my property. It would have given Anya more ammunition to hate me even more.”

I tilted my head to look at her as I considered her words. She was right. If I hadn’t been found until after the storm, the pack would have come after Clarke and her friends because they would have assumed that they had done something to me. I shuddered at the thought and glad that it hadn’t been the case.

“Why was Octavia even out in the storm,” I asked, because I’m pretty sure Clarke told them the same thing I had told my pack, stay indoors.

Her eyes flashed in anger, but her voice was calm when she answered, “She thought that just because I was in town with Janice, she could do whatever she wanted. She had decided that she wanted to spend the night in the small cave and see what it was like to be in the middle of a snowstorm. It was pure chance that it happened to be the exact spot where you collapsed.”

“Is she prone to not listening to you?”

She laughed, “She’s prone to rebelling and getting bored easily. She thought she’d get off easy by finding you and bringing you to the house, but she didn’t. She now has to help Harper with the horses, clean the house to my specifications, clean my studio, and shovel the snow for the next month.”

“That’s a lot of cleaning,” I said, smiling and shaking my head.

Clarke shrugged, “It’s about the worst punishment I could think of that we could all agree on.”

“You all agreed on the punishment,” I asked, confused.

“Yeah. It’s how we do things here. When it comes to decisions that affect us as a whole, we discuss it as a group and then decide together. I may be Alpha, but I don’t make unilateral decisions. It’s our way of keeping a harmonious balance.”

“Raven said something like that at the dinner party,” I said, thinking. “That everyone is treated equally and whatnot. It’s strange actually witnessing it.”

“Well, when you’ve had your whole life defined by where you are in the pack hierarchy and forced to abide by that…you want something different. For us, it’s equality.”

“I can understand that, but it wouldn’t work in a larger pack. You actually need that hierarchy and adherence to it.”

“True, but we’re not a pack,” she replied with a smile.

I smiled back, “Which is why it works.”

“Exactly.”

I heard a clatter coming down the stairs and I turned to look over at them. Raven was coming back down and she had a slight frown on her face.

Clarke must have noticed it because she asked, “What is it, Rae?”

“I just got off the phone with Lincoln,” she said, as she poured her own cup of coffee. “He’s on his way to come get you.”

“Cool, but why is that a bad thing suddenly,” I asked, confused.

She smiled wanly at me and said, “That’s not the bad. Anya’s coming with him.”

That surprised the hell out of me, “Why is she coming with him? I don’t understand. She pretty much hates me and Clarke.”

“I know. That’s why I’ve got this look on my face.”

Clarke snorted, making the two of us look at her, and she said, “Remember, she thinks I stole Lexa from her and that I’m a threat. She probably thinks that I’ll do something to Lexa, like locking her up in a sex dungeon or something and refuse to let her go home.”

“What,” I exclaimed. “A sex dungeon?!”

Clarke smiled, “Well, who knows what she thinks is in this house. It’s a large house. It could very well be that I do have someplace like that hidden away.”

“Do you,” I asked, suddenly curious as my mind tested the water in the gutter.

Raven and Clarke laughed and she said, “God, no. That would be the worst kind of thing to have in this house. We’re traumatized enough as it is, we don’t need to add fuel to the fire.”

“Oh, god, that’s right,” I said, feeling like I’d just dunked my head back out into the storm. “It’s so easy to forget the shit y’all have been through.”

“And that’s what we want,” Raven said, sober now. “Bad shit happened to us and it may have colored how we react to certain things, but it doesn’t define who we are. Even though some of us had parents who drank themselves to death, doesn’t keep us from enjoying alcohol. Some of us have been beaten, but it doesn’t mean that we’re not going to avoid rough housing or be timid around one another. We’ve grown up with one another, so we know what makes each other tick and what we can and can’t do.”

“Which means, y’all can still have fun without accidentally throwing a wrench into it.”

“Yep. And we really do like to have our fun. Speaking of fun, Clarke, when the hell are we going to have our Christmas feast and run? You haven’t even let us open our presents yet.”

“Tomorrow,” she answered. “We’ll have it tomorrow. Promise. And if you behave, we can open the presents tonight.”

She jumped up and hugged Clarke tightly, “Thank you. You beautiful, intelligent, caring, woman, you.”

“Easy there, tiger,” she replied, laughing. “You keep it up, I’m dragging you upstairs and having my way with you.”

Raven immediately let her go, making her laugh harder, “Why do you always have to ruin my mood.”

“Oh, please. So, you’re telling me that you can tease me to the ends of the earth because you know I’m attracted to you, but I can’t do the same?”

“Exactly.”

“That’s not fair,” she replied, in mock indignation. “That’s just mean.”

“That is rather mean,” I said, smiling in sympathy.

Raven arched an eyebrow and gave me a slow mischievous smile and I knew I was in trouble. She sauntered over to me and I tensed nervously. I glanced quickly over at Clarke, but she had the same smile on her face. Oh, shit, what the hell was about to happen?

She stopped mere inches from me and leaned over until I could feel her breath tickling the hairs on my neck and whispered, “Yipee-ki-yay, motherfucker.”

I whipped my head around so fast in shock that she didn’t have time to move away and I hit her hard.

“Fuck,” she cried out as she clutched her head. “That fucking hurt.”

“No kidding,” I said, clutching the side of my head.

Clarke was laughing so hard that she had fallen out of her stool and lay crumpled on the floor, still laughing.

I glared at her and said, “This isn’t funny, Clarke. Raven’s got a hard head.”

“Me?! You’ve got the hardest head I’ve ever encountered before.”

I looked at her, “Are you telling me that you’ve done this before?”

“Well, no, but still. God, my head hurts.”

“God, that was the funniest shit I’ve ever seen,” Clarke said through her laughs, “I got the whole thing on video. This is one that neither of you’ll ever live down.”

“Oh, hell no,” I said, standing up and limping over to her. “Hand it over, Griffin.”

She sat up and held her phone protectively to her chest, “Nope. Not gonna happen. It’s in the cloud. You’ll never get rid of it now.”

I groaned, “God, is that what being friends with you is like?”

She smiled up at me and said, “Maybe.”

“I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”

“Welcome to the family,” Raven said, coming over and laying an arm around my shoulders. “You’ll fit in just fine. By the way, you need a shower.”

I stiffened and inhaled subtly, “You’re right. Which way to the shower?”

Clarke got up and said, “Come on. I’ll show you where the bathroom’s at and Raven will get you something to wear.”

“Me,” she cried. “Why does it have to be my clothes?”

“You’re closer to her size than Octavia and on top of that, it’s your fault that Lexa’s head hurts.”

“Well, what about my head?”

She shrugged, “Punishment?”

“Fuck you, Clarke.”

“I wish you would.”

Raven threw up her hands and said, “God dammit, woman. Stop it.”

“I will when you will, but I know you won’t.”

Raven let out a huge sigh, “Let me go get some clothes. Just remember to behave, Clarke.”

“What, I’m the epitome of good behavior.”

Raven leveled a look at Clarke and I saw her blush and drop her eyes, “Yeah, alright. I’ll behave.”

“Good,” she replied, smirking. “Make sure you do.”

“Whatever. Come on, Lexa,” she said, walking back towards the bathroom.

I limped quickly to keep up, wondering what just happened. Clarke took me to a door that was between the bedroom and another door. She opened it up and I was immediately impressed by the size of it.

“Damn, Clarke,” I said, walking in. “Is anything in this house small?”

“Nope,” she said, leaning against the doorway. “Well, maybe our gym. I may knock out a wall to make it bigger.”

I spun around and clutched the counter before I fell, “You’ve got a damn gym in your house, too. What the hell?”

She laughed and stepped forward, making me put my back to the counter, “What can I say, we like to look good for our perspective significant others.”

I swallowed thickly and I noticed her eyes follow the motion. Her eyes darkened briefly before she took a step back and smiled at me sadly. Apparently, that attraction was just as bad for her to ignore as it was for me.

“I’ll let you get cleaned up.”

“Thanks,” I said, suddenly unsure. “Um, thanks for letting me cry on you.”

“It’s what friends are for, Lex,” she said, softly and noticed that she seemed to want to reach up, but kept herself from doing it.

For a moment, we just stood there and then she abruptly turned and walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her. I let out a long breath, suddenly realizing that I had held it. God, I wanted her so damn much. I growled in frustration and took a long and hot shower, trying to ease the tension in my shoulders and that feeling below my navel. Clarke would be the death of me.

When I was finally done, I toweled off and blow dried my hair before braiding it down my back. I felt better. More in control of my emotions and glad to finally be clean once again. Walking into the bedroom, I was surprised to see a duffel. I opened it up and saw my own clothes in it. Lincoln and Anya must be here. I dressed and with one final look around, feeling a want to stay a little bit longer, I walked back out into the house. 

Lincoln was sitting on a stool, leaning in close to Octavia and flirting with her. Anya stood on the opposite end, glaring at everyone. When she saw me, there was a flash of anger and disgust before her face closed off into a mask of neutrality. I sighed, whatever had made her decide to come with was not because she had been worried about me. She was all business as my Beta.

“You ready,” she asked, gruffly.

“Yeah,” I said, walking over. “We can go. Where’s Clarke, Octavia?”

“Oh, she went into the studio,” she replied, standing up. “Something about her paintings.”

“Oh,” I said, a bit disappointed, but looking over at Anya, I had a feeling it was more about avoidance than anything else. “That’s cool. Can you tell her thanks for everything?”

“Yeah, I’ll be sure to tell her that.”

I nodded and then a thought occurred to me, “Hey, if you guys don’t have anything planned for New Year’s Eve, you should come to Polis. You know, party with our pack and whatnot.”

She grinned, “Sounds like a blast. We didn’t have any plans and it’ll be good for Clarke to go out and mingle more with our kind since Janice is out of town.”

I perked up at that bit of news, but tried not to show it. I think it leaked through though because Octavia raised her eyebrow at me. I shook my head subtly and she took the hint.

“Let me walk y’all to the door,” she said, getting up.

Lincoln got up with her and we walked over to the front door. Opening the door, she stood stiffly as Anya walked by and feinted at her. Octavia gave no indication that she was intimidated by her, which surprised us. The women here were definitely more powerful than normal. I followed and we shared a hug. Lincoln stayed behind a moment and I politely avoided my gaze as they said goodbye. Anya growled, but said nothing at the display. Getting into the truck, I sat and leaned against the door, suddenly tired and ready to sleep in my own bed.


	38. Clarke

I was at the sink cleaning my brushes when there was a knock on the door before it opened. I looked up and saw Octavia’s head looking around.

“They gone,” I asked as I turned off the water and put up the brushes.

“Yeah,” she answered, coming in. “Lexa seemed disappointed to be leaving.”

I nodded, “She’s lonely, O. Stands to reason she’d want to stay here for a little while longer.”

She nodded and leaned up against the sink, “Anya’s in hate mode still. She tried to make me flinch as they were leaving. Surprised them when I didn’t.”

I chuckled, “Let’s not antagonize the pack Beta, O. As much fun as it would be, that’d be a sure fire way of getting us in trouble.”

She grinned wolfishly, “Does that mean you want to mess with her.”

“Oh, yeah. You know how I am when people blame me for something I had no involvement in. Then there’s the fact that she destroyed three of my paintings. I would love to repay the favor, but that’d be stooping down to her level of hate.”

“Yeah, that is not how you roll.”

I laughed, “How I roll? Really? Come on, let’s grab the others, so that y’all can make a mess around the Christmas Tree.”

“Seriously?! We get to open the presents?”

“Yes, Octavia,” I replied, walking back into the rest of the house. “They’ve been sitting there long enough. Go get everyone.”

She skipped to the stairs and screamed, “EVERYONE! TIME FOR PRESENTS!”

I wiggled my finger in my ear to clear it of her scream, grinning and sat down on the couch, stretching my legs in front of me as I waited. There was a clatter of feet as everyone came rushing down or up, depending. I laughed as they fought over spots that would give them prime unwrapping space. 

“Okay,” I said, sitting up and leaning forward. “Did we decide who was going to play Santa?”

“Monty,” Raven said.

I nodded, “The floor’s yours, Monty.”

He nodded solemnly, but there was a happy gleam in his eyes. He started handing out gifts, everyone piling them impatiently in front of them. When everyone had all of their’s, we began unwrapping them. There was a flurry of ripping sounds and various exclamations over the gifts as paper was thrown hither and yon. It was over in mere minutes and the rest of the evening was spent oohing and aahing over what they’d gotten. Octavia got up and came to sit beside me holding the gift I’d given her. It was a gag gift with her real gift inside.

“Really, Clarke,” she said, holding up the box. “An electronic fence and collar?”

I chuckled, “Good way to keep you on the property, don’t you think?”

“This is just mean. You made your point already. I won’t go against you again. I swear,” she whined.

“Enough, already, O,” I said, sighing. “Just open the damn box already.”

She obliged and out tumbled all of the equipment for the electronic fence and then a small box. She picked up the box and opened it, looking at me in question. I just smiled enigmatically and waited. Nestled in a bed of tissue was a key attached to a chain. She pulled it out, her eyes furrowed in confusion and looked at me.

“A house key,” she asked confused. “I don’t understand.”

Smiling, I said, “It’s for Lincoln, O. If your relationship becomes more serious…”

Her eyes widened in surprise and excitement, “You mean, I have your blessing?!”

I nodded, “You do. I’ve seen the way the two of you are together and it makes me very happy to see that. Maybe with him around more often, I won’t have to worry about you running off alone into snowstorms willy-nilly.”

“I’m sorry for that, Clarke. I really am,” she said, her face dropping. “I shouldn’t have disobeyed you. It was reckless.”

“It was and now you’re dealing with the consequences of your actions. Octavia, you are an adult. We may have it easy here and no longer have to worry about someone beating us, but that doesn’t mean that we can let go of all responsibilities. You need to learn that everything you do affects the world around you. If something had happened to you, you could have ended up like Lexa. Hurt, frozen, and alone. Remember that and learn from Lexa’s mistake.”

She nodded solemnly, “I won’t forget. Thank you for this. It means the world to me that you approve of Lincoln.”

“Your welcome,” I said, hugging her tightly. “I want nothing more than your happiness and he makes you happy. And you know you’re good when both Bellamy and I like the guy.”

She chuckled, “Yeah, I know I’m real lucky. I won’t make you regret this.”

“Be sure that you don’t.”

“Clarke,” she asked a little uncertainly.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think you’ll give a key to Janice?”

I sighed and leaned back, “I don’t know. She was expecting me to give her a key, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of commitment with her. Especially, since she doesn’t know what we are. And I’m not ready to tell her or even if I should. Her grandmother threatened to oust me to Janice if I didn’t break up with her and I, in turn, threatened her with misery if she did.”

“Her grandmother knows what you are,” she asked, stunned and I nodded. “How?”

I shook my head, “Don’t know. I think before I can trust Janice with our secret, I’m going to have to dig into the maternal side of the family. That may very well determine the fate of our relationship.”

“If that’s what you think is best, then I’ll help you anyway I can,” she said with determination. “The library has a copy of every issue of the newspaper since it started up. I can look to see if their name pops up.”

I smiled, “That would be a tremendous help. Thank you.”

“Of course. Family, right?”

“Family,” I agreed.

The rest of the night went by quickly and joyously. By the time I finally made it to bed it was nearing dawn and my body was heavy with the need for sleep. That night, my mind decided to torture me with every fantasy conceivable that it could create that had Lexa in the bathroom. Leaving me very frustrated.

I plodded downstairs after the last attempt to get some rest. The guys were already in the kitchen, cooking and baking. Most of them took one look at me and quickly looked away. I must have looked like shit. Monty silently handed me a mug of warm dark liquid and I nodded in thanks before I headed to sit in front of the fireplace. 

Settling myself comfortably, I rolled my neck to try and ease some of the tension as I tried to quell an overwhelming urge to hunt a certain someone down and have my way with her.

“You look like shit,” Raven said as she joined me on the couch.

I turned my head to look at her and replied, “Your face looks like shit.”

“Well, who pissed in your Wheaties this morning,” she huffed.

“Sorry,” I replied, smiling sourly, “Didn’t sleep well. Dreams.”

Concerned she asked, “Are your nightmares getting bad again.”

I shook my head, “No. Different dreams. Dreams I should not be having.”

The lightbulb went off in her head after a moment of confusion and she said, “Ohhh, those kind of dreams. Dude, you really need to do something about that.”

“Ya think? It’s not like I can just go to her and say, ‘hey, can we fuck because I can’t stop thinking about you,’ and hope that it’ll be the end of it. I should have never kissed her,” I said, shaking my head at my own stupidity.

“Whoa?! Wait a minute. You kissed her? When?”

I blushed, realizing what I’d just said, “Shit. You weren’t supposed to know that. I kissed her the night I dropped her at home. God, you know how insanely attracted I am to her and I just couldn’t seem to help myself. It’s gotten worse since that kiss.”

“Worse? How,” she asked, leaning closer.

“Ugh, you do not want to know. I feel like I’m cheating and I’m not even doing anything except having erotic dreams.”

“So, when you say erotic? We talking, you know, fully detailed, phantom things and what not?”

I glared daggers at her, “Fuck you, Rae. This is so not helping me right now.”

“So, that’s a yes?”

I growled, “Enough. God, why do I even talk to you sometimes.”

She shrugged, “Maybe it’s a sign, you know.”

“Seriously?! You’re the one who pushed me towards Janice.”

“Now wait a minute,” she said, holding a hand up. “I said that you should befriend Janice and maybe get a fuck buddy out of it. I did not, in no uncertain terms, tell you to ask her out and start dating her. That’s on you, bub.”

I sighed loudly and took a huge swallow of coffee, “You’re right. This is on me. I just have no fucking clue what to do. This is fucked up on so many levels.”

“Well,” she said, cautiously, “Octavia told me what you told her last night about Janice’s grandmother…”

“And she told you that whatever I may find may lead to me ending the relationship,” I said, looking at her intently.

“Right.”

“Don’t tell me that you think it’s another sign that I’m with the wrong woman.”

“I’m not saying anything, but come on, what more do you need? I mean Lexa looks at you like I do a perfectly preserved muscle car. She seriously wants you. Like bad. You want her just as bad.”

“And what if it’s nothing more than some serious physical and sexual attraction? What do I do then?”

“You have incredible, mind blowing sex with a friend.”

I shook my head in frustration and drained my coffee. I stood up and walked over to the windows and focused my attention away from the conversation and towards the beautiful winter landscape. It was going to be a good day to run as a pack, but I felt the need for a run right now. I turned back around and saw Raven still sitting there and watching me curiously.

“Let’s go for a short run, Rae,” I said. “I could use it.”

She perked up at that and grinned, “Absolutely. How far are we talking about?”

“Um, just to the northern edge of the property.”

She nodded, “Sounds good. Let’s go.”

I smiled and nodded, we both stripped and stepped out onto the deck. Leaping over the railing, we shifted mid-fall and landed in a five foot pile of snow. Yipping in surprise, I started to dig my way through the drift until I finally found the fence that ended the original property. Jumping over, I noticed Raven had already beaten me and was waiting with a huge wolf grin on her face. I narrowed my eyes at her and she indicated that she wanted to play. Well, I was more than game for whatever she wanted to play and jumped towards her. She dodged out of the way and took off. I went after her and we spent the next few hours chasing one another throughout the property.

When we finally got back, I was in a much better mood and ready to enjoy some good food with my favorite people. Dinner was superb as it usually was, though I missed Bellamy and his cooking, but it couldn’t be helped with classes starting soon. Our run lasted until way after the moon had risen and I was pleasantly surprised that my shoulder felt nearly as good as it had before I’d been attacked.

I’d grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass before I headed back out to the deck to cool off from the run, when Raven and Octavia came out to join me.

“Feeling fancy, are we,” Raven joked as she poured herself a glass of wine.

I looked over at them, smiling as I watched the tendrils of steam waft from their still cooling bodies, “We’re running low on beer and I didn’t feel like whiskey tonight.”

“Ah,” Octavia replied, “Good excuse to bring out the wine then.”

“How’s the shoulder,” Raven asked, taking a sip and leaning her hip on the railing.

“Fine. Almost like it had never happened,” I replied, thinking. “I think they avoided telling me about the physical therapy the first time.”

“Why would they do that,” Octavia asked.

“Simple enough, O,” Raven explained. “Keeping it from healing properly makes her weaker and gives a place to exploit if she was ever in a fight.”

I nodded, taking a sip and rolling it around in my mouth before swallowing, “Yeah, it’s not a good idea to let the only other Arcadian Alpha stay at full strength regardless that I’m a female. It’s a good strategy since I was too preoccupied with the trauma and having to move. It would’ve been the perfect opportunity to kill me or have me killed.”

Octavia grimaced, “God, he really did think several steps ahead, didn’t he.”

I chuckled darkly, “It’s what he does best, but enough about all that fucking darkness. What are we doing for New Year’s?”

She perked up at that and said, “I forgot to tell you, Clarke. Lexa invited us to Polis to celebrate with her pack. Lincoln’s been telling me that it’s a huge deal and a lot of fun. Can we go?”

I laughed, “If you want to go, you can go. I’m not going to say no. It sounds like fun and honestly, we’ve probably kept to ourselves way too much.”

“Well, what about you,” Raven said, arching her brow. “You need it as much as we do. Party like the animals we are with people just like us.”

“I guess. I’m just not sure it’s a good idea for me.”

Raven glared at me and said, “There are other people in the pack besides Lexa and Anya, Clarke. Just because you go doesn’t mean that you have to deal with either of them. You can stay in the background and meet more people. That’s what I’m gonna do. Maybe I can find a hot stud to rut around with for a bit.”

Octavia and I burst out laughing, “Rut around?! My god, do you know how horrible that sounds, Rae.”

She glared at us, but replied, “Rut, fuck, sex, fornicate…it’s all the same.”

“It’s not the same,” Octavia replied, “Rut makes it sound so animalistic and savage. Like you’re not even part human. God, I hope your game is a bit more captivating than your mouth is sometimes.”

“Whatever. It’s not like there’s someone on the other side of that mountain that’ll sweep me off of my feet and make me fall madly in love.”

That sobered me and Octavia up real quick and I said, “Rae, hon, don’t do that to yourself. Trust me, there are nice men out there that would never dream of hurting you. You just gotta open yourself up a little. We both know how scary it is to open ourselves up, but we both did and we’re fine. You’ll be fine too.”

She nodded and poured another glass, “I know it’s been like, what, three years, but it still gives me nightmares. I don’t know if I’ll ever be that comfortable around someone again. Or trust someone besides you guys.”

I hugged her, “Hey, if I can come back and find good in people again, so can you. Like you said, it’s been three years…I think it’s time to try, don’t you?”

“Yeah, alright,” she said, sniffling slightly. “I’ll refrain from thinking of men as mere objects.”

“Well,” Octavia said, leaning her back against the railing, “Men are objects. Lovable, fun, frustrating objects. Sometimes you just have to look through all the garbage to find that one that really grabs your attention.”

“Very true,”I said, nodding. “Not all men hide an evil interior wrapped in gold. Sometimes the gold is wrapped in the mundane. Just when you speak, don’t talk about rutting. That’s just gross.”

Raven laughed, “Yeah, that was a really poor choice of word there. Sex is good. Fucking is acceptable, yeah?”

We both nodded, “Yeah, fucking is totally acceptable.”

“So, does this mean you’re going, Clarke,” Octavia asked, hope in her voice.

I groaned and looked up at the sky and replied, “Yeah. I’ll go. If for no other reason than to make sure, Raven’s mouth doesn’t embarrass the shit outta any of us. Hell, maybe even Nate will find someone to have a night out with.”

“He is becoming a bit of a prude, isn’t he,” Raven said, chuckling.

“Oh, yeah. He really needs to let loose. That’ll be our mission then. Get Nate to let his hair down and get wild for once.”

“And have the absolutely best time while doing it.”

We all laughed in agreement and headed back inside to plan Nate’s prudish demise


	39. Lexa

“Move it two feet to the left,” I yelled up up at the guys hanging the banner. “No! You’re other left! Come on, guys! Tonight kicks off the Centennial! It’s gotta be perfect!”

They moved it the requisite two feet and I nodded before I turned my attention back to the rest of the room. Everywhere I looked, there was a flurry of activity as last minute changes were being put up for tonight’s party. I winced as feedback from the speakers emerged and turned around to glare at the sound guy. He mouthed sorry and hung his head in apology. I growled in annoyance and headed over to the stage where Fio’s band was setting up their instruments.

“Fio,” I said, as I got closer. “Did you get the new playlist?”

“I did, Lexa,” he said, grinning and crouching down to look at me. “Don’t worry. We’re refraining from going too heavy tonight.”

“You better. This floor can not take another beating like the last time. I just don’t have the funds to repair it.”

“Easy, Cuz. The music is going to be thumping and I promise there won’t be any complaints about what we’re playing. Just make sure Davey doesn’t screw up his set list. I don’t want to be playing anything he does.”

“He’s got his own and I made sure that there was no overlap,” I replied. “We will not be having a repeat of that particular 4th of July again. Trust me.”

“Good. Got any special requests for tonight?”

I rolled my eyes, “Hell, no. You’re not trapping me with that one again. Just play your damndest and make your pops proud.”

“Oh, you know it. By the way, Mom wants to know when you’ll be coming over for Sunday dinner. You’ve like missed, the last month of them.”

I cringed, “Sorry, cuz. I always seem to forget.”

“Well, make sure you don’t this Sunday. You’ve got no excuse.”

“Alright, alright. Tell your mom that I’ll be there.”

“Fantastic,” he said grinning wide. “If she knows you’re coming it means that there’ll be her special dessert.”

That made my mouth instantly drool, “It sucks that she won’t tell us what it is, Fio. I’ll think she’ll take it to the grave before she ever let’s either one of us know.”

He shook his head, laughing, “I think we both need to find a woman worthy of learning the recipe before she’ll ever let us in the know.”

I groaned, “So…yeah, she’ll take it to her grave.”

“Hey, there’s still hope for me yet. Not for you, but me…definitely.”

“Whatever. Go do whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing.”

He stood up, chuckling and saluted me, “Aye, aye, Commander. I’ll see you tonight.”

I waved him off and headed outside to where the fireworks were being set up. I listened to my footsteps crunching through the snow as I went over everything that still needed to be done before I could finally go home to get ready for tonight. There wasn’t a lot more, but I needed it to be perfect. Like obsessively perfect.

I had made my way over to the clearing where Branson had set up the fireworks and I immediately started to frown. There were too many and he knew exactly how much I had allotted him.

“Branson,” I growled. “What the hell are you trying to pull, dammit! I told you we can only have enough for a ten minute show with two thirds of what you got out here! Get rid of some of these and go back to the original plan!”

“But Lexa,” he cried, rushing over to me. “Come on. Don’t you want to make this the most spectacular display this side of the mountain? We need all of it.”

“No, we don’t, Branson,” I replied, giving him my deadliest glare. “There may be snow on the ground and the trees may be wet, but I will be damned if I let your fireworks somehow catch something on fire. We do this every six months. When will you learn to leave well enough alone?”

He shrugged, but acquiesced, “I’m sorry, Lexa. It’s just..fireworks is my passion. You know what they say…Go Big or Go Home.”

“You are home, you nitwit. You really want to take a chance of blowing up your own damn home?”

“Well, no, but still…”

“No, buts, Branson. Get rid of the extra shit or I’m gonna light several up your ass and we’ll see how far you’ll fly. Got it.”

“Got it,” he replied, his body deflating as he went about and started removing the extra fireworks.

Feeling vindicated, I headed over to the diner where the food was going to be coming from. I didn’t make it to the door before I was grabbed from behind. I immediately wrenched the hand and twisted it painfully as I turned to see who had grabbed me. I let it go immediately as Lincoln howled out in pain.

“Shit, Linc,” I said in apology. “I’m sorry, man, but you know better than grabbing me like that.”

He examined his hand before he looked up at me and said, “It’s fine, Lex. I just wanted to stop you before you went inside.”

“Why,” I asked, suspiciously.

“Anya’s in there and she is moody as fuck right now,” he said, guiding me away from the diner.

“Oh, fuck,” I replied. “What now?”

“It’s not anything to concern yourself about,” he said, hastily. “Everything’s being set up perfectly. She just overheard me talking to Octavia earlier about tonight.”

I felt a fluttering of nervousness in the depth of my gut and asked, “What’d Octavia want?”

“Oh, just what the venue was going to be so that the girls would know what to wear,” he answered, smirking. “And letting me know what time they’d get here. Things like that.”

I ignored his smirk and tried to play it cool, “That’s cool that they’re coming. So, I take it that Anya’s not happy that they are?”

He shook his head, “Nope. She’s not. I don’t know what happened, but Anya has really taken a disliking to them. It makes no sense to me.”

I sighed, “It’s a female thing. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh,” he said, uncomfortably. “I’ll let it go then. I’m sorry that it doesn’t look like Anya wants to forgive you.”

“I am, too. It sucks losing my best friend over a stupid mistake.”

“It is, but don’t let that get you down. Um, just let Anya have the catering. I’ve already taken care of the security measures. Is everything else taken care of?”

“Actually, yeah, it is. Can you do me a favor and double check that Branson has removed all of the fireworks that are not part of the plan and then with Charlie on the ball?”

“Sure,” he said, nodding. “You gonna head back to the house?”

“Yeah. I think I need to relax a bit before the party starts.”

“Alright. Don’t forget about the opening ceremony and make sure you’re wearing something nice for a change.”

I glared at him, “I always dress nice for these things.”

“No jeans, Lexa. I mean it.”

“Fine,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I’ll be back before the opening ceremony.”

He hugged me and I headed home.

When I pulled into my drive, I sat in my car for a moment running everything through my head because I suddenly felt the need to make tonight as perfect as it could be. I didn’t want any mishaps or blunders. Fights or mosh pits. I almost turned around because I wanted to make sure that there was enough food and drink, but stopped myself before I acted like an idiot. Tonight felt important. Like this was a moment that could either make or break me. I felt nervous and excited and oh, so worried about making a fool out of myself.

I knew why I was feeling this way. I wanted to impress Clarke. I wanted to show her that the Polis pack was nothing like Arcadia. I wanted her to feel welcomed. I wanted her to feel safe, like she had made me feel safe. I wanted to show her that I was a good pack Alpha. I wanted to thank her for everything that she had done. Through her emails, her forgiveness, her tenderness. I felt indebted to her.

I sighed. I felt a lot of things and I prayed that I wouldn’t make a fool out of myself. I just really wanted her to like me. Why that was so important, I wasn’t sure. I just knew that it was.

I got out of the car and headed into the house. I grimaced at the trash laying about from the last two days. I wasn’t normally like that, but I was still recovering and I had decided to work from home. It showed in the empty cartons of take out and bottles of beer. I wrinkled my nose at the smell of leftovers and with a growl of determination, I started cleaning. I cleaned every inch of my home. Washed every dirty article of clothing I could find. I scrubbed my toilet and scoured the kitchen sink. I would’ve aired out my mattress, I think, if I had had the time. Thankfully, I did not. When I was satisfied that even a guard that served at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier would find no errors, did I stop and get ready for the party.

I studied myself in the mirror. I was wearing an ankle length dress with a slit that went nearly to my hip along my left leg. As I shifted, the satiny feel of the fabric caressed my skin as gentle as the fingers of a lover, making me shiver as I checked myself over. The dress was emerald green, making my eyes seem to glow in the light. I smiled slightly to myself at the affect. It hugged the slight curves of my body and was held up a single band of fabric that crossed my right shoulder and followed crosswise to the slit in the dress. I wore little makeup, just a bit of eyeshadow and lip gloss. I wore a single band of yellow gold around my neck and a gold ear cuff on my left ear. My hair was done simply, sides pulled back slightly and the rest hanging in cascading waves down my back. I turned around to examine the effect and smiled as my hair hid the bit of tattoo that would have shown. My black heels brought a couple of inches to my normally five-foot-five height. I was ready. I was ready to show off my pack, my town, and myself.

I nearly grabbed my leather jacket from the back of my door before I realized that it would detract from what I was trying to project and hung it reluctantly back. I’d have to go without that piece of armor tonight and hope that I wouldn’t need it.

I arrived a half hour before I needed to and took the time to do a quick walkthrough. The servers were dressed as if we were at some grand ball and I shook my head in sympathy at how uncomfortable they looked. It appeared that Anya was trying for a power play to intimidate Clarke and her friends. The food looked delicious and I couldn’t help but steal a few of the finger foods, grinning at Kara’s glare. The DJ was already playing some mellow music, waiting for everyone to begin arriving. I adjusted decorations here and there as I moved around the large room, waiting.

When people began arriving, I greeted them, smiling and taking a moment to enjoy their company. I loved the people of my pack and I like to think it showed in how I treated them. Lincoln found me ensconced in a group of parents who were telling me how excited their children were about the upcoming year and learning what this town was like a hundred years ago.

“You ready,” he asked, as he guided me by the elbow to the stage.

“Of course, I am,” I replied, smiling. “Lincoln, you forget I’ve been doing this for the last three years. I’m a pro at this now.”

He chuckled, “That’s what I wanted to hear. Listen, Anya’s still on the warpath, so please be careful around her. Be cordial. Be polite, but do not let her drag you down into a fight. It’s not worth it.”

I nodded, solemnly, “I won’t. Just help me keep her away from Clarke if she comes.”

“If she comes, I will,” he replied. “Let’s get this party going.”

I chuckled, “Yes. Let’s.”

We walked up the short set of stairs and made our way center stage. I stepped back as Lincoln brought everyone’s attention to us and let him introduce me. There was a raucous applause as I stepped up to the mic. I let it go on for a minute, smiling and nodding, before I held up a hand. I let my eyes roam the room as I began speaking and couldn’t help the little bit of stomach flutter when I spotted a particular group of people standing off to the side of the room. I took a deep breath and continued on with my short speech, welcoming and thanking them for coming out tonight. Reminding them to have fun and that any and all disputes were to be left at the door or they’d find themselves spending the first week of the new year in jail. I finished with a flourish and introduced Fio’s band.

I walked off the stage and Lincoln was waiting with a glass of wine in his hand for me. I nodded graciously and took a sip before we headed over to Clarke and her friends. When they came into view, I had to stop for a minute and catch my breath. Clarke was breathtaking in a midnight blue strapless dress that hugged every curve of her body like a second skin. It flared out a bit at the hips to allow better movement, the length stopping at the floor. I noticed that she wore only eyeshadow that made her blue eyes a beautiful shade of sapphire. A pair of teardrop diamonds adorned her earlobes with a matching silver necklace and pendant that nestled perfectly above her breasts. She smiled and politely inclined her head as I found my feet and came closer.

“You look absolutely stunning, Lexa,” she said, her eyes roaming the length of my body.

I inclined my head, blushing, “I must say that I’ve never seen such a breathtaking sight as you, Clarke.”

She chuckled, “Indeed. The place looks wonderful.”

“Thank you,” I replied, taking a sip of wine. “The committee really took their time to do it right. I’m very proud of them.”

“As you should be. Thank you for inviting us.”

“It was my pleasure,” I replied. “I am really happy that you came. All of you. Would it be alright if I introduced you to some people?”

“I would love that,” she said, smiling at me genuinely.

We left the group and wandered around the room where I’d randomly introduced people to her as we came across them or they stopped to have a word with me. Eventually, I left her with Fio during one of his breaks as I continued to mingle with everyone. I would occasionally come across the others and was happy to see them having a good time and meeting people. I smirked when I saw Raven flirting with one of my administrative assistants and raised an eyebrow when I caught her eye. She stuck her tongue out at me before laughing and returning her attention to the young man. Lincoln and Octavia were often on the dance floor and for a minute, I stopped and watched them.

“They look really good together, don’t they,” Clarke’s voice said from behind me, making me start a little.

I chuckled to give myself a chance to recover and answered, “They do. I envy how easily they seemed to have found one another.”

She came up to stand beside me and took a sip from her glass, “As do I. It’s not often that I get to see my friends as happy as Octavia is with Lincoln. It makes me real glad that they had made a pact to leave with me. She’s been given a real chance at happiness and I’m glad that she’s found it in Lincoln.”

I glanced at her sidelong, “They made a pact to leave with you?”

She nodded, “Before we graduated, they made a pact that if I ever had to leave that they would come with me. I was mad at first when I found out, but now I realize that I’m real lucky to call them my friends. I don’t think I could have made it without them. You know, it’s my hope that you can find that level of friendship in us, Lex.”

“You do,” I asked in surprise.

“I do. How come you never wrote about how lonely you were, Lex?”

I blushed, “I guess at the time, I didn’t realize that I was. I mean, I had Anya and I didn’t feel lonely with her around. I thought I was happy with just her and Lincoln. It really wasn’t until I had that falling out with Anya, that I realized that I had an extremely small circle of friends. Sure, I pretty much know everyone in the pack, but none to the level that I had with her or even Lincoln.”

“Not even your cousin,” she asked, smiling.

I chuckled, “No. Not even with him. We’re family and we share good times together, but he has his life and I have mine. Two very different paths. But enough about my loneliness, what do you think of my pack?”

She laughed and tugged me to follow her away from the dance floor. I followed her over to the bar and we both refreshed our drinks before we moved on and continued the conversation.

“I like your pack, Lex. They’re friendly and seem eager to tout how great a pack Alpha you are,” she said, chuckling. “It’s was like they were trying to get me to buy you. Telling me how great you are and all the things you’ve done to improve the town and things of that nature. The only thing they haven’t done is shown me how good your teeth are or how strong you are.”

I laughed, “So, you equate me to a horse? That’s not very nice, Clarke. But hearing you tell me this makes me happy to know that they think I’m doing a good job. Being pack Alpha is really important to me.”

“I know,” she said, softly. “If I wanted to be part of a pack again, you would be my first choice.”

That shocked me and I stopped to look at her, “Are you serious?!”

“Yes,” she said, taking my elbow in her hand and moving me gently out of the way of a more excited couple. “I know that you’re the only other pack Alpha that I’ve encountered, but from what I’ve seen and heard tonight, I’d be stupid enough to pass the opportunity by if it presented itself. But being part of a pack is not something I’m interested in.”

“But you thought it worthy enough to let me know,” I said, breathlessly. “That means a lot to me, thank you.”

She smiled kindly, “Your welcome.” 

Her eyes shifted away from me and I saw a frown form on her face. I turned to look and saw Anya glowering at us from across the room. I sighed and took a step back from Clarke.

“I think it would be best if I went and checked on my friends, Lexa,” she said, her voice sounding irritated. “I don’t want to offend you, but it might be a bad idea if we keep spending so much time together right now.”

I nodded sadly and felt my own ire rise, “I understand, Clarke. As unfortunate as that is, I really do enjoying spending time with you.”

She smiled, “I like spending time with you, too.”

I watched as she walked away and disappeared back into the crowd. I turned my attention back to where I had seen Anya and when I saw that she was still standing there, I walked over to her.

“What the fuck is your problem, Anya,” I hissed at her, trying not to draw attention to us.

She glared at me and replied, “She should not be here, Lexa. There is already talk about her being an Alpha.”

“So, the fuck what? It’s not like she’s trying to hide it and neither am I.”

“As your Beta, I am trying to look out for you. If you are not careful, she will try to take over the pack.”

I growled in anger, “She has no desire to be a pack Alpha. She doesn’t even want to be in a pack. Jesus Christ, Anya, she’s not the enemy. If anyone is a danger to this pack, it’s you. People are starting to talk about whether or not you’re even capable of performing your duties adequately anymore. Especially, since you can’t stand to be in the same room with me for longer than absolutely necessary.”

She straightened to her full height and leaned down at me, her body radiating rage, “I am more than capable of performing my duties, Alpha.”

“Than fucking act like it instead of a jealous woman. I was never in love with you, so get over it already. You may be my Beta, Anya, but you do not dictate who I can or cannot see. Back the fuck off.”

She snarled at me and I wanted nothing more than to beat the shit out of her right then, but I couldn’t, so I stared her down until she finally backed down and dropped her gaze.

“Now, get out of my fucking sight and I don’t want to see you anywhere near Clarke or her friends. Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal,” she said and abruptly left.

I had to fight the urge to hit something as I forced myself to calm down. It took me a good couple of minutes and thankfully I was left alone to accomplish it. When I felt like I could breathe without growling or moving without tension, did I leave the space and make my back over to the bar. I ordered a double shot and downed it quickly before ordering another. I sipped this one and continued to roam around and pretended that I had never spoken with Anya in anger. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed before I found myself leaning on a table with a pile of food in front of me and a fifth of whiskey at my elbow.

I felt someone approach me and I turned around to find Raven and the young man she had been flirting with, walking up to me.

“Hey, Rae,” I said, smiling after swallowing a bit of food. “Enjoying yourself?”

“I am, thanks,” she replied and stole a wing off of my plate and bit into it.

“Ms. Huntsman,” the young man said.

I smiled, “Frankie, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Lexa. You make me feel like I’m at least ten years older than I am.”

Frankie chuckled, “Sorry, Lexa. You know how Mom is with her manners.”

I rolled my eyes, “I know very well, indeed. Please tell me she’s stopped using the yardstick.”

He shook his head, “Nope. Maybe you should think about outlawing the use of a yardstick as a disciplinary tool.”

Chuckling, I replied, “Yeah, no. She’d just use a switch or something.”

“What are y’all talking about,” Raven said as she took a sip of my whiskey and making me glare at her.

“Frankie’s mom teaches deportment,” I explained. “When her students mess up, she whacks them with a yardstick to correct them. Not too hard, but it’s enough to make you try harder not to make the same mistake twice. As adults, it’s become an inside joke with everyone that’s been her student.”

She nodded in understanding, but I saw her face darken for a moment and I realized that it probably sounded a lot worse than it actually was.

“I’m sorry, Rae. I wasn’t thinking when I said that,” I said, apologetically.

She shook her head, smiling, “No worries. And I mean it. We’re a live and learn group, Lex. It’s not like we can make a list of what not to say around us. It’d be too long and really we’ve moved on from it. Things just sneak up every once in awhile.”

I nodded, “Alright. So, what brings you over to my little corner of the room besides stealing my food and drink?”

She laughed as she plucked a stuffed mushroom off of my plate and popped it in her mouth and I growled in mock irritation.

“Nothing really,” she said as she swallowed. “Just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“Well, I’m doing fine. Thank you for asking. Now, tell me why you’re really here?”

She smirked, “Can’t fool you, can I?”

I shook my head and waited.

“Alright. I came over to ask why you and Clarke are avoiding one another.”

Shocked at her bluntness, I replied, “We’re not avoiding one another, Rae. We both felt that it was best to keep our distance for a bit. We’re trying not to piss Anya off into doing something stupid.”

Realization dawned on her face and then she growled, “I’m sorry to say this, Lexa, but I really do not like her. Clarke’s got enough on her plate with Janice that she doesn’t need Anya throwing her hat in the ring.”

“What’s going on with Janice,” I asked, suddenly interested.

Raven waved a hand and replied, “Just that Janice wanted a key to the house for Christmas and was disappointed that she didn’t get one. Now, it’s gotten Clarke to think about if she really trusts her to let her know what we are. Then there’s her grandmother knowing that Clarke’s a werewolf. It’s just gotten really complicated all of a sudden.”

“Clarke is having second thoughts,” I asked innocently and hoped that Raven would continue to be forthcoming with information as I pushed the whiskey unobtrusively closer to her.

Raven nodded in thanks and took a sip before she continued, “I’d say so. It doesn’t help that she can’t stop thinking about you and all the things she wants to do to you or with you. I don’t know. She’s just really confused right now and doesn’t know what to do.”

She paused and took another drink as Frankie wandered off, “In my opinion, I think you’re a way better match than Janice. You understand Clarke in a way that Janice never will. I don’t think that Janice would even be able to handle the news that we’re werewolves. I don’t even think her grandmother will keep her mouth shut and then Clarke will be forced to keep her word and make her life miserable.”

As elated as I was to hear Raven’s confessions, I was starting to feel bad for abusing her drunken state. I sighed and took the glass from Raven and pushed the food towards her.

“Here,” I said. “Eat. You’re drunk and you’ve probably told me more than you should have.”

“Nope,” she said, digging into the food. “I may be drunk, but I know exactly what I’ve been saying and why. She really likes you, Lexa. And I know that you like her. She’s just afraid that there’s nothing more than sexual attraction. Did you know that it comes off of both of you in waves when you’re together? I swear, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife.”

I chuckled and shook my head, “Rae, I’m not about to wreck her relationship with Janice just because I wish it were me. And you shouldn’t either. If it’s meant to be it’ll be. Now eat before you pass out.”

“Hah, as if you could tell me what to do,” she said around a mouthful of a kolache.

“Rae,” I threatened.

“Alright, alright,” she said, sighing. “God, you sounded just like Clarke. You both have the tone and glare down.”

I laughed, “Whatever, Rae. I’ll find Frankie and send him back to you.”

“Oh, would you please. He’s got such a tight, firm ass that I’m tempted to see if I can bounce a quarter off of it.”

“Jesus, Raven. Just make sure you drink some water, too.”

“‘Kay. Remember what I told you.”

“I don’t think that I’ll be able to forget,” I said and went in search of Frankie.

I found him and sent him back over and was glad to see that he had the forethought to grab a couple of bottles of water to take back to her. I wandered around the room, absently speaking with people as the music continued to play and time moved forward, as I thought about what Raven had told me. I wasn’t happy that someone had discovered that Clarke was a werewolf and worried that the implications might be reaching towards my pack. I’d have to put in the effort to discover just how this woman had come to this knowledge and if she was a threat to the safety of my pack. But that was for another day.

Instead, my mind focused once more on Clarke and the fact that it appeared that she was indeed having trouble keeping me from her mind. I smiled slightly at that and knew that I had been right in understanding the looks she had been giving me all night and at the house. It filled me with glimmers of hope and I couldn’t help but scan the crowd for her.

When I finally found her, I was more than a little drunk and feeling slightly emboldened in my quest to spend more time with her. I ducked behind the bar and got a bottle of single malt and earned a glare from the bartender. I just smiled and waved and then headed to where I’d last seen Clarke. She was with a small group of people playing beer pong. It was her against Gustus and they were down to the last three cups, in Clarke’s favor and I watched as she smiled slyly, turned around, covered her eyes with her hand and then let the ball fly over her shoulder. Everyone seemed to still as we all watched the ball and roared when it landed perfectly in the cup. She turned around, smirking at Gustus who bowed and downed the cup and producing the ball in his mouth to the approval of the crowd. She grinned and laughed as she was congratulated at the win and I sidled my way up to her.

Time seemed to stop as she turned her dazzling smile on me, making me grin in return. She looked so relaxed and comfortable with the crowd that you would have never guessed that she wasn’t a pack mate. I held up the bottle and jerked my head to the side in invitation and she nodded. The crowded booed when she said her goodbyes and we headed outside. We walked a bit away before she leaned up against the building and started waving her clutch to cool herself off.

She looked over at me, smiling and said, “Oh, I so needed a breather after that one. Three rounds with that man and I still won.”

I laughed as I leaned on the wall next to her, “I’m impressed. Gustus usually wins.”

“Ah, he was a pushover. All thumbs,” she replied, laughing, “So, what’s with the single malt?”

I looked down at the bottle in my hand and said, “Um, you know, I really don’t know why I brought this with me, now that I think about it.”

She turned to face me, leaning her head and shoulder on the wall, “You’re not trying to get me drunk, are you? Because I can tell you that I already am.”

I chuckled, “Well, you have fantastic coordination for a drunk person.”

“Thank you. I take pride in my drunken ability to appear sober,” she giggled. “This has been a really fun night, Lexa. I haven’t had this much fun in years.”

“I’m glad you’re having fun, Clarke. Um, since it’s almost midnight, I’ve got this perfect place in mind to view the ball drop and fireworks and I was wondering if you’d like to join me?”

“Wait,” she said, standing up excitedly, “You guys do a ball drop and fireworks? That’s fucking awesome! Take me.”

I laughed, “Alright. It’s a rooftop about half a block that way.”

“Great, my truck’s not that far away from there,” she said, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me along with her.

“Why are we going to your truck,” I asked, laughing.

“I gots stuffs,” she replied.

I arched a brow, “Really? What kind of stuff?”

“Oh, this and that. You’ll see.”

“Okay,” I replied and we continued on the walk.

When we got to her truck, she opened the back and pulled out a blanket and a backpack. She took the scotch from me, handed me the blanket, and then grabbed a bunch of water bottles from a cooler. Zipping up the backpack, she locked it and turned to me expectantly. I stood there, momentarily dazed and then remembered what I was doing. With a shake of my head, I started walking over to the building and she followed beside me.

In companionable silence, we climbed the fire escape and I settled the blanket on top of the snow. I laughed as Clarke plopped down on the blanket, making the snow below it squelch. She just looked up at me and patted a spot beside her and then leaned back on her arms to look up at the sky. I joined her and she absently handed me a bottle of water as we heard people begin to emerge from the hall to gather for the grand finale.  
I looked over at her shyly as I drank from the bottle and took in her profile. I was once more amazed at how beautiful she was. I felt that this was probably the first time that I’d ever seen her completely relaxed and it was such a startling contrast to the angry woman I had encountered only a couple of months ago.

“You’re thinking awfully loud over there,” she said, quietly and still looking up at the stars.

I choked on a bit of water and cleared my throat before I replied, “I didn’t know that you could hear thoughts?”

She chuckled and turned her head to look at me, “No. No mind reading, I promise. It’s your body language. You tense when you become pensive.”

I shook my head, smiling, “So, you’ve learned that about me already, huh? I was just thinking that you seem almost a completely different person from when we first met. It’s a good change.”

“Ah. I see. It’s more like a reversion. I’m more like myself than I have been in a long time.”

“Tell me about that person,” I asked. “The one you haven’t been in a long time.”

She nodded and she began telling me. The more she spoke, the more I liked her. The more that I realized that I wasn’t only attracted to the physical, but to who she was as a person. So, I started telling her about myself. Hesitantly at first, but opened up a bit more as we waited for midnight to strike. She listened attentively and I appreciated the candor when she spoke. 

By the time the crowd had started the countdown, we had somehow managed to sit shoulder to shoulder as we watched the ball drop. When the ball suddenly changed into the head of a wolf and the fireworks began, I couldn’t help but turn my head slightly to look at her. She had turned slightly as well, smiling as the fireworks began. My eyes dipped to her lips and back to her eyes and there was a flicker there. A flicker of want, so I closed the gap and brushed my lips against hers and hovered slightly in case she pulled back. She didn’t, so I kissed her fully. Our lips parted, deepening the kiss and I reached up and pulled her head closer to mine, fingers encircling the back of her head.

We kissed as the fireworks continued and it felt like the world was rejoicing along with me as I tasted her. She pushed me gently down, her lips never leaving mine, leaning over me as her hand traveled to my hip to hold me there. I never wanted this moment to stop and I knew that she felt the same way.

“What are we doing,” she asked, her lips mere inches from mine and her sapphire eyes searching my own.

“Bringing in the new year,” I whispered and made her chuckle slightly and she kissed me again, briefly before leaning back a bit further.

I shifted a bit to look at her better and was surprised that she hadn’t moved further away, but she had a thoughtful look on her face.

“Clarke?”

Her eyes refocused on me and she sat up, grabbing the bottle of scotch out of the bag and taking a drink from it before she held it up to me. I sat up, taking it and took a sip as I waited for her to say something.

She took another drink and then she said, “This would be so much better if I was still angry with you.”

I barked a laugh, “I’m sorry?”

She shook her head and replied, “I’d have an easier time staying away from you and I wouldn’t be so fucking confused right now.”

“You’re confused,” I asked, taking another swallow and relishing how smooth it went down.

She took the bottle from my hand and our fingers touched briefly, leading to an electric shock that ran up my arm and I fought not to shiver at the sensation. Looking at her, I noticed that she had closed her eyes as she took a huge swallow and I wondered why she had.

She frowned slightly before turning her head to look at me, “Yeah, I am. The more I get to know you, the more I’m drawn to you. The more I think about you and want you. It doesn’t help that I’m unsure if I can trust Janice. She was disappointed that I didn’t give her a key to the house at Christmas.”

Ignoring her admission about me, I said, “You don’t know how she’ll react to you being a werewolf.”

She nodded, “I am. I’m also thinking that it’s too soon for such a step. Do you think that it’s too soon?”

I was surprised that she was asking my opinion about it, so I answered honestly, “I’m not exactly the right person to ask, Clarke. Costia was the only one I ever dated and we’d been together since we were freshman in high school. It seemed natural to move in together after we graduated and in less than a year we were engaged.”

“Huh,” was all she said.

I took the slight silence to take a few drinks and studied the world as the darkness began to soften and take on a more dream like quality. I was definitely on my way to getting very drunk and I wondered briefly how drunk she was. If we weren’t careful, this night may very well turn out to be a one that drove a wedge in our weird relationship.

When the silence had lingered much longer than I anticipated, it made me wonder if she had fallen asleep so I looked over at her. Her face was set in a scowl as she looked out over the town and then she seemed to shake herself away from wherever she had been. Taking the bottle, she chugged the scotch until there was nothing left. I watched her and tried to figure out why she felt the need to suddenly drink that much. That worried me.

She looked over at me and I could barely make out that her eyes had taken a glassy sheen to them. She was well and truly drunk, but I could only sit there and wait.

“Her grandmother knows what I am,” she confessed, quietly. “Janice wants to move forward, but I’m not ready too. I still don’t know what happened to me and Wells. I really, really like you. I’m scared.”

Shocked, I did the only thing I could think of and drew her to me in a comforting embrace. She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me closer as she took a shuddering breath that I felt tickling the hairs on my neck. She nuzzled, burying herself deeper and I felt a surge of protectiveness for her. I wished that I could make it better and give her answers, but ultimately any decisions she made had to come from her. I knew this, even in my drunken state, but at the same time I could not help but notice how good she felt in my arms and my mind wanted her to kiss me on my neck.

Then it happened, she did. She kissed me on my neck and I let out an involuntary moan. I closed my eyes as she continued, her lips traveled up my neck as a hand traveled over my hip and found the slit in my dress. It slid through and I gasped at the warmth of her hand on my chilled thigh. She shifted and captured my mouth and I felt no longer in control of my own body. It acted on instinct as her hand slid upwards and gripped my hip. My hand slid up her back, slightly curved and my nails running up it. She shivered, driving her to kiss me harder, hungrier. My mouth parted wider in equal response and she took the opportunity to try and claim my tongue with hers.

As we continued to kiss, the familiar ache began to pulse between my legs and a small part of my mind told me that this was a bad idea, but the sensations she was creating were overriding my logic. It wasn’t until she tugged the strap off of my shoulder and started sliding it down my arm that I finally found myself capable of thought again.

I pulled back, breathing heavy and said, “Clarke, we need to stop.”

“Why,” she asked, capturing my lips again.

I groaned and forced myself to break the kiss, “We’re drunk.”

“So,” she replied, trailing her hand inward towards my center.

I laid a hand over hers, stopping her, “You’re with Janice, Clarke. If we continue, we’ll both regret this moment.”

That stopped her cold and she removed her hand. The naked desire in her eyes begged me to say fuck it, but I held firm and turned my head away to look back over the town.

She growled in frustration and said, “I should get going then.”

I snapped my head to look back at her and said, “You’re in no condition to drive home, Clarke.”

“You’re right. I’ll sleep in the truck for the night,” she replied.

I shook my head, “You don’t have to do that. Stay at my place tonight. I’ve got a guest room.”

She eyed me warily, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“There are locks on both bedrooms. I’m not going to just let you sleep it off in your truck.”

“You do know that you can’t make me,” she said, smiling ruefully.

I chuckled, “I know, but it would be bad manners on my part not to offer.”

She nodded, “And it would be bad manners for me not to accept.”

“Good,” I said, getting up unsteadily. “That’s settled. I’m not good to drive either, so let me call one of the deputies to give us a ride.”

“Alright,” she said and I was surprised that she got up with more grace than I did.

As I made the call, she put everything away and drained a water bottle before handing me one. I gulped it down and we headed down. The deputy met us and we climbed in. The warmth of the vehicle began to seep into my bones and I started to feel sleepy, but I fought it before I passed out. I thanked the deputy and Clarke helped me into the house. Or maybe we helped each other because by that time, the alcohol seemed to start catching up to Clarke and she was having a hard time navigating her way. I led her to the guest room, where she immediately unzipped her dress and stepped out of it. I blushed and quickly bade her good night before I headed to my own room across the hall, not waiting for her to return the gesture. Closing the door, I locked it and then leaned against it as I warred with myself to stay in my room. When I felt a little more control, I stepped away and slid the dress off of myself and stepped over the puddle. I sat on the bed, took off my heels and then crawled underneath the covers. My last thoughts before drunken slumber descended over me was the fact that Clarke Griffin was sleeping just across the hall, naked and most likely left wanting. I groaned at the injustice and then knew no more.


	40. Raven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience and continued support of this story. It took me forever and a day to figure out what happened the morning after their make out session. So, you get two chapters instead of one.
> 
> I needed to throw in some Raven time just to mix it up a bit. Hopefully, I'll have a few more with her. Enjoy.

Stepping out of the café and into the bright morning light was like stepping into the freezer section of your local grocery store. I kinda liked it. Stepping further out onto the sidewalk, I closed my eyes and breathed in the heady scent of a small town in winter. The air was crisp and I could feel my throat ache at the cold, but I didn’t mind it so much. Not when it carried the scents of warm food and drinks coupled with the faint scent of exhaust. The sounds of the café behind me mingled with the sounds of far off voices and vehicles as Polis began to wake up from a night of revelry.

I opened my eyes and smiled slightly as I recalled last night. It had been the right call to accept Lincoln and Lexa’s invitation to attend their New Year’s Eve party. I felt my smile grow even wider as I recalled exactly how I spent the first few hours of the new year. I shook my head to keep myself from going back and having my way with Frankie one last time. Instead, I focused on my surroundings and noticed that Clarke’s truck was still parked where she’d left it last night. It made me wonder where she had spent the night or if she’d gotten a ride back to the house. 

Walking closer, I noticed someone poking around the truck. I picked up my pace and recognized Anya.

Getting suspicious, I demanded, “What the hell do you think you’re doing? That’s not your truck.”

Anya jumped and spun around at the same time. Looking guilty, she replied, “I’m, um…It’s an unfamiliar vehicle and I was just checking to see if there’s anything identifying the owner.”

“That’s not what it looked like from my point of view,” I countered, glaring at her.

Becoming defensive, she replied, “Look here, as Deputy Mayor it’s my responsibility to make sure that unfamiliar vehicles are safe. What if this was a bomb? It could potentially take out this whole block.”

“Oh, that’s bullshit. If that was true, you would have immediately called the sheriff’s office. Now, tell me what were you doing to my friend’s truck.”

Anya’s eyes widened in mock surprise and said, “This is your friend’s truck. I had no idea.”

“Yeah, right. I’m pretty sure you took note of everyone’s vehicle when you came to pick Lexa up from our house. Try again.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” Anya said, body tensing as she snarled and glared at her.

“Then I suggest you take a hike before I call the sheriff’s department and have you arrested for tampering with a vehicle,” I threatened, stepping into Anya’s space.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me, Cheekbones. I’m not afraid of you or your position. I’ve dealt with worse people than you,” she growled.

“I’m done with shit,” Anya said, backing up, spinning on her heel and beginning to walk away.

Needing to have the last word, yelling after her, “That’s right. Walk away while you still can.”

Anya’s response was to throw up a middle finger, making me laugh derisively. As soon as Anya was out of sight, I bent down to look underneath Clarke’s truck. Testing the break lines to make sure they weren’t loose and the nuts that held the hard lines in place. I didn’t find anything that she could see just giving it a cursory look. Hopping back up, I tried every door to make sure that they were still locked which they were. I sighed in relief but decided I didn’t want to take a chance and have Clarke drive it until she was able to really look it over.

Pulling out her phone, I Googled the closest tow truck and called them to come and take the truck to their house. Since I had about a twenty minute wait, I called Clarke to let her know what happened and to find out exactly where’d she spent the night.

Clarke answered on the third ring and the first words out of my mouth was, “Hey, Clarkey, so there’s something I gotta tell you…”


	41. Clarke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after

The feel of cotton in my mouth and a dry desert in my throat brought me to pain filled wakefulness. I couldn’t get my eyes open without rigorously rubbing the gunk from them and when I did, I did not recognize where I was. I sat up slowly as I took the room in. Walls painted in a soft beige, a window with wooden slat blinds and white curtains, dresser, nightstand, and mirror made up the room besides the full-size bed I had been sleeping in. I looked over and relief washed over me when I noticed that it looked unused. I hadn’t done anything stupid. Now, I just had to figure out where I was, so I inhaled deeply. There was a faint and familiar scent, but it wasn’t enough for me to decipher it.

I sighed and noticed that my backpack was lying next to the door and that the dress I had worn was between the bed and it. I got up slowly, making sure that I could stand on my own since last night’s memories had yet to return which meant that I had been very drunk. On steady feet, I grabbed my bag and felt relief wash over me seeing that the clothes I had placed in there were still there along with water bottles and an empty bottle of scotch. The empty bottle answered the question as to why my memory was vacant at the moment.

I pulled out the clothes and got dressed, drained a bottle of water and put my things in the bag. Setting it aside, I cautiously opened the door and peeked out of it and inhaled deeply again. The familiar scent was stronger and with it came recognition and my memories. I was at Lexa’s house and we had spent several hours on a rooftop, drinking and making out. I swore silently when I remembered that it had nearly gone way to far before Lexa had stopped it. I leaned my head against the doorframe and stared at the door across from me. I knew that Lexa was on the other side and found myself wistful that I wasn’t in there with her. 

I thunked my head on the doorframe to get rid of that thought and the many that followed it. It really would be much easier if I didn’t like Lexa, but nope, I had to go and start liking the damn woman. Why the hell did my life have to be so damn complicated right now? 

I sighed and stepped out of the room and opened a couple of doors before I found the bathroom where I washed up. Feeling a little calmer and steadier, I quietly made my way down the hall and into the living room. I took a moment and looked around, getting a feel for the woman. She had simplistic tastes and relied more on comfort than impressions. Very much like she was personally. I moved around the room, taking in the photographs that were on a bookshelf and hanging on the walls. Pictures of her in her youth, drawing a chuckle at some of her outfits and hairstyles, no worse than some of mine. That caused me to frown a bit since Jaha had made us destroy mine. I dispelled the feeling and concentrated on the intimate glimpses I was getting of her. Photos of her family, some featuring her in them. They all looked happy and it made me miss my own parents. There were photos of her with Lincoln and Anya, again happy and you could see the closeness of their friendships. Then I noticed the empty spaces where photos had once been. Those must have been photos of Costia and it saddened me that she felt the need to put those up. She must have loved her deeply if she couldn’t stand to look at the photos and be reminded of her.

Leaving the living room, I walked through the arch that led to a kitchen/dining room. Fairly utilitarian, but I could see the remnants of possibly her mother in the kitchen. I smiled seeing them and then it widened when I saw the machine that held the elixir of life. Her coffee machine. I looked back out towards the direction of the hallway in a bout of guilt that I was about to use it, but I really needed caffeine before I headed home. It was a Keurig and I found the pods for it. Turning it on, I let the water heat up and winced at the noise. It was loud in the quiet house and I glanced back at the hallway, hoping she hadn’t heard it. I wanted to be out of the house before she woke up, otherwise it would probably become very awkward and I wanted to avoid awkward.

I opened the cabinets quietly looking for a cup and the requisite sugar. Spooning some sugar in the cup, I set it under the spout and let it do its magic. The smell of the coffee was invigorating and I realized belatedly that it would travel through the house and find its way into her bedroom. Well, there was no help for it now. If she woke up to the smell, she woke up and I would just have to deal with it. I leaned against the kitchen counter, sipping the coffee as I stared at the hallway and thought about last night.

I hadn’t lied to Lexa when I’d told her that it had been fun and that it had been a long time since I’d really experienced fun. As much fun as the party had been, it was the time I had spent talking with her that I found myself really focusing on. I marveled at how easy it was to talk to her. I thought it would have been harder speaking with her face to face than through the emails, but I was wrong. It was even easier. I wanted to hear what she had to say with her soft voice. The attentiveness that she gave me when I spoke, it was more than just her listening to me. It was like her whole body listened to me. That was what amazed me last night. It was hard to describe, really. Like, there were no other thoughts in her mind other than those that formed when listening to someone speak. Her whole focus had been on me and my words. 

And then when she spoke, that was all I heard. Her voice. Her words. Nothing existed outside of that. I’d learned a lot about her and now knew that even though she was pack Alpha, she was quite shy. Though, once she overcame her shyness, you saw that there was so much more to her and made you want to be around her. She could be mischievous and fun while at the same time you knew that she would have your back. Once she decided that you were in her close circle, she was unwaveringly loyal. A true friend. That’s why she was so hurt by Anya’s actions and that really saddened me. It made me feel bad that it seemed that I was the cause of their fallout, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I enjoyed being around Lexa and I didn’t want to stop being around her.

I didn’t have time to go further down that train of thought because the sound of my phone going off broke through my reverie. I cursed silently and hurried back to the bedroom. I dug back through the bag and found my clutch, the phone was still ringing. Pulling it out, I glanced at the screen and my heart skipped a beat seeing Raven’s name. I don’t know why I felt relief seeing her name and not Janice’s. There was a feeling of guilt, but I quickly pushed it aside and answered my phone.

“Hey, Raven,” I said with false cheer. “What’s up?”

“Hey, Clarkey,” she said immediately and the small hairs on the back of my neck raised at her tone. “there’s something I gotta tell you.”

“What is it,” I asked nervously as I debated to head back to the kitchen or just close the door.

I decided to head back into the kitchen because I still wasn’t awake enough to deal with whatever Raven was about to tell me. Leaning against the counter and taking a sip of my coffee, I waited.

“I’m still in Polis and did you know that your truck is still here,” she asked in a tone I couldn’t place.

In a teasing voice, I responded, “Oh, did you finally dust those cobwebs outta your vagina? And yes, I knew that my truck is still on Main. Why?”

She huffed in indignation at my words, but replied, “It hasn’t been that long, missy.”

I chuckled, taking another sip, “Long enough, Rae. But what’s going on? You don’t sound right.”

“You picked up on that, did you? Okay, listen, I had breakfast at that café on Main and when I came out and I saw your truck still here. Curious because I have no idea where you are, I walked towards it. You’ll never believe what I saw.”

“What? You know I hate it when you play these games. Just spit it out,” I bit out. I really did hate it when she drug news out for as long as possible.

“Fine,” she huffed. “I found Anya sniffing around your truck.”  
That surprised me and at the same time made me a little apprehensive. That woman hated me and it would make sense if she tried to harm me in some way. That really saddened me because I had done nothing to her, but she thought I took Lexa away from her.

“I don’t like the sound of that, Rae,” I told her.

“Yeah. I didn’t like it either. We exchanged words and she wouldn’t give me a straight answer. Just some bullshit that she was trying to find something identifying the owner. She knows that it’s yours and was trying to play it off. Then she tried to say that it’s possible that it could be loaded with explosives. I called her out on it and threatened to call the sheriff’s if she didn’t back off and leave.”

I face palmed, leaning over the counter, “You did not do that, Rae.”

“I did. It got her to back off and leave.”

“Did you by chance look it over,” I asked worriedly.

“Of course. What do you take me for? No, don’t answer that. I didn’t find anything, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. So, I called a towing company and they’re gonna take it back to the house. I’ll load it on the lift and really take a look at it then.”

Knowing that Raven had my back, I gratefully thanked whatever gods were out there that she was my best friend and I had her in my life.

“Thank you, Rae,” I said gratefully. “You’re the best.”

“Of course, I am. How many times do I have to tell you that I’m awesome?”

“Every chance you get,” I replied, chuckling.

“So, since your truck is getting towed,” Raven asked, voice full of curiosity. “Are you going to meet it there?”

“Um,” I looked around frantically. 

It was at that moment that Lexa decided to walk into the kitchen. We just stood there staring at one another. Shock crossed her face and I couldn’t form any thoughts because she was standing there naked. I barely registered Raven trying to get my attention as I drank her in. She was even more beautiful up close and I fought the urge to walk up to her, push her against the wall and have my way with her. It looked like she was having similar thoughts as I saw her muscles twitch and I felt a familiar heat build.

Taking a shuddering breath, I said, “Raven, I’m gonna have to call you back.”

She only had time to say, “Wait,” before I hung up on her.

Putting the phone down on the counter, never taking my eyes off Lexa, I said, “Um, morning.”

I watched as she swallowed a couple of times before she finally spoke, “You’re still here.”

I nodded, blushing slightly, “Yeah. My truck’s not here and now it’s getting towed back to the house.”

Lexa’s brow furrowed in confusion, “Can I ask why?”

Lying because I didn’t want her to know about Anya, I replied, “Raven said she saw something leaking and since she didn’t have her tools, she wanted to take it back to the house to fix it.”

She nodded, seeming to accept it and asked, “Do you need a ride home?”

“You don’t have to do that,” I said quickly. “I can just call her back and have her pick me up.”

“Oh,” was all she said and I thought I detected a hint of disappointment on her face before she schooled it.

“Um, I hope you don’t mind that I made myself a cup of coffee. I find it rather difficult to even begin to function before I’ve had at least one cup.”

She shook her head, giving me a small smile, “No, I don’t mind.”

I smiled, “Thank you. Would you like a cup or are you planning on taking a run first?”

She looked at me, confused and I raised my arm, waving it up and down, “Oh, I thought since, you know, you’re lacking clothes that that is what you were gonna do.”

She looked down at herself and then back up to me and I could see the blush that crept up her chest and travel to her face.

“Fuck,” she said, clearly embarrassed. “Excuse me.”

“Sure. Sure. I’m just gonna finish my coffee before I call Raven. Unless, you’d like me to leave sooner?”

Shocked, she replied, “Oh no, you don’t have to do that. Take your time and yes, I’d like a cup of coffee. I’ll be right back.”

Before I had a chance to respond, she quickly turned around and headed back to her bedroom. I couldn’t help the smile that found its way to my lips at her apparent embarrassment. We’d seen each other naked before, but I had to admit, seeing her this close, it was doing things to me. I shook myself out trying to get rid of the urge to follow after her and turned to the coffee machine. Walking towards it, filled me with some disappointment because I was going in the wrong direction, but I persisted and soon had a hot cup of coffee waiting for her. Placing it on the far end of the counter, away from me, I went back to sipping my coffee.

I had closed my eyes in an attempt to clear my head of the images that were refusing to stay locked down and snapped them open when I felt her. Looking over, I was once more stunned by her Goddess-like beauty. Even though she was in nothing more than a pair of jeans and t-shirt, I realized that there was nothing that didn’t look bad on her. Hell, she could probably wear a paper bag and she’d still look good.

She cleared her throat and I realized that I’d been staring at her too long. It made me blush and I tried to hide it behind the cup. When I felt a little more composed, I asked, “Um, did you sleep well?”

She paused, the cup nearly to her lips, but took a sip before she answered, “Yeah. I sleep pretty deeply when I’ve had a lot to drink, unfortunately. Um, did you? Sleep well, I mean.”

“I think I did,” I said, chuckling. “I, um, momentarily couldn’t remember where I was or how I’d gotten here, but it returned quickly.”

She smiled her enigmatic smile and chuckled, “I’m glad that you remembered. I remember having a few of those types of mornings after drinking heavily the night before. I remember one time, I got so drunk that I woke up in a horse stall and couldn’t remember how I’d gotten there.”

I laughed, “Did you ever figure out how?”

She laughed in return, “Um, no. I was told that I had gotten it into my head that I was a knight and needed to rescue the damsel in distress. Since a knight is nothing without their horse, I broke into someone’s ranch. I must’ve gotten tired when I got there and curled up in an empty stall. I didn’t wake up until the owner threw a bucket of water on me. Scared the living shit out of me and my scream scared the horses. The result was that I had to pay for the damages that I’d inadvertently caused by working for the rancher for six months.”

I shook my head in amusement, “How old were you?”

She blushed and replied, mumbling in her cup, “Um, sixteen?”

“So, do I want to know what led you to believe you were a knight?”

“We were reading _Le Morte d’Arthur_ in English at the time,” she replied, blushing. “I think that’s what started it.”

“Oof,” I said, “That’s a heavy read for a sixteen-year old. I had a hard enough time plowing through Shakespeare’s _Julius Caesar_. Too many monologues for my taste. And sooo boring. Not enough action until they went stabby stabby on Caesar.”

She laughed and I hated to admit how much I enjoyed the sound, “Stabby stabby? Really?”

I feigned offense, “Hey, leave me alone. I’m not running on all cylinders yet. But, come on, you gotta admit I’m right about the play.”

“Actually, I quite enjoyed it.”

“Nope. You can’t be my friend anymore. I will not be friends with someone who enjoyed Caesar. No way, no how,” I replied, smiling.

She looked taken aback, but relaxed when she saw my smile, “Well, what about Octavia’s brother? Doesn’t he teach classical literature? I’m sure he enjoyed it.”

I was surprised that she remembered, but answered, “He’s an exception. He got me through English all four years. I needed his brain to pass.”

“Oh, I see,” she teased. “So, what do I have to do to be your friend again?”

“Um,” I replied and my mind suddenly went into the gutter, but I shoved it down. “Tell you what. You start coming to our Friday Family dinners and we’ll be good.”

Her eyes widened in surprise and she seemed to be frozen until she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, “You, you want me to come to your family dinner?”

“Yes. It’s mandatory for our friends. Every Friday, we get together and cook up a huge meal. It’s our bonding time, even though we all live together now. I expect to see you and Lincoln there from now on.”

“R-really?”

I smiled and walked up to her, “Yes. I refuse to let a friend feel alone. Since you’re the mayor and pack leader, this will give you a chance to unwind a bit. We get loud. We get obnoxious. But we have fun. It’s one of the many reasons why we are as close as we are. So, say you’ll be there this Friday. Lincoln will be there.”

She looked at me stunned and then I saw her smile wide, making my heart flutter, and replied, “I’ll be there.”

I nodded, “Good. Now, I hate to break it to you, but you’ve got nothing to eat and I’m starving. Wanna have breakfast with me?”

She blushed in embarrassment, “Shit. I usually grab breakfast at the café since it’s just me here. I wasn’t expecting company.”

I laid a hand on her arm and said, “It’s alright. I understand. We can go to the café, but, um, how are we going to get there? Both our vehicles are not here.”

She perked up and smiled, “Then it’s a good thing I’m the Mayor and can call to have a deputy pick us up. That is how we got here last night.”

I laughed, “Then, please, please, call them. My stomach is beginning to eat my spine.”

She laughed, “Well, we wouldn’t want to cause you injury. Let me just call and we can be on our way.”

“Sounds like a plan, Stan.”

She shook her head and left to call. I sighed and looked down at my phone, my levity falling as I saw a text from Janice. I texted her back, wishing her a Happy New Year, and knew that as soon as I got home, I’d have to investigate her family and find out if I could truly trust her with my, our, secret. And I knew I needed to come to a decision if I really wanted to continue my relationship with her because it was becoming extremely hard not to fall for Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not completely satisfied on how this chapter worked out, but I hope you liked it. Again, thank you for your patience. It's not easy when you've got writer's block and begin reading other fictions, to only get inspired by them. Let me know what you think.
> 
> Just an FYI, I really did not like reading _Julius Caesar_ in high school. So, Clarke's opinion is my opinion. I won't judge if you like it.


	42. Clarke

Clarke stood in the doorway as she watched Lexa’s truck disappear down the drive, smiling wistfully at the woman’s departure. She had to bite her tongue to stop herself from inviting Lexa in, but until she had resolved her issues with Janice it would have set a bad precedent. She was already pushing the limits by inviting her to their Friday Family Dinners. Not to mention her make out session last night. That was bad form and she honestly couldn’t really blame the alcohol. As soon as she had seen Lexa in that dress, she had wanted to kiss her. Okay, she had wanted to do more than that as much as she admonished herself for thinking it. There was just something about Lexa that made her want to throw the solid and good relationship she had with Janice to the side like yesterday’s garbage.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, she sighed, turned around and closed the door behind her. When her gaze focused on the rest of the house, her eyes widened to see everyone standing there looking at her expectantly.

“Um, hi,” she said in a weak voice. “Did I, um, miss a family meeting or something?”

They all shared a look, but it was Raven who took the lead and accusingly asked, “And just where the hell have you been, young lady?”

Clarke rolled her eyes, sighing, and made her way to the kitchen as she replied, “I was in Polis, Rae. Just like you were.”

Raven and Octavia followed her as everyone else scattered now that Clarke was home safe and sound. Clarke knew they were exchanging looks behind her back, but she didn’t really care. Her mind already preoccupied with thoughts of looking into Janice’s family’s past.

“You know what I mean,” Raven said as she sat on a barstool.

Clarke ignored them for a moment longer as she poured herself a glass of sweet tea. She took a sip before she turned her attention to both girls.

Leaning against the counter, she looked them both in the eyes and said, “I spent the night at Lexa’s. I was drunk and she offered.”

“And,” Octavia persisted.

“And nothing,” she replied getting a bit irritated. “Look, nothing happened. We slept in separate bedrooms. We woke up and decided to have breakfast at the café before she brought me home.”

“Then why’d you hang up on me,” Raven asked glaring at her suspiciously.

At that, Clarke felt her temperature rise and she knew that she was beginning to blush. To hide her embarrassment, she took several gulps of her tea. She knew that they would continue to pester her until she told them, so she replied, “Lexa came into the kitchen completely naked. I was a little flabbergasted.”

Raven couldn’t hide the smirk on her face as she leaned forward, “What you really mean is that your brain quit working. God, you got it bad, Griffin.”

“Shut up, Rae. I admit that she’s got the body of a goddess. Your brain would stop working, too.”

“Nah,” she replied. “I’ve got better control of my libido.”

Octavia snorted, finally joining in on the conversation, “Yeah, right. You’ve been drier than the Sahara Desert for a long time there, Rae. You gotta admit that Polis seems to produce some fucking hot people.”

Offended, Raven gasped and replied, “It hasn’t been that long. In fact, I spent many long hours with that Frankie guy last night.”

Octavia buried her head in her hands, groaning while Clarke looked at her in disgust and said, “We did not need to know that, Rae. I’m happy that you enjoyed yourself, but, fuck, that was not something you needed to share.”

Raven was grinning, intent on making them uncomfortable, “It’s not like I went on about how great the sex was or how---”

Octavia quickly put her hand over Raven’s mouth and said, “No, no, no. We do not need a description or a play by play. You finally got some. Let’s just leave it at that. And anyway, we’re lecturing Clarke, remember?”

Raven laughed and removed Octavia’s hand, “Alright. I get it. So, you spent the night at Lexa’s and shared breakfast. What else?”

“Nothing else. We conversed like two friends over breakfast and then she drove me home. End of story.”

“Okay,” Octavia said and then got a gleam in her eye. “We’re cool with that, but…you guys disappeared last night. Like, way before the fireworks. Last I saw, you were dominating one of the beer pong tables. Where’d you run off to?”

Clarke sighed. This was one of those times that she wished that she wasn’t so close to her friends. She knew that there was no way of avoiding questions like that and they knew her enough that she couldn’t lie her way out of what happened. Nor would they just accept a bit of the truth, especially since they knew how she felt about Lexa. 

She sighed again, draining her glass to buy herself some more time before she answered, “Lexa invited me to this rooftop that would give us a good view of the fireworks. You know me when I’m drunk and there’s a chance of seeing shiny colorful explosives. I jumped at the chance and followed her up to the rooftop. We got drunker than we already were and opened up more to one another. Then we watched the fireworks and went to her place afterwards.”

Raven narrowed her eyes in suspicion and Clarke knew that she was recalling their conversation about the kiss. Before Clarke’s body could betray her feelings, she did a 180 to refill her glass. She found herself quite thirsty and prayed that it was only because she was still dehydrated and for no other reason.

Raven caught on, though, “That’s not all that happened, is it? You’re hiding something.”

Clarke turned around, the glass pressed to her lips as she gulped the sweet tea at the same time as she shook her head, “Mm-mm.”

Octavia’s eyes widened, “Liar! You only do that when you did something. We know your tells, woman. Now, spill!”

Clarke slammed the now empty glass on the table, air exploded from her lips, and she sucked in air like a drowning man, “Alright! Okay! We fucking made out.”

The girls shared a look, smirks spreading across their faces, but then Octavia looked concerned, “But, Janice?”

Nodding vigorously, “I know! It’s just that when I’m with Lexa common sense goes flying out the window. I want nothing more than to, for a lack of a better word, ravish her. It’s insane. I barely know the woman, but at the same time, I feel like I’ve known her my whole life. I have never felt so…”

“Enamored? Thirsty? Aroused,” Raven suggested waggling her eyebrows.

“Whole. Complete,” she countered, leaning heavily against the counter. “It’s like, she’s my other half. I have never felt so safe or completely open than I am with her. It’s absolutely ridiculous.”

“What, like, she’s your soulmate or even your true mate,” Octavia asked, leaning back, eyes wide at the implication.

Clarke sighed heavily, shaking her head, “I don’t know. You know I’ve never believed in those old tales. And Arcadia is not a place that fosters those kinds of fairy tales.”

“But we’re not in Arcadia anymore, Clarkey,” Raven said, leaning forward eagerly. “You admitted that she seemed familiar from the very first time you met her, right?”

Clarke nodded reluctantly, “Yeah and she told me the same damn thing. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m with Janice now and I do love her.”

“But,” Raven argued. “But you haven’t given her a key to the place. You haven’t asked her to move in. You’re worried about letting her know the truth about who and what we are. Maybe there’s a reason why you’re dragging your feet with her.”

“Let’s not forget dear old grandma,” Octavia piped up. “ _She_ knows you’re a werewolf and threatened to out you to Janice if you didn’t break up with her. That woman’s a liability to our safety.”

“You’re right, O. That should be our priority,” Clarke said, standing up and straightening her shoulders. “Before I come to any decision, I need to find out how that old woman knows and if it’ll spell trouble for us.”

“Then grab your laptop and start researching, woman,” Raven declared, sitting straighter in her chair with a look of determination. “The sooner you find the truth, the sooner you can be face deep in your---”

“Don’t finish that sentence, Raven,” she said, leaning over and shoving her hand in her face. “Get your mind outta the gutter and find out if Anya did anything to my baby.”

Raven licked Clarke’s hand, making her whip her hand away in disgust, and laughed at Clarke’s face. That made Clarke growl and jump onto the counter with the intent of taking the woman down. Raven yelped and with a speed she only exhibited for food, ran for the safety of her room. Clarke leapt off the counter after her leaving Octavia howling with laughter, falling off her stool and curling up on the floor at their antics.

The rest of their family wisely stayed out of their way, hiding in their rooms and wondering what Raven said or did to warrant a chase throughout the house. Unbeknownst to anyone, Clarke’s phone decided to ring just that moment leaving the caller hanging in the wind and wondering why she wasn’t answering.


End file.
